I want to be wherever you are because,
I was around from the start
And we've come so far
I still have only you in my sights
And I want you there the rest of my nights
I tie myself into knots
I get so lost in my own skin sometimes
But it takes time and it takes faith
To build the things this life can't break
And there's some nights we're worlds apart
But there's no goodbyes for us
We're wild ones at heart
And when you're gone
I've no one to lean on
And only you can light my dark
Because you're the better half of me
The only half I need
Mirrors, they lie to me
And sometimes you don't recognize me
Sometimes it burns but I don't feel anything
It only hurts a bit
It's easier to quit, harder to admit
You're pulling away from me
Laughing like it works
Bleeding like it doesn't hurt and I
Hate how I need you even after you
Tear me apart
But I'm always on my knees
Because you're the better half of me

My stomach still gets tied in knots
when I know we are about to talk
And the problem isn't you it's me
Cause I still try and push you away
I just get so afraid
because I know
I couldn't live without you now
and
I never want anyone else

If you stay with me tonight
I can show you
what my dreams are made of
as I'll be dreaming of your face
You've been away for so long
and I've missed you
I can't imagine being anywhere but here
right now with you
I could sing you a song
But words put to a tune
could never explain fully my love for you

I fell in love from the moment of our first kiss
and the rest has been history since
Love is forever
and that's all I need
I can't promise that things won't get broken
But I swear I'll never leave
Please just stay here forever with me
I can't fall asleep
I lye awake in my bed at night
Just dreaming of you
and I fall in love all over again

The way we are is the reason
I'll always stay
as long as you're here
I know I'll be okay
I couldn't just love anyone
I was created to love just one
The things I get so concerned with
really don't mean a thing
Because my heart is with you and
I'll love you to the end

What a ride this has been
I'm exhausted and I know you are too
I feel so drained, like I have made no difference whatsoever
I want to get you out of the dark place you're in so bad
It hurts to watch you sleep and have to wonder where you're at
Baby come back to me, please, just come back to me
Don't go to that place where I cannot be
Don't leave baby I need you here with me
I'm so tired
I ache from all the mental and physical stress
My emotions are a mess
I just want to fall into a deep slumber of peace and quiet
I want to lay in your arms and feel safe and secure
Why can't I just save you
Why can't I help you through all of this
Why can't I be where you are
I feel so unfunctionable
I'm so tired
I want things back the way they were
I want the old you back
It's like you're half alive but mostly dead
Even in my dreams lately I can't reach you
The thought of losing you scares me so bad
I have started this love thing with you
What good is it going to do me if you're not here to see it through to the end
This is why I was so hesitant with my heart
This is so tough and I don't know if I'm strong enough
I didn't want to need you this much
I didn't expect to want you or miss your touch
I have to get you through this
I have to muster all my own strength and pull you out of this place
Let me help you
I can't watch you unravel in front of me like this
It's like you're falling and I can't catch you
You've been barely hanging on and letting go with all of your might
When I fall you are there to pick me up so why can't I do the same for you
I am just so confused right now and I need to talk to my best friend about it
Feels as if I'm spinning out of control
I feel **** faced drunk
I want to feel pain.
I want to hurt like you are
I want to understand your pain.
Feeling you inside me in my veins is the only cure for this ache
You have become such a part of me and I a part of you
When you hurt it hurts me too
When you smile my soul lights up
When you cry my heart weeps with you
I don't know how this connection between us happened
How is this all possible
Obviously I'm not good at explaining this in words
But, God, I just miss you so much!

I've been walking alone
Waiting for someone like you to come along,
To take my tortured heart by the hand
And force me to become strong
I'm so tired of hiding behind this
Smile I'm forcing that even
I don't recognize anymore
Do you know...
I'll never have all the answers and
You'll never have enough time,
But we'll sure have all the reasons
Why this isn't what we wanted to find
Do you know...
I'll never lay all my cards out even if
You just want to play because,
These days everything's all business
And there's a lack of arms around me now as I sleep
Do you know...
Sometimes I just want you to paint my face
And pretend I'm made of clay, to just start over
So someone could sculpt me into a better shape
Because I can feel myself slowly falling apart
So won't you come take a walk in my shoes
And maybe you will see then that it's not so easy
Trying not to love in spite of me...
Did you know...
Sometimes I find myself shaking in the middle of the night
Then it hits me and I can't believe this is my life...
Why do I make it so hard to love me?
Why would anyone even start to try?
Because I can see all my bridges burning now
As all the smoke is in my eyes...
Do you know....
I just wanted to always be right
But I've been wrong from the start
I've waited for you
Tried to make you happy
Closed my eyes and let you fall apart
And I wonder what you think you could possibly know
About breaking down that I don't....
Do you know...
It's been a long time since
I've begged for anything
But I'm begging you now
To lay me down on this bed of rust
I'm lonely help me shake it off like dust
I know you don't understand me
And you'll never even try...
But just know...
I don't mind killing all my time as long as
I can lay here by your side
And see that look in your eyes
The look of confusion and lust
As I remove this iron smile
That's been weighing me down too much
And when tomorrow comes
It will be just one more day that we don't find true love
Because we don't know what it means...

Time is such a messed up thing isn't it..?
There's never enough of it is there...?
It either crawls by when you're waiting for something
or it flies by when you're having fun.
I hate living by a clock.
It seems so silly.
I would rather watch the sand fall in an hour glass than
watch the hands tick on a clock.
I would prefer there be no time at all.
I would like to not have to live by a clock.
I'm always in a rush, always running behind.
And it's all because of time.
I get paid according to hours.
I get off work according to a clock.
I make money by the amount of time I work.
A thing an inanimate object runs my life...
How messed up is that?
It's of the essence they say.
It flies by they say.
Blink and it's gone.
Mess around and lose it.
Lose too much and regret it.
Use it wisely and you'll be more productive.
Cherish it for it goes by quickly.
Take time to smell the roses.
Make time for the things you love.
I wish I had more time for that.
What a contradiction time is.
What a rat race we all live in.
Enjoy the time you get while you're here because you can't get it back.
Time is something you can't ever get back.
How sad is that?
You can't go back only forward.
Sometimes I want to go back.
Only in your mind can you back track in time.
Memories are made in time.
All things heal with time they say.
Time, love, and tenderness heals a broken heart I guess.
I just don't get it.
I just don't understand.
Stupid Myans why did they invent this?
You can reflect on time and look back on it but you can't stop it.
You can't get it back no matter how hard you try.
Time well spent.
I have to leave your side according to the time on the clock.
I make love to you as the minutes rush on by.
I hold you so tight cause I don't want to ever let you go.
But somehow I can't ever hold you tight enough to make the time slow.
I think i've come to the conclusion that time just *****!
It dictates way too much!!!

© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved

Forgiveness, hard to give
  Pride, easy to have
   Hurt, not easy to let go of
Hope, hard to find
Faith, hard to keep
    True Love, the hardest to give, have, let go of, find, and keep...

I'm missing you
the same way that I always do
when you're not here with me
and I'm not next to you
This bed is lonely
as I lay here with me only
I want to sleep
but I think I'm into deep
I'm in over my head
drowning in this sea of doubt
Tossing and turning
as my lungs are burning
It's like I'm blind
I can't find my way out
I'm here in the dark dreaming of you
but I can't close my eyes
because then I can't see you
I don't want to just dream
Cause dreams don't always come true
I want this to be real
something I can let myself fall into

Copyright © 2013 by Ashley Rodden

I guess now would be a good time to tell the truth
But the honesty I carry will surely bury you
Like your lies I believed were true
I am not like you though, you're always right
Never wrong,
And you're a sad sight for these sore eyes of mine
A headache for my now weak and tired mind
But you still get me so tongue tied
And I know it's a waste of my time
Because you've become the smile I no longer force
You're the distance that's come between
And I just tried to be everything you'd need
Selfish minds think alike
And I'm wasting all your time
You were in love and so was I, but
Now you can keep your hands to yourself
I know those lips have been on everyone else
Save it for the bedroom when you're not alone
Keep all your lies to yourself,
I've already heard them all from someone else
You ******* me good, and
I became another mark on your shirt,
Just another night and another girl
But admit it I tasted good,
Go home now and wash my jeans
Because there's dirt on the knees
And jealousy consumes me
You loved me, well I loved you too
Especially below the waist
Because that's where players play the game
Those eyes of yours go to my head
But they're n longer enough to take you to my bed
You talk a good game that's for sure
Now look at the face you chose to play
Did you win what you were hoping for?
We will never be the same
Because this is war,
This is my heart,
And the stakes have been raised
It's your call,
So much has changed,
So, lets get this straight
Only you could of taken it away
And that was too high a price for you to pay
I played the lady, you played the gent
And we called it all time well spent now
Here we are standing in the calm before the storm we have been weathering for so long
Now it pours, and it's felt not heard
It washes off all our colors
No need to wear them anymore
Just remember all your lovers, and all the respect that was lost at their door
You had front row seats to me on my knees
Wasn't the show everything you hoped it would be?
We were onto something, you and me
Now you're just teaching me the game you play so well
So many things you said and I won't get over it
Because all the disappointment has caused me to move away
So I can train myself to maybe trust again someday
Just know I'm the best you'll ever get
And you've convinced me to never love again...

I don't need to know why I love you
Or even how
I love you beyond words or a shadow of a doubt
I don't need a formula to help me understand
I know what I feel at the touch of your hands
I don't need scientist to test a theory
I don't need a hypothesis confirmed
I know my feelings for you are affirmed
There's no need for scientific notations
Because I know the solution to the problem
I don't need an equation I don't need calculated theories
Because I know how good it feels when you are here with me
I don't need someone to tell me how I feel
Or why love does or doesn't exist
I'm not flummoxed when it comes to me and you
I don't need it to rhyme
or make perfect sense
I just want to keep this feeling of bliss
I don't need numbers and figures
To know that my heart beats for only you
I like nomatic science
but I don't need it to prove my love for you
I am a thinker and a reasonable human being
But there is something about our love that is so freeing
There's no need for a nuclear scientist to try and figure this
out for me
Because I know what love is
So you see...
I don't need scientific reason why my love for you will always be.
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved

Upset
Bad day
Trying to drive
the pain away
All that remains,
Leftover tears
Anger running
down both cheeks
Feeling all alone
Left to deal
Drenched in sorrow
Wanting to find some
hope
for a better tomorrow
Bite my lip
forget the bleeding
Weeping as
you wrap me
in your arms of healing
The deeper I cut
the worse you hurt
Slowly I open wide
and
Find relief
in your life,
Finding the love
I've needed
in your eyes...

As I'm falling down
My heart still beats the same
Even as the tears stream
From my blinded eyes
Shattered glass becomes
My reality
Burnt pictures and memories
Keep lying
There is less beauty in life
Than in dying
Blood always stains
The sun no longer touches my face
The road to hell is paved with good intentions they say
I tried so hard to heal the scars and touch your heart
But nothing's as it seems
Hurtful words ring so clearly
Sitting here playing Russian roulette
Gun loaded and pointing right at me
Withered past and a blurry future
Digging this pain inside my chest deeper
Just wish I could
Reverse the curse
Forget how others had your heart first
Like poetry to my ears
We take what has been given
And blow it away like dust
It's hard to be forgiven
When there's nothing left to say
Lying face down in so much pain
I refuse to see that my mind is anarchy
Worthless liar
I come on shameless
But I am ashamed
The sight of my own reflection
I cannot bear to see
Shadows shroud every step I take
Falling from grace the devil's laughing in my face
Fighting for a life that has beat me down
I stand and scream but hear no sound
Rise from the fire a phoenix
Alive and inspired
You cannot erase me
I'm a sinner conceived by the flames
Started broken hearted, busting at the seams
Standing back watching my world decay
I don't know why I'm falling apart but I
Need to find someone else to blame because,
You're not the reason I'm insane
I've tasted life's cold steel blade
Choices haunt me everywhere I go
It never goes away
Too busy with the lies they sold me
Open myself wide to all the **** they feed me once more
Are you satisfied?
I've given all I can
Are you now pacified,
Or do you still want more from me?
There is a thin line between pleasure and pain and I'm
Walking this tight rope while the ends slowly fray
This could be the death of me
Staring in the eyes of truth
The image is cracked but so is the view
Feeling so dominated
Issues pinning me to the floor
Like being rapped and left for nothing more
Hiding from the scars of my own reality
Sedate myself until I'm drowning
Got a pill for everyday
And a little black dress to mask the pain and
This monster inside that I'm feeding
Lacking perception in all that I do
Crying out in pain
But no one knows where to find me
Screaming out in vain but
No one can reach me

I breathe you in
And laugh as I choke on wasted nights
They were the best times of my life
But somehow I'm sleeping alone
And I don't want anyone to wake me up
Because now the thrill is gone
The sunset is turning red
Behind all the smoke
Forever and alone
I have been strapped to this bed
Where the taste of you and me
Will never leave my lips again
I want to hold your hand so tight
That my own bones break inside
And when the drunken moon sings tonight
I'll sing right along
Because I know not the words to any other song
Don't you dare blame me
My love for you was shameless
Now I can barely whisper your name
So, I'll try to write it in my own blood's ink
And if that doesn't work
I'll sing it
Because the song will be yours forever to keep
And when the sun sinks down into the ground
I'll scream over the sound
I know what it's like to feel burned out
But please just put it down
You're just wasted and dwelling on the past now
Baby, it will all be okay somehow
I know you think you can't take anymore
As you draw the shades and close the door
I know you would rather die than sleep one more night alone
So if you need to be free
Why don't you just say something?
You're made of poison and it's killing me
You're leaving me just when I thought you were mine
And I can't see your face as
Failing dreams amass a hundred sleepless nights
And maybe I'm holding on a little too tight
Because nightmares no longer wait for my sleep they
Leave me crawling on my hands and knees
Do you still love me?
Is what I'm dying to know
Have you forgot what we shared?
Were you ever really there at all?
Thoughts in your head that will never leave
Is that a price you're willing to pay?
Constant recovery
When you choke it takes my breath away
Just promise you won't leave
I know you're tortured within
I see the hunger in your eyes once again
Am I the only one who thinks you should stay alive?
Calm on the surface but the bottoms where you lie
Telling yourself just one more taste will get you by
I'll hold you down
While you destroy the world
I hear you breathing on the phone
I'm not your type
I'll just leave you hurting every night
Screaming into a pillow alone
Drawing hearts on a steamed up bathroom window
Should I love you back or just leave you alone?
What you love is what you have
And you would die right now for
Something beautiful to take you somewhere else
Just break down the better side of me
Forget regret and
Taste this lust like a hammer to the teeth
I can show you what being in love really means
This is all for you
To the end
I'll never leave without you buried next to me
They will never take us alive
Lets just chase away the darkness
So we can live in love and die
This is all just a test
Stone cold sober and scaring us to death
And I don't care if you're sick
I would kiss you no matter the consequence
You are something to me beyond beautiful
And I am perfect with you
They say our love will never mean a thing
But as long as your heart still beats
I'll love you with all of me

You broke a promise again
Imagine that
Me being let down by you
Left to grovel on the cold hard ground
What an emotional wreck I turn into
When you don't do the things
You say you're going to
Breaks my hopeful heart right in two
Devastates my once excited soul
That you can hurt me like you do
Why?
So little to you do I mean?
What is so hard about keeping your word to me?
Isn't that all most men have?
You can always justify anything though
It's almost impressive how you always make yourself and your side sound so good
You never run out of answers but
What does that matter if you can't hear my questions...
So tired of being made to feel inadequate and less important
You want a two way street...?
Then maybe you should learn to share the road
Why must we always compete?
I thought we were on the same team...?
You can be so cruel with your words sometimes especially when
You spit them at me so carelessly
Didn't anyone ever teach you to think before you speak?
You like so much to debate
Well now allow me to deliberate about what I really feel and think
You don't want me to be so emotional or upset
But how should I react
When the person I love is breaking the heart inside my chest...?
You're so much smarter than me so please tell me
How to feel, what to think, and who I should be
You're right about us sounding good on paper
Imagine that you being right about something....
That's got to be a curse and yet it you embrace
Sorry I couldn't surpass your expectations
I know you always wanted to find an exception
To all your rules about love and life
Maybe someday you will find it
And for her sake I hope she has no feelings
Sorry you think I'm spoiled
Guess I thought the Queen of your heart deserved to be put on a pedestal
If I'm going to be a princess
Guess I should find a prince charming to take care of me then
What's so wrong with me wanting things my way for a change?
Don't you know all you would give me you'd get back ten fold?
Never thought I wasn't worth your undivided attention
Didn't realize your time was so precious
Your life is definitely more important than mine though
I'm just a nobody living in *** ****** Missouri
Didn't realize I was dating such a big shot...
Guess because I loved you before you became so hot
I loved you before you got so busy
I loved you when you were hopeless and un-happy
I was there for you to lean on or to listen whatever you needed
You're the only man I've ever believed in
I let my guard down
Let myself fall
Let you tear down all my walls
Disregarded my intuition and my gut
Passed the point of no return
Stood still when instinct told me to run
Don't I give you all you want and more?
I'm always at your beckon call
Now tell me what the hell for?
Is this all in vain?
Should this not torment my soul?
Tell me why I don't deserve all you have to give me?
Why don't I deserve love that is true?
Why do you get my hopes up
And then let me down like it's no big thing?
I'm in love with you, though I never wanted to be
And this is why because what you view as love
is
*******  killing me...

We bleed so many colors when we open
Ourselves up wide
Burning blue in the night
And it's hard to make this work
When you're feeling all alone
But, I've been waiting so long
To hold you in my arms
Embrace you forever
Make you my whole world
Water fills these eyes
Still love notes and Valentines
Aren't enough to keep me in your mind
You are the shadow of everything
That I'm not but want to be
You wrote your name inside of my life
And that's where it will stay
We wait until dark
To try and make a mark
One that remains until we're done
Pretending again
Trying not to forget where we are
Or who we're with
Words can cut this tie we've made with
The sharp side of the blade
And our words play out
They drag us down make us
Start to feel like one of them
Just make sure you keep me in your heart
Write my name in your bloods ink
Why did you take my life apart?
Why did you offer me the world?
When the night is full of faces am I still the
only girl?
Because you're still the only one
I turn your world from disaster
You make my heart start beating faster
I ask the questions
You give the answers
Need you now and I can't stand it
I never thought this would be easy
And you let me go when I say I'm leaving
So whisper softly as you try
To tell me how you feel
Just tell me how you feel
I need your voice tonight
Pick me up, put me back together
Stitch me up, make me feel better
No control of my emotions
A ticking time bomb ready for explosion
This life we made is so full of color
And that will not change
But we could change the way we see them
and Your words fade when I explain
Why I hate them
We are the same
And I keep repeating
All that I'm needing
Say you're right here
But you seem so distant
Saying sorry again the same old story
so now tell me how it ends...

As we make mistakes I can see the light come around
And strange as it seems I’m bursting at the seams
For things to turn around
My photos don’t turn you on anymore
My stone washed jeans are darker than they seemed
It all tastes the same though, so you say
But there’s something different about my mouth
You try chasing dreams but it’s harder than it seems
I can’t express my mixed emotions
About thoughtlessness
But I’ll be forever in your debt
And I try to understand the little boy inside the man
As I lay my heart in your hands
All I ask is you please just hold me close to your heart
Don’t let distance keep us apart
After all this is written in the stars
So lets teach each other again and again
I love you now and forever
Never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
Just let me explain
My heart aches
Trying to find it’s place

Sometimes I don’t know why I care
I sit down and take all my makeup off
I lay down but you don’t wake up
Sometimes I wonder if you even know I’m here
I can’t remember the last time we had a real heart to heart
But I’m a woman
And I deserve your all
I’m not some girl who doesn’t know what she wants
I need to be touched
And I need to be loved
Because being just your girl isn’t enough
I hope you wake up before it’s too late to make up
No one will ever replace me
And I miss what we had
All I really need to hear is I’m your only one
Instead I find so many more
I’m not a friend who only needs you sometimes
And if I’m truly your lady
You got to treat me like it
I’m a woman with a heart
One part love, one part wild
Skin, hair and eyes
That are only mine
Why don’t you appreciate all that
I thought you adored?
I don’t just want to be a part of your world
I want to be what your universe is made of
Don’t leave me in all this pain
Come take these tears away
Un-break my heart
Time is so unkind
And life can be so cruel
So why do you have to lie to me
Just be a man about it

For I so love you I give you all of me
But you no longer appreciate a single thing
I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times
But you don’t listen baby
I think you want other women
I think you play around on me
Maybe I drew first blood
But if you want to keep this real
You were the first to hurt my soul
You told me everything was cool
So how come I feel like such a wreck
How come I’m all alone
You say everything will be fine
Why am I losing my mind
How come I feel like a fool
Why do I keep loosing you
Why do I love in despair
When you’re not there
There’s no me without you
I try baby
Really I do
But I’m only a woman

So before we have a bigger problem
Let me take it from here
You should think about the time you waste
Because my last name isn’t going to change this way
So can we just take it all back
Back to all the moonlit nights of making love
I just need to know I’m all you want and more
The odds are clearly stacked against us
We’ve been in this storm way too long
There are many things that test us
But the only way to win is to pick up a sword and stay storng
So I need to know
Do you want to take this back…?
We can’t stay in each other’s lives without making some sacrifice
And you don’t take this serious
Because I give my all
And that’s never good enough
For better or worse I’ve kept all my promises intact
I honored love
But it becomes so hard when my hands are tied
Everything you could want or need lies within me
It’s staring you in the face
I love despite the heartbreaks and being left out
You’re not the only one who’s been around
Of all the others you’re thinking of
I’m the one who’s showing you all about love
I don’t need my hands to feel the things I feel inside
I know that which is inside my heart is right
And they won’t hold you like me
They won’t touch you like me
And I manage to love you with hands tied behind my back

There’s cracks in our hearts and heads
But your smile sticks a kiss that could stop it
I just want to be better than all that came before me
Do you need to go and find everyone who cared for you
To know this
Because that will be nothing more tomorrow
You say you couldn’t do the things you did before
You won’t leave me ever again
Because you can’t stand to be alone for long
There’s always something missing in the after glow
But I’m always here to save you from the dark
Even after you take away my halo