July 29th 2001
I remember the sun was in an out
the same way people entered the house,
constantly, in an out,
next thing I remember is us getting our picture taken
standing beside each other,
respectively three and five.

Maybe at that point we didn't understand what was going on around us,
but I think in our own way,
we understood that things were changing,
that what we were used to,
would never be the same.

Now its July 29 2018
17 years has past,
we abandoned taking our picture together,
for whatever the reason, whether it's because we're older,
or more busier,
it doesn't matter.
Picture or no picture,
we both have adapted.
We don't have to stand next to one another,
to realize we're there for each other.

I thought writing everything on paper
maybe then, it could all make sense
But, the longer the sentences became- the more jumbled
my thoughts were.
I tried to trace one thought to the next, but all I got were scribbles.
How could I figure out what I wanted,
when I couldn't understand what I was thinking?

It seemed like it should be simple,
like learning to tie your shoes.
First, it seems an impossible task
But, before you know it, your hands tie the shoes
And you don't spare one thought about it.

It wasn't what it seemed though,
my thoughts were inchoherent
and every solution I had was a dead end.

I found myself alone
with no one to turn to-
I was deserted on a street that no one knew of.

So what do you do when you're all alone,
and a map of survival does not exist?
Do you keep thinking until a solution arises?
Or, do you pick up your feet, stand tall, and head in a direction you feel could be the way?

A chill swept through the air-
throwing the leaves from their branches,
twirling the blades of grass,
hiding the sun from sight.

After it's retreat
a calm settled everywhere-
a silence touched the soil,
a whisper spread through the trees,
the sun shining so bright.

Nestled, low to the ground
the rabbits,
ears stretching to the sky,
peered around- only in curious wonder.

When you're born,
your life is mapped out
with a jigsaw puzzle.
Every year another piece fits,
sometimes you gain several pieces
all at once,
and sometimes you misplace a piece
only to find it once again.

But, no matter what,
your life will complete the puzzle.

When I was three,
one of my puzzle pieces was destroyed.
They told me, I'd never get
another one to fit.
So there I was through the years,
filling a jigsaw puzzle, that we all knew-
would never be complete.
And I thought, what was the point?

Eventually, I found a calm-
so strong that not even the mightiest tide
could disrupt its' way.
I no longer thought of that destroyed puzzle piece,
instead I wrote and I sang,
and the sun was always calling my way.

I will never have a complete jigsaw puzzle,
and that's a fact.
But, I learned-
that doesn't mean I can't manipulate
the pieces I do have,
and create something-
just for me.

The ink is so fresh
and the pain was worth it,
now your initials rest upon my skin.
Whenever I want,
I can trace the black rose
and I feel a love- I imagine you had for me.

You may be gone
But, you're imprinted on me
 forever

she thought this moment
as she sat in the back room
tears sliding down her cheeks,
elevator music would be perfect

and when the others' came
she fell in line behind them
feet following, left... right
mind devoid,
but a small thought, human touch would be perfect

then it was over
tears as dry as the desert,
silence as loud as nothingness could be,
so bare, she was alone

she thought

the only touch she'd ever get again was her own,
and the only music she'd hear was her breathing
in.. *out

I had a guy that loved me unconditionally
he'd have moved any obstacle that got in my way

I had a guy that wanted the world for me
he'd have had the loudest voice in a crowd of cheers

I had a guy
he was mine, and I was his

then his days got shorter
& I got harder for him to see

by the end I was a figmant of his imagination
as he was of mine

I had a guy
but now all I have is myself
& I'm wondering how I'll ever let another guy in