You cry and take blame
You say you're sorry
You're serious now
But never again

You say I have to believe you
You throw a fit and fuss
I don't have to do **** for you
When you've broken all my trust

You think I care
You think you're forgiven
If I told you what I truly think
You'd be scared

My needs aren't something you can fill
You hurt me
You don't deserve me
My grudge will not be killed

To me, you're dead
So, go away
stop trying
Don't ever come to me when you're sad

You think I'll crack
You think you can break me
I'll come crawling
Instead let's go back

I believed every word you said
But they were never true
So get the **** away from me
You hear me! Dead!

I’m sad, big deal
You don’t even care?
then whats that i hear?

“your fault for taking what i said to heart”
‘there are better reasons to be unhappy”
“edgy. edgy. edgy. edgy. edgy.”
“Calm down. No need to be so edgy”
“woah that’s pretty edgy”

Sorry to inconvenience you friend
if you really are my friend
I never meant to hurt you with my edginess.
I apologize ever more
Your anger is not what I intend

In fact it’s not even anger as result
No, it’s more
The mocking never ends

You say you’re making me a better person
what you’re really doing is tying lose ends
You said i need a better reason to be sad
And now i have one

I don’t know what your were told
but calling me edgy doesn’t make me less of person
just makes you more of an *******

A wish
A touch
A kiss
Pure lust
Lost in each other's eyes
So happy we could die

But this isn't forever
We're no longer lovers
To great a cost
Happiness was lost
Love just cannot give
And we no longer live

Sometimes i pass the sidewalk, maybe walking
It’s just strange I can’t hear anything talking
I feel the stares
I find it scares
Especially,when nobody is watching

Why am I the monster?
What have I done?
You hurt me so much
**** me for fun
Spit venom at me
Laugh at my pain
You **** me again, and again, and again

I'll raise my knife
Now I'll be the fool
What are you now?
You're a monster too
So I'll cause you pain
Now you'll understand
I'll stab you again, and again, and again

So we're both hideous
Evil, monstrous things
We're not puppets
We've cut our own strings
Now we're bullies
We cause others pain
We hurt each other
And we'll do it again, and again, and again

I can focus
Now I'm free
I don't need people
and they don't need me

I'm on track
Now I know
After hurting
I'm no longer low

I know what to do
Now that I've learned
I don't need love or friends
All I needed was to be spurned

If I were to tell you a secret
Would you keep it
Or would you seep it

I don't get the attraction
Or how you get the satisfaction
Breaking promises like fractions

I shared my thoughts as an act of trust
Spouting my secrets as if you must
If no one talked to you I'd think it just

How could you betray a loyal friend
Even then my words you bend
More and More your lies descend

So much for an honest companion.

I hate helplessness
It's creates the kind of anger that you can't express until it makes you cry.
Frustrating
A gentle breeze nor a god can move the immovable object
your happiness matters not to the immovable object
Impossible obstacle
Helpless

Like a doll with blood
my ink comes pouring out
I never wanted this
but the ink keeps pouring out
I plead and plead for it to stop
I want the ink to dry and clot
but the ink keeps pouring out

Like the blood you people bleed
Ink is blood that comes from me
Instead of red rivers running
Comes words from cuts stunning
To live blood is what you need
I don’t want this flood, I beg and plead
The flood comes from a strain
But both blood and ink leave dark stains
It’s the substance i am without
But the ink keeps pouring out

You
You left
You promised you wouldn’t leave me
You said you weren’t like the others
You said I was being silly
And then…
YOU TURN AROUND AND WALK AWAY
NO WORDS NO REASON
YOU JUST LEAVE ME
AND WHEN I ASK
YOU SAY THAT YOU NEVER LIKED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE
And all I can do is remember
Trust No one

Never trust a soul
Not like I do
The pain will never end
Everyone always betrays you
And no one is really your friend
All will cause your suffering
Because really no one cares
And in the end you have no friends
Because life is never fair

You've no idea how much I've fallen
I saw you
I learned you
And then I stumbled a bit
Before I could catch myself, you sent me sprawling
I tripped over your out-stuck foot and now I'm falling free
You took a turn into my heart and so I've hit a branch
I've scratches, bruises, broken bones, and still, I'm falling
It wasn't long until I realized I'm down an endless pit
Endlessly falling for you

Aphrodite,
Goddess of love
Never thought
I'd ask so much
I've failed you, miss
I'm a disappointment
Take your love
I don't need it
Take your kisses
You can keep them
I don't need love
and I don't need him

Alas, I went out
It was my last halloween
It took much begging

What if I’m no good
What if they don’t like me
What if i didn’t try as hard as I could
Is that all they’ll see

Do they think I don’t try
It’s so terrifying
I think i might cry
I swear that I’m trying

Wait just a minute
Why should I care
Your opinions cut
It just isn’t fair

Your thoughts shouldn’t matter
Needless or controlling
It’s mostly the latter

Lives move past
And I am last
The world is ever turning

Our hearts have bled
Our eyes are dead
Our bodies slowly burning.

The monster’s skin
Comes from within
This sickness is concerning

The flames eat
What we have left
Slowly we are learning

The Black skin
And death within
Is karma just returning

The hospital takes me
It’s terroristic
Locks me away
Gathers statistic
The doctors poke
Think I’m a joke
They’re all quite sadistic

Dear abuser, I know you'll never leave me. I love the pain you give me. Tuck me into bed and kiss all the bruises you give me. I'll never lose my trust in you because I know you will always be there.

You insist I’m not okay
Just so you’ll embrace me
But I am just fine
Don’t take my words lightly

I don’t want to listen
I simply don’t agree
It makes me want to scream
So don’t ******* touch me

you want to hold my hand
the imprint sticks
I said i didn’t want it
The touch just makes me sick

I want to hurt myself. I want to die. I want to suffer. I hate all this pain. Mental pain is horrible. The worst of any pain. I want to disappear. I want to go to my bedroom and only leave when necessary. I want to never leave my house again. I want to take those matches and I want to set myself on fire. I want to swallow every pill I have and I want to curl up on my bed, in the dark, and cry myself to sleep. Then, I want to never wake up. I want to gouge out my eyes so I can never cry again. I want everyone to hate me, because I can't accept that they don't. I want to be a failure because that's all I deserve. I want to slice my legs up so they're symmetrical. I want people to be disgusted by my scars, by me. I just hate being in pain for so long. I am weak.

Frost clouds the mirror
and clouds my thoughts

I want to touch it
but i guess I ought not

For my heart is too fragile
I'm afraid I might break

I just want to know
how much cold i can take

Crow is feeble,
Caught in surprise.
They were looking for young,
when they should have been looking for adult eyes.

You plant all day in your made up garden
You bury me in all the dirt
And then you refuse to give me a pardon

I never said a word you think
Please remove the mound from me
If I'm not removed I think I'll sink

I choke on crap you threw about
You shovel more dirt into my mouth
Stop this pointless grudge you lout

How dare you turn your back on me
I will get lost in this stupid ocean
I'm starting to drown in your dirt sea

I did not say the thing you said
And by the time you forgive me
I will be several years dead

Stop shoving dirt into my throat
I can take  it but you won't
I'll give it back and you might choke

So stop this pointless tiff
I won't tolerate anymore
Put an end to your stupid ****

It all seems hopeless
But I see your face and know
Those evil eyes you give to me
Are really all for show
You stab me in the back
But I'm happy to be your sheath
Honey, I'm just here to love you
I can take the heat
You may be a traitor
And you may be a con
But I'm here to stay forever
Do what you want, I won't catch on

There is an oasis of our parts
It is where our blood goes and there our emotion starts
Follow roots to the tree of life where music can be heard
A steady rhythm of beats and thumps that calms all of the birds
Run down the path, swim the river red and full of gems
Upstream to the coral reef of thoughts
There is where emotion happens and where our heart has stopped

I guess we're done
I really tried
I'm sorry it's over
I know I lied

Don't hate yourself
It's not your fault
I won't say some dumb cliché
You are just not what I sought

I should have said no to begin with
I weaved so many lies with you
I got caught up in my web
But it's all done, now that we're through

I said yes because I'm weak
I thought I had to
But now I know
That isn't true

I'm sorry for the lies I told
You don't share mistakes with me
But I've told the truth
So we're both free

Drip Drip Drip
Down your fingertips
Down the drain

There are so many
Flowing, streaming down your face
They drip to the floor

Blood red drops
Flowing with water
Down they go

dripping, dropping down
On the counter, In the sink
Red smeared on cold lips

: Drip, drip, drip, down the drain
Down fingertips, drowning pain
Constant screams, will it end

Being around you is too much for most
A hug is out of the question
Hand-holding, what a joke
Do you think I like you or something

I thought we were friends, man
Don't make it weird
This is getting out of hand
I think the end is near

I can't take you anymore, kid
we're just friends you got that
I don't want to be close to you
The farthest i'll go is a chat

I don't care that you deny you like me
I can see through lies
If you didn't like me you wouldn't want hugs
I don't think that applies

Everyone watches, judging. Knowing all its mistakes and misgivings. All decide what it should be, instead of what it is. It watches back, never knowing what to do, who to listen to. They say to be itself, while telling it what itself is supposed to be. It fears. It fears everyone and their egos. It hates their need to be in power.
         They tell it what do to with their eyes and theirs harsh mind. It can never be itself. It is always the it that others want, and yet no one's perfect vision of it. It can never please everyone. So it fears.
         It knows it can be itself, but it fears too much. Everyone is too powerful. It never learned that it must be itself, because they always watched. And they always judged. They always spoke with their gaze and their mind.
        They give it deep fears. Deep fears of their controlling eyes and their thoughts and their being. Always afraid of what it isn't, because it's never what they want. Deep fears of itself.





                                                                       *My deep fear of being myself.

A little daydreamer sits up in bed. A nightmare again.
Little daydreamer whispers to her loyal walls.
"I had a scary dream." Little daydreamer sighs.
"I had become a Lion. I had grown up a little. I even fell in love. I had hope."
Little Daydreamer shivers in disgust.
"At least it was just a dream."

The violin plays a young tune
Turned panicked from innocent
The cello with plucked chords
Plays a pizzicato of black lungs and smoke
The bass plays a low tune of sobs
Somber over the lost viola

Are you trying to tell me something?
I that why you bring it up so much
Or have you simply forgotten about all we’ve said

I hang my hat after a long day at work. I'm finally home, though I'm not sure I want to be. The silence isn't too fun, but neither is the work.

As I walk around
It’s empty in town
But what I see is people watching

Behind the windows
Behind they crow
Gossiping, giggling, gawking

It’s all about me
Why can’t you see
They’re all watching and judging

You says there is no one
There’s no reason to run
but I think you missed my delusion

No matter where I am
I’m thinking of them
The ones who are always watching

My idea of friendship
is much farther than yours
For you it stops at smiles
for you it stops at words

My idea of friendship
Is much more deep than yours
for me it never ends
this, you would ignore

My idea of loving
Is so much harder with you
It's only *** or friendship
There is no love that's true

My idea of loving
Is only filled with you
I worship every word you say
Not that I have to

It's just the way I love you so
You give me endless bliss
I always feel so alone
Please just give me this

I'd never want to bed you
Nor would I need a kiss
It's just a loving companion
That I've sorely missed

Don't know
Where I am
Where can I go
If anywhere at all
I want to go home
But where is my home
but a house
Where all I do
Is sit alone
I cry, or won't
Just sit there, numb
Come up with sad words
Or a song to be sung
Memories come
But never go
Kick and taunt me
Make me feel low
Throw me into a pit
A never-ending hole
Filled with despair
As I fall to no end
Lungs empty of air

It's dark, it's dark, it's dark, it's light
Your shriveled heart gave up without a fight
But still that light shines inside your chest
I can't help but be obsessed
It's the light that draws me in
it's just the way it's always been
The light is what I'm thinking of
But I'd hate to think it's love.

No, no, no. Don't cry little daydreamer. The night is too dangerous for that. You'll attract the deep fears. You know what happens when they come. They burn down your perfect little daydream.
            A little daydream for a little daydreamer.
   You know what they'll do then. They'll burn you with lies and sadness.
           You know what attracts them. It's the lights. So bright. Welcoming the fears when you're weak.
         Don't you dare turn off those lights.
   You know what happens then. The nightmares come. You know what they do too. They devour real you. They leave weak little daydreamer. They leave you
          Oh no, we can't have that,
   Don't be a little daydreamer. The night is too dangerous for that.

I'm a fool, aren't I?
I'd like to think you're jealous
But you never cared

I'm a fool, aren't I?
I guess I'm just overzealous
This is just what I feared.

I'm a fool aren't I?
I shouldn't make such a fuss
I should have known you never cared

Finger reach up to the sky,
                          Then fall
I lay down to rest my tired soul,
                          Eyes open
Mind eye opens now,
                          Rest is over
My Fingers no longer touches the ledge,
                          Hole is larger
I stare hard at the moon,
                          Then blink
It all seems further now,
                          Hole keeps growing
I reach to start the climb,
                          Then realize
I haven't climbed at all,
                          Just illusion
I think to start climbing
                          Doesn't happen
I scream for help,
                          On inside
No one hears me,
                          Never made sound
The hole is deeper now,
                          Hope is farther
I lay down in the hole,
                          No way out
I close my eyes,
                         No help exists

You take and take and take
I give all I can give
I hoped, I believed
I just knew someday you'd do the same for me
Yet here were are
Two years later
With nothing but your ****** memory
and my need to never forget

All the things you said
What you mean always changes
I want to be done
I screamed
I told everyone I was over you
Yet here we are
Me still following you like some pathetic whelp

This needs to end
End it
Tell me exactly how you feel
Tell me you still feel the same as I do
Or tell me to not come back
Just give me something
So my soul can rest

It could be better
It could be worse
I know what I want
and I know which I get

Of course the worst is all for me
would I get anything else
Of course It’s left up to me
would I ever do it right

Now my grades are failing
just like my organization
The only thing I can hold it to
Is my lack of realization

I should have thought
I should have planned
But what did I do
I slept away the fear

Nothing you said is ever true
You never remember
I believed in you
How could you lie so easily

You tell me your sad
That you don’t know if you can go on living
Then you turned around like that
saying you will never get what makes people want too **** themeless.

You say something
Then next month you deny
Maybe you just can’t think it through
Why do i even try?

I listen and remember
Harder than I’ve tried before
Then you words turn
how can you be so contradicting

You said you felt the same way
now you do nothing but hurt me

Don’t leave me
I’ll do anything
You don’t want me
Ill be someone else
Ill change my name
Ill get a new face
Whatever you want
Just please
Don’t leave me

Line up, line up, my swine
Put your heads on the block
Maybe you'll be the next to die
                    (but you don't fit, you don't fit, you don't fit)

Smile your smile, little piggies
Follow the line to the chop
Eat up something fine, honey
and put your heads on the block

Well, all good pigs go to heaven
But we're surely going to hell
I can see past oblivion
I know your smiles so well

All good pigs go to heaven
so eat as much as you can
I'm not fat enough to be a sow
You can see the hell that I'm in

There is a dark and shadowy place in the forest of our hearts
Where we run away from nothingness
Things that break us apart.
An endless sea of fleshy leaves, you are forever more to roam
The trees give shade and company to any who may come
For inside ourselves, in everyone, we are never alone

It used to be candy and costumes and fun
Now it’s just school and clowns holding guns

I used to dress up and go trick-or-treating
Now I don’t even join the candy eating

I want to go out and never grow up
But now I’m alone. I guess I’m just ******.

My friends are too cool for Halloween
They call me a child. Oh they’re so mean

I just want free candy. It’s not much to ask.
Just walk with me. It’s a simple task.

But no they won’t go. too lazy they say.
Guess no celebrating. Inside i’ll stay.

What's wrong dear child?
Why have you scurried back?
Was everything too real for you?
Was your heart under attack?
Were you expecting something so incorrect?
Certainly you aren't so foolish
Don't cling to me, horrible child
Let the evil world take effect
Really you deserve this
You created so many ideas in that naive head
When, in truth, you're better off dead