I would die for you in a second
But it would never be void of selfishness
Because the life I live
Is so predominately affected by you
That not only could I not bear for you to die
I couldn't bear to live without you

I grew up watching movies
where girls fell in love
with the first person they met
So forgive me
when I think
that I'm in love
with you

I've been afraid of losing you
ever since I found out you were mine
Because when I love someone
I love them too hard
I want to talk to them all the time
and text them throughout the day
to let them know they were on my mind
Because I think about them constantly
but then I feel too clingy
I back off
I act like I don't care for them
as much as I do
Because I'm afraid they won't feel the same way
Because I've convinced myself
that no one could actually care for me
that people spend time with me
simply because they pity me
but behind my back
they talk about how annoying I am
or they don't mention me at all
because that's how little I matter to them
So you have no idea
how much I love you
You think you do,
But you don't
Because all I want is to hold your hand
and talk to you for hours
But instead I shove my hands in my pockets
and bite my tongue
Because I'm afraid you won't like me
if I say too much
That if you know how much I need you,
you'll leave

the stars remind me
that we're so small
compared to our universe
but tell me
if we're so small
how could this tragedy
impact me so much

i'm asking you
to punch me in the face
because i'm sure
it would hurt less than this

Ever since you left
I haven't wanted to feel anything
except fire
because you lit one in me
and then decided
you didn't like the way it felt
so you didn't want to stick around
to take care of it
So I drink to feel the burning in my throat
I smoke to feel the burning in my lungs
I cry to feel the burning on my cheeks
I am trying to use what you began
to start a forest fire within myself
spreading out of control
until there is nothing left
until I extinguish every part of you
But no matter how much I burn
it doesn't help
I am turning myself to ash
one bad decision at a time
But I'm hoping
that maybe once I've burned myself up
I will rise again
as a phoenix
and maybe then
my tears
will be able to heal me