and this song has an ending too.

I want to love you without commitment
I want to love you without giving up my heart
Listen to Chet Baker with me
Let's be funny, let's be each others valentine
Hand holding is so nice, let's hold hands the whole night
Sit with me on sidewalk retaining wall
Let's collaboratively make up stories of strangers passing by
Let's go out to Granada
Let's dance our hesitation away

J,
I want to be something you can feel
Something real, without compromising the deal
Without compromising your heart

I cried for you in my dream last night,
even in unconsciousness I miss you.

Cuando te bese, fui completamente tuya. Pero tu nunca fuiste mio, y nunca seras para mi. Y ahora que pasan los dias que se convierten en meses, que se convierten en años, hay tanto que decir y no lo dire. Que el silencio hable por mi.

I'm not sure what's worse
Getting your heart broken
Or waiting around for a love that will never come

there’s so much harm in this world, so many people right now are broken, torn, dismantled and hurting, and the thought and realization of this makes me feverish and nauseous, and my heart begins to ache, too. my heart aches for them. and I want nothing more than to be with them, to extend my arms to them and hold them tightly, to offer them in entirety what little security I have. to look them in their eyes and correlate. to let them know that they are not alone. that if I could reach into their hearts and take away all their pain, if I could hold their hurt as my own, I would. those whom have harmed you may never come to acknowledge or apologize, but I am sorry. I am sorry for their injustices, I am sorry for their cruelties, I am sorry for what they’ve done, for what you’ve gone through, for what you’re going through. you’re somewhere out there as I’m writing this, and you may never come across these words, but if ever you do, if you’re reading this right now, I want you to know you are in my prayers. you are in my thoughts. and you are in my heart. you mean so much, so much, and you are cared about, valued, appreciated, and loved.

I sometimes wish
I could be as small in size
As I often feel in my mind

So I could curl up into
A tiny ball of lint
And rest inside the pocket
Of my father's woven jacket

The sky looks nice and so do you.

I hate that you did what you did.
I miss you so much.

And this hasn't even started yet,
but already I feel it, I feel you
slipping away, passing me by.

I’m just so tired, and too exhausted to cry, and too numb to be sad, and I don’t know what this is all for, but I can’t stop from trying. And these words weigh me down more than the poems I have not written. And It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the moon, and I’m afraid there is no purpose to my heart, and every thing seems distorted, and I’m tired of my skin, and stating this aloud feels pathetic and useless. I really need a break from my self. It’s one of those days, again.

I miss the times
Of going to sleep
With someone in mind
To think about

The shade of my skin is identical to yours
    But our voices are not the same.

2. You are a flower. A flower is a feeling.

3. I can tell that you need someone close.

4. Our photographs will seem so old to us one day.

5. I've so much I feel the need to tell you
    But I am running out of words to say.

6. Lover, please destroy me.

I'm no longer concerned with whether
Or not these words resonate
They're not for them
These words are for you

These words are to let you know
That today I wanted nothing more
Than to call you
Just so I could tell you
That I hope your day
Is even better than yesterday

And I can't wait to see your face
And kiss your lips
And hold your hand
This Thursday

it makes me sad that there are so many people everywhere
and none of them are you.

2:20 on a Sunday afternoon, and I am afraid. I am afraid I'll one day forget the way this song moves me, the way it grasps my heart with invisible hands and pulls it out of my chest, past my mouth, past my head, leaving my mind perplexed and dizzy.

I am afraid you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I do not realize it.

There will come a day that I will not wake up to your disheveled hair and hagioscopic eyes, there will come a day that your warm skin pressed firmly against mine will not be the first thing I feel as I wake up to the rising of a new morning, and the idea, the mere thought of this brings me so much fear.

I am afraid of my heart, of its potential of becoming overtly attached, of becoming foreign and distant to a love it knows the most, to a love it keeps most close. I am afraid of my eyes, of their potential to overlook and oversee, images, moments, the passing of time, other sets of eyes.

I am afraid my layers of darkness, profound and crestfallen, will impede you from seeing any speck of light in me.

It'd be nice to be held again.

I want to go to sleep
I don't want to feel you right now
Not by will, not awake
Your asbsence is too real this time

I know you're not coming back
But I don't want to know
I don't want to know anything

I don't want to know
What this life is like
Without you

It should be raining
It should be midnight
It should be Winter

My skin feels too warm
The clouds look too soft
There's too much sound
There's too much movement

Cars keep passing, people keep pacing,
Specks of light stream incessantly

Everything is as it's meant to be
Nothing is as it should be

Your eyes should be open
Reflecting like shadows into mine
Your hands should be gesturing figures
As your lips bring words to life

You should be awake right now
This sentence should not be here

I should not feel such demanding heaviness when
The tsunami of your blood
That once streamed through my veins
Has left me desperate, hollow, and empty

You will never feel as I feel in this moment
I think that's for the best

Yet I pray if love is as they say it is
Wherever you may find yourself
You can still feel my heart

The way it beats for you
The way it longs for you
The way it swells up at the mention of
Your name

I want to be asleep
I need to feel you now more than ever

I will survive this oppresive melancholy
If only through temporary intervals
Only if in dreams

I remember the first time I had my heart broken
except I really don't
it's just that familiar sense, that familiar feeling
of feeling less than everything
of wanting so badly
to not exist, to have never been born
to die a hundred deaths
and have every ***** in my body
completely torn to shreds
anything to never feel the way I'm feeling

nights are so strange
there is a world we are missing out on while we are asleep
the night is filled with noises we'll never live to hear
during the day

reflections are so strange
shadows are so sad
so much time wasted trying to get to know your image
through a mirror
a mirror, your only self

could it be that the blind see more clearly?
paintings and photographs, sickening nostalgia
what use will have my photograph
when I'm no longer here?
will you remember me a while longer?
will you still think of me as strange?

I'm thinking of a few things to consider
this tends to happen a lot around 2 : 03 A.M.

I was thinking
of perhaps
putting an ad in the penny saver
submitting a few poems
submitting my phone number and
some pathetic description
a description sincere

"I am sad
I am lonely
I am just as lost as you
I want to know your story
you can't sleep, and neither can I
sooner or later
we are going to die
talk on the phone with me"

I'm not very fond of summer
I feel lovely in the fall
winter is sad, cold, and romantic
it reminds me of my youth

I miss wearing sweaters
I'll be twenty-one soon
I want to get drunk
I'm already lost
I want to be wild

I want to kiss strangers
I want a beautiful body and beautiful hair
I want to live in stupidity
and travel the world by train, trolley,  
and aero plane

I want to be asleep

I could be dreaming right now
it's all ending, keep writing
it doesn't matter, but it does

one day I'll be happy
I'll be lovely soon enough

I felt like writing
A haiku for you today
But I decided

To write these ******* lines
To you
Instead

It is 53 degrees tonight
And my skin is unusually soft, softer than it's ever been
Perhaps it is my body
Trying to convince you to stay

I wish I could hug my grandmother
One last time

I paint my nails the color of pomegranate
The color of an open heart

I look like ****, but I feel phenomenal

I made a playlist for you once
Composed of twenty-two songs
The number of our age

I don't know why I'm fond of you
I've grown indifferent to most things by now

I'm smaller as an adult than I was as a child

If I had a home, I'd like you to come over
If you had the book of secrets
Would you share a secret with me?

There is music throughout the night
That only sounds while we are sleeping

There are faces we'll never see
And hands we'll never hold

There is meaning in reoccurring dreams

I cannot tell if it is cold outside
Or if I've come too close to the sun

I once wrote the words
"I'm gonna get run the **** over and be glad about it"
On an evening walk to my English class at school

Feelings change constantly
All the time

I'll never know what it's like to dance with you. I'll never know what it feels like to hold your hand on a Sunday morning.

Gonna punch you so hard
You fall in love with me

You are the moon when I get out of bed

You are the moon as I start off my day

You are the moon when I fall on my head

You are the moon

It all starts and ends with love
It all starts and ends with hurt
My eyes were made for crying
But I'm not the only one

Maybe one day
We'll laugh
At the distance

Tell me you want to kiss me. Tell me that it's ruining you to consider that this may be the last time we'll ever see each other. Tell me that it's only been three hours, but already a hollowness is starting to form in your heart. You are not a coward. Tell me. Ask me. Make me yours.

I have to start seeing myself without you

Me duele el alma porque te quiero

No ha parado de llover
Y aun así el cielo se aclarará

life
  is
    but  
        a
           memory.

i still have so much love for you and i don’t know what to do with it or where to put it but i know hand-writing little notes and leaving them hidden in your jackets pocket or lunch pail or dashboard, compiling it into a detailed spotify playlist, sending it through a lengthy text after midnight, kissing every inch of your face your lips your eyelids the tip of your nose your jaw your chin, running my hands through your hair, placing my face in the palm of your hands, holding your hand, kissing your hand, leaning my head on your shoulder, playfully biting your shoulder, softly kissing your shoulder, curling up against your chest, hearing your heart beat and thanking God and the universe for it, praying over you while you sleep, entangling my skin with your skin until we’re all sweat and sighs and messy hair, dropping to my knees and taking you all in, laying on my side as you take me all in, picking up our favorite bottle of wine to make a night out of with, making plans in plural and future tense -- i know i can no longer store my love in any of this, so i’ll just let it rest here for a while and hope that eventually it becomes a space for its release too

Even if they never apologized for breaking your heart

I'm tired
And I miss you

The sky is swollen, there is no place to hide

Dim string lights on a soft summer night