Am I self-sabotaging
is that what this is?
when my minds telling me he's good for me
but my heart wants to resist.
Am I truly in this
Like actually wanting to see where it goes?
He'll tell everyone he is
Even willing to propose.
But what if the feeling isn't mutual,
Just a sick game, manipulated insides?
All of the doubts, thoughts and confusion are drowning
Yet there's nowhere to hide.
I'm expected more of,
And people awe at all we have
Yet how much of it is real
How much of it is fact.
Is it a fact I love you?
Or a fact I thought I did?
Is it real we're meant to be?
Or did we just take our largest bid?
Is there something here?
That's not make belief?
Or is it all a matter of our imagination
A story line we confuse for life?
Or is this actual fact, feeling and love.
That I am just unable to reciprocate.
Despite believing I should.
Is this the fairy-tale people hope for
The fairy-tale I misunderstood.

It was interesting to hear
You share your belief
Of how if you were to hurt me
I'd be ruined.
Unable to recommit.
When I look at all the hurt
I have put you through
Secretly knowing
I may never be able to truly commit
Instead
I smile.
And nod my head
Agreeing that of course
I love you
We feel the same way.
But deep down
There's emotions and thoughts
Even I am to scared to admit.
Am I one to commit?

They don't realise when I say 'same old',
Nothings changed.
I'm still as torn and shredded,
As an unwanted page.
And I feel each rip,
As I watch each tear.
Yet I bite my lip
Knowing a soul is yet to care.

And then she did it.
As expected she would.
Blew away like dust
All that could.
She warned him.
Told him to stay away.
The girl that smiles and acts all together
Is gone for another day.

When the superhero's the villain,
Coming to be saved.
When you fall flat on your ***.
Expected to be broken for days.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Of all they expected to be.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Been falling since before age three.
When the superhero turns villain
But did he really turn?
Did he ever allow that side to show.
Is it something he's yet to learn.
But when the 'teacher' gives up.
As the past three had done.
For the sake of her own sanity.
And hope of her own heart.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
But from where which was so mighty?
That pedestal you built yourself?
Or that crown that was forever wonky.
When the superhero's the villain.
And 'poor Jane' is left to learn
How to be her own God dam fucken' hero.
Her own who will never burn.