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I kissed the boy,
with the sunny smile,
and the ocean eyes.
and when he kissed me back
I could taste pity on his lips.

And when he held my hand,
and made fun of me,
because I held it wrong,
I knew you were never mine to keep,
no matter how much I wanted too.

we once saw a movie at midnight,
caressed my hand through the whole thing
and afterwards,
when you got shaky and anxious
I packed you a bowl,
and sat with you while you smoked it.
Fell asleep in your arms,
happy and warm.

you woke me up,
with sleepy kisses
and we skipped school,
and you made me breakfast
and we went on a hike,
ventured off the trail,
and I slid on some rocks
and ripped my favorite pants,
you laughed and kissed me,
and promised you would sew them.
for a moment I thought everything would work out

but you are a complicated person,
and I wish I had known the extent of that,
before we made love,
because you never had much love to give back,
and you took a lot from me,
at a point when I had very little to keep for myself,
I guess it was all just bad timing.

But I'm good now,
and you are....
good?
And I can pretend like we never touched,
and you can pretend like we never kissed,
and that's fine
because everything is good now.
Now you see me
Now you don't

I am a shadow's brother
A caster's Illusion
A magician's slight of hand
An imposter's facade

A theif's mask
A soldier's stealth
An infultraitor's silence
A clever pawn

You can't run
You can't hide
Now you see me
Now you don't
This isn’t a poem about the way your fingers intertwine with mine
Because they’ve never been entangled with another set of hands.
This isn’t a line of prose about your soft lips on my calloused, tired skin
Because only the wind has caressed my body
This isn’t a work of art confessing little sweet nothings that you whisper in my ear
Because the sound of my pen on paper are the only whispers that I hear
This isn’t an elegant post-modern work about the way you wipe away my tears
Because my tears blend into my cheeks, become a part of who I am, moulded into my soul
This isn’t a ******* poem about you,
Because there’s only ever been
Me.
*-lf-
© Leelan Farhan
    January 2013
i
i feel like no one likes mee.
i feel like im alone in this world.
i want to bee a raindrop because you're always in a crowd. youre never alone.
i want have a normal life
i dont care if normal's boring
i dont care what people say
my life is complicated
my life is busy
i dont like it that way
i dont like it at all.
Why
why** am i the one that always gets *******
why does no one see that i get *******
why do people ask whats wrong then dont care
why cant people see that something is wrong

why are people stupid
why cant i cry
why
just please tell me
WHY

tell me before i go crawl into a hole
tell me before i fall for something stupid
tell me when im being stupid
WHY cant you tell me
im very curious
just tell me
please
im begging you
just tell me
please
The thrill of the chase

satin and lace

The ecstasy of being caught

wedding dress sought

The miracle of first born

christening gown, already worn

The sadness of divorce

dressed for hearse
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