She hides her cries
In the makeup she applies
By streetlight.
Both wash away in the rain.

Devious and mistrusted
She's a little disgusted
By here reflection
In the window pane.

Beautifully tragic,
Hypocritical and magic,
She tries to
Hide her cries.
We pretend to look away.

Her parents called her stardust
And she covered her scars
Under tattooed stars
Until her body was the universe;
With a black hole over her heart.

Ten thousand constellations
Painted on a beautiful landscape
With no reservations,
Invisible lines
Connect-the-dots
And constantly change
Images making
And breaking
Alliances
To spell out
My name

squinted eyes, glaring, peering, or just looking
inwardly and not really seeing me
and sometimes there is a little more ****** hair
just maybe i will take the time to shave or at least trim
enough to be presentable

every morning i look in the mirror

darkened eyes, with deep circles of worry and stress
questioning not only my life choices but even my very sanity
just what i need, more acne, pimples, black heads
what happened to this going away after the last signs
of puberty faded from my voice

every morning i look in the mirror

twisted smile half convincing more than knowing
where i have been and what i have gone through
where is my toothbrush and toothpaste
its not like i can blame someone for moving them
i am the only who uses this bathroom now

every morning i look in the mirror

tired eyes half closed and open just enough to see the light
as sunshine creeps in from the window
and you know its time, to wash the sleep from them
and face yet another day in her world
knowing understanding realizing

every morning she looks in the mirror too

She sits there, I glance at her body,
The strangest Feelings.  Am I worthy?  
Obsession.  The way she sits, legs crossed, intently focused on a pink iphone in her hand.
I don't exist to someone like her.
Her head, always rocking to an invisible rhythm, begins to turn.
Her eyes shoot upward.  
I duck away.

Unknown.  Evasive.
She clings to my thoughts as she continues to eat.
I stare, puzzled by this attraction.
Two steps.  Closer.  I reach...  And she's gone.

Was it you who
Undid the button of my
Discipline

Was it you who
Released the clasp on my
Curiosity

Was it you who
Slid off the fabric of my
Rebellion

Was it you who
Unleashed my skin on
The world.

[ G Major 3/4 time]

Some nights I cant remember
All the things that happened
I never will get over
All the mornings after

How many loves of a lifetime
Walked right out my front door
While I lied-awake hopelessly
Wanting for more

Each notch in my bedpost
Another scar on my heart
Of the ten-thousand maybes
Who turned out to be not

They march right through me
In an endless parade
Insufficient remedies
For someone I cant replace

My pulse is the drum beat
Our love was the war
And their harmonies choke me
As I hang by my
Guitar chords

I keep on playing you
A song written for her
It has a different title now
The contents are undisturbed

Violins whisper
A dull aching pain
And in a hundred "I love yous"
I whispered her name

Each moment of ecstasy
That rips you away
Leaves the empty shell of me
Searching for an escape

But her song keeps playing
A phantom theme in my head
While you reach your crescendo
I'm just here in our bed

My pulse is the drum beat
Our love is the war
And our harmony chokes me
As I hang myself by my

Emptiness chokes me
As I hang myself and I

Suffocate
As I hang by my
Guitar chords

<instrumental - strings bridge>

<modulated harmony and waltz... piano>

<drums and acoustic front + choral vocal overlay "suffocate...">

Her pulse was my drum beat
My love was the cost
Cashed-in in self-sacrifice
It was me that I lost

In mirrors like pictures
I can see who I was
But I look so different now...
I became "I am because"

We shared our heartbeat
Our love was the war
and this song hangs
Something unfinished
I suffocate
Trapped in our tapestry
It's just me
Left to hang by my guitar chords

She, only exists in the dusk hours.
Clings to the breath after April showers
The Angel sings with a halo and wings made of lust
The bust of his lover still hovers in his hand
Meetings unplanned but demanded by both.
An oath meant for growth and simply no more—
Purely to adore his virginal *****, who never gives
What he lives for; only a taste for the lonely.
His mind is reeling with the thoughts of thieves.
     She leaves, and he waits.
Plans dates with weights made of steel on his back
Soon to crack from the lack of a meal,
His stomach filled with a ravenous zeal.
Thrilled with the build of his lover now returned,
She is burned by the flames of a snake spurned.

When I think back to the past, my memories seem to blur together as if I have spent twenty one years on a non-stop merry-go-round. Ups and downs, too much to take in at once, the people you love only a splotch in your spinning, ever-changing field of vision. You wonder how long they’ll stay, leaning over the metal railing separating them from you; you wonder if they’ll call out to you until they become hoarse…but no one stays for long.
You think it’s fun and harmless until the carousel stops and you realize you’re the only one left. You clamber off the platform in a drunken stagger and wait for your mind, still caught up in the whimsical whir of charisma and carelessness, to catch up with reality. Eventually your thoughts slow and your vision steadies. Everything comes into focus. It seems eerily quiet compared to the cacophony of conversation and carnival music that was swirling and intertwining in the air just minutes ago.
Now there’s silence and you’re left to contemplate your past…and your future. This is the reality check, the wakeup call that sends so many adolescents into a panic; an early mid-life crisis if you will. Twenty one years spent so quickly, so carelessly…only eighty more to go.
And you can only wonder, “How will I waste those?”