More and more people each day give up on trying to be happy
It has become a tedious chore that many no longer want to do
It was something you would add to your to-do list for the day
"Be happy," it reads
And each morning you wake with coffee too hot to drink
And a vague memory of last night's lust toward sadness
It will baffle you how morning is not that much different
The sun is out, it is a brighter landscape but your body is still in the closet darkness
Eyes that narrow at any source of light
It was never like this before
And, as every morning, you think back to that feeling
Where happiness would sweep over you and you did not have to look for it
Before "Be happy," was written
On a list

When I learned about the Devil
I saw him as a little red man
with horns and a tail
But no one ever taught me about the Devil
with deep brown eyes and a smile that lights up the room
Because people often forget that Satan was an angel that fell from Heaven
and maybe you were someone's angel
But to me
You were my Lucifer

I used to want to get drunk
to have some sort of momentary happiness
even if it would only last for a few hours
But I don’t want that anymore
I want real happiness
that stems from love and any form of security
I used to talk about choosing joy
when I had it
But when you have to choose
it's so much harder to favor it
Because it's more like grasping at straws
than making a choice
It's like staring at something you want so desperately
through a wall made entirely of glass
and I'm trying to break through
But I just end up with bruised fists
and ****** knuckles

Don’t you dare try to pass off your mistakes as mine
Because I have enough of my own
And I don’t need you to pile on more crap
You were supposed to protect me and care for me
And when you didn't
You blamed me instead of dealing with your own ****
You said it was my fault when you knew **** well it wasn't
So ******* for even insinuating that I should apologize
Because I have in every way possible
You stole every single thing in my life that I held dear
But I should apologize
Because you're angry
Because this hurt you
Well maybe it did
But that didn't seem to stop you
From turning around and hurting me

I refuse to believe
that our story ends here
Because my book is filled with blank pages
and you were the writer
I refuse to believe
that you don’t love me
Because you have never given me any reason
to believe so
I refuse to believe
that I will never see you again
Because the earth is round
so if you walked your entire life
you would end up
back here with me
I refuse to believe
that you were no good for me
Because you were the only good thing I had
when I had nothing
I refuse to believe
everything people said about us
Because we were good kids
who made a few mistakes
and I would rather make those mistakes
a million times with you
Than refuse to believe
in us

I'm just one colossal **** up