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Being male, I wander
Mom dares not wonder
What kind of monsters she birthed
She brought her own equipment
I was aggressive but shy

Her womb is the most magnificent
Temple I’ve ever visited
There is nowhere else I want to be
Sister insisted
I stiffened then gave in

Children tease, squeal, scamper
Adults know unspeakable reality
Dizziness of first love
Mayhem, ******
Solemn whisper of infinity

After an uncertain age,
No one wants you anymore
Old women bond
Confer their anger
Old men tread alone

She knew from moment he laid eyes on her, she had him. She wore no make-up, anemic complexion, chin and jawline slightly broken out with red spots, cobalt blue irises, aquiline nose, hair dyed dark, fuzz-balled scarf, light blue fluffy sweater, big buttons, canvas shoulder bag, skinny jeans, leather boots, little boney black dog with ashen appointments. Instantly he fell in love. He confessed, “Your Chinese Crested pup stole my heart.”

In ******* position, neither lover sees other’s face. The top sees backside. The bottom sees what? He didn’t know.

She unlocks the door. He enters room. She tells him what to do, making demands. He follows her orders. She questions, “Why do we dance to these tunes?” He answers, “I want to smell your smells, ****, drink your darkest juices.” She articulates, “Stay,” then kisses him goodbye. She wakes wearing his ring, around her neck. They are each other’s slaves. Ceiling leaks, floor creaks, light beams through window as they waltz arm in arm.

She demands, “I want roast rack of lamb, or thinly sliced Serrano ham on buttered toast for dinner. And then I want to go home alone. I need some down time, away from you. I don’t belong to you, god-****-it!” Deep in financial debt, he hands the waiter his debit card.
My life is a fraud
Posing greatness, I go home to empty bed
I remember a girl
It was heavenly lying next to her
Talking, walking, being with her

Countless fissures fitted, amazing minutiae
She was the one, paradise once
Dilapidation is order of the day
Death dwells among the living
Seeped deep in floorboards, forcing hands

Death is more real than God
Death is God
Why is this night different from all other nights?
I rouse from anxious nightmares
Awakening to truer horrors

What is believable?
Her lips were the best
Scattered into tiny unrecognizable pieces
Where she licked
I didn’t realize it was all her New York City connections

I thought it was simply
Her eager tongue
One last remark
This is not poetry
Who am I to utter

Ice-cream truck ***** broadcasts
Tomorrow guarantees new beginnings
To an unforgivable forgiven past
I miss her presence
My life is a frog
I don't know where to begin,
I don't know if I should.
After all they are only words.
Words that no one cares about.
Gone are the days of hope.
Yes, something negative - again!
No one wants to be near someone who hurts.
I am sad.
I can't be different.
It's a circle.
I hurt, no one cares, I hurt more.
Round and round it goes.
I don't like me.
I don't like the life I've had.
It started with abuse as a child.
Leading to abuse as an adult.
I allowed the love in that was there.
Even if I shouldn't have.
Then I got sick.
So very sick.
But somehow, I stay alive.
Tortured by doing so.
There is no one near.
So I try to drown the pain.
Pills and drink.
The pain is dulled, ever present.
How long can I do this?
Somewhere, deep down,
Underneath the cancer of addiction and disease,
Is a hope.
Hope.
I can barely see it but it smells pretty.
I am no where near it.
But I know it's there.
I have become a burden.
To the one person who is near me.
The one person who loves me -
Who used to believe in me.
Everything is said in the eyes
And the absence of smiles.
I wanted to be a writer.
I wanted to create beautiful stories.
I didn't want to be sick,
Or to be dead while breathing.
I wanted more.
No one wants to be near someone who hurts.
Written because I know only the words of a few matter.  Feeling like a failure is a scourge.
We're making this up as we go along,
afraid of what will happen
if we have a plan, that doesn't go as planned.

But right now i know,
i just want you with me,
i want you in my life,
on my lips,
your scent in my head and on my clothes.

And if wanting, no, needing that
ruins what we're doing right here,
right now,
then forgive me and
please, please stay.
I want to devour your thoughts,
I want to lick up your dreams,
I want to cradle the beat in your chest,
I want to take the strands of your hair on my pillow,
pull them tight,
And strum a lullaby,
one to go with your snores,
the bits of exhaustion that seep from you as you drift away,
But even though you are not here,
You are where my heart remains,
And I miss you in ways words could not even dream to explain,
but when I see you again,
When my eyes get to soak up the masterpiece that is you,
When they release drops of liquid passion full of emotions too strong to be named,
I will hold your hands in mine,
And I will flood your soul with the fire that is You and Me.
3
Movements of trees
Flight
Unseen
Never dying
Never living
Hard
Heart
Never Feeling
Never seeing

Hear me.
Feel me
Twist me
Hurt me
Make me
Live.
Cast me
Outside
In heat
In cold
In sun
In rain
Make me
Yours.

Open me
Close me
See me
Feel me
Hate me
Hate me
Love
Me.

And I will never die.
The night is too old
Still I can't put myself to sleep.
The day is about to spring
But I'm dreaming
With eyes that are not close.
I hear the crickets sing,
I'll be missing the early bird's ring.
I watch Tuesday leave
And wait what Wednesday bring.
Dark as raven, the sky is dead
But with a few galactic kiss
The morning day shall live.
Stars are gone
The moon takes a gentle bow
As the horizon burns.
The sun will rise,
And daises dance
To the chant of early bees.
But I wont be there
To witness it all.
Because at six,
I'll be under the old crimson sheets,
Making love with my bed.
sometimes
if i close my eyes
and try real hard
i can still feel
your warmth
on my lips
and smell the
sweetness
of your breath.
it creeps like poison
down my throat
until my heart
beats no more.
i know that
never again
will i kiss you
goodbye
my love.
I will never be
your American dream.
Do not compare me
to your trophies;
they disgust me.
I am flesh
not your meat
I am brain cells
do not exploit me
(It's not working,
it never was).
You blind fool
decide for you
and I for me;
get your nose
out of my junk.
When you attempt to impress me
it doesn't impress me.
What is it
you think you are seeing?
How come that
is what you choose to believe in?
You find it fun
to talk women down
I'd find it fun
if you were no longer around.
I would give all of my sunrises to you
my hope
expectations
faith
and aspirations
If you would help me
with all of my haunting
sunsets
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