You make me forget the reason I get up in the morning
and put one foot in front of the next
You remind of the reasons i spent so many nights restless
Planning my own death
You need not remind me all the follies I create
Once is quite enough
How many times must you put me down
I already have it rough
You need not tell me how lowly I am
I got it the first 20 times
Why must you be so mean to me
put me down every chance
Why must I dote upon your words
as though the laws of life
Why must you make me hate myself
Each day, to no end
Why must I dote upon you
Like a puppy who's been kicked
Why must you treat me so
You lie to me so much
But I keep coming back for more
Guess the pain is my leash

There is a sickness in your heart
In which I think I cannot cure.
You pretend to be of angels
But hold a mind impure

You tighten the holds upon their necks
The noose attached to arm
and though they love you so
You intend to do them harm

Though some do not see
That thing deep down somewhere
And while most do not, I do
I behold the darkness there

In my kindest heart of hearts
I search for some spare pity
I found nothing for the thing inside you
That which is not pretty

It is now I think my dear
That I must leave you behind
I must abandon you here
Even though I'm kind

You foolish, foolish creature. No matter how tight I squeeze, you won't let go.
             let go
Only a fool can have such hope. You think I care for you, young lion? You are just my next meal.
             Only fools
You will always be little, lion.
             There is no hope for you
                                                        *-Cr­ow ***

Dear abuser, I know you'll never leave me. I love the pain you give me. Tuck me into bed and kiss all the bruises you give me. I'll never lose my trust in you because I know you will always be there.

Line up, line up, my swine
Put your heads on the block
Maybe you'll be the next to die
                    (but you don't fit, you don't fit, you don't fit)

Smile your smile, little piggies
Follow the line to the chop
Eat up something fine, honey
and put your heads on the block

Well, all good pigs go to heaven
But we're surely going to hell
I can see past oblivion
I know your smiles so well

All good pigs go to heaven
so eat as much as you can
I'm not fat enough to be a sow
You can see the hell that I'm in

I think to myself, perhaps, that it would have been better not confessing my love. I did it in hopes of rejection. Then it would be over. I could love in silence and perhaps cease to exist in his eyes. Now I have countless unanswered questions and fears. Too many false hopes, doubts, and inadequacies. So much false hope and fear spurred on every time I try to speak. So much  self-hate. So much confusion. I don't know how to handle it. I feel that it may have been a mistake, because I can only expect the worst. The worst hurts.

Im looking for new things to do
Maybe i'm looking for you
I'm looking forward to the sin
I'm ready, let the demons in
You don't know what's coming soon
Open up and let me in
I'll climb inside and cover up
You have been the holy dream
I will never let you leave
**YOU ARE NEVER LEAVING ME

A distant steeple
Far off people
Clouded minds
Clouded skies
Death, Death, Death
The crows call The crows call The crows call The crows call-

Nothing you said is ever true
You never remember
I believed in you
How could you lie so easily

You tell me your sad
That you don’t know if you can go on living
Then you turned around like that
saying you will never get what makes people want too **** themeless.

You say something
Then next month you deny
Maybe you just can’t think it through
Why do i even try?

I listen and remember
Harder than I’ve tried before
Then you words turn
how can you be so contradicting

You said you felt the same way
now you do nothing but hurt me

A lion cub grows larger.
Still, larger.
A lion on the hunt.
Feathers flock and feathers fray.
Lions do as Lions want.
A  squawk is heard.
A squawk to pray.
Clenched in jaws.
Teeth to erase.

Being around you is too much for most
A hug is out of the question
Hand-holding, what a joke
Do you think I like you or something

I thought we were friends, man
Don't make it weird
This is getting out of hand
I think the end is near

I can't take you anymore, kid
we're just friends you got that
I don't want to be close to you
The farthest i'll go is a chat

I don't care that you deny you like me
I can see through lies
If you didn't like me you wouldn't want hugs
I don't think that applies

Drip Drip Drip
Down your fingertips
Down the drain

There are so many
Flowing, streaming down your face
They drip to the floor

Blood red drops
Flowing with water
Down they go

dripping, dropping down
On the counter, In the sink
Red smeared on cold lips

: Drip, drip, drip, down the drain
Down fingertips, drowning pain
Constant screams, will it end

Close your eyes back up, little daydreamer. Don't let them see your dull, mixed eyes. Go back to fairy tails and lost worlds. Go back to your lies. You're not ready for this one.
     Everything is real here. They have expectations. You can't meet those. So, go back to sleep.
    There are real problems here too. You can't solve those. So, go back to the clouds.
     This is a real world. You can't handle that. So, go back.
    
    Close those dull unready eyes. Count the sheep, like a good little daydreamer. And imagine yourself a less scary world.
    Oh little daydreamer, you aren't ready.

The flower so wilted and almost dead
Conjures thoughts into my head
How can something so frail and lifeless
Somehow appear so lovely and timeless
It's hunched over, crooked, twisted
Yet nothing like it has ever existed
Even when shriveled, the flower holds beauty
It is innocence, truly
Such a thing is oxymoronic you might say
It is so lively and still so gray
How long till such beauty dies and decays
I can only sit there and watch it wither away
Slowly the petals break off and fall
Now my flower isn't lovely at all

Lives move past
And I am last
The world is ever turning

Our hearts have bled
Our eyes are dead
Our bodies slowly burning.

The monster’s skin
Comes from within
This sickness is concerning

The flames eat
What we have left
Slowly we are learning

The Black skin
And death within
Is karma just returning

There is an oasis of our parts
It is where our blood goes and there our emotion starts
Follow roots to the tree of life where music can be heard
A steady rhythm of beats and thumps that calms all of the birds
Run down the path, swim the river red and full of gems
Upstream to the coral reef of thoughts
There is where emotion happens and where our heart has stopped

I’m sad, big deal
You don’t even care?
then whats that i hear?

“your fault for taking what i said to heart”
‘there are better reasons to be unhappy”
“edgy. edgy. edgy. edgy. edgy.”
“Calm down. No need to be so edgy”
“woah that’s pretty edgy”

Sorry to inconvenience you friend
if you really are my friend
I never meant to hurt you with my edginess.
I apologize ever more
Your anger is not what I intend

In fact it’s not even anger as result
No, it’s more
The mocking never ends

You say you’re making me a better person
what you’re really doing is tying lose ends
You said i need a better reason to be sad
And now i have one

I don’t know what your were told
but calling me edgy doesn’t make me less of person
just makes you more of an *******

I must be insane
You taste so sweet, I can’t resist
But I’m not sure its worth the pain


I keep shoveling with my chips
God its burns my ******* mouth
But still I take another dip

I mixed the pepper with cream cheese
after chopping in the blender
And now I eat it as I please


The peppers set my mouth on fire
The dairy doesn’t really help
it kind of ***** that I’m a crier


I should avoid wiping my eyes

Don’t want to spread the burn

but  I subscribe to candied lies


Oh my god. This spice is hell

Still I’m eating candy California
The heat is making my tongue swell

Tied and gagged, I just cry
my throat hurts, everything burns
I just might die

Striped cat, with wicked grin
Let courage out, and evil in
Let fears and doubts slip away
For the pointy teethed cat has come to play

In the dark
in a stillness
Breath and breeze the only substance

There I stood
or maybe flew
The darkness gave no clue to which

There it was
in that stillness
A great nothing beyond myself

A cold, black
endless nothing
For which I saw myself inside

A little daydreamer sits up in bed. A nightmare again.
Little daydreamer whispers to her loyal walls.
"I had a scary dream." Little daydreamer sighs.
"I had become a Lion. I had grown up a little. I even fell in love. I had hope."
Little Daydreamer shivers in disgust.
"At least it was just a dream."

Broken thoughts and regret
make up my mind
before i can even try

I believe every word you say
Every awful truth
Even if you lie

Sometimes I think you hate me
Most times i think you should
Maybe i should die

Is that what you want from me
just tell me what you’re thinking
i can’t read minds

You think i should be able to know what you mean
But i always understand wrong
Reality but which kind

You say all these things
i think they come out wrong
a thought is what you should find

You speak before thought
You don’t understand it
People aren’t that quick

You just say things
thinking I’m immune
I’m weak, it’s a trick

You say these thing
they cut me deep
it makes me sick

I’m in a field of dreams
Floating among the violet trees
The purple flowers give me powers
I stay alive but it’s 0 degrees

My body is chilling
The death is so thrilling
The frozen air poison
my lungs are filling

I live in a field of dreams
Is it by choice? Do I die as I please?
The life that I’m living Is not so forgiving
This forest is filled with disease

I can't love you anymore
You've waited too long
I want to get over this
Released from the throng

You kept saying false words
and kept the truth to yourself
I won't ask you more questions
No longer I'll delve

I hope you'll forget
As I already have
I don't wish you pain
As you've made me sad

It's simply too late
I refuse to wait longer
If I keep waiting
My distress will grow stronger

If love will not come
As you said it would
I will forget
Just like I should

*you are dead to me

Aphrodite,
Goddess of love
Never thought
I'd ask so much
I've failed you, miss
I'm a disappointment
Take your love
I don't need it
Take your kisses
You can keep them
I don't need love
and I don't need him

Oh, dark thoughts, why have you come back?
I thought that I had lost you
I thought I was on track
But here you are again, old friend
You haven't left me yet
I suppose I can't complain about it
I guess I shouldn't fret

The walls they speak
Whispering
They talk to me
Insanity
They tell me things
Of guns and rings
let’s end mortality

I stand in this cage
Scared and alone
My mind is unraveled
Harshly undone

Some days its rage
Other days its sad
Most days I think
I’ve gone completely mad

Everything is closing in
The bars and walls all squeeze
Everything that’s left of me
Is infected by disease

The bars tear away my skin
Already slipping off my bones
Yet all of this is happening
inside my heart of stone

Here it comes
the dreadful feeling
It sends men running
Children screaming

It controls our reactions
Its fun to watch
Witness of satisfaction
but it’s not so fun to have

It’s not fun to feel
but you have no choice
It’s not even real
but it demands attention

Don’t you see
It’s already here
You doomed my friend
Welcome to FEAR

Everyone watches, judging. Knowing all its mistakes and misgivings. All decide what it should be, instead of what it is. It watches back, never knowing what to do, who to listen to. They say to be itself, while telling it what itself is supposed to be. It fears. It fears everyone and their egos. It hates their need to be in power.
         They tell it what do to with their eyes and theirs harsh mind. It can never be itself. It is always the it that others want, and yet no one's perfect vision of it. It can never please everyone. So it fears.
         It knows it can be itself, but it fears too much. Everyone is too powerful. It never learned that it must be itself, because they always watched. And they always judged. They always spoke with their gaze and their mind.
        They give it deep fears. Deep fears of their controlling eyes and their thoughts and their being. Always afraid of what it isn't, because it's never what they want. Deep fears of itself.





                                                                       *My deep fear of being myself.

You watched the flowers die today
After the blooming buds
You then wished the pain away
All the feelings are too much

You've cried so many tears before
You've filled your house full
So you've been drowning in the rain
That came from clouds of thought

If only the moon
Could take the pain away
I could exchange it all for another way

If only I
Had the power left
I would take it from you
I would take all my pain back

So many a time
You've cried to me
And I just watched as you were eaten
You were already dead

We picked the flowers
For your grave
As you cried
I watched your rain wash them all away

If only the moon
Could take the pain away
I could exchange it all for another way

If only I
Had the power left
I would take it from you
I would take all my pain back

If you let me
I would take the pain
I would take all that was suppposed to be

If you'd stay
I'd never leave you
Whether shining eyes or pouring rain

The hospital takes me
It’s terroristic
Locks me away
Gathers statistic
The doctors poke
Think I’m a joke
They’re all quite sadistic

You insist I’m not okay
Just so you’ll embrace me
But I am just fine
Don’t take my words lightly

I don’t want to listen
I simply don’t agree
It makes me want to scream
So don’t ******* touch me

you want to hold my hand
the imprint sticks
I said i didn’t want it
The touch just makes me sick

Lion cub wants to know strength and wisdom. She wants to be powerful in the real way. 'But how is that?' she asks herself. 'It must be knowledge,' the Lion says, for it is the only thing that fills her with pride.

I'm always changing and also the same as before
I'm so confused, I can't think anymore
My thoughts are too quick, and they never slow down
They hold me, and sink me, and then I drown.

Thoughts are never what you ask for
They're all deep, dark, and gore
But sometimes they're ropes and other times crowns
Though, somehow, you'll always be left wanting more.

You take and take and take
I give all I can give
I hoped, I believed
I just knew someday you'd do the same for me
Yet here were are
Two years later
With nothing but your ****** memory
and my need to never forget

All the things you said
What you mean always changes
I want to be done
I screamed
I told everyone I was over you
Yet here we are
Me still following you like some pathetic whelp

This needs to end
End it
Tell me exactly how you feel
Tell me you still feel the same as I do
Or tell me to not come back
Just give me something
So my soul can rest

I seem to have a never-ending problem. I make countless mistakes. No break between folly. My inadequacies destroy my hopes of being happy. By being happy even in the slightest, I bring out fear, doubt, and hate for myself. So pathetic.

As the air begins to chill
The raven on thy window sill
It caws in warning of the battle
In raucous caw thy ribs do rattle
The time has once again returned
For retribution, we bones have yearned
The fleshies will suffer the cost
then shall they know all that we've lost
Calling all the men of bone
Our army is ready, our numbers have grown
There is no way to lose this fight
On yonder cold October night
The honor of bone, we shall defend
Men of Bone shall reign again!

It could be better
It could be worse
I know what I want
and I know which I get

Of course the worst is all for me
would I get anything else
Of course It’s left up to me
would I ever do it right

Now my grades are failing
just like my organization
The only thing I can hold it to
Is my lack of realization

I should have thought
I should have planned
But what did I do
I slept away the fear

Take a rose flower and hold it to your lips
Look up at the stars, and send the sky a kiss
Then you must whisper, and  you must say
"I don’t wish to live past tonight or today"

There is a dark and shadowy place in the forest of our hearts
Where we run away from nothingness
Things that break us apart.
An endless sea of fleshy leaves, you are forever more to roam
The trees give shade and company to any who may come
For inside ourselves, in everyone, we are never alone

I guess we're done
I really tried
I'm sorry it's over
I know I lied

Don't hate yourself
It's not your fault
I won't say some dumb cliché
You are just not what I sought

I should have said no to begin with
I weaved so many lies with you
I got caught up in my web
But it's all done, now that we're through

I said yes because I'm weak
I thought I had to
But now I know
That isn't true

I'm sorry for the lies I told
You don't share mistakes with me
But I've told the truth
So we're both free

You've no idea how much I've fallen
I saw you
I learned you
And then I stumbled a bit
Before I could catch myself, you sent me sprawling
I tripped over your out-stuck foot and now I'm falling free
You took a turn into my heart and so I've hit a branch
I've scratches, bruises, broken bones, and still, I'm falling
It wasn't long until I realized I'm down an endless pit
Endlessly falling for you

have I, have i done something wrong
is that why you grip me so strong
strangely by chance
it was simply a dance
and so we go back to the throng

Alas, I went out
It was my last halloween
It took much begging

It used to be cold
On every halloween
now it is too hot

It's black and sick
and fills your soul
A sin to some, for those who love
But power for others, those who have it
It swirls inside, when you look at them
those who've done you wrong
It swirls inside, when you think of them
Your anger is strong

What is it?

Take a rose and hold it to your lips
Caress each soft  petal
Give it a mother's kiss
Throw the flower to the sky
admit your final wish

*I don’t wish to live again
I don’t wish to wake up
I wish to sleep forever here
I wish to be stuck
I want the world to go away
I want the lights to leave me be
I want to lie in this field of flowers
Let me rest here, eternally

Why am I the monster?
What have I done?
You hurt me so much
**** me for fun
Spit venom at me
Laugh at my pain
You **** me again, and again, and again

I'll raise my knife
Now I'll be the fool
What are you now?
You're a monster too
So I'll cause you pain
Now you'll understand
I'll stab you again, and again, and again

So we're both hideous
Evil, monstrous things
We're not puppets
We've cut our own strings
Now we're bullies
We cause others pain
We hurt each other
And we'll do it again, and again, and again