These arbitrary measurements are killing me. Swiftly flies by without ever catching a glimpse of the sky. I go on and tiptoe through a temple where no one knows me, and then later regurgitate my soul in the form of poetry.  I have a big heart, but my ill mind sometimes controls me.  Other times I force myself to climb along the cliffside in an attempt to let the past free, so I won't be squeezed by thoughts unsettling.  My synapses are meddling, but I can't blame them, for truly it's my fault.  I have to re-train them, but first I must open up the vault.  
Long-lasting actions sadden, while the hands move in a circular pattern always towards madness..  I must leave this palace.  Mental waves of malice, where'd I put my chalice?  So much on my plate, that I pushed it aside and decided I didn't care to eat.  I won't accept defeat, yet I don't wanna face it.  If only I could just embrace it.  More than just to taste it, I swallow pseudo-panacea, a potion that sets more debatable mistakes in motion.  
Steer me to the ocean, let's get lost at sea.  No sense of time to abide by, thoughts roam silently.  Waves may rush violently, but I'll be one with the water.  I'll be in the current, flowing with the current so no longer will I falter.  Alter my perspectives, and brave foreign lands.  The only task that matters is the task at hand.  It's all my demand, and so I say time means nothing.  What's true is right now, so everyone can stop rushing.  Find the temple inside you, and turn work into play.  I will forever see you in my temple, friend, namaste.

Tossed about, spinning.
Lights, noises, sensations,
all blending together.
Night air kissing my face,
warm bodies pressing close.
Static, vibrating energy
bringing me to life.
Young and free and weightless,
running, breathing, laughing,
this is how we exist.
Clasped hands, flying carpets,
a silver unicorn dancing on a chain.
Together forever in this moment.
This is how we live.

I wanna punch a hole in a hole
make the blackest black
crawl inside
   and sleep

this
     is not insomnia
        this is lust
   twisted into the most frustrating knot
             and dawned with the ugliest bow

lying in bed
I swear I can hear the ceiling crack
it is mocking me
   incessant cackling
        I wanna tear this ******* room apart
crumple walls and bury them beneath buckling kness

I cannot stay still
it's like I've been touched
   and left to dry
aroused
   then left to die

        this is no way to end

my bones are starving hyenas
the bed, a watering hole
there is a slumbering carcass next to me
its flies
   buzz tidings of sheep-filled fields
     ~utopias of sleep~

but I
   am surrounded by night
no stars               no sheep               no sleep
only silence
   but not dark enough
this hole is not dark enough

someone punch a hole in me
I need to get some sleep

I was drunk by a glass of water today
when I realized it was the substance forming me.
I felt it fill a network of veins--
like a sweet, sugary soda, fizzing within and decaying.
It burned down what seemed inside of me
culminating with evaporation.
I watched it rise through skin
carried by the breath which had been taken
and escape my pores once more.
I felt the water pull a soul from me today
knowing there was no place inside for it to stay.

I've got enough emotional baggage to fly 'round trip.
To top it off I've turned into an alcoholic, or whatever you call it,
Where you can't take a sip without following it with many more.
Can't hobble to the liquor store, just finished but I could use, or lose to another pour.
Too drunk to stand up, there's no use in keeping score.
Too many bottled up feelings, that in turn were let loose with a bottle.
I commence drinking, almost no slower than full-throttle.
I've acted in ways I'd rather not mention.
It'd be a good time in my life for some Divine Intervention.
I"ve taken a deep, hard look at myself and admitted -
Before I get admitted, that I better get some help,
Before my world realizes the destruction of self.

I think I'm going to recede for a little while. I promise I'll be back, I can't stay away from you lovely lot, but I just need a little time to sit in my own head, more than usual I suppose. I miss you guys already & I can't wait to come back. Just right now, in my life, I need to sort of separate myself from everything else & try to figure out what's going on inside of me. No inner crisis, don't worry. Just, I think sometimes it's good to be alone. And I haven't done that in a while. I hope you all create wonderful splendid things for me to smile at once I'm ready to come back. So, I'll be back, but, for now, adieu.
        Love,
             Amara Pendergraft

I can't stay away from here,
I don't know why,
But I was kidding myself,
When I begin to freak out
I isolate,
It's a reflex I've always had,
And it can get really lonely,
I question myself,
I loathe myself
I debate my abilities,
Tear back & forth,
Between destroying my work,
Deleting my pages,
Burning my canvases,
Tossing away,
Everything,
So I don't have to look,
At the ****,
That I've made,
So no one has to,
I want to end my life,
But that's just too silly,
I'm not that silly,
My mind gets vacant,
And I grow cold,
I don't get close,
I want to welcome,
Arms that are open to me
I'm trying guys,
Stick with me.

You are not mine
     and never were you meant to be
I have taken
     what does not belong to me
In doing so
     we were robbed at will's decree
Of forever
     replaced it with carnality
Although  it felt
     like everything fit perfectly
I watched my heart
     fight the lie relentlessly
For I have been
     long before our lives did meet
Tied to one
     who set his soul upon his knee
And I must go
     I'm asking you to let me leave
To claim again
     the key to our eternity