It's funny
you were there the whole time
right in front of my face
I talked to you everyday
(even when I told myself I wouldn't)
as you supported my ever crumbling
self.
Reluctant in giving me up
or giving up on me
as half the time I was half blinded
-doubting
-second guessing
feeding myself uncertainties
while believing the lies of others.
Yet you remained here
through it all
after everything I've ever
engulfed into your life.
-pain
-heartache
swept into your life without warning
the empty words that secretly
were teeming with a truth even I hid from myself
but I knew it deep down.
I really did.
And I thought about it a lot
(thought about you a lot)
and yes, there you are
in front of me smiling, still here
after all that I put you through
holding my hand beside me
and finally, I see it
and it is mine
and I've never been happier.

Instead of film
(which you cherish so much)
I feel the need to develop pictures
of the very sensations
that erupt in your mind
and tingle throughout your body
in every which way
and i m p a c t.
I'd  post them on the walls
just as they are
in their prime
of
    beauty,
             malice,
                         faults,
                                 honesty,
an exposure of how human you are
lest you forget how to feel
or the emptiness is relishing inside
a collage that is whole
*and you.

Mommy said I'd love all boys,
But Mommy wasn't right.
I loved one boy for a long while,
But it didn't work out quite.
I found a new love, I swear it's true,
With all of the blue in the skies.
I didn't even stand a chance,
the second I looked her in the eyes.
Mommy said I'd love all boys,
But Mommy wasn't right.
I felt like my world was shaded too dark,
But my savior brought the light.
Her laughter chimes with the sound of bells,
Her eyes are brown and green
She acts like she's just so tough,
And her jokes are so obscene.
Everything that doesn't make sense,
Makes sense when she's around.
She has me falling headfirst into a freefall,
But I'll never touch the ground.
Mommy said I'd love all boys,
But Mommy wasn't right.
I can try to forget her and change my mind,
But her face is the last I see at night.

The scariest thing
is when you are sitting in your room
not doing anything
it's dark
and you're drifting between sleep
and remembrance
when suddenly a poster falls off the wall
or a pen rolls unexpectedly
or something falls over
and you just think...
         *...it’s coming for me

everybody wants to know what's going on
a simple "..it's complicated" doesn't seem to suffice anymore
everybody wants to see what's in between
but nobody wants to be there when you hit the floor

their jaded perspective, reflective and objective,
should bear no power over your own experience
although, impressionable as we are,
tend to take things said as serious