I want to untie this noose
Break free from the chains that my heart is bound to
Rip away this flesh that still feels you
Destroy the bond that holds me to you
Extinguish our first kiss, dissolve the first time we made love, Ignore the first lie,  negate the first fight, revoke all the bad words we ever spoke,  I just want to stop believing in you,
All of this I wish to abrogate
The sleepless nights, the worrying, the spite, the distance, the heartache that won't subside
I want to put an end to this game we began
Become unaccustomed to your ways
Bust free of this cage I'm in
Longing to undo me and you...

We bleed so many colors when we open
Ourselves up wide
Burning blue in the night
And it's hard to make this work
When you're feeling all alone
But, I've been waiting so long
To hold you in my arms
Embrace you forever
Make you my whole world
Water fills these eyes
Still love notes and Valentines
Aren't enough to keep me in your mind
You are the shadow of everything
That I'm not but want to be
You wrote your name inside of my life
And that's where it will stay
We wait until dark
To try and make a mark
One that remains until we're done
Pretending again
Trying not to forget where we are
Or who we're with
Words can cut this tie we've made with
The sharp side of the blade
And our words play out
They drag us down make us
Start to feel like one of them
Just make sure you keep me in your heart
Write my name in your bloods ink
Why did you take my life apart?
Why did you offer me the world?
When the night is full of faces am I still the
only girl?
Because you're still the only one
I turn your world from disaster
You make my heart start beating faster
I ask the questions
You give the answers
Need you now and I can't stand it
I never thought this would be easy
And you let me go when I say I'm leaving
So whisper softly as you try
To tell me how you feel
Just tell me how you feel
I need your voice tonight
Pick me up, put me back together
Stitch me up, make me feel better
No control of my emotions
A ticking time bomb ready for explosion
This life we made is so full of color
And that will not change
But we could change the way we see them
and Your words fade when I explain
Why I hate them
We are the same
And I keep repeating
All that I'm needing
Say you're right here
But you seem so distant
Saying sorry again the same old story
so now tell me how it ends...

Imagine that YOU'RE the prize and the safe harbor for him. Imagine that he would do ANYTHING to get into your heart and your life. Imagine that he yearns to be with you because you are who you are. Because he loves you more than anything he's ever loved before....
Then snap back into reality because it's all just wishful thinking after all.

You stood before me
My eternity within your hands
You spoke my heart into motion
My soul now to stand

You see my failure
Witnessed all my shame
My bitterness weighed upon your shoulders
My faith now to stand

So what can I say?
And what can I do?
But offer this heart
Completely to You

I'll walk upon your salvation
Your Hope alive within
I will believe in us
Like you believe in me

I'll fall to my knees, my heart abandoned
In awe of you who gives your all
I'll stand by your side, my heart to you surrendered
For all I am is Yours

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved

Say something poetic
Say something not so cliche
Tell me I'm pretty
Tell me how much I mean
Say that you will always stay
Tell me you'll never leave
Tell me I'm special
Tell me you believe
Tell me how I'm an exception to all your rules
Tell me to you I mean the world
Make me promises
Say I'm so smart
Tell me I'm awesome
Then tear our love apart
Say your giving us up
Tell me we're not okay
Say something to justify all the hurtful things said
Tell me I'm your dream girl
That I belong with you
Say something factual
Say something cruel
Tell me I don't have to leave
Explain it to me so I can understand
Point out my faults with my heart in your hand
Render me speechless with all your good points
Use your intelligence to make me feel not smart
Tell me how you're a better human being
Convince me of all the ways that I'm wrong
Educate me on where you think I belong
But don't say you loved me when I meant nothing at all
And don't call me baby doll
Don't tell me I look pretty in the snow
Don't pretend that you tried to mend my busted soul
Tell me how you had good intent
Say what you need to say in order to vent
Accuse me of things you think you know
Tell me I lied
But don't say I never tried
Tell me you've always been there for me
Use reverse psychology and turn it all around on me
Tell me that you're a hero
Tell me I'm the fool
Tell me how you'll stay til time is no more
Speak your words into my broken heart
And I won't say anything at all...

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved

I've had enough
and I say it sadly
The last year
has been driving
me insane
Everything I thought
I knew
hurts so badly but,
All the daggers
in the world
could never
cut me like the words
you let roll
off your careless tongue
Now,
I hear you whisper
with your hand
resting on my hip
You will always
feel my fingertips
tracing the scars
and tattoos upon
your skin
It took so long
for you to get
close enough  
to me
I didn't want
to be a curse
as your patience
was always
my blessing
But all the doctors
and the pills
can't cure the way
I feel about myself
Too afraid to ask for help
from anyone, for anything
It takes time
prescribing a means
to an end
And I'm
Feeling addicted to
this prescription
The problem lies
within the help
for me
this time
So, I just smile through
the pain
and suffer as
I let go of
everything

I think I'm sick of this
It's time I shake off this rust
I once had my heart set on nothing but us
Now I'm staring down myself
Counting up the years
My hands remain steady
But inside all your stares are killing me
Like I am transparent and right through me you can see
I know that everyone has there doubts and fears
Everyone wants what they think is fair
Just like I always wanted all I thought I needed from you
Why could you never see what I seen?
My feet remain steady but restless
To run away from you
Needing you to come chase after me
It's like we're moving but we go no where
And I know you've tried to rescue me
But how could you when I won't let anyone in?
All that remains now are traces of what was
And all that could have been
Please take all the tainted pieces of me
As they no longer fit
Just like your promises that were unkept
And drink them in until you're high
Chase them with a shot of left behinds
If you could have only seen in your nothing
You meant everything to me
And I just wanted to be all you would ever need
Happiness and peace of mind
Were never meant for me
So just take whatever you please
All the promises are empty
Like your last glass of whiskey
I only complicate your life
And you cause me only disappointment and strife
I hope I will always remain a sweet taste on your tongue
I hope you never forget those
Hot sweat and blurry eyed nights of fun
My world is just too black and white
Not like your's so colorful with your dreams about life
We must of been caught off guard somehow
So I won't try to philosophize now
Just take a deep breath and a good look around
How I feel has always been real
You are my sweetest sin
And I've felt this weakness coming on as
I tried to read between the lines
Of ******* on the mirror in your mind
I tried to see what lied behind your weary eyes
Went to war with your demons inside
Your voice will always be
The soundtrack playing in my sweetest dreams at night
You are unlike any other
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
And I never want to be with another
But I can no longer repent
In the dark on my knees
The candle light has all been spent
The holy water has turned to a poison wine
And it's time I leave what once was my love's sanctuary behind...

Take back the photos
For they break my heart
And I won't wait by the telephone
With only silence ringing in my eardrum
Don't let the color of your eyes fade
I can't stop thinking about your voice
Or the things you used to say
It's keeping me up at night
Salt from my tears rusting shut my eyes
The color of my heart is beginning to fade away
Like a bloodstained Hollywood ending
Just another night with a sad song
Turn the car key and sing along
I still believe the lies when
I look in your pretty eyes
Another hour in front of a mirror
Suddenly the scars appear so much clearer
I cross my heart and hope to die
You gave your all and so did I
With a shivering heart I wait
Seeing you is seeing red
Swallowing tears shed
Until they are out of sight
But not really gone
Even when I turn out the light
Wipe the blood from your eyes
It's a heartache that you can never satisfy
It's cold with frozen kisses
Frost on my skin from the cold embraces
Holding hands until knuckles start turning white
Nothing in this soul left to say to make things right
It's okay if you only see gray
You'll see color again someday

All your doubt is a staircase for me
But the first step is the one you believe
And the second could be profound
but that doesn't matter to me
They can have the money and the world,
diamonds and pearls, all I want is to
Follow you to where forever may be
Without a doubt I'll remain by your side
And I'm not about to compromise or say goodbye
Not all of life is cruel or untrue
So don't turn it all inside of you
I'll whisper kisses in your ears
Touch you so soft and warm like falling dew
I'll confess all my love without words to you

Stare into the flame until you see past the light
I fight the sin you've carried like a corpse all these days
Let it all just fall away tonight
How far you go no one knows
You don't want to live to waste another day
Hiding in the shadow of mistakes you've made
You don't want to lose it all
But it feels like you've hit a wall
And now you feel broken and scarred
Out here nothing to you seems clear
Except the moment you decided to move
And disappear into the fear
But, you know there ain't no coming back
When you're still carrying the past
Just let me erase all the blurred lines
Leave a trail of broken pieces for me to find
I know it feels like you're breaking inside, but
I still remember like yesterday
When you had a smile on your face
and dreams in your eyes
I'm missing those days
Something has gotten in the way
And I just want to hold you up and tell you
it will be okay

Don't let your mind get so weary
Don't let your heart get so heavy
Because within you I see a strength
that just needs to be dug up like a treasure once buried
When your soul is lonely
Just don't lose your faith in me, because I know
All you've ever wanted was a place to call home
Well I'm here to shelter you and miss you when you're gone
Just speak to me so I understand your tongue
Bring what's yours and take what's mine
Just leave all the rest behind
I'm not here to stain your mind
With make believe and pretend

You can put yourself on trial over and over again
But you can't make your guilt pay for a sin
Just like you can cage an animal
But you can't take away it's rage
All I want is to be for you a gentle touch
Assuring you love is enough
I might be an angel without wings but,
I've got the pixie dust so,
All you have to do now is *believe

Between the lines
I see nothing but doubt
You tell me one thing but really believe
Something else yet
You want me to trust
You want me to give continually and
I want to believe every lie you tell me
But I just can't let my heart fully trust
The guise you hide yourself under
Just take all your wasted honor
With all your past frustration and problems
End them with explanation points
While you walk around like a one man army
Fighting regret with all it's fury
Reliving the same old moments in your head
You fear so much, the giving in
Tell me you never loved her or anyone but me
Then let me read about her in all your poetry
Your faith has been broken
And your eyes are shut tight while you
Walk down the realm making no sense to yourself
Caught up in the fight
Hooked on a substance that's digging its claws deeper
While the pity penetrates your skin
So sensitive it makes you sicker
The salt enters your wounds
Never letting your fear heal itself fully,
Consumed
You become a comfortable liar
Ignoring the loss of sight with
All the suffering kept within you
Inside the negativity is starting to rust
Healing has to begin in the past
So stop trying to fake what really exists
Drunk again your ego has grown
So big now it swallows you whole
You would rather be tossed to the side
Feeling your life has made no sense or sound
Thinking  it's a waste of time to chase the truth now
Left with no way of knowing if you'll ever be at home
Never wanting to be alone
You need to open up your eyes
You've been flying like a jet plane that's about to wreck
Switching lanes like you're racing a corvette
Hitting on all the girls who love to have ***
Wondering if the devil is a lie
Wondering if God really exists
Pondering what is death if life's just a *****...
It's time to save yourself
Because the tide is rising high
It's time for you to sink or swim
Or be just another man overboard abandoning his ship
Just let the bridges burn
Forgive what has been done
Throw up all the lies inside
Nail yourself to the cross because
Living costs everyone a price
Don't feel so sorry for mistakes you've made
along the way
You're father told you not to bite your tongue and you
Hate your mother because she left you with no love
Wanting to wrap your hands around her throat
Squeezing until you can feel no pulse
Wanting her to pay the price for betraying you
You have bottled it up and swept it under the rug
All good things must come to an end
And we live in a world where it seems like evil always wins
The lobbyist, pessimist, cynical hypocritical mess with a
Self destruct personality
Not dealing well with the responsibility of reality
Always walking on the verge
Killing yourself but not admitting you're a murderer
Don't let this be the only thing that matters in your life
When everything around you has failed
Who knows what the future may bring
Because eventually the truth will always prevail itself
It's moments like these where you really have to think
About the broken dreams that you sold along the way
Like riding on a carousal
Thought you had it all figured out
But have spent most your life
Addicted to the pain you cause yourself

I look around and I want you to be there
I'm missing all we used to share
Feeling so empty and sad
Missing the love we had
I'm so over being sick
Get me a doctor quick
Your kiss was the medicine
My world's crashing down, again
My only choice is to over react
Feels like I'm having a panic attack
Just want to let myself relax
Heart's beating way too fast
You think you know me all to well
But you never got the chance
To find out who I really am
Too busy having a breakdown again

When you cut me please know that I do bleed
Anything just to get your attention
When I'm sitting on display and
You pass me by without a mention
Knew this wouldn't be easy
But does it have to be this hard?
A thousand miles suddenly doesn't seem so far
What you leave behind
Makes you who you are
Roll the windows down and try to feel alive
I need the silence to escape your voice's piercing sound

The dark has caught the spark
That once burned in our hearts
Just need to walk towards the light
I'm crying and you're lying about last night
You're calling and I'm falling apart
Can't find a way to tell you what's on my heart
That won't cause a scar
The fire is dying down
There is nothing left of me to take right now just
Sit back and watch us dissolve and decay
Did you ever really love me anyway?

Let's stop concentrating on all the things we love to hate
It only causes us to separate
With dry eyes and steady hands
I try so hard to understand
Why you would rather be alone with a
Broken heart in a broken home
And I don't know how I should feel because
The lies make it seem so real
Can you feel this?
If so you can cross it off your list
I'm everything you wanted but
The mark you've always missed

We breathe in sequence
While trying to make sense
Of the situation we got ourselves in
Can't take another week of one way conversations while
Slowly losing interest
But, we are best friends
So close your eyes and kiss me like it's the last time
Need medication from all your words dripping poison
Days turn to night as I wish on stars in the sky but,
I Don't focus on the brightest because beauty is on the inside
I wish we could take all the bad things said back
Always feels like we're under attack
All these dreams being turned down
When my heart breaks did you know it makes a sound...?

I never meant to hurt you even when
Sometimes the thoughts have a way of making sense
But secrets kept turn into accidents
If you burn away the bonds of selfishness
The positive, the negative
Surely we could make amends
End this now we've come too far
Just take back the words that left us with scars
Taking the easy way out showing self doubt
The only thing that eases the pain now
Is to drink until you drown
Am I not everything you wanted me to be?
Tried my best and guess I lost
So listen for once and I'll spell it out
I need you, I need to hear your voice
I'm Juliet and you're the poison
Slowly sinking in
My means to an immaculate end

You held my hand
while you cut me down
We just got started
but it's over now

You're smiling in the spotlight
Dancing with the night
And I've left your mind and heart
I'm tired of buying your time
When I get nothing in return

I should of known better
But I couldn't resist your open arms
I couldn't help the leap when I was tripped so hard
Now I'm left just falling apart

For all I say you always say more
And I can't give you what you've been looking for
You were too good to be true
Your charm always crept closer and
Like a fool I fell pride and all for you

You're the wiser one
Now I stand by the river I cried
And I let myself drown
You swore you'd stand beside me
Now I'm not there beside you
I was yours for the taking
But that was a mistake
I settled for wrong when I ignored the right thing

We had magic but it turned tragic
My life has been infected
Since you left me neglected
I know you're probably sorry
We were always so sweet
But you deceived me
I'll probably regret it
But it's too late now because
you've lost me somehow

"I love you" didn't mean much
My mind is gone now
Deep inside my tears I'll drown
I was a victim and it cut like a knife
Why did we ever have to kiss?
This has turned to a hit and miss

We spent so much time now that's no more
I should of never let you hold me baby
I didn't give into you on purpose though
So tell me how you managed to steal my heart
I want to forget how your kisses tasted on my lips
But there are some things I'm sure to never forget
I tried to keep you amused but I'm tired of being used
And since I'm not your everything
How about I be your nothing
Baby's so tired of hurting

All who love are blind
And our love was on fire
So we danced with desire
But now we've turned to ashes
And the smoke is in our eyes
Ignorance is kind to the heart and mind but
Pain in truth is all you'll ever find

Time can never mend the disappearance of your best friend so
Please don't patronize me
Why hurt each other more with words we want to say
Wish I could just turn down all these voices in my head
But I can't so instead
I'm going to close my eyes
So I don't have to see
the love you don't feel for me

You were always the mysterious one
With your dark eyes and crazy hair
Into fashion but too cool to really care
And you failed to notice how
My heart for you would bleed
I was always on my knees
You're thoughtless words always broke my heart

You were always so brilliant smoking your cigarettes
and talking over coffee
Your philosophies on art and life
You'd teach me of honest things,
Things that were daring, things that were clean.
Things that you thought about life and what it to you did mean.

And I must of mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a ****,
Somebody more like myself
And now I'm too tired to care about wrong or right
Because I surrender to you in this fight...

When I met you
All the dreams in my heart
Suddenly came true
You knocked me over
When I was stone cold sober
Not a thing I could do
Maybe when your soul and heart starts burning you will see
That every time I'm talking to you it's always over too soon
And everyday feels so incomplete when I'm not with you
Say the word and I'll jump the moon
When you got a love so strong
How could it ever be wrong
Mercy me, just be mine please
I've already lost all my sanity
Just let your heart belong to me
If I just lay here
Will you lie with me
And just forget the world?
I need your grace
To remind me to find my own
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is in your eyes
Please say you'll always be mine..

All the love letters written on tear stained paper
Smeared my hearts ink across the blank pages
My heart's broke for the last time
You promised truth
and really made me believe all  your lies
I thought love was suppose to be free...
but the cost for yours was way too steep and
It hurts but I don't think it can get much worse
Being so invisibly desperate for you

I took my chances on a bruised and beaten heart
Guess I got what I deserved, after all
Forgiving is hard to do
Now pain is all I have to show
You took my heart and you broke my soul

Your urge to break loose was just too strong
And I've almost forgotten what the color of your eyes were
and your scars or how you got them
Seldom did your words reign true
When you were failing me and
I was just trying to save you

You were always so sad
hiding behind your mask
And I came so far with my soul
But you never seen the gem within me
I could of been your happy ever after
But I'm only human and though
I tried hard not to, I crashed and burnt out

The words from your tongue were knives in my heart
You built me up just to tear me apart
I just wanted to turn your mechanical heart back on
I held up the weight of your world and mine times three
Just trying to be your everything but
Somehow I lost the love I loved the most

I've learned how to live half alive now for what it's worth
I wish I would of missed the first time we kissed
because you've been nothing but a broken promise since
I'm left like a smoking gun now that all our love is gone
I thought we found some magic
But you left me neglected, how tragic

Now I walk away and let it be
Ignore my instincts as I'm led astray
Another bend, another break
I'm not sure where I go from here
Between wet pages and all this smeared ink
A tragic, lost en devour our love has come to be

Trying to find our way back to sanity again
Just take a deep breath and hold on tight
And I'll keep hanging by every word you say
Even if you don't want to speak it's okay
I'm perfectly content just listening to you breathe
With you is where I want to be
So, just try to look past all the shadows in your mind
Seek the truth in us and you will find
What it feels like to feel alive again
Just shake the calluses from your heart
I will chase your silhouette for the rest of my life
I just want to be with you for the rest of time
I'd rather not know where we'll be
Than be alone and convinced I know
The world keeps spinning round
Even though ours is usually upside down
I wouldn't change that for anything because
I've got nothing else to lose
When I found you I lost it all
Everything I've ever known before has let me down
But with you I just let go
I let you turn me inside out
And all I know is I'm not sure about anything
But I wouldn't have it any other way
All the spinning, turning, watching, burning
Walking, crawling, climbing, falling
Doesn't matter anymore
Because I found my life's meaning
Deep within your heart
For all we go through
I would never want to change you
As we break and bend
And wrestle with our doubts
Through the rising and falling apart
We have discovered who we are
I know you struggle with your thoughts
I just want to be the one to change your minds locks
And I will always try to read between the lines of
What you say and what you've said because
You are the strength that keeps me going
The hope that keeps me trusting
You light up my soul
You are my purpose, my reason to be
There's no way I can stand in your presence
And not be moved
You steal my heart and take my breath away
You're all I want
You're all I need
Baby, you're everything to me
Just let me inside even when it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts of you that I need to see
Just let me hold onto you above everything
My reality is in your eyes
And even though we maybe crashing into the unknown
With you beside me I feel at home
Talk is cheap
So I give you my word that I can keep
I love you the most
In every way I am yours and
I won't let go
I won't give you up no matter what
I'll take the weight of the world
Off you for a while
I'll be your peace
When insanity strikes your mind
I'll light up the dark
I'll hide you forever inside my heart
I'll make the world go away
If only for a little while

Here I am restlessly waiting, knowing I'll have to be leaving soon
I'm staring at your perfection and I never want that to end
Because, I don't want to ever have to start over
And I was always scared of the dark before
But now it's all I'm longing for
This isn't a silly moment
It's not the storm after the calm
This is the deep, fading breath of
The love we've been working on
You can't seem to hold me like I want you to
And I can't feel you in my arms
Nobody's going to come save us now
We've pulled too many false alarms.

I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
This isn't nothing to me
Baby, you were the only light I ever saw
You make the most of all the tragedy
And I act like a ***** because I can
I try to push you away
And you say things that hurt me
Until we're left feeling *****
And we don't understand.
So I'll just go cry about it
And drinking is what you'll do
But I'll still hold the keys
And you'll still have the best of my memories.

Coming home when every moment there is lost
in your work
All my love and warmth turned cold as dirt
Every stare is a waste if it's not on baby girl
As strangers walk right on through
And the best of our friendship breaks in two
Now I'm feeling further from you everyday
Your head's in the stars because you're worlds away
So I tell myself I'm moving on and letting this be
We once had a fire but now we need a spark to make us last
Just look at me baby, can't you see I'm still burning for you eternally
I should probably walk away but then I look at you
And I get the feeling I should just stay
Because loosing this love, losing you, would be losing everything
So I don't care if the one thing that's killing me is wrong
Because I can't stop these feelings
I'll just continue to hold on

We once were brave like soldiers
Holding each other like we were ever so broken
Now we just need to hold this love together and be open
And it's okay to be scared
Because we've both been shaken but this doesn't have
To be the end of the love we've been making
We're burning up and I don't want this love turning
To only smoke and ashes.

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved

Believe,
I miss your taste
I miss your smell
Past mistakes brought us here

Rescue me from everything as
Everyday I sit and wait
for more bad news
Until I have nothing left to lose

Please won't you just start making some sense
The Lord doesn't make accidents
I see the worst case scenario and
It's slowly letting go

Guess I could of sent more letters
And talked more on the phone but,
The signal was fading and
The ink running out

Words look good on paper
And sound better from your mouth
But, I can barely breathe as you
Sharpen your tongue
I can't believe anything you say

I'm the fire and you're the water
I'm the canvas and you're the color
I don't forget you
Even if we're not together

Please hold me tight
I don't care if I can't breathe tonight
Forget my lungs,
With jealousy they burn
But don't leave me alone

My heart's sand
Flowing through your hourglass
But time is up, let go of all we know
As our hearts break in two

I need you now
More than yesterday
So I standby and watch
this fall apart and fade away

I watch the pieces fall but,
I can't let go
Even though
                                       It's
                                              over
and I'm on my own...

Is it reasonable for me to be awake
When I really need sleep?
Is it reasonable to wear around your hoodie
Because it smells like you?
Is it reasonable to not want to eat or breathe
Because you're not here with me?
Is it reasonable to be mad at you for leaving
For doing what you got to do?
For telling me I'm the one you want to marry
But you don't even live with me?
Is it reasonable to be jealous of all your time and attention
that I don't ever seem to get?
For wanting to be the center of your world?
For wanting you to always prove your love?
Maybe it's just the insomnia talking
Maybe it's the loneliness daunting
Maybe I'm just an unreasonable human being
Maybe clearly isn't what I'm seeing
I hang on your every word
I believe you but then again I don't
When I'm stuck here
Waiting by the phone all night for a call
Is trusting another person reasonable at all?
Giving them your heart
Unexplainable feelings
Having trouble dealing
Being insecure
But feeling so beautiful
Wanting you to take care of me
And being upset when you don't
The way I want or need it to be
Being overly emotional
Playing coy with you
All the silly things lovers do
Acting crazy and paranoid
Knowing what's right but doing what's wrong
Letting inhibitions go
Letting your guard down
Letting yourself fall
Going all in risking it all
Questioning and second guessing everything you say or do
Guess the real question is...
Is it reasonable for me to love you?

I'm tired of reading only fiction
Trying to find some truth between your lies
And I lie awake at night with blue eyes that no longer cry
All I know now is what I feel inside

You were broken the day you were born
It was dark even when I held a light for you
But that was in vain
Because you remain a promise broken yet
to this day

When I was constantly fighting the current
I forget how to live
And I tried to reach you
But I ran out of strength

Ecstasy now is all you need
Because you're so vainglorious and
The world you live in is too fast where
Nothing's real and nothing lasts

Your lust turned to anger
And I remain here
But I don't trust at all or know how true love feels
The *** and loneliness
Take what's your's and leave me what's left
I'll survive this though
I maybe torn to pieces
Blind and waiting for a reason
But I'm still in love with all your sins and
Where we stopped is where I begin

It's hard sometimes to deal
When I can still remember the way you feel
Now I'm just an angry girl
Drowning in this petty world
Because I swallowed all your bitter pills
But I don't need now what you ain't got
I've killed myself from the inside out

I wished for things I did not need
And what I've chased has not yet set me free
I still get scared but I'm not crawling
Even when everything seems all wrong
I won't be completely broken

My head is full of doubt
But your lucks soon to run out on you
And then you will see why dreams don't come true
Must be hard to see when you're constantly choking on your regrets
and what you think is the truth in your head

I'm not like you with your faceless lies
And your cold dead heart and empty black eyes
I'll make it through
All your hope maybe gone but
I'll ****** if you'll take away mine too

I was in love with the things I tried to get you to see
and believe
Now you're just a long lost dream to me and
I will never love someone like you again
Because you were my heart's demise and love's bitter end...

It's happened again so here we go
You're afraid to open up or just give in
Because I've hurt you again
Like I've been known to do before
But how don't you see that I'm just here to heal your wounds
To pick up and fix the broken pieces on the floor
And baby you maybe jaded but don't ever fade away
If you only knew how alive you made me feel
Where do we go to find ourselves
When this world brings us so much pain
How do we cope with the things we hate
(the things that made us feel this way)
Can't you see the effect you have on me
You stay inside, try to hide, deny
But I just always want to make you smile
When do we know it's alright to take the jump and not look back...?
We may never know and
That's what makes this life worth living for
Taking chances, loving, giving yourself away
And I can't stand this state you're in
I just want to make all your fears go away
Because you make me weak every single day
I've been trying my best to figure this out
But I'm tired of pretending I'm doing okay
I sold my soul to the idea that we'd be better off this way
We've had all the conversations leading up to these frustrations
Now I'm lost and it's enough to drive you away
I thought I was doing just fine
But I've lost my crutch to lean on
You're the only one who can rescue me now
On you I don't ever give up, even when I'm fed up
You're my only hope
My heartache's melody, insuring all this pain inside of me
Distance overwhelming me, I'm lost without you
We both know these times are heavy
I've played it back a thousand times in my head
The perfect scene I want to keep living
It will all pay off in the end, I just want to see us through all of this
Because I'm not ready to let you down
So, tell me can you forgive me now,
For ******* you up, for bringing you down?
And it's a sign the way your eyes reflect in mine
We'll be just fine, you and me, if we just stay us the way we were meant to be
Because I'm blown away every time I see your face
We keep shifting from the foot to the head
Shaking the frame of this bed where we lay
Catch our breathes and wonder what's to come next in the common tasks of a day
You're all talk and you've been teasing me enough  and
You hate it when I call your bluff
But it  doesn't really matter in the end
Because all I ever really want is to stay in your arms, safe, take the force of the blow
You said it, I meant it, but we don't seem to notice anymore
Tried to prevent it, but how do you stop what you can't control?
And we've been here before, feeling like we can't take much more
I try to put myself in your shoes, but it's of no use
I'll never know what it's like to be you
And when we say now that things will get better,
Does it mean anything at all?
Wish I could take you away from everything bad and erase all the pain
But I always tend to bite off more than I can chew, and things don't work out the way I want them to
And I know it's not your fault, just hands we get dealt in life
with always the same amount of cards
But my luck has turned to hell and it's made me a skeptic now
But you still manage to leave me breathless somehow
You think I don't get it when your world is crumbling down, but  I'm always around, trying to make you smile
This doesn't make sense
It's not fair and it feels all wrong
But regardless you still mean everything to me
And I don't know how to let you go
Because you are my weakness,
The only one I ever truly love.

I am smart,
But when it comes to
matters of the heart I sure am dumb a lot!

It used to be so easy for me to give my heart away
But I found out the hard way
There's a price for that, you always have to pay
And love was no friend of mine
That was proven to me time after time

It used to be so easy to fall in love
But I found out the hard way
That road leads to nothing but pain
And love was just a cruel game
You play to win but always lose the same

Now there's an empty space in my heart
Where love used to be
And the days still come and go
But there is one thing I'll always know...
For all the love I gave, I still have nothing to show.

Everything I held so dear has now just disappeared. All the times I tasted your love I never really knew what I had. And, baby if you can hear me, I never needed you so bad. You're spinning in my head with my heart in your hand and I just want to hold you now.

My heart I can't control
for you rule my soul.