Thanking you
For the kindness
That lives inside your heart.
You are a friend that’s treasured
You are truly a work of art.

Your sincerity
Shows in everything you do
And people like me are thankful
For wonderful people like you.

a.s.

I wish I didn’t miss you
Not because you’re bad
Or you hurt me too badly
But because I loved you
Unconditionally
And failed
At my assertion

And now
The waters run deep
my heart is thriving
And I just wish
You could see it

I have felt powers of healing
and words vibrating to your core
felt the conscious I love you
from my higher self
why is spirituality
not taken seriously

I have given all my generosity
to you
so why do you think you love me
more

a.s

Meaningless little messages
Sent with giggles
And clicks
Two different lives
Shared with music and pics
Two young souls
Trying to make it
In two different towns
Not wanting to break it
Two sad teenagers
Thousands of miles between
Found a way to keep connection
In a world so extreme

a.s.
7:07p.m.

Do you remember
The night we drove
Out into the inked darkness
Until the hum of the city
Evaporated into contrails streaked above us
Like some ******* canvas
That night I looked up at the sky
And it's infinate display and I said
"Doesn't it make you feel better
To know you're made of star dust?"
And you laughed quietly and said
"You'd rather be up there, wouldn't you?"
And I think that's when you knew
I would always be tripping over things
Because the ground didn't intrest me
in the slightest


a.s.

I wish more
People cared
about earth
As much as
they cared about
Who they believe
created it.*

a.s.

I never understood
The idea of love
How you could be so invested in each other
So persistent to one another

Then I met you.

a.s.

This is for all the people
who believe in pure sorrow,
and drink to stay awake,
and deal so fully with heartbreak,
the people who feel they've failed,
but
are so in love with the world,
that they forget about themselves,
and stand back
until everyone has gone by,
and you suddenly feel comfortable
walking around
once everyone disappears.
This is for the lonely,
but are okay with it,  
the people who are so in love with the loved,
the people who write,
sing,
and dance,
but don't let anyone see it
and walk away only to find themselves
within an abyss of themselves,
caught up in failures,
and wishes,
and eventually you fall
and it'll hurt,
it'll hurt so badly,
but only because it means
something.

a.s.

As she hugged
me even tighter,
I felt a tear stream
down my face.


a.s.

In the brisk of November
with a steady heartbeat
I saw you holding me,
your hands
so cool
so firm.

I sometimes draw
within the shapes your hand makes
I wonder what that would look like now?
Colorful scrambles of
a heart-felt love
inspired by moonlight and smiles,
Not only to realize
your touch grants me comfort
and stability.
my creativity preserved
by the continuous lines and shapes
unseen on your skin.
They say love wont last forever,  

But that will.

a.s.

Black Laces
and empty hearts,
drop
and stop
to realize your potential
I love you
Don't be afraid

a.s.

hey
people of today
lets channel our
ethics, history, and emotion to
be a better civilization
to be a better human
to be a better lover, brother, and neighbor
we did not choose this life
one of corruption
and greed
dating back before
your grandad's uniform
before your grandad's grandad's uniform
before the war on the people
we are out here living it
the habits and decisions of the past
a system so outdated
where we are limited to
collapsing on ourselves
and though I always wish to act with love
I will not tolerate it
and someday

someday
no one will

a.s.

Maybe
We're all broken
Because we're living
A solitary life of
Who we want to be
Not who we're destined to be

a.s

amongst the pains
burning up and down my spine
your heart reeks of darkness
like a volcano ready to burst
each living day, each loving girl
building on a mountain of ash
you don’t know what love is
corrupting souls, collecting wounds
how is it you feel, this broken chest
is fit for falling hearts?
when exposed all the fury
melts away at them
grasping, fighting for survival
when all in the end, on your terms
burns them alive

We all have golden hearts
Locked within us like treasure
In a chest.
Yet we hide these chests
Deep in our bodies, minds, souls
And we search for these treasures
By making x-marks on our skin
Pouring blood out
In search for our small
Golden hearts.

a.s.

In times of contemplation
I find myself gazing up
to create some hidden meaning in the stars
or down
to search for truth within works
but it's all the same

Sadness weaves meaning into most
of the things experienced
like an ancient sacred saying
that still applies today

That is
sadness is sacred
and in and of itself shows truth
emotions are the root
of all good work  
and lessons learned
suffering is the love we shall bear
the whirlpool of never-ending sorrow
and we may not give it up

if we expect to love the goal

I think of you
When darkness swirls around me
Like a turbulent storm
When every breath seems to tax my soul
When dispair is my constant shadow
I think of you
I hear your voice
Feel your skin upon my own
I smell your scent
Your pain is my own
Your fear is my best friend
And even though all hope
Seems to have seeped from the world
I still think
Of you.

I have fought fear
like a crippling boxer
sweat dripping from my nose
and the physical rumble of my knees giving out
so tired
of the continuous swings and punches
without leading to defeat
now
blood is pouring down my teeth
and my fists are bruised
what is the answer
to my crippling fear
I'm on the ground
at its mercy
is it simply

you cannot let fear get to you?

at least our story was ours
no one had any say
no cards or tricks to play
we had trust.
we had our jokes
our little traditions
like driving to the coast
we didn’t fret
we didn’t play games
kept our light flamed
for several years before god came
all I can say is
among the sad kids I know
love like that is rare
though it is unfair
I’m grateful for the love we bared
ending things may not have been ideal
even so we broke the wheel

and at least it all was real.

when I was eight
my mother told me
honey, you will be a heartbreaker
and after my modest attempts to disbelieve her
it's ten years later and
my mother's silky, stabbing words
came to greet me again
to say
yes, honey. sometimes that's the way it is
and all I could do was
say
Okay

a.s.

only those who are compassionate
find properity

a.s

How can I
sleep,
If I don't have
Dreams?
I just have
nightmares.*

a.s.

I took a walk down memory lane
smoking from cans
and hanging with friends so bland
makes you curious of your path
Now I smoke from bongs
and cherish the souls of friends
Every path is different
who is to say what's right?
sympathy and empathy aside
who can truly relate to you?
Your mind is your armor
Your mind is your sheild
Use it to know, use it to feel
Soon there will be no one like us
eyes with hope of revolution
bodies pacing toward the goal
I'm with you
There is no reason to be afraid

You said the right words to me
and did the right things
made the right looks
and played my soft strings
but am I only speculating
before we get to round

three?

a.s.

My toes
shake
at the sound
of your
name

a.s.

can we just pretend
that cancer season is over
and we are all careless
because the laughter
of friends
is so rewarding
compared to the
somber melodies
I hum at night

can we just pretend
that all we need is
each other
to pass these dark days
and carry the
drunk
I don't give a ****
attitude
like at the peak of caughlin ranch
last night

I'm not a good liar
nor good at pretending
but how do we see
we have beauty like the sea
and the smell of flowers in spring
yet fail to realize
all of these things
to the inner
real
self critic

why

a.s.

the garden wasn't kept up
potting soil smoked by ***
mindsets rotting cacti who’s thoughts
were drowning from a drought
it was like a killing in there
no green leaves to spare
lacking sunshine, she could only stare
into the eyes of growing despair
swept up dirt, it birthed precision
added water to vibrate my vision
in this state, how can she make decisions?
sitting in the garden is more like a prison

Sometimes
being an artist alone makes you miserable.
channeling your emotions to create art:
it makes the pain last forever.
To paint it on canvas
confess some written word
or tunes in your ears
it will last, it was preserved
& even if all you wanted to do was forget
you can’t

even the most beautiful things are messy
in my heart and yours, humble hours
I can’t tell if the universe is testing me
on if I can understand intuition
or if it’s a lesson in overthinking
my mind tells the truth, 24/7
Loud noises, full of pebbled ideas
before growing into boulders,
molehills into mountains
how can I make the changes
that deplete these messy days
It looks like a weight on me
but it’s an adventure just beginning
as much as I can’t see it
each and every day a little closer
climbing so high, till I can’t breathe
Even if it might **** me

I still feel you. The way our hands locked, your sweet, echoing laugh, the goals we once had: unfinished. Your essence lingers on my heart like a tattoo. No matter the time or energy, I still feel you. It’s days like these that make you wonder how many stabs, pokes, and stings we’ve all endured, and if it’ll ever be enough for my love to disappear.

a. wild.

you can paint these emotions
write the words that shake your soul
tell the bold, gruesome details
in colors and phases,
mediums to help embrace
The pain you feel, the stress you steal
from your own consciousness
To make art?
but **** that
why can’t it be so simple
that I, yes, am the art.
it’s my life that I made to start
and like art, i am a work in progress
trying to process life’s questions.
so like these poems or those paintings
They are a piece of me, like an arm or leg
chopped from my soul, taken by ghouls
And even with a little part that of me
…
I can’t seem to love myself
like I would a piece of art

So many days
I stare into wandering space,
Wondering how I let myself get here…

How could I let you in:
Energy so mangled and searching
For someone like me,
To drown away everything that you were:

It was a lie,
Really, I was a graveyard for you:
To lay down your sins
Never let me in, and still somehow…

You think I won
taking the bare minimum
scraping by each day hoping
you would stop causing me pain.

Its true,
Loving you was suffering, like running a little hamster wheel
tripping, exhausted and yet
It was only for you to gain…
It was all a game.

All said and done,
I dont feel anything for you
I dont know why i did it
the only thing i know is

I'm ashamed to have loved someone like you.

a.wild

amongst the pains
burning up and down my spine
your heart reeks of darkness
like a volcano ready to burst
each living day, each loving girl
building on a mountain of ash
you don’t know what love is
corrupting souls, collecting wounds
how is it you feel, this broken chest
is fit for falling hearts?
when exposed all the fury
melts away at them
grasping, fighting for survival
when all in the end, on your terms
burns them alive