Self-starvation

                        It’s how she lives, how she breathes, how she sleeps

                                    Food, food, always obsessed with food

                                                Going hours at a time on nothing

                                                            Dizzy, so very dizzy

                                                                        The lights are too bright

                                                                                    She hides away in the dark

                                                                                                She sleeps and sleeps


                                                                                                                   Miserable, lonely and heartbroken

slick white tile
I crash again
water droplets run from my hair
to my feet
and swirl down the drain
in one last hoorah

No matter how much I scratch
rub or claw
the **** that surrounds my skin
will never come loose

down the drain goes
my love for people
my trust in you and
thoughts and feelings
that used to make me smile

someone cleanse me this ick
make me pure again
remove the soil from my heart
and start anew

or turn me into something beautiful
where the dirt remains in my chest
make me a garden
water me, give me plenty of sunshine
and I will forever devote myself
to living, breathing and existing once more

It was cold, terrifying, numbing
Exhaust gathered in the moonlight
Sighs echoed for eternity
A fogged mind, and misted sight
Snow crunched under my soles
My fingers and toes all froze
To keep going, it took all my might

I'm wandering to stay away
Trying to forget before I combust
There is no one left that I can trust

They're all gone, and I'm frozen.

I think theres only
one thing left to say
"goodbye dear,
I will never see you
ever again
have no fear
for this is my last day"

Stop making me
love you
Please I don't know
**what to do

You talk to someone special
And you act like I don't exist
What we have had at the past few weeks
Has just suddenly disappeared

"I really do not understand you"
You tell me this everyday
And I say
"I don't know what to do"

You ask why I say that
But really is that
That hard to figure out?
Think about it

I don't know what to do
About you
With you
With myself

You confuse me with
All these mixed messages
I cannot understand
What you're telling me through your actions

I wish you could say what you feel
Or even give me some kind of clue
That I am doing things right
Or utterly wrong

Once I know you do not want me
I will give up and forget you
And forget everything
That I have ever felt

I was so sure that this was it
I finally found someone that
I truly loved and admired

But I guess my mind made up our story
Just like the past few
My mind makes these dream-like realities
Where I do not know what is real or false

I am sorry for anything that you now regret
I am sorry for everything I did to you
I am truly sorry for being stupid enough
To believe you.

I guess this is it
I lie here heartbroken
While you go on unscathed
Am I overreacting, or is it you.

Why are you doing this?
You fog my vision
Until I am unable to see
What is happening to me?

What did I ever do to you
To get this all of a sudden
Do you think this is funny?
Because I am not amused.

Just spit it out
Say what you are
Why conspire against me?
What will it take for you to see

What you are doing to me.

Because honestly
How can you not spot my anger
My rage, the thing that drives me mad
And keeps me going for days

Just spit it out, spit it out
We all can see, we all know
Just show it, embrace it
And I won't be like this anymore.

C'mon c'mon, what are you waiting for?
I know deep down in the center of your hearts core
There is still something in store for me
What are you doing?

Just open your eyes and see.

This is so painful for me
It's utterly confusing
What I think is never right
When I am wrong it is right

Everything is in a twisted knot
One that can never be straight again
So please just let it go,
And let everything show.

Just be happy, smile
Live your life for a while
Do not give up
And I will help and not stop

So please just listen for once
To my rants and my shouts
Maybe then you will learn something
And not just sit around and pout

Its not  just me, its everyone
So please do not lose control
For I know
You are a twisted knot

*One that will never be straight again.