Ash Rose

Ash Rose Jun 2017

closed off from the world
in a room with her thoughts and regrets
she felt felt so lonely in crowded places

her friends always told her,
"hold on a little longer"
but she dreamed of a world
without any pain or hurt or tears

how quickly she'd go and stay
unnoticed but not alone
real life isn't like the movies
she told herself as she held back tears

love, the bittersweet enemy
idolized and envied by naive
keeping quiet her heart screams
with hate and anger
how easy it is to see the way
it tears her down
yet without that hidden place to hide in
she falls apart

crimson covering the bitter memory
of that one little promise
broken with one quick-spoken word

she can't seem to run
away from all the lies
but the truth is a blade
held to her wrist with her shaking hand

Ash Rose May 2017

Dangerous

Living again, breathing in the air deeply,
unlucky before but fortuitous now.
Keeping my eyes on the prize,
All around me the world falls away,
sadness making way to safety.

Whether by chance or by intention,
only we know what's happened,
only you and I, together but apart.
Damage has been done,
but now it's all reversed.
Really, it's just my luck,
I never thought I'd be back where I am.
Dangerous as it is,
giving me what I wanted but didn't ask for,
everything in me is alive again.

Ash Rose Mar 2017

Modernism Poem

Little white blossoms, born overnight
pure, easy, unbelievably real
bred in the darkness, made into light

Ash Rose Mar 2017

Untitled

numbness
drowning, deafeningly silent
in my own thoughts
back to this again

running
away from this feeling
or lack thereof
which consumes me yet again

Ash Rose Mar 2017

Her x2

My heart beats so loudly --
a screaming time bomb.
X marks the spot where my chest broke open...
Indescribable pain radiating from me,
nauseousness, unable to focus,
everything blurring at the edges.

Sometimes I wonder,
if I had truly done everything I could.
******* it, it hurts so much:
never enough to **** me but enough to scar me.
Every thought, slicing into my heart
ripping, tearing, destroying that vital *****.

Ash Rose Mar 2017

Fairy-tale Ending

If only we could run away
To a land where no one hurts.

How quickly I would go to stay
Unnoticed but never alone.
Real life isn't like the movies:
Too bad, I think to myself, the
Starry skies gazing down at me.

Love, the bittersweet enemy of mine,
Idolized and envied by the naive.
Keeping quiet, my heart screams with
Equal feelings of hate and anger.

How easy it is to see the impact
Everlasting, the way they tear down my
Life; yet without that hidden place to hide in, the
Land beneath our feet falls apart.

Ash Rose Mar 2017

Now that I've said goodbye...

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized just how much I love your hello,
that cute little smile you give me from across the room,
the tight embrace you hold me in every day,
and the way your eyes search deep into mine.

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized just how much I treasure our times,
the laughter we share over nothing and everything,
the waves of affection and amazement that pour over me,
and telling you every part of my innermost thoughts.

Now that I've said goodbye...
I've realized that I wasn't ready to yet.

it was my choice. i should be okay with it. but i'm not.