Sometimes, we don't have a choice
We do what we can to enjoy.

What a pain
These thoughts keep me drained
I tug at my chains
But I can't break free
From bad habits
It's a shame just to see
My whole life, I've been damaged
Sometimes, I wanna scream to the top of my lungs, but the breath inside wouldn't manage
I can't breathe. You're my tree
This oxygen is not the same.
Without you, there's no me.

I'll fall to my knees as I beg, and I plea
I'll fall to my knees as I pray for the day
I'll fall to my knees as I put this gun to my head
I'll fall..

With tears in my eyes,
I'll squeeze as I cry
Inside, I think..
I don't wanna die!!

but staying alive would be painful,
and I

I'm tired of pain.
I'm tired of seeing the same people act like they're ok .

I can see past your flesh.
I can see past your lies
I can see I'm the problem.
It's been like that all my life

Mister sweet heart,
mommas little angel, but down deep, they know I was danger.

The therapy
psychiatry
the medicine
The punishments
the lack of love filled with neglect
The hungry days won't go away
This messy home where I was raised
The secrets that I'll take to grave
With ****** hands, my soul,
the price I'd have to pay..

For all the sins I committed for being raised without proper supervision

Like a disease, I spread my infection. Who knows how many lives I've affected for having such selfish intentions.

This guilt
A collection,
it builds with suspension.
All a child needs is protection.
This reflection only shows my rejection and the holes never filled with affection,

I suppose this is why I'm different
This is why I don't fit in
This is why I don't want this
This life keeps me haunted with the past

I should've died on that rope.

Or under that truck on the road,

I should've died when I got in that car with that guy I didn't know
But God had other goals,

So that day, it poured rain as I ran home, and the blood stain washed away from my clothes,
I'm alive, but the price is my soul
Take a life, and that's how it goes.

That pocket knife was lunged in his throat!
wide eyes as he made ****** jokes.
I chose my life, but I lost all my hope

But the second his hand reached my thigh,

I didn't think twice, my trust, my pride he overstepped that line.
I'm not fine. I've never been,

The fear in his eyes I was feeling it

But that's life,
the fear of never wanting to die.
While fighting to prove you're alive.

I'm broken,
all these words left unspoken
inside my mind,
commotion all the time
The motion that they ride
To destroy what is mine
Self sabotage, but it's fine

enjoying my life like beer,
the sweetness of decorous words
A Hecklers curse.

spread rumors among birds,

(Chirp chirp)

Learned to handle pressure just to rise above herds,

I don't care what you heard
I'm a man on the verge
Losing all that I've earned,
Cruising fast down the road
Hit a bump, then I swerved
But I won't lose control.

That's what I thought, (right)
Now I'm burned in a urn,

If I crash,
you must know..

I hit a wall and relapsed,
so I'm back with the smoke.

I hit a wall, too relaxed
enjoying what I broke.

I hit a wall and then collapsed
I'm lying on this road.

Everything around me feels bitter and cold.
No better than I was at 20 years old

the older I grow,
the harder it is.
to let things go,

I'm reaching for my soul,
I'm looking at my goals
I'm thinking of my fam
I'm trying to watch them grow,

Instead, im bleeding out slow gasoline on the asphalt feeling weak, won't move, can't talk,
hear the beat of my heart stop
as the spark starts.

A word is a word and a noise is a noise

But as I'm reading these words I'm hearing no noise,

Who decides what words will mean

Who decides what noises sing

Who is right if all are wrong
Who is weak if all are strong
    Who is bad if all are good

Who would change
the world's broke view,

If given all what would you do

Everything you want is all in you

Everything you need you have it too

The desire of others
will blind your view,

Remember the blessing
not the lessons

Remember that stressing
isn't heaven

Remember the child
you once were

Remember the joy and freedom
we died for.

Her soft eyes filled with rage and hate

Her light mind allowed darkness in

In due time she'll lose her sense

Its alright,
she'll thinks it is.

Of mankind woman are frail

They're unhinged probably from hell

Don't believe off of one's tale...

Of mankind
the men

vermin

They sell
they make
they keep
exploring

A thing a place
even
a
person

They have no limits
Their minds are broken
A flute that plays hells words unspoken..

Chained against a wall,

her soft eyes filled with hate for all that crawl

The vermin came
A round of turns
Her only thought for them to burn

A loosened ***** would surely help
A sharpened tool would make them yell.

Her eyes were soft her mind was strong they thought her frail but they were wrong,

A woman holds a life inside

no man can shoulder no higher pride
A land of pigs a different sty

The next to come will surely die

She does not plan to run away

But to slay the men that choose to lay

Against her will and make her say

Make her feel unnatural ways

One by one the men takes turn

Down a hall into a room

Thinking that the previous left

They walk inside to meet their death.

Ten fingers can't count every sin,
Can't count everything that I did as kid
Do you think to forgive that you need to re-live the experience again,
to go back to a place you don't wanna face
retrace every step of the hurt and the pain,
remind yourself why you went through the change.
Then ask yourself is it worth it..

Today.

Lately/
I've been going of the rails
Ima probably go to hell,
For some tale I shouldn't tell
Ima probably go to jail
For some soul I shouldn't ****
Satan/
would gladly take my will
Chain it
Lock it
bolt it-

Fail-
Is what I've done..

Harm caused to everyone,
Sweaty palms
A loaded gun
Trigger happy!
set it off!
Oops.
This victim is the wrong one.
Still I gotta run
For what I've done
Can't say sorry if I'm killing everyone!

"****** huh"?

Yeah I'm a ****** duh!

Sociopathic
empath

"what"?

I'll make no sense
like eating chicken butts.

Twenty seven years,
That's at least 20 million tears.
How the F I make it here,
Man I should've died
So many times,
But God always.
Save my life,
I wonder why?
I ain't that special,
I have a F'd up mental
Childhood was hospital beds, boo!
Broken bones.
Swollen throat, this was my life.
I don't just write, it's not a joke.
Can God tell me why he saved little a kid
Was it worth it,
After everything he did
Not to mention the person,
He's become.
Sometimes we all look up,
We ask a question...
the sky stays shut
We feel this pain
this thought of giving up.
But wait,
there's always someone there to say.
It's gonna be ok,
How they know.
Do they have proof they can show,
A posession that they hold
that'll give me a just a little bit of hope..
Welp the answer always nope,
It's just words, coming out they throat.
So.....
In thee end it doesn't matter where we go, I'm not suicidal, I'm just tired.
My surroundings are expired.
I'm over due in my time
A new place is what I need to find..
The place I'm in now...
isn't good for my mind....

I'm in a world of lost hope
It's like nobody knowss.
What they want unless they're told.

Fighting with demons
They're swinging and hitting
I'm screaming
I'm losing, they're winning!
I'm feeling defeated,
a heathen who's taken a beating,
Without a religion
Untreated since *****,
But God is forgiving
So I keep on sinning.
Smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging,
like F--- it's nothing.
I'll lie to my conscience say,
trust me I got it
I got this, the problem's I'm lying,
I'm dying, for change
I'm crying, it's strange
I'll look at my family's face,
Tell em I am ok.
They won't believe what I say
So I'll put a display
have it all on replay
When I visit it's a shame
But we all play the game
Cause we're all built the same
It's the family name.

Fighting with demons
While working like slaves
We all want money and need to get paid
So mommy my sister my brothers my cousin's N aunty my grandma uncle and grandpy.
I love you so much miss you so badly,
sadly I needed to leave
to grow like a tree
with beautiful leaves
when you walk through the darkness that's what you'll see
I am not heartless it's an act for the sheep,
The people who think they know about me
They dont know sh--
cause rumors are free.

Life in the city.....
Ah,
It's sooo pretty....
it's not half bad.

The I job I have
is a pain but that'll never change
the place I live is the same but that's hard to change
The people around me negative vibes
Sensitive guys
so hard to try
to just be alright
When you're living this life
If you can't see the light
When darkness in sight
Would you fail with your might
If you held all your pride
Would you haul it aside
Would you it keep inside
The answers obvious,
but you never try so tell me you used all your might and your pride
you just toss it aside.
cause you try to be nice
so you're f---ing your life
take it out on the kids and your wife.
What you need is..
therapy
psychiatry
Alot ****, no!
a rehab facility
A melody serenity Enter me eternally
take away the demons that talk to me frequently
in the night I can't sleep,
scary dreams!
In the day
Self suffering destructing myself
I'm wrecking my health
I'm not depressed.
I'm just busy *** hell
Trying pay all the bills
don't got time to stand still
But I got a strong will
So I promise I will succeed
buy anything you ever need
Everything will all be free,
House and cars with big TVs
Doesn't matter what it cost to me..
your the family the reason I'm aiming for luxury.
The reason I wont fail,
I'll succeed
Ain't nothing stopping me
but me.

Fighting with demons
I'm swinging and hitting
I'm winning
I'll make it,
not kidding
They're screaming they're losing
Cause I've been abuse N defeated mistreated by people who needed
Some love and attention.
Well now they will get it
It's not the perspective they imaged.
But I ain't forgiving.
The sinners of sinning
I'm smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging
Like f--- it's nothing
I'll lie to my conscience say,
trust me I got
I got this,

the problems I'm lying.

When will I,
Take my own advice.
When will I,
Change for better life.
When will I,
Be a better person.
When did I,
Begin to sin and worsen.
When did I,
Lose myself in the world.
When did I,
Begin to treat others cruel.
How can I,
Find the answers quick.
How can I,
Fight these cancer sticks.
How can I,
Learn from my mistakes.
Where will I,
Find the place that's great.
Where will I,
Find my inner peace.
Where will I,
Let loose and release.
Where did I,
Go, I feel lost.
Where did I,
Gain this heart of frost.
Where did I,
Find the bad vibes.
Can I,
Take my own advice.
Can I,
change for better life.
Can I,
Do it, and be alright.

Every step is like a brick



With a lesson behind it



And every brick that you lay



Builds fortune for better days

I don't do nothing
No I dont do nothing
I dont do nothing
No I don't do a single thing

Shes always talking
And it ain't that gossip
It's always non sense

Cause she's trying to say
that I dont do ****

What!

Yo I swear this chick has lost her ****

Before me who did everything

I mean before me it was just you
All alone,
in a home taking care of yo self
But now you got me and you want me to do everything without any help

What the hell
This isn't love or relationship
Its ownership,
you're trying to own a *****
But I ain't no ***** you the one who's gonna wash that dish go on get ******
You ain't gon do **** except probably
Scream be mean throw ****
With look on your face that's so UGLY.

Oh ****! (Duck)

I don't do nothing
No I dont do nothing
I dont do nothing
No I don't do a single thing


I swear everytime I get comfortable that's when you come in the room
With a ****** mood,
I should probably swing at you
But I never would I mean I never could
I'll just trip you
then say oops...

Run away with a silly grin on my face
Like hee hee hee

You can't catch me

But you will catch me
washing dishes
Sweeping
mopping
scrubbing toilets
All this for one purpose

You already know it.

Giggity
I'm trying get jiggly and wiggily
under the blanket
with my *****
and she won't touch my ******
unless I go and clean

My mind keeps taking me back to the happy memories the rooms filled with laughter and family,
Even tho I know that's not the case,
I can't stand to look at your ******* face,
I'll sit down to take a break
Stand back up and **** my teeth
Tell me what it was
that changed our history
tell me what I did that you can't forgive
Bcoz I've been trying hard as **** to keep you in,
Even when my heart keeps trying to pump you out
Tell me what I did wrong so we can figure this **** out.
If you haven't noticed I'm still around
I'll come to town,
I'll let you know I'm coming down
But you never show up,
come on now!
I got two kids,
I don't got time for special visits
If you wanna be part of my life make yourself present.

I'm done trying to impress my friends
I'm done trying to keep you in
I'm done trying to keep my family from falling apart
I'm done trying to fix everyone
So **** em all.
I'm done caring..

"bcoz on Thanksgiving
Yah made it clear
This family ain't even worth the saving.
****!"

maybe some of yah was with it
The rest,
PATHETIC.
oh did I hit a nerve with that word.
Good,
They say I've been feeling cold
it's the weather It's about to snow.

Sometimes I feel God gave me a role that I can't control
a place in life
that I can't let go
your face with mine
they'll never glow
Not like before

It's more like the emoji sticker everyone thought was chocolate ice cream a long time ago.
****..

It's like the harder I try the harder things become for us idk..

A replacement for my memories is all I really need, some better energy.
erase every body who doesn't **** with me everyone who says New York is changing me
Everyone who fake smiles in my face
All you ******* need to be replaced. I dont give a **** if you think this ***** wrong
I dont care if it's just stage I'm on
Just coz we're in different states,
You wanna act like strangers, done.
ok great now no need to be fake
I'll put this **** out in the open
be warned,
ODD the bad omen has awoken
more of that topic will be spoken
for now just know that I'm broken.
Never hopeless always hoping
maybe this **** is just for the moment.
I really hope it cause growing up ****

We'd ride to die,
you was always by my side we planned out our whole life's as we talked outside now it hurts to see that ******* look in your eyes.
A ******* look I despise
this is goodbye to you guys mostly the ones in disguise,
I can't stand by a person who doesn't try
While I'm handing out smiles and **** like mister nice guy trying to crack jokes  like the old times all I ever get is false replies
like I can't see how you really feel through those human eyes.
It's no surprise...


I remember summer nights we'd ride our bikes
I remember sitting down while picking fights
I remember we used to play fight and
real fight,
Nothing got in our way.
I remember boat fishing.
searching places with our flashlights
I remember working out in our basement while listening to linkiin park for the first time.
I remember alot of accidents
You was always part of it!

I remember my best friends..

I guess these Memories is all I have left.

How'd it happened?
You'd never imagine
Chaos and madness
Secrets in the ad libs
Secret is the message
Secret is the plot
Secrets are kept
death tolls are not
Swept in a place left there to rot
The warning was given
Pray for his risen
The lands ain't forgiving
In the horizon expulsions
Corruption slave ships
Destruction, restrictions
The victims all siblings resembling
In image different in pigment
your hatrid resent it,
think with a lesser aggression stop the oppression this **** is depressing
so many lives lost but what is the message
Your life, how was it affected?
Tell me, how is it infected?
we come from different perspectives
What? You can't accept it.

Soo um,
that makes killing ok then?
Are you even human?
Do you have any feelings?

I'ma just assume you're a demon
Cause only a Satan spawn could think that wrong is right and right is wrong,
You're only seeing where you come from and still you judge
spewing things like
"Enough's-enough's
thank God for our Presidents they've  done so much.."
Open up your eyes I think that they're shut.
A life is a life it doesn't matter
"But"
But
but, nothing
a life is a life
we all have family.

I really wish I could understand more
Plan for
Handle
All gore
Unload my stress
Take this of my chest
Coz I ain't even trying my best
I just act like life ain't sh**
While still holding on to it
So desperate,
Bcoz If i really hated it
I'd just call it quits
But I never do,
I have to tight a grip
Holding on to something I swear is harming me
still I wanna breathe.

Sometimes I get,

stuck in my head,

Replaying all the **** that we said
Reliving all the **** that I did.

Sometimes I think,

This life is a trip,

Moment you fall asleep

You're scared awake
Back in the grip
Of a leather snake
That snaps at your neck,

We could all be great
But our thoughts and trust are a mess,

I'm a virtual recluse
nonetheless,

I try my best,

Not to stray to a noose.

Heart in chest..

It bleeds
Like little Kids,

with scraped knees.

We all live
but only some of us really breathe,

rest of us are struggling

some are worst in suffering
I've been cursed to not give in
I've been told I'm meant for things
I've been held up,
Lion King.

Call me Simba..

I'll leave,
come back again,

Change is something
I never did

I just ACT accordingly,

to surroundings.

It all depends who's around then,

DOESN'T make me fake!

look at all the greats
they didn't carry HATE
Learning how to act,

only elevates.

Try to regulate a better mindset,

Before your mind sets
in a place you'll regret...

Everyone makes mistakes

Everyone's trying to change

Everyone thinks the strange

Everyone points to blame

Everyone ain't the same!!

I will never be like none of y'all...

One of a kind,

word to God..

I'm a God

I'm a king

ima have everything
I ever wanted,

First I need to take a step
out of my head,

Because the thoughts like to spread

Causing dread
Dangling of a thread..

The noose is hung up
take a step
I might just wind up dead
With some regrets

Thinking of everything
I could've done or could've been,


Stuck inside my head.

If I jumped would you watch me
If I'd fall would you catch me
If I'm sad would you hug me
If I'm mad you won't touch me

Every moment I think carefully
Then I see you walk around carelessly
I wonder if your love would match that of mine
I wonder if you are the other half I'm supposed to find

But then I wonder what would you do
If I fell for you, if you saw me sad would you hug me too and if I get mad would you see us through
I'd jump at the chance to know the truth

God's been trying to stop my downfall
But we all know I'm a lost cause
Been this way since my Pops crossed,
Over to the other side,
no more ha ha's
No more play time
saying da da
Where's my papa?
Why so much drama?
That's what I asked my mama
As she sat me down to tell me,
blah blah..
That's the day
she told me I lost my father.
The first time I kept my emotions bottled,
Practice for the future I'd follow
Even tho it only lasted about an hour...

My anxiety, it's been haunting me.
One variety, it's come threatening.
Innocent, is what I think.
I don't deserve to live like this
To live like this, it's so hellish
An antidote, is what I wish.
I'm desperate!
When I walk by and they all laugh
i think a joke has hit,
I wonder who they're targeting
If the targets me..
Now that's anxiety!
I know, the dangerous variety
Cause I can't trust in
no human.
Yet I want to be with them,
I want to be accepted in.
So late at night I toss and turn
Cause now I know it's all coming,
Those voices they won't stop talking...
Can you hear the words?

They're beautiful,

but yet haunting.

Evil was beside himself,
he never really had nobody else.

He never took care of his health,
he never cared what others thought
Cause deep inside he knew he was,

made to rot.

It all goes back to that first thought
when all was dark and all was black
when there was no sign of a thought
emotions lacked
He held them back
He learned to act and take attacks and when he snips,
They all get mad.

Ahahaha!

Its fun for him
The game thats played

Its fun for him
The **** they say

He knows they're weak and tempting him

They're trying to stir the ***
He's in,

but this guy's been kicked
since he was,

a little kid...

He stepped in ****,
And took a lick
his sick as ****
Just look at him
Perverted ****
I'm sick of him

But they keep lurking in
With **** to say,

Its on replay
Oh blah blah blah

You're not a threat
You're ignorant
and childish!

You're full of ****..

Everytime he speaks they ******* cringe but they're watching him like a netflix binge

Identity- is

im-per-fec-ted

Yet they think he should be perfect

Like they're perfect

no ones perfect

But it'll be worth it,
As he keeps working
On whats inside,

Oh **** the surface!
Yeah **** the surface
when your insides hurting

So keep on judging
And ill keep on working..

In the end we will see who's the better person...

Just don't lose focus on how you act when someone's in the rut eating scraps,
when someone's in the slums living with rats and roaches all that gross ****,
dont lose focus on how you act

Cause when they make it
You're gonna want a pay day
When they make it,
the haters will come say

Hey!
I knew you could do it,

Yeah ******* trick
I knew I could do it,
Commitment and focus
And alot of dead ends

But wait!!

til the end
Evil always wins...

I'm wondering,

why is it such a struggle
to be a human being,
why is it so hard
to be alive and breathing
Why are we scarred
left mentally bleeding
Hiding the tears so no one can see them

Why is it

when

things get hard
the first thought

Is

**** this I'm leaving!!

Why you keeping me at distance

Haven't you seen the marks

they're just like wristbands

They're all around my heart,

You can not miss em..

you actually do

Another face in a crowd

Do I even know you..

Why is it we don't say alot of things out loud
we hold these words in
letting them tear us down

Limb by limb

But you won't

hear a sound,

Even when my eyes
Are full sadness
You'll just focus on my smile
hoping that I'll manage

you wouldn't want to be a part of my life if you knew I was damaged

To all the people I've abandoned
I'm sorry
This clown has been lost in madness



I just hate it because
I swear I'm surrounded by Angels
even when every turn
I take is screaming out danger

I'll take that step,
I could never hate you
Still I have no regrets
To way that we got here

To try and replace you would be like shifting into a fake gear
Car wouldn't get anywhere
you're one of a kind
I love you my dear..


I made alot bad moves
Trusted in all the wrong dudes
Try fit in with ****** world views

God gave me a perspective unlike any other
still I'm not perfect
I'm trying to do better


it's just hard when you lose yourself
When you try to give it all to god
Then they make you think
that's not enough,

That's when you'll stop showing love
That's when you'll stop looking up

You wanna fit in so badly

That's when you'll start feeling dark

That's when your mind starts thinking stuff
making you doubt everyone you ever knew and loved

Making you feel like you're not good enough,

I won't be the first


I hope I'm not the last

To tell you
it's to let go of the past
It's ok to give someone a pass
It's ok to open up and laugh

You don't have to over think everything

over thinking everything

In a small explanation is-

We're all boats and every negative thought is another sink hole
Stop letting them in,

let it all go

Forget about the pain

I promise with God beside you you'll see yourself grow.

I promise with God beside you you'll always feel whole

Let it all go....

I grew up around violence and bad things,
Blood gushing,
broken bones.
People screaming out for help
I swear that is was hell,
But, it also felt like home
it's the place I like to go when I'm alone
All the sins I've done
I should atone
Never will, that's a nope.
Why ask for forgiveness,
when it's never that authentic, no!
When they say that they accept it, soooo.
I rather let my soul just rot with all the thoughts I got about the things I did as a younger kid,
cause I'm still a kid only difference is my age is different but inside I'm still a kid hoping maybe this is it maybe this is the one way to release.
If I ask for forgiveness,
you'd say yes but your eyes don't agree.

I can see they don't agree
I can see they don't like me
I can see it's not the same

I've caused alot pain
Never sat down to explain
Never said,
I'm sorry to your face
Just a text or post,
your reply,
always the same
something,
like it's ok.
It's just a phase we'll make it past this.
It's just the day,
I'm not to certain
When that will be.
But I promise it'll be
just like the old times you and me,
me and you us together stuck like glue
I know that's corny that's the old me you don't see,
You're focused on the misery
all my trickery,
our old history
to solve this injury now that's the mystery,
I'll get all jittery
I'll never have this victory!
Tell me it's not witchery
When you lose your family
Cuz of something bad you did,
They can't forgive even tho they say they did
their eyes speak differently,
It's something you can see
You can't hear it with your ears
Trust your senses,
they are clear...
That family isn't here
They disappeared,
I'll show no tears
even if it means for years
Just know the day we reunite
We'll have a couple beers
have some cheers..
hopefully then..
They are real.

Something new
give me something new
Give me something new
Give me something new
Something new
give me something new
Give me something new
Give give something new
Something new

These words are worst than a punch
They'll go through your soul,
Make you lose touch.
Make us think love isn't enough.
I'm so ******* up,
my thoughts have rot,
I'm stuck inside a box,
I climbed into, it was for fun.
Didn't think that I get stuck
Now I'm looking up,
waiting for someone to pull me out.
been a long time now,
I know they won't come
I think love is just a sound
That we make with our mouth.
I love you. yeah me too.
Next week, you're thinking wow.
How could they leave,
a month later you feel relieved.
now deep down you believe
You didn't need anybody
I think it's funny.
The deception of love,
it's imperfect to all.
Still we search for it
like when looking for a jobs,
We're protecting our hearts
Putting up all these walls.
But I promised,
I'd give you my all.
From beginning to end.
But if you're giving your all
why is there an end,
It doesn't make sense.

You'll never be better than anyone by trying to be better than everyone only when you're better than yourself will you be better.

I have a different mindset.
I've learned to deal with regrets.
I've learned to heal and breathe in exhaling air with my stress,
just another process,
just another small step
leading to my success..

I would follow prophets
Not understand the message
Even when I doubted,
I was blessed and gifted
Now that I am rising,
I hope the rest get lifted
Look down like ah ****
I hope that Y'all don't miss this

What kind of future do you want, hmm.
I can't really get a thought, thruuu.
Wondering what direction I'll go, too....


There's no proof..
on how to live

We just copy other men
Other trends..

others might just
accept us in,
if we pretend

Hiding our pain under false pretense
But the music in the back ground
It plays suspense,

You're smiling in public but the pains sunked in

You're drunk in addiction and bad habits

You're stuck with an anger
you've had since a kid...


Sad little outcast stuck in a frame with alot of bad contrast harassed with no shame,

Leyfred is my past.

let it be 87 again

Before I was born into a world full of sin,

when my eyes didn't analyze
every moment I live,

Wondering,
what if

again and again
And again
And again!!

And the gain,

is a pain an invisible weight
without a restraint

And to hate is a shame,
everyone's just
trying to live

To compete is the same,
It's always better to give

Understanding instead of trying to argue and fight over things,


Comprehending...

we're all human beings,

Trying to rise up above evil doings.....


Every struggle you face
Is preparation for the future that's paved

Everything that you say
could be heard out of context,

Then exploited in ways

That would lead all astray

Never feel the need to explain

This life is all staged
Everyone plays the same game,

So make sure your batteries are charged

It goes on for decades..

Some sellout,

some never change,

Some evolve,

Some are just strange,

Some are lost

Some are the same..


Son of God

That's who I am...

Passing notes in school-
with the hope I don't look too fool -ish.

If I had one wish!
It would be to always have you arms length,
Any more than that,
I'm des-perate,
never met anyone like you
so perfect
Loves worth it,
only if your the person to spend with.

My whole life I've been waiting
for something like this
All my hopes, scream!
you say yesss
Goosebumps running
up and down all my limbs,
Baby you're the only thing
That could make me less huuuu-man

Don't let the things people are
assuuuming

Come between me and your lips
Don't read my book by its cover cause it's covered in loss
I've Breaking pieces off
To give to those who don't have alot
But deep down inside I know your the glue I lack
Pick me up and back on track

All I need is for you to replyyyy back.


By saying
Yes.
I accept you
Yes.
I'll defend you
Yes.
I'll be there for you
Yes.
For everything thing possible

Broken arms
Broken legs
Used to have a mark around my neck
You don't know what it's like
to be close to death,
He took my breath
All this water starting coming in
He's my bestest friend.
There's no pretend
He wants me dead...
It's been like that since I was born
(My mom told me the doc almost dropped me on the floor.)
So I'm not just saying it
to say it I mean it when I say it,
Death has been the closes friend
From beginning to my end.
He's always there just waiting
In anticipation I'm pretty sure he's anxious, an ancient soul with more patience and only one goal.

Tenacious, so I won't let go
There's more, so much more
Yes so much more.
So many things I haven't seen before
So many flavors that never touch my tounge, I want it all,
every feeling that touches our skin,
I wanna experience everything
before I ever loosen my grip
Before I take that single breath
Before I lose the spirit we have within
I want see it
Touch it
Smell it
Taste it
And live it all
Death can keep calling but I'm not ready to take that call.
Never have I ever
Is something I never ever wanna say
I want stories I can tell for days
I want passionate moments with truth in them.
I want to much to write down,
But I don't ever want to die, now.
Cause I've already drowned,
only darkness stood around.
When the bump of my heart stopped it's pound.
It wasn't the first time either cause before that I stopped breathing
bad fever.
Even then darkness stood all around
No sense of touch,
thoughts or a single sound...

I'm that one family member everyones worried about, that one person that can make you smile but doesnt ever smile when he comes around.

They're whispering saying things
I shouldn't think filling my head,
with hatrid!
I feel depressed, I can not manage this,
I feel the quits, they're sneaking up
I hear the cricks I hear the creaks,
I feel defeat
I'm panicking so this is it
I failed to live.
I'm giving up
I'm giving in
I don't deserve to live like this,
So what it'll be.
A knotted rope
Or a slit wrist...

Will I finally get my rest
Who deserves all of this?
At least in death,
we have, a restful guess..

What's happened to us
We've been falling apart
We used to be like a door and a ****
A curtain and rod
like wine and some cheese
or chips with the dip
Us together,
the perfect of fits.

I'm an evil villain painted in the darkest image,

everyone thinks

I'm just an idiot

I don't care
I'm just living,

Look at my teeth
ugh
They're  hideous!

I'm a miscreant,
I'm too serious, inconsiderate,

I'm in need of immediate assistance

But...

not single human gets me,

so I keep my distance
Never had a best friend,

always the third wheel,

This pattern is consistent
been that way since way back when

20

Oh

6


When everyone thought the world would end
six
six
six

I wasn't created
to
fit
In,

I was born for greater things.

When I spread my wings
They'll look up

Is it a bird
Is it a plane,

Nah
I know exactly what they'll say
One word..

LAME!

Ahahaha

Shame me..
blame me..
hate me ..
Rate me..

You're just mad.
you don't phase me.

Shame me..
Blame me..
Hate me..
Rate me..

You're just mad.
you don't phase me.

Ahahaha!!

Try to regulate a better mindset
Before your mind sets
in a place you'll regret

It's depressing
to live in a world that's broken
and infected with so much hatrid

Y'all don't know the pain I've been thru all the **** I went thru would change you and make you just hate you

When you hate yourself ain't nothing the world can do
to break you
And to break through
trust
no one can help you
Its up to you to make moves
Up to you to make do

Up to you to break through
One wrong move
and you're left in the same ol loop
Looking in the mirror like
What the ****
I do

Questions never answered
You think you should cancel
Yourself,
not really thinking bout
nobody else
Its a pain unlike anything else
when you feel you're all by yourself
And nobody else understands
of your hell

Or maybe you never tell
So you're sitting in a well
Hoping all gets well
Surrounded by the feelings that put you there

Nothing else..

The darkness overwhelms
Overwhelmed you decided **** it life is hell
So you never share how you really feel and that's a raw deal
those emotions will build up,
and you will be stuck,

only way to heal is if you speak up
get a hug find some love
if you ain't finding none
change it up same routine will leave you stuck in a rut,
changed it up.

Meet someone save someone
You never know who has a loaded gun
Pointed up to there chin
Cause they think that their life *****
Open up before its too late for anyone to show up
you don't want them showing up on rainy day looking glum because they didn't get the chance to save someone they truly loved,

at the end of the day,
we all have someone
who would listen up so hit em up before pain keeps you stuck with the thought of giving up.
Don't give up

I used to be a kid with nothing
Living in the suburbs
Never using curse words
Then I lost something,
They say,
it's God given.
This spirit,
that lives within
Which is now a grown kid,
Adult with no super vision given.

He looked up with a tear in his eye
asking why,
as we often do when facing a moment of hardship.
He wanted to know why he was
the way he is,
what was the purpose?
Why would the lord allow him
to see the thoughts of others
To sense the presence of evil.
Yet having the inability to do anything
With it because if he expresses his
gift/cursed; If he were to let anyone know, they would leave. He knows this to be true, for he has tried to befriend those who knew and they would only wander further away from his grace.

Therefore he asks,

Why?
So many negative thoughts
So much hate so much anger
A relentless amount of sadness
Shielded by a great wall of pride.

Why show a man everything.

Why give a man a shield with no sword and throw him against fierce dragons that breath fire, why let a man be haunted with the visions he sees in the minds of all others..

What purpose does this serve him
what lesson is there to be learned.
How could he ever keep those thoughts at bay.

He would tried everything
even if it meant it had to be done in sin,
the man was overwhelmed with this gift.
He felt the thoughts becoming his own, his heart was now tainted he could feel the black stain that had taken refuge inside.
All he truly wanted was peace of mind,
The hardest thing to find in this plain and he knows it to be true for he has seen the thoughts of so many surely it was plenty, He has yet to find a mind filled with peace, even those who praise God and speak on his behalf raising certainties out of despair and telling us the voice in the sky cares,
even those poor beaten souls had darkness surrounding their weak feeble minds
How can a man born into sin forged by sin only to be raised by sin surrounded by sin everyday, how can this man overcome the demons
how can he overcome the voices
how can he be the pillar that the lord expects him to be..
His counsel never sought
his appeal full of rot
Can the lord honestly say
it's the man who forgot..

Of course, see in his mind in his grace he sees a planet full of free will
a planet filled with everything we could possibly need a planet that was made for those who fought bravely in the holy grail war a planet for everyone to be humble...

He didn't except the free will to be used the way it has been used for centuries only to satisfy your own selfish needs only to help you get to where you need.

We all have a conscious that tells us it's wrong, why do it
We all have a conscious that tells us when someone is need of a hug,
You don't do it why

We all have a conscious that let's us see as clear as day and as bright as the sun the pain our words can cause the recieving end
why'd you say that?

Why allow rage to overcome common sense, where does it end.

Tell me does treating other people poorly really help you sleep at night does it give you any type of inner peace does it bring the lord closer to your heart? Or does it only fuel the hate that spreads like a blaze out in a dry forest
Where beauty once laid

You can be as appealing to world
as you think you should
follow everything that's publicize by fake news let the celebrities tell you
What to do, only to be left empty
Searching for a way to find that missing mood
you'll see the clues you'll know exactly what you need to do.
But you never do
Why force yourself to live
with ill contempt
allow yourself to give in with no consent
allow yourself to lose the closes friends
Was your pride really more important than all of them
Why allow yourself to wake only to think "Yup this is it".

This isn't how it was intended

Why do you keep pretending

Preventing any help that's ever offered

from taking a step in

Is pride really worth all of it
Is pride really worth losing it
Your own self esteem and confidence
If You think you're confident
you're not
you're just ignorant
living thinking that you know everything
You don't even know how to live

This

Is

Not

The

End

It was an ordinary day just like any other day, the same routine as always. Except today wasn't.
I was walking on my way to school it was a nice day the sun was bright and there was this cool wind that kept you at just the right temperature.
As I was look up walking down the street the smell of burning wood hits my nose, I take my eyes away from the sky and begin to look around then I notice it. A burning building with a group of people gathered outside it was at the end of a no entry street. I ran over out of curiosity I've never seen a fire so big, so I didn't get to close. I noticed this lady crying and yelling something, once I made out what she was saying my heart dropped, she was yelling that there was a group of kids still in there. The teacher watching them hasn't been seen either so its assumed she's still in there too. We lived in a town where firetrucks weren't a few minutes away everyone knew with the size of the fire there was no way they'd make it out. I decided I had to be a hero at this moment. I ran over to a small street stand and bought a water bottle the cashier was smug enough to say, one bottle isn't enough for that fire. I didn't find it amusing maybe he was just trying to sell more bottles but it felt more like a smart pun. I took my shirt off and pour all the water over it then I wrapped the shirt around my face hoping maybe it would stop any smoke from coming into my lungs, that's when I ran into this burning building.
A building I've never entered before... at this moment I had no idea where I was going but the lady said they were on the first floor, it shouldn't be to hard to find them right? The heat of the fire was intense I was sweating the minute I entered, it felt like I was being cooked alive, I thought maybe I should've bought more waters to pour over myself, too late to go back now. As I'm making my way past burning rooms, it looked like a daycare or something, I hear the screams of kids. Yes! I found them! I was excited but came to realize a beam was blocking the only path out, I didn't know what to do. The rest of the path was a clear run through just hot and dangerous, of course but it was a clear run. How do I move this beam? I couldn't just let them die. I was already here, I was already inside the building looking at their frightened faces. I had to man up, shirtless I leaned in and grabbed the beam with my bare hands I let out an agonizing scream. My hands were already blistering, my flesh turning red and peeling off. I couldn't let go, I gave it all I had while in this incredible pain I've never felt. Just a little more, I thought to myself as I let out one last grunting push to move the beam. The kids, still frightened and confused didn't know what to do to. I was in pain, I didn't have any energy left in me. My shirt was dry from the heat, I was already inhaling smoke, so I just yelled run! So we all ran straight down this burning hallway. My body was in so much pain, my arms felt so weak and heavy, my legs began to drag. The exit was so close...

to be continued.

Terrorized with what you see
in your eyes
no surprise
It's why you hate your life all the timeeeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!
Why you hate yo life
All the timeeeee?
You can change and be alrighttt..
With yo lifee
with yo lifee
just change yo life
You'll be alright,
You gotta
gotta
gotta
take a step
Don't look back,
No Regrets
Don't forget
Be the threat
Make them sweat
Be the jet
Close the set
No reset
Better than what you were,
Now reflect.

this the time for change
breaks those chains,
what is shame?
show them pain
show them everything no restraints
I'ma pour out my brains

No heart?
it's strange.

been like that since day one,

One day!

I'ma have money saved up
I'ma buy luxury items
I'ma be called King
Amongst other things
I'ma make my family filthy rich
No one will ever have to work for ****..

This is the dream
I am the key
the door is right in front of me
so what will it be,
My hand is trembling
An addicts worst bestfriend.
More scared than I've ever been
Fear means something is differ-rent
Cause we fear the differ-rence
lost in a comfort bubble of giving in..
I'm done giving up
Cement hasn't hardened
who's stuck?
The glue hasn't dried
So run
Just run
runnn run!

Everytime my emotions build up
inside of me I would run until everything was hurting me
til I got the side pain
I exploited it
I used that pain
to get away from the heartache..
We all find a way
I don't ever wanna hear you say
you can't change.