if you must love her
(and you must) because
all of her is worth the non-trouble
but the most-work--

then openly confront the
child that throws fits, when
she sits in front of the house
stewing, kneel and ask--
that is all anyone ever need
do; ask.

or say nothing when she
cries in church, touch shoulders
and keep singing, a low voice
undulating with her father's

if you must love her,
and you know you must,
you have been called out
from all your temporaries
and sort-ofs, nothing ever
remotely permanent
because you must


you must.

i will stop holding my
heart out like grocery
samples, take this,
take this, I've heard

we take we
think we deserve--that
of lonely people, then--

i would love to give
to the lonely but not
myself,

if not a hand-out then
bushels of peonies
wrapped in brown
paper, in bloom
and beautiful.

breathe a little
with me,
open up that chest
a bit, you have time
but not for this,
i can see you coming
back, a ways out
around the bend
with that pretty smile
I've missed,
an' no one out there
as happy to see you
as me, your arms
are leanin' up
a few weeks
done you real good,
so keep walking
keeping on coming
i've been scared to
have you back under
this roof but you never
did care much for theatrics
come home brooke,
come home.

maybe i used it as an excuse
the way children try their parents
by dangling or taunting

once at Louies when Sherry asked
me how much I drank, I told her I didn't--
before then it had never occurred to me
to do so, I had never had
a faulty plan to fall back on
it had always just been me
facing the consequences
rain or shine

Back then, she told me oh, well that'll change.
like some sort of ill-will, black words spoken
over me, you'd say she meant no harm
but why speak that out
over the softer things?

maybe it was now or never,
a lesson that had to be had
and this was the only way--
Kelsie said it just sort of happens
and I wanted to tell her, no, it doesn't.
it doesn't just sort of happen.
I wanted to tell her that he probably didn't
regret ******* her but he regretted me
as a whole, holding him down
and whimpering that I loved him

no, it doesn't just sort of happen
I remember everything,
and drunkenness is not an excuse.

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"