Ashley Rodden

Ashley Rodden Dec 2015

The vines of your emotions
Entangle me
I can't break free
Trapped in the darkness
Of your past history
The way we are
Is the reason I stay
I'm addicted to the *******
Of the pain
The hurt confines me
What your dreams are made of
Engulfs me in a nightmare
The lovers from your past
Grasp my feet and trip me
As I walk towards you
In this hallway lined with pictures
of your past memories
I'm trapped on this roller coaster ride
Called bipolar
Your words suffocate
And define me
The fear of not being good
enough to compete
Overwhelms my brain
But how can I win
When I'm paralyzed
Save me from the ones
who haunt you in the night
When I let you in you
you just want out
If i tell you the truth
You'd just vie for a lie
If you follow me
you will only get lost
If you try to get closer
you will only lose touch
i already know too much
But tell me that you love me
because i need you so much
I can't live with myself
or the
Salt you pour in these open wounds
and i cant heal the way
i feel about you
will the hunger ever stop
Your eyes like a car crash
and i can't look away
can we ever starve this sin
that kiss you stole
it held my heart and soul
like a deer in the headlights
i met my fate
if i try to fight this storm
i only tumble overboard
and the tides just bring me back to you
the waves pull me under
in this rough sea
of your past flings
consuming me

Ashley Rodden Sep 2015

"That Sad Missouri Song"

You said “Sing me a lullaby so sweet,
That the dark will stay away from me
Because my eyes see things they don't want to see,
Help me”
So I started to tremble out a verse
But my words aren't lining up with yours
And the way we hurt is even worse without each other

So you get drunk
And I loose faith in your words
Written for a girl when you had nothing to hide,
And I cry
Cause I’m missing you and you're missing California but
It’s a long way back from Missouri

And as the sun falls dark behind the sea,
I feel your eyes steal another look at me,

I said “I’m looking for things I’ll never see,
Release me"
And how’d this summer air just get so cold?
And how’d this quiet girl just get so bold?
And how have I become something you can’t hold?

So I get drunk
And you loose faith in my melody
Written for a boy when I felt so much inside,
And you cry
Cause you're missing me and I'm missing Missouri
But it’s such a long way back from California

Ashley Rodden Sep 2015

An Angel is Only as Good as Her Halo

As we make mistakes I can see the light come around
And strange as it seems I’m bursting at the seams
For things to turn around
My photos don’t turn you on anymore
My stone washed jeans are darker than they seemed
It all tastes the same though, so you say
But there’s something different about my mouth
You try chasing dreams but it’s harder than it seems
I can’t express my mixed emotions
About thoughtlessness
But I’ll be forever in your debt
And I try to understand the little boy inside the man
As I lay my heart in your hands
All I ask is you please just hold me close to your heart
Don’t let distance keep us apart
After all this is written in the stars
So lets teach each other again and again
I love you now and forever
Never meant to cause you sorrow or pain
Just let me explain
My heart aches
Trying to find it’s place

Sometimes I don’t know why I care
I sit down and take all my makeup off
I lay down but you don’t wake up
Sometimes I wonder if you even know I’m here
I can’t remember the last time we had a real heart to heart
But I’m a woman
And I deserve your all
I’m not some girl who doesn’t know what she wants
I need to be touched
And I need to be loved
Because being just your girl isn’t enough
I hope you wake up before it’s too late to make up
No one will ever replace me
And I miss what we had
All I really need to hear is I’m your only one
Instead I find so many more
I’m not a friend who only needs you sometimes
And if I’m truly your lady
You got to treat me like it
I’m a woman with a heart
One part love, one part wild
Skin, hair and eyes
That are only mine
Why don’t you appreciate all that
I thought you adored?
I don’t just want to be a part of your world
I want to be what your universe is made of
Don’t leave me in all this pain
Come take these tears away
Un-break my heart
Time is so unkind
And life can be so cruel
So why do you have to lie to me
Just be a man about it

For I so love you I give you all of me
But you no longer appreciate a single thing
I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times
But you don’t listen baby
I think you want other women
I think you play around on me
Maybe I drew first blood
But if you want to keep this real
You were the first to hurt my soul
You told me everything was cool
So how come I feel like such a wreck
How come I’m all alone
You say everything will be fine
Why am I losing my mind
How come I feel like a fool
Why do I keep loosing you
Why do I love in despair
When you’re not there
There’s no me without you
I try baby
Really I do
But I’m only a woman

So before we have a bigger problem
Let me take it from here
You should think about the time you waste
Because my last name isn’t going to change this way
So can we just take it all back
Back to all the moonlit nights of making love
I just need to know I’m all you want and more
The odds are clearly stacked against us
We’ve been in this storm way too long
There are many things that test us
But the only way to win is to pick up a sword and stay storng
So I need to know
Do you want to take this back…?
We can’t stay in each other’s lives without making some sacrifice
And you don’t take this serious
Because I give my all
And that’s never good enough
For better or worse I’ve kept all my promises intact
I honored love
But it becomes so hard when my hands are tied
Everything you could want or need lies within me
It’s staring you in the face
I love despite the heartbreaks and being left out
You’re not the only one who’s been around
Of all the others you’re thinking of
I’m the one who’s showing you all about love
I don’t need my hands to feel the things I feel inside
I know that which is inside my heart is right
And they won’t hold you like me
They won’t touch you like me
And I manage to love you with hands tied behind my back

There’s cracks in our hearts and heads
But your smile sticks a kiss that could stop it
I just want to be better than all that came before me
Do you need to go and find everyone who cared for you
To know this
Because that will be nothing more tomorrow
You say you couldn’t do the things you did before
You won’t leave me ever again
Because you can’t stand to be alone for long
There’s always something missing in the after glow
But I’m always here to save you from the dark
Even after you take away my halo

Ashley Rodden Jun 2015

Undesirable

Trying to find my way into you
I let you have your way with me
Begging from my knees that
All I want is you
Am I so unlovable because that's true?
Am i Unreachable because you don't touch me the way you used to
Unsavable trying to stay afloat
These seas of turmoil and lost hope
Unforgivable when words cut straight through
Leaving us with these open gapping wounds
No use talking when words fall upon deaf ears
No use crying when you've seen so many tears
Dreams are made of clay when they never quite come true
Am I so unlovable when all I wanted was you?
You lift me up just to watch me fall
**** with head like its nothing at all
Why dont you just hold me baby the way you used to do?
What makes my lonely heart feel this way?
Have we become impossible to save?
You get close to my skin and
I reach to touch you but
You wont let me in
Why wont you surrender?
I'm the only one left when your day is done
And yet my heart bleeds
As I become so unlovable to you

Ashley Rodden Jun 2015

Breaking the Silence

Violent breathing keeps the oxygen flowing through these torn up lungs and
My hearts beating but it can’t save you so it seems
And I still have messages to send to the one I love
So I sing into the night
And try to break all the silence between our hearts
With one attempt to rise above this hurt
Avenge my soul and mend your soul
I can feel your heart through my hands
I feel your loneliness and I’m reaching out to you
Give this a chance to lift us up and out,
Bring us above this solid ground
I’ll do whatever it takes,
Whatever it takes to break the silence in our hearts...

Ashley Rodden Jun 2015

Clinging to the Past (14W)

I try so hard to hold onto a past
that's already let me go.

Ashley Rodden Jun 2015

UnGrateful

You steal my eyes
And it's okay, I don’t even need them
I don’t want to see anyone but you anyways

You take me for granted
You take me for reasons known only by you

You pierce my heart, now it's useless
But, I don’t even really need it
It belongs to nobody other than you

You cut out my tongue, and I’m left speechless, a defeatist
But , it's okay my lips need only to say your name
And I’ll waste away, to nothing at your feet again

I’m hollowed out, can’t you see?
You’ve ripped out the soul from within me
Now, I have little to show for anything
When you take me for granted the way you always do...