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4.2k · May 2014
The Lesbian Song
Sung to the tune of The Lumberjack Song by Monty Python. Back-up Mounties optional.


I never wanted to be Sandra Dee!

I... I wanted to be...

A LESBIAN!
(piano vamp)

Leaping from bush to bush! As they float down the mighty rivers of
Finger and Thumbia!

With my best girl by my side!

The Blond!
The Brunette!
The Giant Snookie!
The Natural Red!
The Little Spinning Skinnamarink!

We'd sing! Sing! Sing!


Oh, I'm a lesbian, and I'm okay,
I like to broadcast that I'm gay.

Chorus: She's a lesbian, and she's okay,
She likes to broadcast that she's gay.

I see straight girls, they're not like me,
But I think that can change.

If they'd just let me kiss them.
Their lives I'd re-arrange.

Mounties: She sees straight girls, they're not like her,
But she thinks that can change.
If they'd just let her kiss them.
Their lives she'd re-arrange.

Chorus: She's a lesbian, and she's okay,
She likes to broadcast that she's gay.


I cut down guys, I wish and hope,
That others would join in.
I wish straight women would think,
that *** with men was sin.

Mounties: She cuts down guys, she wishes and hopes,
That others would join in.
She wishes straight women would think,
that *** with men was sin.
Chorus: She's a lesbian, and she's okay,
She likes to broadcast that she's gay.


Oh I'm a lesbian and I'm OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK K!
Saturday Saturn and Santa Clause Satan







Captain Crunch Kringle and Krampus cry madchen.
Bed sitter seniors sit back and lament.
Another day's Christmas ducats mis-spent.
When the log scrapes,
When the door bleeds,
When you hate your Dad.
Remember that you just might run out of food.
And that would beeee,
quite bad.
3.4k · Aug 2013
When Grandmas Go Grumpy
My Grandma and your Grandma,
Got in a word quagmire.
My Grandma told your Grandma
She's gonna set her wig on fire.

Tallkin bout
Hey Now,hey now
Hey Now,hey now.
Grandma's kind of insane.
(wackadoodle)
You know our love will never go,
We just don't let her by the flame.
No, we just don't let her by the flame
1.8k · Dec 2013
Ice Biker
I Rode My Bike In The Cold Today.
The Oxygen Dense Air Was Dope!
But my teeth turned into piano keys.
With pain as their musical notes.
1.5k · May 2014
Mammarian Manipulation
You say yes, I say no.
You drop top,
then I say go go go, oh no.
You say get high and I say jello
jello jello
I don't know why you say get high, I say jello
jello jello
I don't know why you say get high, I say jello.

I say why, you say know.
You say why and I say I don't know, oh no.
You say get high and I say jello
(jello get high jello get high) jello jello
(jello get high) I don't know why you say get high, I say jello
(jello get high jello get high) jello jello
(jello get high) I don't know why you say get high
(jello get high) I say get high.

Why why why why why why do you say get high get high, oh no?

You say get high and I say jello
jello jello
I don't know why you say get high, I say jello
jello jello
I don't know why you say get high, I say jello.

You say yes (I say "yes") I say no (but I may mean no.)
You say stop (I can stay) and I say go go go (till it's time to go oh), oh no.
You say get high and I say jello
jello jello
I don't know why you say get high, I say jello
jello jello
I don't know why you say get high, I say get high
jello jello
I don't know why you say get high, I say jello jello.
1.3k · Jul 2013
Feline Frustration
Sad to say that my cat has fleas,
From playing in the grass-above-knees,
Don't rob my bank if you please,
Mr. Frontline man,

Arrrr RRRRg
938 · Apr 2015
Vicky Vicodin
When you're alone
And life is making you moan,
I know what you can do.
*******.

When you've got worries,
And your speech get's all slurry
Seems to help, I know,
*******.

Every time you come around you're always causing trouble.
Why can't you be nice and friendly?
More like Betty Rubble.

Vicodin.

You think that it makes you feel good.
But it just ***** your brain up.
You've misunderstood.

So just *******!

Don't be afraid to just *******!
Even Ruben Kincaid says to *******!

It's the best use of your mouth.

*******,
*******



Don't hang around
While scratching your ***** mound,
Unless you're willing to,
*******.

Maybe you know
Some other places to go to
But right now you can,
*******.

Every time you come around you're always causing trouble.
Why can't you be nice and friendly?
More like Betty Rubble.

Vicodin.

You think that it makes you feel good.
But it just ***** your brain up.
You've misunderstood.

So just *******!

Don't be afraid to just *******!
You and your PhD need to SHOW ME!

What you can do with your mouth.

*******,(*******),*******,(*******)
937 · Apr 2015
All the Bony People
I look at all the boney people.
I look at all the boney people.

Ellanor Twigby
Picks up the rice in the church where her wedding has been;
Lives in a dream.
Waits at the window,
Wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door.
Who is it for?
All the boney people, where do they all come from?
All the boney people, where do they all belong?

Jenny McCraigsie
Writing the words of a sermon that thick ones will fear;
Don't have a beer!.
Look at her schlocking,
Selling snake oil to lonely dysmorphic out there.
What does she care?
All the boney people, where do they all come from?
All the boney people, where do they all belong?

I look at all the boney people.
I look at all the boney people.

Ellanor Twigby
Died in the church and was buried alone with her name.
Nobody came.
Jenny McCraigsie
Counting her cash with her hands as she walks from her grave.
One less drone slave.
All the boney people, where do they all come from?
All the boney people, where do they all belong?
890 · May 2014
No Archipelago Required
Ohhh,Im picking out a GUlaaaag for youuuuu.
Not an ordinary GUlaaaaag,
that's truuuue.
But a gulag filled with all the things,
That you fear the most.
So learn Spanish or have no food.
That's how I'm pick-ing out a GUlaaaaag,
For you.
820 · May 2014
Beat Dad Dead
I met a crazy girl today.
Her eyes were shiny bright.
Her hair was gold,
Her skin was brown,
Her ***** were out of sight.

It seemed we knew each other,
Before we even met.
I was in fact so smitten,
All logic I'd forget.

We slept together quickly,
I thought I was Brad Pitt.
How sad it is I could not see,
My world would turn to ****.

Because the *** was awesome,
She seemed a perfect match.
Whole sections of my brain shut down,
in deference to her ******.

I thought I was the predator,
Mufasa, if I may.
Blinded by the passion,
To the fact that I was prey.

And soon there was a pregnancy,
Which caused us to be wed.
And I,the fool,believed her,
And all the vows she said.

But as you might imagine,
There was no happy end.
Because she was in fact insane.
And in a teenage bed.

So when I hear a young man speak,
The words that I once did.
I feel an obligation,
To warn this hopeful kid.

That crazy may mean good ***,
And complements galore.
But the end is always tragic,
As you will be her *****.

Your children will be poisoned,
Taught that you are bad.
And for this you will pay each month,
Or be a Deadbeat Dad.
591 · Feb 2014
The bleat goes on,
The bleat goes on, the bleat goes on
Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain
La de da de de, la de da de da

Bein chased was once the rage, uh huh
History has turned the page, uh huh
The bacon bringing the current thing, uh huh
Justin Bieber is our newborn king, uh huh

The bleat goes on, the bleat goes on
Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain
La de da de de, la de da de da

It's time to stand alone on your two feet, uh huh
You might find that feeling preety sweet, uh huh
The men will like you once you do the same
Stop with all the crying and the blame

The bleat goes on, the bleat goes on
Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain
La de da de de, la de da de da

Grandmas sit in chairs and reminisce
Glad they'll be dead and not have to live like this
The cars keep going faster all the time
Bums still cry "hey buddy, have you got a dime"

The bleat goes on, the bleat goes on
Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain
La de da de de, la de da de da
Shame upon those,
who gaze down their nose,
while opining sans one single fact.
Like the Church way back when,
who assumed it and then,
made it law that the Earth shall be flat.
481 · May 2014
Elly May
Elly May,
It used to be you were one click away,
But no longer so I'm bound to say,,
How much I miss you Elly May.

Suddenly,
I'm not half as fond of old TV,
There's no subtle sexuality,
Oh, Elly May where can you be.

Why'd she
Have to go I don't know, they wouldn't say.
Now there,
Is no Jed or Jethro or Elly May.

Elly May,
In the ce-ment pond you used to play,
With your private zoo in lingerie,
Oh, how I miss you Elly May.

Why'd she
Have to go I don't know, they wouldn't say.
Now there,
Is no Jed or Jethro or Elly May.

Elly May,
Love for you was all that made my day,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, how I miss you Elly May.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
480 · Aug 2013
I Bathed My Cat Today.
Didn't even have to use my AK.
Plus nobody I know got killed in Stabinkill,MA
So it's safe to say,
Today was a good day

Unless you were the creature.
The creature in the sink.
He fought like Dylan Thomas said,
He put up quite a stink.
Yet I received no scratches,
No bites nor pier-ced flesh,
And now he is not itching,
and looks his very best.
Careful
Please don't fa-a-all,Oh please, don't fall,
You may slip and *** go airborne.
Please don't fa-a-all,Oh please don't fall
Don you now
L.L.,Bean crAMpons.
Please don't fall,Please Don't FAll,PLEASE DON'T FALL!
If you do do
you can return them.
Just wait past New Years,
before you call.
367 · May 2014
If Fishes were Dreams
If wishes were fishes
and fishes were dreams.
Then when you go swimming
are you who you seem?
Or do you become who you think you should be?
(If suddenly you found a home in the sea.)
And if you could do this then who would you be?
A fish who was dreaming of life water free?
Or are you content,
where ever you be?

On land or in sea,
are you always "me"?

— The End —