I've tried to tell myself that I'm a good person
but at the same time I don't feel like it
I've tried to understand these feelings I have
but it's hard
and I'm not sure what to use as an outlet
whether to hurt myself until I can't do it anymore
or constantly abuse substances that aren't good for my body
I want to stay asleep
but I have to keep going
because that's what we're told to do
"Follow the rules"
For some reason
despite wanting to feel normal
I can't be normal
I can't function correctly

I try everyday to be happy
yet I can't be
I can't choose to be happy
because everything says that it's wrong
my head says that I don't deserve it
and nobody understands that

Motivation isn't as easy to find as it used to be
Smiling becomes broken and fake
It's harder to pay attention
I want the days to end
but at the same time
I want to really live

"Oh Mary Contrary, how does your garden grow?"
A hushed question that escapes from his lips
as the wind makes the rose petals fly through the sky
I know why he's here
I know why he spends all his time
tending to the flowers
It's just to see the mess of them that grow upon my head
slowly they take away my vision
and even my health

"Come with me and you'll be the seventh maid in a row."
I shake my head, laughing a little bit
"You're too late..."
"Why is that?"
"I'm afraid...you don't want to know."

Yet he never listened
and in that final moment
in the garden
He said
"Oh Mary Contrary, how does your garden grow?"
The tears leaking from his eyes
"Stay with me, I can't see anywhere that we could go."
I knew he was all alone without me
Cold and dark...
But all I could say was...
"I'm sorry, this flower's already dead."

I am a fire
a crying, burning liar
there's nothing
nothing else to blame
but myself

Every inch of me is charred
oh what happened to my heart
I'm about to fall apart

I found myself
hitting the ground

Strike a match
and watch it burn
I'll set the world ablaze
since I'm the one that you blame
watch it burn higher
You have scorched me
torn every inch of me apart

The waves crashing
against the shore
how it shines and sparkles
like small little crystals

When the moonlight falls
she dances in the shallows
where water meets her bare feet
she spins and then stops to curtsy
Getting back up, she walks father out
and she falls back
into the water she goes

down
down
down

The mermaid of the sea is she
a princess in the deep blue
Her pale, white skin
dots on her face and shoulders

Her fins glisten, sea blue
Her scales glow as her eyes look up
from below the water
up to the moon
Her hair flows around her
and she softly whispers
"One day, I'll see the sun"

I'm on the edge
of a cliff near a bridge
The water crashes down below
"Want to forget the pain?"
She asks with a low voice
Her waves crash against the rocks
No one would miss me
No one would care

I look down again
and let myself go
down into the depths
where the seaweed grow

She carries me away
in her welcoming arms
and I feel safe from harm
I let myself drown
and I become nothing
An anchor sinking down
it's easier to say
that I drowned

I'm stuck in this fight and I don't even know what to do
this feeling that is overwhelming
and something that I don't understand
the things that we always argue about
the things that I'm not even used to doing
and the feelings that I keep inside
just to stop myself from hurting you

Even though it hurts so much
I just can't run away
I said I loved you and I meant it
but the feeling keeps on turning back and hurting me even further
Your eyes lock with mine and I drown in the feeling
and it hurts
it hurts
it hurts
but I can't seem to stop loving the one that hurts