engulfed
in a darkness
so thick
it can
blanket the universe.

thoughts
racing
and mixing
throughout
your mind.

tears
that stream
down your
pink cheeks
and make
waterfalls
down your neck.

these are
what 4am
consists of:

thoughts,
hopes,
and crushed
dreams.

*a.m.

A young girl sits alone, scrunched in a corner of her room. She

Bawls her eyes out as tears fall onto her little blue dress.

Crying has become somewhat normal for her now.

Days like these, she tries to shut out the scenes of her father's raging

Eyes, dark and cold as he comes to attack her once again. For years, her

Father has been doing this to her. The worst thing is that she can't do anything about it.

Growing up without her mother to protect her, she doesn't see the point in living anymore.

Hatred fills her father's eyes as he looks her over.

In an instant, his fist connects with her tear-stained face, cheeks aching from the pain of his

Jolting actions. She holds her cheek as it pulsates under her fingertips. Her father's

Knuckles are ****** and bruised from impact, but he just shruggs it off as if it's nothing.

Looking around the room helplessly, the girl clasps onto her locket, dangling around her neck.

Mommy, she whispers, why aren't you here? Why can't you save me from Daddy?

Now is when the tears come flooding back, pouring down her face. If

Only she could run away. If only someone would notice the bruises that cover her

Pale skin. Why can't they see it?

Questions race through her mind: Why me? Who will save me? She

Realizes she doesn't know the answer to either of them. She doesn't know what else to do but

Sit in that corner, curled in a fetal position on the hardwood floor.

Time passes by before her eyes, each and every day.

Under her, she hears her father's footsteps inching closer and closer. At first they're soft,

Very, very soft. Almost as quiet as a whisper. Then, they increase speed, coming forth.

When he suddenly approaches, a smirk plays on his lips. She plays with the small

Xylophone perched by her frail legs, hoping the sound will drown out her father's.

You can only pray, a voice whispers in her ear. She focuses on that voice,

Zoning out the voices of terror inside her head.

I never really knew
what love was
until I met someone
whose love for me
spilled endlessly from
every crack and crevice
of his body

Now my love for you
flows from the strands
of my delicate hair to
the tips of my toes

and I can't help
but want to spend
every second
of every day
with you

(a.l.m)

I whisper a secret in your ear

And you turn away. I try to tell

                                                                                         you

something, but you never listen.

It's like I'm invisible to you. Do

you even hear me when I speak?

                                                                                        Are

you even the slightest bit concerned?

Do you even care? I thought we were

friends. I thought I could trust you.

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe

you're

                                                                                       My

aquantance - someone close to you

But not close enough to tell secrets to.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you're an

                                                                                       Enemy

That I haven't noticed. I was too blinded

to see. But now I realize you were never

good to me, never good for me. To me

you are nothing. Nothing but my enemy.

Looking at the reflection in front of me,
I see a mirrored image of someone,
someone far from myself.

The person looking back at me
looks tired, dark circles under her eyes,
lids growing heavier with each second.

She looks drained,
physically, emotionally, and mentally
drained.

Hidden behind her eyes are
undiscovered secrets,
tucked away, never to be seen.

Lies hide behind her tears,
behind her glossy eyes
that cover her fears.

Her soul appears to be shattered,
broken,
but no one will ever notice.

No one will ever say anything,
because no one will ever care.

No one will care to find the secrets
hidden behind closed doors,

No one will see deep enough
into her soul to discover it's pain,
the desperation to be free.

She will continue to live as she is -
hidden, trapped, and broken.

there is no feeling
stronger than that
of missing someone
it feels as if
the whole earth
is cracking and shifting
beneath your feet,
like all the stars
in the universe
have died out,
like all the rain
that falls
on the planet
is aimed directly
at you

i am craving
the stars
the rain
solid ground,
so baby please
come back
and make me
whole again

(alm)

it's hard to be fake to someone
who was once your best friend.
ever since he got to you
and ******* up your
mind, you've changed.
you're not yourself anymore;
you've merged into him.
every conversation
we have,
he suddenly becomes the
main topic.
sorry, but this is all your fault.
we tried to warn you,
to help you,
but did you listen?
no, you went crawling back
to him like a lost puppy,
clinging onto your one
last string of hope.

too bad you lost some friends
on the way.

*a.m.

your words are distant
your screams are trapped
the thoughts are consistant
your pale lips chapped
from constant persistance

you shed wet tears
that stain your cheeks
the frightening fears
that appear when you sleep
they sting your ears,
the whispers from over the years

they cannot see what you hide
but deep down you want them to see
the cause of your silent cries,
for your demons to be free;
free of the pain and dreadful lies.
happiness is the winning prize

Everyone tells me I'm crazy
Because I think one day
You'll be gone.
You'll wake up one morning
And realize you were  never
In love with me
And that you wasted your time.
You'll remember all the times
We had and quietly push them away
Into the far corners of your mind,
And forget my existence completely.

One day
You'll forget about us
And all the great times we've had:

Like when we went to the beach
For my birthday
And went on the pier to see the cruise ships
Take off

Like when we would sneak into
The instrument storage room
With our friends
And make out

Like when you came over my house
For the first time
And also met my grandmother

And how about that time
I first met your mother?

It doesn't scare me to say
That I want to be with you forever,
Because in my heart
I know that's what I want.

But what scares me is the sun,
The way it'll break through your window
and erase your memories
Of us
And our undying love.

a.m.

numb.

i've determined a word
that is so small,
yet holds each and every
weight, every ounce of
pressure
i've been feeling
the past few weeks

numb

numb

n  u  m  b

even the way it lifts
off of your lips
makes your tongue feel
heavy and outweighted
by the whole earth

numbness;
a feeling i've grown
to have
more and more
often;

a feeling that has become
something like
**my best friend

you've made roses grow
in the darkest parts of my soul,
and I don't know why
but sometimes I still cry
about things I can't control,
and I get ****** back in a vortex, a black hole.
what could possibly be worse
than feeling like you have been cursed
by a sadness so large
you can no longer reach for the stars.
I can only count on you
to rid the darkness and change my mood.

*a.m.

i'm afraid one day
you're gonna wake up
and realize

i'm not as
pretty /
sweet /
thoughtful /
worth it /

as you thought
i was.

here i lie in my crumpled sheets,
the ones you have abandoned in my sleep

my heart aches for your return
hoping you just got up to get a glass of milk
or make hot breakfast

but then once I'm up
I see you have gone -

the house is vacant,
carrying nothing but your
empty presence and
lonely hearts

yes,
my heart is pained,
ripped,
gnarled,
shattered

but then again,
I'm not surprised

It was only a matter of time
that you realized

i'm not the girl you're in love with


a.m.

Last night I thought
of you in my arms --
not him, you

I hate the way you
make me feel guilty
about loving you,

but I love the boost
of energy I get when
you suddenly appear

Is it bad to say
I want you?
I can't sleep at night.
My arms are empty
and my heart aches
for you

Please be mine

(a.l.m.)

The waves crashed wildly upon the sandy shore,

floating around her toes.

She felt like a bird, ready to soar

into the bright blue sky, where the soft wind blows.

She looks out into the open sea

and sees what lies ahead.

Could the sea ever be

something she could dread?

The thought makes her laugh,

for the sea is nothing but great.

More like her other half,

it is. A little something like fate.

     The breeze rushes by in a whisper,

     almost as if it had kissed her.

every time you
smile at me
and give me that
i-really-wanna-kiss-you
face,
i can't help
but look back

and give you
what you desire

a.m.

I left scratches on his skin
and clawed at his flesh
simply because I couldn't
take it anymore.

I had to touch him,
feel him, breathe him in
to know it was real,
that I wasn't just dreaming
up a fantasy
that could be crushed
with the touch
of a fingertip.

(a.l.m)

isn't it amazing
how the world
continues to go on
even in your times
of despair?

flowers still grow
leaves still change
the sun keeps shining
people keep living

breathing
walking
talking

as if that small little change
that's occurred in your life
is nothing -

not even a dent -

in the world
of heartache


a.m.