Dear abuser, I know you'll never leave me. I love the pain you give me. Tuck me into bed and kiss all the bruises you give me. I'll never lose my trust in you because I know you will always be there.

Oh, dark thoughts, why have you come back?
I thought that I had lost you
I thought I was on track
But here you are again, old friend
You haven't left me yet
I suppose I can't complain about it
I guess I shouldn't fret

I wish that I could stop feeling. Then I wouldn’t feel so numb. I'd never feel numb, because I'd feel nothing. I wouldn't feel love. I wouldn't feel anguish. I wouldn't ever be confused, because I'd be more of a shell of a person. One that feels nothing and simply does. No emotions to stop or start unwanted anythings. No feelings of betrayal, of which could not stem from nothing.  
No love to be ashamed of. No love to confuse me. No love to have destroyed by others. You cannot take love from someone who has no heart.  You cannot love too much, if you do not love at all.  You cannot have unrequited love if you feel nothing. You'd certainly never be scared of the love.
If I did not feel, I would never have to experience the awful, awful pain of fear. Unending, controlling, immense fear.

I would certainly not be afraid of the nothing I'm already becoming.

There's only a never-ending cycle of highs and lows or so much of both.  It seems that I really can't escape the emptiness. The dark hole that always comes back. I suppose, it's meant to be.

I overthought my overthinking about all of my thoughts
I thought I would be fine with it, But I guess that I'm not
I'm overthinking my overthought about my overthinking, now
I want to end my overthinking about these overthoughts,
But how?

Take a rose and hold it to your lips
Caress each soft  petal
Give it a mother's kiss
Throw the flower to the sky
admit your final wish

*I don’t wish to live again
I don’t wish to wake up
I wish to sleep forever here
I wish to be stuck
I want the world to go away
I want the lights to leave me be
I want to lie in this field of flowers
Let me rest here, eternally