When in pain I write
words of grief that remain untold
the epitome of my heart
as the hurt penetrates through my soul pinching me
I cry with inexpressible words flooding my mind
my eyes wet and my hands trembling
my isolation is what kills me from the inside
people surround me yet i am alone
once so strong, i would hide my agony
now it started to show
started from pain and ended up as depression
with very less people to understand me
i take down to the path that calms me
i fight my depression and write, yet i falter!

Give me a pen,
Give me a paper,
Let me  sketch this sky scraper.

Driving through the mountains and green meadows,
The sound of the streaming river in all possible directions,
The blowing of the wind,
The dancing dandelions,

As the road continues my eyes pop wider and wider,
It seems so unreal,
The beauty is so enchanting that it takes my breath away,
Feels like a fantasy,

As I lay back in my seat,
I quietly listen to the birds sing,
Everything is so lively,

On every mountain there is a forest,
I see a group of chamelions crawling,

Making my way to the river,
Sitting on the edge I see a  shadow,
As I turn around I see a man,
So old and frail,
His eyes full of pain,
A solid and strong heart,

Focusing on his hand he holds a steel ornament,
As I concentrate on it I realise it's a chisel,

He seems so committed in what he's doing,
What a pained and exhausted life they have,

Our theories on life are so luxurious,
But these people work day and night for a living,
Saving up money for their families,
Though suffering from famine,

My heart throbs for these souls,
Who live through winter without shelter and coal.

I converse with my conscience,
In somehow finding ways to captivate you,
To surrender you with my love,
A cage which bounds entry of any other, just you and me,

Your way of talking,
Your way of preaching,
Addicting and alluring me by weakening the chains around my hearts,
Star strucking me everywhere,

It now feels like amnesia,
Now that you restricted yourself from me,
Banishing all sorts of entry in my heart,
But still I have that special slot left for you and only you,

Its like i'm being dragged in the Egyptian era,
Where I i'm Cleopatra,
Or being offered a role in Shakespeare play,
Where I play Juliet and you my Romeo,

It was technically not love at first sight,
It was more of an appeal,
A disease a virus,
That infected me thats what I forsee,

Like Jane Austin's novel,
You as Mr Darcy and I as Ms Elizabeth,
Or it feels like being in the Victorian era,
Where you play Troilus and I play Cressada,

My historical insight,
Enrages my thoughts,
Comparing our lives in accord to them,
Our love so beautiful that will always remain.

Segments of my heart,
Segregation of my soul,
Deprived of love,
My past, oh so cold,

The darkness in my spirit,
Black dots and holes,
Covering the edges,
Dosed by cigarette,

Roughness and constriction,
Devastated and delirious,
Progression no more,
Poignancy affirmed,

Tackling with the challenges,
Tyranny and atrocity,
Spreads in the city,
Gold diggers and muggers on the street,

Under flyers the poor sleep,
The walking dead everywhere seen,
Beggars and thieves,
Murders scare me,

It's not just me,
Its the whole earthians,
Male or female,
You will all feel the pain, indeed.

Summon for God,
Wipe away all ***** thoughts,

Ask for help,
Ask only from God,

Summon for God,
Wipe away all ***** thoughts,

When you're hurt and negligent,
Think about God,

Summon for God,
Wipe away all ***** thoughts,

Vandalize your pride,
Praise Him, Almighty God,

Summon for God,
Wipe away all ***** thoughts,

Vague memories,
But peace from God, indeed.

Summon for God,
Wipe away all ***** thoughts,

Let the heart loosen its tangles,
Making your life easier than muddled,

Summon for God,
Wipe away all ***** thoughts,

Let not Satan capture you,
Flee away before it's too late,

Summon for God,
Wipe away all ***** thoughts.

If only I could fly to mars,
And embrace the title ”First teenager to set foot on mars',
I'd set an example for my peers that nothing can stop us from doing wonders,

If only I had money,
I'd build an orphanage,
And educate every kid to lead a comfortable life,

If only I had power,
I'd stand as a representative,
And improve and lead our nation towards betterment,

If only I had guts,
I'd go and take part in wars to exterminate terrorism,
Rather than sitting here and writing my heart out.

At 6'o clock,
The clock strucks hard after completing its tick tock,
I pick up the remote,
Surfing the TV,
My eyes fixated,
My surroundings seem to fade,
And my head absorbed.
Suddenly the phone rings,
On answering the phone I faint,
I'm going to a marriage,
Where my crush is going to host.

The left and right motion of a pendulum,
Can not be easy to cease,
They say time moves on,
Without any obstacles that dawn,
Arising conflicts,
Over here and over there,
Time still goes on,
Leaves fall on the ground,
But time no matter what, counts,
Wounds and scars may come to thee,
But time still goes on.

Trails of blood,
Enclosed containers,
Riots on the street,
Resonating slowly in different cities and countries,
Overt terror,
Rapidly spreading,
Igniting flames on buses and buildings,
Scarring hearts of people,
Massacres in huge numbers.

Terminating innocence and replacing them with ****** flesh,
Orating words so full of pride and hate,
Daggers and guns being used mercilessly,
Assaulting the peace treaty,
Y**et they seem to be happy.

The full moon rises
with an echo from the corner
creaking sounds from the distance
hallucinating in the darkness
as the silhouettes of the night awaken my senses
hearing each and every sound
understanding the pain of tortured souls
grieving over poignant memories
hearts of those withered and souls decayed
tis the drug inhaled causing such serene
and ability to hear the ache of others.

No matter what I do, what i become
I will still never be enough for you
deep down i know what runs in your mind
your expectations from me and what you want me to be
you know that and you think i will never deceive
i know you raised me and showed me the world
but where you're wrong is the fact that you taught me lessons
where were you when i was a victim to bullying?
where were you when i was scarred a gazillion times?
where were you once i was a victim of abuse?
i cried and slit my body so many times
i attempted a suicide
i nearly killed myself, but you were never there
and now if you say that you know me well, then i guess you're yourself living in delusions
you know nothing about me regardless of your control over me
you lost me halfway through my childhood because you never understood me
i just wish you knew me, guess its too late now you lost me!

My virtues and my sins have drowned me in their depth,
The remorse that sweeps past my nerve,
I have been pulled into a world of judgmental freaks,

I have been restricted,
Putting barriers and blocks on my limitations,
Such a forbidden world,

Pleasing family,
Pleasing society,
Why? I'm not a puppet, or am I?

The things you have to face,
The never ending comments you have to bear,
Not an ideal situation if I must say,

The fear of reviving,
The uncertainty of doing,
Not fair at all !

Our love is like sand,
With each passing day grains of sand fill up the spaces between us,
Making this love stronger than a diamond,
Sharp as a knife,
As it cuts through my skin and caresses my heart,
Our love is exotic and beautiful.

The sound of the windchimes,
I find so divine,
It feels like you're mine,
Every morning I wake up,
I breathe the words you speak,
Feel your pulse and the blood seep,
It makes my heart skip a beat,
I feel like holding on to you forever,
And never letting go !

Carving deep grooves into my heart,
Embroidered with jewls as well as scars,
Lustrous you are for me,
Everything about you so lovely,
Serenading a tune,
Tempting you,
E**ternally and entirely loving you.

Silent waves
Swirling wind
Snow flakes
Cold estranged memory

Sudden ******
Heart break
Bleeding arteries
Ferocious flow

Dark street
Poignant hurt
Sharp path
Foggy covering

Closed eyes
Streaming tears
Never ending scar
Broken dreams.

How attainable have my dreams been;
I thought with such fervor,
Procuring your love has always been my hope,

Now that I have you,
I feel like my life goals are complete,
Just your company that has me heaped and showered,

My infatuation that i thought i had,
But it's more than just an obsession,
I'll devour to encase our love exquisitely,

I love a lot, indeed
But believe me when i say i love you,
I know you're the one,

The others who may have come,
Swept past my conscience leaving me appalled,
At that time, I may be blind but i knew they were not the holdbacks or keepers I intend to stay with.

My heart once frail,
And used,
Tied in chains of hopelessness and ambiguity,
Found what it was looking for,
It was you all this time,
The one I never tried to connect it with,
Deep cuts covering on this slender
and deranged soul,
My eyes beady with tears once,
Shedding,
Now cease at the corners as I try to let them flow,
I guess its just you,
But now I'm sure.

Startled and horrified by society,
A silhouette of a petrified soul crumples in the darkest corner of the night,
In tears and remorse,
With slit arms and blood flowing through each wound,
Droplets of tears and blood drip, forming a pool of water n' rust,
The scars on her heart deepen and stain her body,
The dark circles under her pale eyes, moist,
An urge to smoke or drink escapes her lips as a sigh,
Not caring about what's harmful and what's not,
Just a sip or a puff of smoke can shackle all her hurt,
Vandalized from within,
Completely shut and worn out-
Thanks to one mistake they take her innocence away,
An unforgetful dread, a frightful nightmare!

My future may be vague, but my my present triggers my hope that you're worth the wait !

A burdened soul has nothing but tears to shed,
A grieving heart has nothing but years to bear,
Pain so poignant that it can shatter a once promising future,
Reluctant to speak to others, it's only isolation that one needs,
Somewhere in the darkness, a corner where one can lurk and only encounter their silhouette,
But to fight this pain God is all we need,
He resides amongst us and within us,
Rather than sharing sorrow with others it's Him who can heal us,
It's His love for us that we need and that can make us go through this pain,
When in despair, call out His name,
He will respond when there's no one there.

The long winter nights,
Crying and repenting on my sins.
Everyone has a dark side,
But mine is so dark that I feel hopeless.
As I sit back on my chair,
Scratching the bottom of my seat.
Ouch !
I accidentally slit my finger.
I feel the blood trail along the contours of my hand,
But as motionless as I sit I don't care.
My thoughts seem to fly in the midst of this day,
But then again I guess it's just me.

All hail His majesty,
For He will not only diminish misery,
But also help His people in tragedy.

Believe Him, I say,
And don't let my word go astray,
I am one of His disciples till He takes my body away.

All hail His majesty,
For He will not only diminish misery,
But also help His people in tragedy.

I vehemently try to trace the lost pieces of my heart
The ones shambled and hidden behind all the exterior
One's not accepted in the eyes of our society
These pieces, that awoke my soul and once made me who i am
Now insignificantly veiled, as if they were garbage
I try to find my insignia
One that differentiates me from the rest
My ambiguities, my hopelessness might as well be the root of all this lurking
Putting an end to my peace
And the constant rage n war that i so got caught up in
This could be my way to cope through this ghastly phase
All this vandalism and all these changes must stop
For i am the maker of my persona and i am the destructor of myself
I must rise, for its my time to ignite and shine
To once again show the world my true colors
I must embrace it all
Be it deadly, be it ugly
Yet, that's who I am, me!

Verse :-

The cloudy nights of December,
I write an ode on you,
But not a very good one,
Heart break,
Hungover,
I can't get over you,
The first time we met,
Boom!
Spark,
Is this how you treat me,
After all these years,
This solid, unbreakable friendship,
Guess that's what people do in the end.

Chorus :-

Revenge ?
No
Cuz that's what friends do,
Cry when one cries,
Die for the other half but not say why.

Verse :-

Deceived and hurt by your words,
Cutting deep through my skin,
Rupturing my veins,
Anger fumes that i break all connection,
Forbidding myself from anything connected to you,
You break this frienship for someone who will leave soon,
For that witch,
Vain,
no i can't feel this pain,
I'm cold and numb,
My heart may not converse and will cut you off completely,
but my brain will always regret our encounter.

Chorus :-

Revenge ?
No
Cuz that's what friends do,
Cry when one cries,
Die for the other half but not say why.

A gushing trail of tears drip down my face
from my sore cheeks to my nape
a pool of sorrows builds up within my poignant heart
i am what i feared to become
a self-claimed loner!
a suffice amount of people surround me
who show me their compassion and spark me their love
but i don't get why that it doesn't excite me
i once was juvenile and strong
now because of repeated deceit and abdication
i have become frail
sometimes the world seems not to accept me or my flaws
vindictive people encircle me
some apparent, some obscure
what is it that entices me?
how can i repair my wounds
and erase the paradoxical or frightful thoughts about tomorrow?
i am either stuck in my past or my future
how do people move on?
i live to see the day where i see at least one individual who is free from pain
i have yet to come across one, who hasn't shed a tear
who isn't aloof from the madness of this world
and hasn't seen the darkness within themselves erupt
i wish to see one
because i hear my mother say that no one can change how your mind thinks  
despite their help, they too are as wounded and troubled as us
i rethink this question, knowing that it is true
i deny these statements
but sadly in reality it is true.

Slowly she fell down on her knees viewing such charm,
The adorn in his rosy red cheeks,
As the sun blazes on his face,
His angelic face,
And a perfect twitch on the corners of his lips,

Those lively gleaming eyes,
The small crackle of cry that escapes his baby pink lips,
The softness of his skin,
The beauty in his features,
And the addicting smell of his flesh,

She breaks into a stream of tears,
She was blessed with such grace,
The journey of her motherhood begins,
She envelopes him gently,
Stroking the bumps on his glowing cheeks,

She never was before gifted with such a heavenly creature,
Those 9 months of holding him in her womb,
The pain she felt,
Such pleasure and worth in this experience,
She sits back after kneeling and thanks God.

I shovel down memory lane
trying to assemble pieces
scarce loops lumped together
untied chains and strings of God knows what
it is what perplexes my heart
a ray of light shadows on what seems like my life
all that I ever had, falling apart
could it be a test
or my hopelessness?

Under the lamp,
I sit with a pen and a pad,
Searching for the right words to write,
To describe you,
As I think and think,
I realize I have no words that can describe you,
It is so hard to write on you,
But then again I'm lost because of you,
In this dark illuminated light that falls on my pad,
I put my head on the pad,
And doze of in a deep slumber,
Dreaming what would it be like in your arms.

Behind every shadow,
Lives a tyrant and a more atrocious soul,
Among-st us he resides,
And with words and care he entices,

To this mortal universe,
He has been sent by God,
As a manipulator and a mind controller,
Ready to belittle our faith and direct us away,

Somewhere from inside,
We know we've sinned,
We repent and fall on our knees for eternal bliss,
And pray for forgiveness and the extermination of our sins.

Give it a break,
Leave what you're doing and talk !!!!

Sweat is dripping down,
Trailing down my body,
The dirt that i have, coming off,
My body is bruised all over,
Feeling numbness on my joints,
I kneel down on my feet to clean up the mess i made,
As i neatly level the sand, i leave,
I feel happy and at ease,
Now that I'm done with this,
I think I can sleep in peace,
May my crushes soul rest in peace !

A mixture of emotions,
Aggravation and melancholy,
Audacity no more to cease,
Tendency replete,
Serenity is a chance,
To quiten and rid of frustration,
Inferiority within,
Damaged souls,
Celeste bodies,
If procured,
Prime indeed.

I brush my hand over my
exposed, scarred flesh
over the tormented bumps
and reddish blue bruises

I was once so open
so free to spread my wings
be myself
and to flee to places that were forbidden

But it all ended
in despair
with my heart composed
and my body sold

I was so submerged
with my surroundings once
I was so devoted to my friends
that I got carried away and got hurt

I became fragile
and frail
to an extent where I'd say that
I am now vulnerable

I trusted so blindly
I cared so thoughtlessly
that I forgot how it'd feel to suffer
to bleed and die from the inside

Now all I'm left with is
pain and poignant memories of yesterday
bits by bits I join them together
yet I am lonely

I was once so happy
once so juvenile
it all was taken away
because I trusted the unexpected, what can I say?

if only i was in knowledge of the monster that hid within him
i would've been more cautious and my actions, controlled
how oblivious and frail was my heart to fall under his prey
i yearned his flawless presence as it quenched all my thirst
but little did i know his soullessness
he was dead and cold,

the hunger in his eyes starved for my flesh and his sadistic smile;
all he wanted was a body to complete him
he was not made for love, his promises were all lies
he feasted on his prey and moved on to the next
he was but a womanizer, a heartless lover
he was dead and cold

my life once revolved around him
manipulated by his orders, i was utterly in love with him
i cherished what little time we spent together
the exquisite memories that i reminisce, even now leave me in tears
oh how precious were they, but in the end nothing mattered to him
he was dead and cold

Irony shuts down the heart,
sequestered-
wanting to stay alone for days,
shattered hopes,
broken dreams,
what more is left to say?

Seldom has it occurred to me that if I never loved you, my life would not be a mess as of now, where I'm already living on the edge of death. Externally I am alive but from the inside; broken and torn apart. I cry and wish to die. I wish that death finds me in the most darkest place and extracts my soul out. The pain and bruises already ache so much that now I don't even think taking away my soul harshly would even matter. I'm already so frail from the inside. Numb and scarred, yet I'm delighted that I experienced this pain and I now distant myself from anyone who tells me that they love me.
I may not move on, but I'll hope that you experience all I've been through once and know how bad it hurts.

the inescapable terror that resides within my soul,
a maze paradoxically runs in my mind,
confused and clueless about why i see what i see?
why i feel what i feel?
how is it that I'm alive whilst I'm dead from the inside,
being shattered is one thing, being dead from inside is another,
there seems to be something lurking behind my smile,
something tricky that halts me from living,
something that I'm ambiguous to,
stranded on the edge,
i know not about the emptiness that haunts me.

Glazing bodies,
Entwined and tangled,
Locked and lost in the midst,
Surreptitious romance,
Forgotton the rest,
From poignancy to repair,
From love to extreme,
Just you and me caught up,
Alone,
As we set aside the rest,
And share heaven,
Touching and caressing,
Kissin' sensational and passionate,
Allure and seductiveness,
The heat I feel is not the situation,
But me and your electric touch,
Marking me as your possession,
Your flavor,
A minty enthralling posion against my lips,
Your breath,
On my nape movin' along the grooves,
Making my hair stand *****,
Your captivating eyes,
Drown me in their deepness sinkin' me deeper and deeper,
I see no escape from your enchant,
Helpless now and caught up in your trance,
I feel my balance no more,
My body feels weak as you're my strength and my eternity,
You're my good luck charm,
You're my worst possible distraction,
My nightmare,
My soul,
A part of me which may never flee,
You're my sweet, melodious lullaby,
Puttin' me to sleep as I feel at tranquil when I feel near you,
Distance may be vast,
But nothing can stop me from lovin' you.

Love is just so hard,
I love you, no doubt and will always love you,
You and I are compatible,
But it's just the world,
It's so cruel.
Then there's our fate !
What if we aren't meant to be?

I will forever be yours,
Chained and engraved-
By the powerful knots of love,
The fiery burst and the irrevocable words,
They leave me baffled and in paradox;
For I love you, indeed,

Your electric touch,
And your warmth,
It drives me crazy-
Leading me out of my past,
My ghastly, terrorizing past, you drag me out from,
Knowing how much you mean to me.

I lost my youth,
After a feud with you.

When I die I know you won't miss me,
When the wind blows my soul away-
I know that even then you won't think of me,

You'll forget how I was to you,
You'll be so indulged in your life-
That you'll forget that one person who came to your life and tried to love you,

When the clock to your life stops,
When you'll be going away-
I know that even then you won't think of me,

You'll forget all my messages,
You'll forget how in love I was with you-
That you'll only demand for someone else in your afterlife,

When you breathe your last breath,
When in pain no one is around to see your struggle and hold your hand to calm you-
I know that even then you wont think of me.