When you do speak
at times
I hear him.
Them.
Is it what I'm looking for?
Waiting for the ball to drop
A reason to run
To call myself stupid
And explain I should of
known.
Or is it what I bring out
of people
family
friends
you.
Have I done this.
to ruin another
like they did
me.
That would be
the true
irony

It does scare me.
What I hate more than anything
Am I carrying on?

They always told me I loved it.
I 'got off'  to the drama.

Is it their voices,
In my head now?
Or did their words
speak the truth of me.

A truth,
I was unwilling to see.

what if the space didn't work?

You stepped back pre-occupied,
expecting me to step forward.
To dance.
But what if I was sick of standing bare in the spot light.
On my own.
To discover you're not even on the stage,
but in the crowd.
You, who had once meant so much to me,
now just another face I see,
yet cant identify.
I'll leave the stage,
and soon you'll miss your show.
You get ******.
but you already never called.
so I've taken a step back,
Just like you.

This space was intended for us to realise what we wanted.
Encourage us to work out this twisted bond.
But what if, all that was to discover was
How you could replace us, and go on to live your life.
And I not needing you.

Though, no amount of actions or phrases could cover,
the underlying space that remains,
in your heart, in your mind.
in every blink of your eye,
knowing where I once stood.
to looking how far I now stand.

"its like taking your car to the mechanic with a flat tire and it completely breaking down."
Well maybe that's the problem, you only ever saw her as a flat tire.  You choose to be completely unaware of all the damage under the hood.  Just waiting there, deteriorating.  While everyone hopes its the maintenance to the tire that with fix everything.
To only act surprised when it doesn't.  passing the blame to anyone in reach.
You will never look in the rear-view mirror of all that was done.

The thing
is
about poetry.
the raw realisation
of the words
you just read.
carrying
the ability
to identify feelings,
thoughts,
emotions.
you are yet
to comprehend.
yet realise
you have
lived.

crash over me. like dirt or water. Either way fill my lungs to a point of no return. watch me gasp. Look straight in my eye. Then turn and walk away.
maybe then you'll see what your doing to me.

I've said I forgive time and time again.
but we're stuck in this cycle that needs to come to an end.
You've just hurt me to many times before.
Physical and mental scares
needing to be closed behind a door.
You want me to forget,
but I cant just yet.
No, not just yet.
Not Yet.
You leave me crying on the floor,
like you have before.
Too many times before.
But you ask me to forgive.
and hope I can forget.
I can't just yet.
no. Not just yet.
Not Yet.