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I hope you notice
I wrote this
And run
To all the noticeable boys before it
And solidify the fact
You're only seeking attention
The spotlight blinding *****
Who's only source and course
Is a notoriously starving emotion

Peel the problematic devotion
The skin from the scars
Taking all the bodies from your closet,
Just to throw them in your yard
And show the world all the unkempt
You kept hidden in the dark

The flame with which this moth played
Only sparks the start
You'll do it again
A runaway train destined for absolution
A heart
**** switch push start

Tear it apart
And burn it
I know who
You really are
Try to the tie
The lies
Around the words
You swerve and curve
Bending the bind I deserve

Quickly
Snap futility
Into me
So my humility
Can pretend to pity me

Dig deep, the despair
You're up keeping, not aware
The scared stiff disastered reality
Is really,"...like", happening.
I'm only a link
The only thing
That connects you to them

The invisible fence
Who's stress and distress
Will never, ever, be seen
In the dark shadows of the night
I sleep with the crowd
Tuckered away in my nice cozy bed
Asleep i be not
For nothing frightens me more then these dreams of memories

I laugh I play
"This is fun" I hear them say
I cry I weep
"Lets go home" I hear them say

Where may that be I ponder
Walking around with shadows that dwell
The silent noise of a distant fan
Turns to a speed boat; so fast, so fun
Ends up to be a death trap so fast, lets run

What is this place
Where have I step
What must be done
Who are all that follow
How do I get out

The doors appear before me
As though my words have awoke them from their deep slumbers
Broken, splintered, nearly falling apart
All these door were ****
Except that one dressed in red wear

A red so bright
A red so dark
Never understood, until just a few moments ago
This is the door it has to be

And where it leads no one dares proceed

Its a dream my dear, I hear
Whose dream is it, they scream with fear
You must escape or be replaced, they whisper with haste
And we are nothing more then a vivid door, they claim

Follow the path marked green
This will show you the way
Marked with death you may not follow
Marked with pain you may not know
Marked with love you may not have
Marked with hate you will not feel
Marked with innocence you may not take

So go ahead take one
Be marked forever
Or just drift away
Either or you will not believe where you are

What is this hellish theme
A play, a sense  
Well its make believe, a simple dream.
there’s a piano player
on the highest floor
who lends a different genre
to the san francisco fog,

the same piano player
whose lonely sound
deepens and blossoms
while everyone’s busy listening
to their own sad luxury.

this is for the piano player
who carves the chore
out of all those stairs
so the burn in our legs
can finally yield to our heartbeats,

the piano player
whose fingers we feel
but cannot see.
feb 2013
Take the dead Christ to my chamber,
The Christ I brought from Rome;
Over all the tossing ocean,
He has reached his western home;
Bear him as in procession,
And lay him solemnly
Where, through weary night and morning,
He shall bear me company.

The name I bear is other
Than that I bore by birth,
And I've given life to children
Who'll grow and dwell on earth;
But the time comes swiftly towards me
(Nor do I bid it stay),
When the dead Christ will be more to me
Than all I hold to-day.

Lay the dead Christ beside me,
Oh, press him on my heart,
I would hold him long and painfully
Till the weary tears should start;
Till the divine contagion
Heal me of self and sin,
And the cold weight press wholly down
The pulse that chokes within.

Reproof and frost, they fret me,
Towards the free, the sunny lands,
From the chaos of existence
I stretch these feeble hands;
And, penitential, kneeling,
Pray God would not be wroth,
Who gave not the strength of feeling,
And strength of labor both.

Thou'rt but a wooden carving,
Defaced of worms, and old;
Yet more to me thou couldst not be
Wert thou all wrapt in gold,
Like the gem-bedizened baby
Which, at the Twelth-day noon,
They show from the Ara Coeli's steps,
To a merry dancing tune.

I ask of thee no wonders,
No changing white or red;
I dream not thou art living,
I love and prize thee dead.
That salutary deadness
I seek, through want and pain,
From which God's own high power can bid
Our virtue rise again.
yes, i know your heart may not often feel the whirlwind car-twisting hurricanes that mine does, but i will still listen every time it speaks. its smallest whisper is catastrophic to me. (i know you don't think it says very much at all sometimes, but it does. i listen.)

   even when the leaves fall to kiss
   blades of grass come autumn or
   when i wander down tire-beaten
   dirt roads or when strangers ask me
   questions that i don't know the
   answers to, you will always be a
   thought that blends into my brain.


i tried falling out of this -
i tried to staple and bind my feelings
shut and turn my head the other way,
i tried to let someone else's
face embellish my thoughts
and let someone else ask me
questions while i shoved the words
i'd always wanted to say to you
to the back of my throat.

   i tried;
   i really did.

but you are too intricately woven
through my ribcage for me to unravel,
you've left to many scars on my lungs
from my hammering heartbeat.


and even if you never spoke to me again,
i think you'll always be there
humming under my chest:
"hello, hello, never forget the things
i gave to you."
written march 1, 2012.
I once could hear a voice calling
loudly in my ears and
through my mind.
I ignored it
for so long that now
I hear it rarely
and only faintly
like the echo off some
distant mountain pass
and not the reverberations
of my own heart.
I've decided to stop
For real this time, I won't go back
So please stop texting me with lies,
I am trying so hard to build
Enough confidence to tell myself I
Don't need you anymore
And you're making this
Really hard
I'm tired of coming home sore
With no excuses left to tell myself anymore,
So please let me be,
I have decided to stop
But that word doesn't seem to be in your
Dictionary
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