she thought this moment
as she sat in the back room
tears sliding down her cheeks,
elevator music would be perfect

and when the others' came
she fell in line behind them
feet following, left... right
mind devoid,
but a small thought, human touch would be perfect

then it was over
tears as dry as the desert,
silence as loud as nothingness could be,
so bare, she was alone

she thought

the only touch she'd ever get again was her own,
and the only music she'd hear was her breathing
in.. *out

I had a guy that loved me unconditionally
he'd have moved any obstacle that got in my way

I had a guy that wanted the world for me
he'd have had the loudest voice in a crowd of cheers

I had a guy
he was mine, and I was his

then his days got shorter
& I got harder for him to see

by the end I was a figmant of his imagination
as he was of mine

I had a guy
but now all I have is myself
& I'm wondering how I'll ever let another guy in

loving you was
like diving into the waves of the abyss
and grasping nothing
yet still expecting to be pulled ashore

and your touch
felt like whip-cream
so soft and gentle
but it was deceiving because your touch was the end of the can, the moment the whip-cream ran out
and I was left with nothing

and I thought I was brave
stood tall, like I didn't need the support of a chair
to reach the top of the tree
but I was wrong

I was brave
like the kind of brave that it took for the cat
to hide under the covers when the vacuum buzzed around the carpet

and we all want to believe that is brave-
but in reality- I was the opposite-
just so cowardly

I dived out to shore
expecting the buoy of love
to guide me to a strong gentleman like you
but instead all I got was a lung full of saltwater
and eyes that just won't stop crying

Misery loves company
but uncertain I am
for my memories are fading
and for that reason alone,
how should I really feel?

You tell me what I should feel
force those ideas into my head
I try to box them, and keep them on file
but I just don't understand

where did I get like this
how did I lose my sense of reality
why can't I remember

finally- you tell me
I was a caged bird
until they demanded me to fly
and I followed their orders-
even though, I never learned how to properly spread my wings

I can't remember
and I still don't know what to feel
but-
now I think,
I can recover,
maybe one day, *I'll even learn how to spread my wings and fly

If I had a son
I'd want him to take a step back
appreciate the view
I'd want him to be cautious
yet always curious

If I had a son
I'd want him to love
give his all to someone spirited as him
I'd want him to explore
feel the currents of earth rush through his hair

If I had a son
I'd want him to remember me
because as his dreams get bigger and bigger
I know I'd have to take a step back

So if I had a son
I'd hope that
we'd always love- as one.

He's confined to a chair
his legs curve inward
his speech is a bit slow
and most of all- he is moody

He doesn't want me
he tells me so
when I try to hug him

He loves me though
I know in the silence of the night
we sit together
and I know his eyes search mine

He loves me
because he is always searching for a reason
why he shouldn't

but I can't change a thing
*I'm in love with him