I wrote you love poems
In a pink sharpie because
I was falling in love with you,
And the more I listen to this song
(Sixty four times tonight),
I think that it isn’t fading
Like the chords she played
As I held you
And as we swayed

I wrote you love poems
In pink sharpie
Not thinking of you
But thinking instead
That the four shots of *****
Maybe made it okay
For me to kiss you

I wrote you love poems
In a pink sharpie
And then I threw the love poems
In the trash,
Not drunk enough to forget
That showing you
Might make you cry

Those love poems
That I wrote in pink sharpie
Came out of the trash this morning though
Because somehow
I thought a few tears
Might make everything better

Together forever
Still stays with me
I picture a time, when we were free
Jumping the chat piles, skinning our knees,
We were indians in a ditch,
or in grandpas truck
Lions, on a slide,
Or on an easter egg hunt
It never crossed my mind,
That it would end someday
Without you, we are shaken,
We will never be the same
Somewhere down the road,
Something went wrong,
I can't quite determine,
What we are when you are gone.
You can't be the amigos, with only two,
But know that our hearts, are always with you.
No matter the weather,
Together forever.

When does it become too long
Or maybe long enough?
8 years?
How many times does it have to be said?
How loud do I have to say it?
Till it echoes?

I love you

Guess 8 years is long enough
It echoed you just didn't hear
Sorry but this time goodbye
Will have been louder
Than the millions of times
I whispered, screamed, and choked
On three words that have no value
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough
Sorry I loved you the longest
The most
You were the one beam
In this vacant home
Keeping me upright
You snapped
I'm staying down
**** these emotions
They can be the dust
The wind stole when I hit the ground
It was over before love was a reality
It was over before age touched my eyes
Guess bye is the only response
I'll have for you
I love you has no meaning
No worth in both our hearts
Corpses weren't meant to breathe
So I'll let this heart stay dead

When you wash off the make-up,
Who is there, pretty girl?
Did anyone even notice
Those pretty curls?
Are you upset because you
Tried so hard for nothing?
I mean, were you actually expecting something?
Silly girl, you know not to rely.
Why would you go and get your
Hopes up so high?
Just smoke your cigarette and
Go back to bed.
And next time,
Try to use your head.

Remember in the spring
when I didn't sleep for 6 days
then crashed for 2
I didn't eat
my hair fell out
my eyes fell out
i fell out
so I ran away from him
and for two days
while you were dying (I'm so so so sorry)
I was so gloriously seeing
and tasting
and breathing again
I was betrayed
and came back
and took a bottle of colorful candied mouth shutters/brain melters/eye blinding/wonderful/horrible
poison
I woke up the next day
and cried for hours
until my throat was raw
and my eyes were dry
then there were
more pills
more prescriptions (addictions)
more sleepless nights
filled with cigarettes
all presents from her ******* husband
they make me quiet
knock knock
nobodies home
my soul evacuated
my lifeless sack of a body
I became the living dead
Living breathing death
Then I was shocked back to life
when I chose
life
when I chose
to hide my wonderful little presents
in a secret box
with my ******
rusted
but still
silver
knights
I chose
shaking
sweating pills
fevers
no sleep
cold then hot
hot then cold
over death
and you ask
why I don't like your ******* husband

I love you
Especially when I
Drink.
If you feel-
The same way-
Maybe shots should be
Called: good

And if you
(Love me)
Maybe we should
Kiss.

More often.

It was my birthday 2 weeks ago
so of course we have to celebrate this completely arbitrary date
two weeks late
My uncle talks about killing things
smaller than him
My aunt smiles and laughs
but she doesn't mean it
My step dad glares at me
My step sister sighs
my step brother is oblivious
My mom drinks too much
as do I
my grandpa tells me how I'm
the black sheep
of the family
Criticizes me
"She's just not right"
I drink gin in the kitchen
come back smiling and docile
ready to take a beating

Your nails
Drum on the frame
You stand in,
Calling all eyes
To the blue paint chipping
Into clouds of colorless
Like the wood on the door
That peeled polish
Serves to form-
Separating my creaking
Wooden porch
From the motel lobby
Of endless strangers ignored
As your nails still drum
With stories still unheard

My hands are shaking
Not enough for anyone to notice
But enough for me to know
Enough for the people around me to become a blur
I slide into my locker and grasp the handle with all my might
and close my eyes
I try my hardest to escape
but each voice I hear breaks that barrier
Each voice overwhelming me with emotion
Music does not help
Then I find myself standing in the middle of the hall
Looking in circles
Confused my mind is in distortion
But I hear my name called and I try to escape this voice
Suddenly a friend embraces me
And just for the moment peace floods over my body
Happiness seems possible
My body still trying to collapse from an overwhelming amount of pain
Its held by the friends strength
But it ends and my mind ends
Back in the dark hole it once was.