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I feel you lurking in the shadows
of my
     mind
and
     heart
and
     soul
A benign
reminder
sends me into orbit
out of space and time...

coppertone coated in salty perspiration...

a soundbite about weather on the other side of the country...

the crunch of pad thai.........

And there you are with
your nose pressed into the trap door
hidden deep inside me
Subtitle: Unexpected visitors

Entanglement states that two particles that have become linked in a special way can be separated to any distance-even opposite ends of the universe-and a change in one particle will be immediately reflected in the other. (M. Ireland)

Seems when my lids are shut tight
that's when my mind's eye cracks open
Clarity within the fog.....
I see a sweet little cottage
     cozy and quaint
just like a stage set for
secrets.
My approach reveals an open door
     open mind
          open heart.
There's snow blanketing the ground....
at least one representation of the
real world.
I step through the door to find
a most unexpected surprise.....
     the butterflies in my stomach emerge from dormancy
     our lips electrified
     magnetic.
This time we both try to fight it
Try* being the key word.
Off stage
     off set
           off site
I know another really important person is there.
I want to see him more
but I can't pull myself away.
He is a memory.
He has yet to visit.
He makes me feel safe
but the butterflies go back to sleep when I step away from
you.
Possibility of anything inherent in dreams......
gone

"Kam is gone. Shot himself today. **** "

never know

"He just gave up, mixture of pain pills and *****."

I'm sorry

To be so close and so distant

removed
***

Whiskey
Jag
Gin
Mary Jane
Spice
Or maybe a needle makes it nice
Pictures of women
or memories of men
Meditation to a state of Zen
Books
Words
Verbal *****
A mountain
and the urge to climb it
Binging
Purging
The razor's edge
Teddy bears
Garbage
or your beloved pet
feet, hands, tongues, sweat
the TV or
internet
living vicariously through others
or stumbling solo

You decide
where you go
That ***** of yours that rules your life
has stabbed and torn my
flesh, spirit, mind, heart
apart.

Are you blind to the carnage
in plain view?

My warm blood that you say you hold so dear
puddles and pools
coagulates and cools
in front of you.

I see your footprints walking away
leaving a trail of maroon to dry
to a dusty brown.

I am empty of
hope, trust, will, want.

You have taken all of me

my tears
my safety
my health
my self-respect
my desire
my dignity.

You have it all already.

What more could you possibly want?

I am a void

and you want more....?
Comedy or tragedy? You decide.
Did you know that you
embody three of the top ….
oh let’s say dozen pivotal
moments in my life :

Virginity
LSD
broken heart

I hear the lulls of This Mortal Coil

Only you would understand

And I understand
I Am Not Yours
but
You Are Mine

The melody of “Tarantula” and “The Lacemaker” create a sensation in my pit
and transport me to a magical plane

What a magic that was we made
Some people
just keep blowing hot air
like what they
think
or what they
say
matters
Pollution
You and I

will never be together

and

yet

I am tethered to you
I hear the dainty strain of a flute

     It is the sound of my heart

leaping

     bursting with joy

Dancing on the edge

     and pouring forth
cascades of love

one would not think the gentle melody could be so powerful.....
You make me feel like nothing
and I can’t believe
the sucker punch of those
words
How did I not see this ?

Your problem is that
A warm feeling-
or rather a layer of ice melting off
my frozen heart-
washes over me
when I read of
your
Alone-ness

Such a deserved state
for one who took solace
from others
with
your
lies
and
double-crosses

When you pretend to be a friend
you will only have
pretend friends

Such a shame you
took
and
tore
the gift of a sacred heart
from one who embraced you

Perhaps you'd not be so alone
if only you could have made the choice
to be
true
authentic

*Pathetic
I am unable to muster any sympathy for someone who could hurt others so egregiously....perhaps I will work on this in my next life.
I find myself composing while you visit me in my dreams
It's been so very long and I don't want to forget
There they are
those sparkling eyes
and
that magic mouth
In dreams you don't stay long
Fantasy and reality blend
A funeral
My grandma long dead and still a scary bad driver
You still devour me with your eyes
Even Lenny K worships me (in my dream).....
I wake up with a smile
Although you stayed only a short while
Oh please...
I've grown so tired of
your yipping and yapping,
random running from
stump to twig
leaving a trail of **** behind you-
desperate efforts to be wanted-
to belong.
But no marking allows you to possess
what doesn't belong to you.
All that you leave behind
your legacy
are piles of steaming waste
and stains dripping down bark and leaves
and that sour stench
creating the perimeter that constructs your cage
and leaves the rest of us to walk with
grace and love
in the unsullied home of our hearts.
this one's for me
If
You wanted
me
you
Would
have me
I'm told by several sources
That my one and only flaw
Is that I'm

Not here
Not there
Not where they
Need me
Want me
To be

I can agree
With the flaw part
But not the one and only
Because I'm neither

Here
Nor
There
Or
Anywhere

My imperfections are infused
Skin deep
To the depths of my
Soul
But since I am
Nowhere
I guess it matters not a bit
19 years reduced to
Meaninglessness
Nothing
The most tragic bystanders
Three innocent beautiful souls
Who never asked for this
Think about that, all you selfish despicable rapists. Babies deserve to come in to a world of truth and love .....
It is a profound coward
driving by in the dark of night
shouting threats and profanity
too psychotic and loathing of self
to show her face
I've no tolerance for the weak minded-
the pathetically insecure
monsters
of this world
who thrive and are nourished with their evil emissions
Consider yourself disregarded

I have transcended to my state of grace
Perhaps, someday you will be forgiven...
perhaps not....

We all answer to the universe
I
     I
I
     Love
and
     I
I
     I
Linger
I stopped calling

     stopped texting

             unfriended you on Facebook (LOL-not even my account....I don't have one) today

We've been friends for more than half my life

     more than friends from time to time (FWB....BFF....NSA.....OMFG!)

            and now it's like neither of us exists

Because you had to lie

     you had to hold out....lead me on

          to cover your *** for doing something I repeatedly told you to do (***!!??)

So painfully slowly I'm erasing you

      deleting you

           turning my mind off  you (IMY  :-(  XO)

*TTFN
I know
I know

                   occasionally

I need a reminder

           You too?
Don't wait for time to be kind

Don't wait for life to fall on your doorstep

You can lose in the blink of an eye

What and who is held in your heart

Don't forsake the opportunities

To let love in

Hold those dear to you

Ever closer and prepare to let go

With grace and humility
For my dad who left us today
Time and distance collapse
and I feel
H
2
O
Swollen with your scent
Touching me with the star light
that travels the
Miles and minutes
a soft caress from the past
reminds me....
A marker for you
A sort of IOU

Unpaid debt grows
An unmanageable monster
A tumor of sorts
Pockets turned inside-out
Only ever empty
Barren and brazen
You, always hungry for more
Me, starving for your cause

Wanting
Wanton
Watching
Waiting

Too many a thieves in the night

Stealing
Stalking
Skulking
Snatching

I'm paid in full
*Too bad I lost my *** on a scam (or two)
"You're a ***** girl"
you've gone too far
"The ***** is back"
actually, she never left
There's a few  varieties in this domain:
Some of us hang back, quiet
observing
armored
locked and loaded
ready to protect with that forcefield...
Alert
Aware
Buffering
Then there are those
malicious and spiteful
poised to pounce
and
take
take
take
Gluttonous
Perverted
Cruel
Which one are you?
I know where I stand.....proud....you know it doesn't matter
anyway  ;-)
I have prohibited

ALL

Invasive species

The only

Parasites

allowed

are those I grew in my own body
Can't take the chance on spy or spirit

— The End —