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1.2k · May 2019
Truths
Apple on a Rose May 2019
I'm done. I was hurt. I foolishly cared. Now I dont.
Done.
899 · Jul 2017
Fairy-tales
Apple on a Rose Jul 2017
Am I self-sabotaging
is that what this is?
when my minds telling me he's good for me
but my heart wants to resist.
Am I truly in this
Like actually wanting to see where it goes?
He'll tell everyone he is
Even willing to propose.
But what if the feeling isn't mutual,
Just a sick game, manipulated insides?
All of the doubts, thoughts and confusion are drowning
Yet there's nowhere to hide.
I'm expected more of,
And people awe at all we have
Yet how much of it is real
How much of it is fact.
Is it a fact I love you?
Or a fact I thought I did?
Is it real we're meant to be?
Or did we just take our largest bid?
Is there something here?
That's not make belief?
Or is it all a matter of our imagination
A story line we confuse for life?
Or is this actual fact, feeling and love.
That I am just unable to reciprocate.
Despite believing I should.
Is this the fairy-tale people hope for
The fairy-tale I misunderstood.
852 · May 2019
Unsaid
Apple on a Rose May 2019
I'm drowning under the words left unsaid.
568 · May 2019
A version
Apple on a Rose May 2019
I don’t even want you.
I just wanted to reject you.
422 · Jun 2017
SUPERHEROS AND VILLAINS
Apple on a Rose Jun 2017
When the superhero's the villain,
Coming to be saved.
When you fall flat on your ***.
Expected to be broken for days.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Of all they expected to be.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
Been falling since before age three.
When the superhero turns villain
But did he really turn?
Did he ever allow that side to show.
Is it something he's yet to learn.
But when the 'teacher' gives up.
As the past three had done.
For the sake of her own sanity.
And hope of her own heart.
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
But from where which was so mighty?
That pedestal you built yourself?
Or that crown that was forever wonky.
When the superhero's the villain.
And 'poor Jane' is left to learn
How to be her own God dam fucken' hero.
Her own who will never burn.
353 · Apr 2019
Blood stains
Apple on a Rose Apr 2019
Maybe a pen bleeds into paper
Because that’s what you’re too doing
With the words you write onto it.
299 · Jan 2017
The Call Show
Apple on a Rose Jan 2017
I told him I was stupid,
yet continued with my words.
As the tears fell, I knew,
I would never truly be heard.
I could see his 'smart' smirk,
as he tossed those peanuts down his trap.
That clock ticked over in his head,
as the game was prepared to call out.
But it was the match that was struck,
when the audience hid.
As with no audience,
The performers are left all to real..
Beneath their masks,
something they could never unveil.
294 · May 2019
Truths
Apple on a Rose May 2019
I am the type of woman you never deserved.
289 · Dec 2016
Puppy Love
Apple on a Rose Dec 2016
His eyes were that of a lost puppy,
His heart, one that had been broken.
His loudness and laughter meant more tears, than he could ever of spoken.
He wanted her to fix him,
As he'd hoped the last would of done.
But it was not her duty or ability,
To shine light on all that he could become.
There was void missing in his heart,
A hole left by betrayal.
A mothers love of no condition,
Is the missing link that's caused his heart so frail.
He wanted to feel wanted.
Needed to be told,
Of the worth and goodness inside himself,
That he's tried so hard to withhold.
Though she could see through him,
As he had hoped she would.
It's what made her 'intriguing',
And what captivated his mind of all that could.
He felt lost, like that puppy.
The kind that had been beat.
The kind that checked twice before crossing a road,
And knew better than to ever take a seat.
Though through the glass of his eye,
He tried with his might to reflect gold.
All that he felt expected to be,
The type that could never be told.
For when you look straight at glass,
You see the reflection it presents.
It is not until you look through his eye,
That his soul projects.
And then there's no one left to fool.
It was this connection that he had wanted,
And found within her view.
But she insisted he take a look,
In hope one day it will seep through.
248 · Jan 2017
A Mother
Apple on a Rose Jan 2017
A Mother
a mother will hold you and carry you through,
she'll push you out, to pull you in,
to only ever be true.
a mother will love unconditionally as mine does,
to raise you and fight for you,
simply because.
she is a strong character who's love cannot be broke,
she will fight to her death bed and further she will.
but a mothers love is so strong who are we to say,
i know my mother will be there every single day.
i watched her cry, i watched her laugh,
with barely a thought at all.
but it is now mostly missed,
and now i go to call.
a mother is a powerful being,
one who will watch you stand tall.
yet sweep in when you cry,
without as much as a 'thankyou' at all.
it is a mother who watches over you,
and runs by your side.
dreading the day when a child grows up,
to then say 'goodbye'.
a possible new mother will become,
before her mothers eyes.
as the generations tick,
and the history of our lives...
241 · Nov 2018
pain
Apple on a Rose Nov 2018
What do you think is more painful?
Reliving other people’s pain,
Or, retelling your own.
?
237 · Aug 2019
Allowance
Apple on a Rose Aug 2019
I think you’re already the person you want to be,
You just don’t let yourself be her.
224 · Jul 2017
Commitment
Apple on a Rose Jul 2017
It was interesting to hear
You share your belief
Of how if you were to hurt me
I'd be ruined.
Unable to recommit.
When I look at all the hurt
I have put you through
Secretly knowing
I may never be able to truly commit
Instead
I smile.
And nod my head
Agreeing that of course
I love you
We feel the same way.
But deep down
There's emotions and thoughts
Even I am to scared to admit.
Am I one to commit?
224 · Dec 2016
Untitled
Apple on a Rose Dec 2016
A love so strong.
A pain so deep.
Always together
Yet laughs while I weep
Something draws me back
Is it foolishness or is it love?
My heart is under attack
At the impact of your glove.
A love so deep.
A pain so strong.
This isn't 'normal'
Can you tell something is wrong?
The way we're loyal
Yet first to betray
In the ways that truly matters
I need to walk away.
But how can I, When you're in my blood?
Until I die,
Forever carrying my love.
The memories of the old,
Keep us going through.
But then its experienced,
The circumstances of new.
Is it foolishness, or is it love?
Somethings gotta change
I can see it now,
This haunted early grave.
So desperate to stop it,
To scared to accept
Maybe time I left it.
This secret I've kept.
221 · May 2019
A form of reality
Apple on a Rose May 2019
He shook me.
He made me realise that to them,
I can be just as disposable as the rest.
220 · Jun 2017
Girl
Apple on a Rose Jun 2017
And then she did it.
As expected she would.
Blew away like dust
All that could.
She warned him.
Told him to stay away.
The girl that smiles and acts all together
Is gone for another day.
209 · Mar 2019
Untitled
Apple on a Rose Mar 2019
Sometimes people want you to feel,
When all you want is to ignore.
Its what i'm good at
like the athlete that throws their body before the finish line.
Its a natural skill.
One that takes practice,
And at times can crack me under pressure.
Competing with others is never a worry.
This is a battle of my own.
I'm not sure if its a blessing or a curse.
As unlike the athlete, I am always assured to come first.
Yet every-time, losing in a devastating blow.
184 · Nov 2018
ice doesn’t always melt
Apple on a Rose Nov 2018
What if  
the ice
in my heart
is freezing
the fire
in my soul..?
176 · Jun 2017
Same Old.
Apple on a Rose Jun 2017
They don't realise when I say 'same old',
Nothings changed.
I'm still as torn and shredded,
As an unwanted page.
And I feel each rip,
As I watch each tear.
Yet I bite my lip
Knowing a soul is yet to care.
169 · Jun 2019
head games
Apple on a Rose Jun 2019
confusion about why I'm confused.
167 · Jun 2017
moving view
Apple on a Rose Jun 2017
The way she moved,
Seemed unnatural to most.
She moved with something unlike the rest.
Maybe it was the breeze that carried her,
Or her body moved towards the light
Perhaps the moon possessed her .
Or  was she the creation of all three.
And maybe this was why
Many seemed so confused.
They could only handle one element at a time.
They could not identify her view.
158 · May 2019
Whirlwind
Apple on a Rose May 2019
why do so many words whirl though my mind,
but so few come out my mouth.
150 · Apr 2019
Bridges and flames
Apple on a Rose Apr 2019
I don’t want to build a bridge.
Unless it is absolutely certain,
it will go up in flames
The second my last foot leaves it’s surface.
I want to smell it burn
As I feel the heat explode over my back.
Confirming there is no convinenece
In turning around
And walking straight back over to all I knew.
146 · Sep 2017
space
Apple on a Rose Sep 2017
what if the space didn't work?

You stepped back pre-occupied,
expecting me to step forward.
To dance.
But what if I was sick of standing bare in the spot light.
On my own.
To discover you're not even on the stage,
but in the crowd.
You, who had once meant so much to me,
now just another face I see,
yet cant identify.
I'll leave the stage,
and soon you'll miss your show.
You get ******.
but you already never called.
so I've taken a step back,
Just like you.

This space was intended for us to realise what we wanted.
Encourage us to work out this twisted bond.
But what if, all that was to discover was
How you could replace us, and go on to live your life.
And I not needing you.

Though, no amount of actions or phrases could cover,
the underlying space that remains,
in your heart, in your mind.
in every blink of your eye,
knowing where I once stood.
to looking how far I now stand.
145 · Mar 2019
How To Love
Apple on a Rose Mar 2019
Maybe she didn't know how to be loved so fully.  
Is that what that was?
He wanted to tell her and teach her of how phenomenal she was in his eyes.
But when she looked through her own.  All she could see was the words of another. 
The words engraved in her mind, soul and self.
How could one possibly love [me] this much.  When those who were genetically programmed for that purpose, were,
are, incapable.

She had so much love to give.  but would not let anyone close. loving from a distance is all she knew.
142 · Jun 2017
You.
Apple on a Rose Jun 2017
I don't believe in second chances.
...
But give me a third.
139 · Apr 2019
TT
Apple on a Rose Apr 2019
TT
I think you know its over when you don't miss the old times.
You look at them and remember them fondly.
But the warmth that once lit your heart doesn't come.
Perhaps the blaze suffocated by the caged walls.
Perhaps it extinguished by the tears.
Either way, clear it is no longer present.
But just as you call that call,
pass that identification,
you feel it.
A heat generated from a place un-located.
And the convincing of feelings trail and jump.
Until the realisation of the hope being nothing but the remaining coals.
Closing your eyes too feel another tear sizzle on your hearts embers.
You can't help the confusion.
Can flames relight?
Or does it just take a while for the coals to well and truly die.
135 · Oct 2017
Irony
Apple on a Rose Oct 2017
When you do speak
at times
I hear him.
Them.
Is it what I'm looking for?
Waiting for the ball to drop
A reason to run
To call myself stupid
And explain I should of
known.
Or is it what I bring out
of people
family
friends
you.
Have I done this.
to ruin another
like they did
me.
That would be
the true
irony
134 · Sep 2017
changing tires
Apple on a Rose Sep 2017
"its like taking your car to the mechanic with a flat tire and it completely breaking down."
Well maybe that's the problem, you only ever saw her as a flat tire.  You choose to be completely unaware of all the damage under the hood.  Just waiting there, deteriorating.  While everyone hopes its the maintenance to the tire that with fix everything.
To only act surprised when it doesn't.  passing the blame to anyone in reach.
You will never look in the rear-view mirror of all that was done.
131 · Jul 2017
Not Yet
Apple on a Rose Jul 2017
I've said I forgive time and time again.
but we're stuck in this cycle that needs to come to an end.
You've just hurt me to many times before.
Physical and mental scares
needing to be closed behind a door.
You want me to forget,
but I cant just yet.
No, not just yet.
Not Yet.
You leave me crying on the floor,
like you have before.
Too many times before.
But you ask me to forgive.
and hope I can forget.
I can't just yet.
no. Not just yet.
Not Yet.
130 · Jul 2017
SEA.
Apple on a Rose Jul 2017
crash over me. like dirt or water. Either way fill my lungs to a point of no return. watch me gasp. Look straight in my eye. Then turn and walk away.
maybe then you'll see what your doing to me.
130 · Jul 2017
Love of Poetry
Apple on a Rose Jul 2017
The thing
is
about poetry.
the raw realisation
of the words
you just read.
carrying
the ability
to identify feelings,
thoughts,
emotions.
you are yet
to comprehend.
yet realise
you have
lived.
128 · Oct 2017
Frightened
Apple on a Rose Oct 2017
It does scare me.
What I hate more than anything
Am I carrying on?

They always told me I loved it.
I 'got off'  to the drama.

Is it their voices,
In my head now?
Or did their words
speak the truth of me.

A truth,
I was unwilling to see.
128 · Aug 2018
What I want for you
Apple on a Rose Aug 2018
I want you to smile and mean it.
I half want you to look at another like you did me.
I want others to feel your presence and the warmth you are so capable of.
I want you to be happy, but within yourself first.
I want you to know I will get jealous when you find another.
Despite having already found mine.
I want you not to question it was real.
It was us.
It was love.
I want you to know you did **** up
And hurt me bad
I want you to know you did have that power.
I want you to know but would never tell you, it feels harder for me.
Having to restrain enough for the two.
I did love you
And part always will
I want you to know I miss our passion
And the way we were
I want you to know along with the good
I also remember the bad
I want you to know everything happens for a reason
I want us both to find that
119 · Apr 2018
riddle me this
Apple on a Rose Apr 2018
Finally having something
to relate to the love songs.

leads to inevitably
having something
to relate to the rest.
115 · Aug 2018
Voices
Apple on a Rose Aug 2018
It’s not that I felt I didn’t have a voice.

It’s that I had no clue which direction I could point it in.
114 · Feb 2018
Untitled
Apple on a Rose Feb 2018
emptiness is a funny thing to be felt.
there's meant to be nothing there,
yet the sting is ever present.
in moments of laughter it perhaps is forgotten
if not for a split second
the act even has you fooled.
back you go to the sheets for one,
not by circumstance
but by choice.
to question again ' is there something wrong with me'
there is something wrong with you.
positive no one will understand or try.
those who do try you don't want
and those who don't are the reason for your emptiness .
they were the start.
112 · May 2019
Truths
Apple on a Rose May 2019
I think I need you to care
So I can stay true to the persona that I don't.
111 · Apr 2019
tear drops on my flowers
Apple on a Rose Apr 2019
Do tear drops hold the weight to bend a single flower petal?
they come from so much energy.
an expression if you will
rounded up all our insides until they are exploding out
with no other possible way to articulate these emotions being felt
so water is produced from our eyes
and our breath is taken to a quiver
with not enough power to decrown a single petal
yet being all the energy, power and will
we can sum up.
110 · May 2019
Honesty
Apple on a Rose May 2019
How can you support someone,
while they're the reason youre needing support?
106 · May 2019
New Guy
Apple on a Rose May 2019
You're great. More than great.
Probably true too.
But how do you offer up an imcomplete version of yourslef?
How do you persue a feeling while still trying to supress and hide the feelings you know stay with another.
Its not you its me.
But its not me either.
Its him.
105 · Jun 2019
bad habit
Apple on a Rose Jun 2019
you'd rather ruin a good thing,
in attempt to control some level of hurt,
rather than soak in current happiness.
102 · Apr 2018
Untitled
Apple on a Rose Apr 2018
Do you love your job?

Then why do you choose
to spend day in day out
morning and night
with that

while your wife
and children
sit and wait at home
loving you.

"because they love money"
101 · Apr 2018
Anger
Apple on a Rose Apr 2018
I don't know how to express what I'm feeling.
to someone I love.
To someone who 'loves' me.
Yet loves to hurt me.
100 · Jun 2019
stuck
Apple on a Rose Jun 2019
how do you disemble a wall you never conciously created.
how do you let someone into the deepest parts of you when you dont even like to go there for long.
when you cant get there.
lost under the shadows of the ever growing walls.
knowing any attampt to climb would be to accecpt death.
yet to be overwhelmed under them
is to be forever lost
Therfore never truly even living.
98 · May 2019
Parenthood
Apple on a Rose May 2019
You are meant to love your children more than anything in the world.
Yet I don't think you have ever deemed anyone worthy of more love than that of which you give yourself.
But that's the funny thing.
You don't even love yourself.
Just to proud to admit to how ashamed you are.
98 · Jun 2019
Truths
Apple on a Rose Jun 2019
I just try and ruin everything before it has the chance to ruin me.
93 · Mar 2019
tired
Apple on a Rose Mar 2019
I'm a type of tired
that no amount of sleep will fix
the 8 hour recommendation and three cycles of REM
Isn't the cure I'm looking for
I'm wondering lost
though not in a dream
in an unrealistic reality
one that doesn't feel like life
all though each day will pass
a waste? or needed replenishment?
pure laziness has crossed my mind
though truth be told, many have an opinion on the matter.
Although even I do not know of the truth
perhaps it is one I ignore
or one I don't have the energy to identify.
So I just continue to wonder
lost, but not in a dream.
Tired.
91 · May 2019
Tuned
Apple on a Rose May 2019
I drown out my mind with music.
Let it say the words I don’t want to think.
90 · May 2019
Speaker blues
Apple on a Rose May 2019
I'm mad that I wanted you.
I hate that with the simplicity of a song so much can overflow back to me.
I was doing so well.
So ******* well.
Ignorance is bliss as they say.
To cut you out is to cut out that bit of myslef that was causing the pain too.
And thats how I liked it.
But as those words that leave the speaker,
So does any thought, desire or hope, that I could really just cut you out like that.
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