being selfish is seen as a flaw,
but what if it’s my saving grace?
what if, instead of giving,
I start keeping?
there are parts of myself that have disappeared
because I was naive enough to believe
that all those who received them
would hold my pieces dear.
when they left,
they took my pieces with them,
bits of my naivety, impulsive first times, and moments of happiness,
and turned them into weary nostalgia.
maybe I wasn’t enough to make them stay
or maybe I was overflowing with too much that it scared them away;
the reasons are unclear.
all I know for certain is,
they didn’t know how to take care of my pieces.
they were simply a temporary foster parent
who refused to adopt them for the long term.
I didn’t realize it in those moments-
how much of me I kept giving away
and how little I had left for myself.
my heart has grown tired from missing parts of itself that have not returned.
for my heart,
I am learning to embrace selfishness,
to start hiding parts of my soul from others,
and to only showcase my pieces to those who will cherish them.
the selfish behavior that the world often shuns,
may just be the protection my heart is aching for.
022017