"Nothing Tastes as Good As Skinny Feels"
                                  --Kate Moss

I disgust myself
                             with how I can't help but agree.

I wish you wouldn't say things like,
"It must be nice, being naturally skinny."
I can hear it in your voice, your envious of this body of mine.
But even though I know better,  I respond along these lines,
"Oh thanks. I'm just lucky I guess."
But that's so much more than just a white lie.
If you only knew how much I wanted to die...
With every bite of food consumed.
If only you knew, not to assume.
You can have this dying body of mine,
Because I'd trade it anytime.
You can discover how it feels, this need to be skinny,
And you can have my mother, who will always complain that you're not pretty.
And then you would understand how it feels,
When people say things like,
"It must be nice, being naturally skinny."

I don't know when
The idea of starving myself
Became so appealing

I don't know when
It would stop
either

i want to see my bones
and i want you to feel them
please, please. tell me i’m skinny,
i need you; i need you asking about the weight i’m losing
that i need to be losing
skinny and you’ll love me
you’ll love me if i’m skinny
please, wait and i’ll be skinny
i’m trying. i’m trying so hard.

***** covered hands
blood dripping from my nose
shaking
please, can’t you see that i’m trying?
don’t give up. not yet.
please, don’t give up on me yet.
i promise i’ll be thinner than her
thinner than everyone
please, wait. wait for me. i promise i’ll be skinny.
i promise.

i’m too fat for love
and i know what you think about me
because i think the same! i can see the rolls
i can feel the weight
i promise i’ll be skinny.
give me time. give me time.
all i need is time.
emaciated.
i want my bones to show.
i want to be used as a skeleton in a science class
i want everyone to see it
i want to show how skinny i can get
i promise i’ll be skinny
please, dont judge me for my extra pounds
they’ll be gone soon
i promise they’ll be gone soon

can’t you see i want this?
i’ve never wanted anything more
my hands are *****
blood, *****, sweat, tears.
my stomach is empty
always.
can’t you smell my breath?
my clothes?
my hair?
the scent of ***** lingers
i’m ruining my insides
so you can see my bones
please, see me.
please, can’t you see me?
you won’t look because of the fat
and i’m sorry for the sight you have to see
i promise you’ll soon be able to rub
your bones against my bones

i need my bones to show.
i need them to cut skin.
i need my bones to show.