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140 · Dec 2023
Ready set action
Anthony Collazo Dec 2023
If my life was a movie, it'd be painful to watch
Second hand embarrassment the minute it starts
140 · Jun 2019
Dark storys
Anthony Collazo Jun 2019
Part 2
Born out of darkness
Sworn to be heartless
Torn down to small bits
Horns on a savage
Thorns deep in my head.
Mourn for the undead,
Formed all *******
Arms around their neck
Charmed into breaking them.
Because,
killing for me is evident
Don't you see the evidence
Gun residue from the next door residence.

With ****** hands.
he's running, dam.
One last time to see his fam
tell his momma he's sorry,
Let her know his story,
media outlets turn everything ugly..
So he's running all these thoughts rushing
his hearts pumping
that's when he hears the sound of a gun cocking.
Bang!
Everything stops then...

The shooter missed, he hid real quick.
The shooter yells, I'll get you yet.
He hears the steps he starts to sweat
he killed a man was this revenge,
He's thinking fudge it, this it.
the steps get close, he sees the grip
he goes to tackle in self defense.
Both men down
struggling,
swinging fist,
wrestling.
Trying to live.
Human beings,
this is it.
Doesn't matter who you is,
When the guns at your feet
it's you or him,
Bang! bang!
Now he killed another man! Dam
the brother to the other man! Fam...

With ****** clothes a runny nose
He sees his home, he's getting close,
Two cop cars pull up real slow.
Blue, and red, start to glow,
They yell hands up, he refused
That's when the cops start to shoot,
Bullets flying, sizzling by.
he's just a kid he starts to cry
The mom clueless opens quick!
He jumps in front before it hits....

To be continued.
139 · Jan 2022
Death of inner
Anthony Collazo Jan 2022
A word is a word and a noise is a noise

But as I'm reading these words I'm hearing no noise,

Who decides what words will mean

Who decides what noises sing

Who is right if all are wrong
Who is weak if all are strong
    Who is bad if all are good

Who would change
the world's broke view,

If given all what would you do

Everything you want is all in you

Everything you need you have it too

The desire of others
will blind your view,

Remember the blessing
not the lessons

Remember that stressing
isn't heaven

Remember the child
you once were

Remember the joy and freedom
we died for.
Once we became adults our inner child died with our freedom
137 · Oct 2021
A brick at a time
Anthony Collazo Oct 2021
Every step is like a brick



With a lesson behind it



And every brick that you lay



Builds fortune for better days
137 · Oct 2020
I'm bitter I mean better
Anthony Collazo Oct 2020
You'll never be better than anyone by trying to be better than everyone only when you're better than yourself will you be better.
137 · Feb 2021
Judged by my Surface
Anthony Collazo Feb 2021
Evil was beside himself,
he never really had nobody else.

He never took care of his health,
he never cared what others thought
Cause deep inside he knew he was,

made to rot.

It all goes back to that first thought
when all was dark and all was black
when there was no sign of a thought
emotions lacked
He held them back
He learned to act and take attacks and when he snips,
They all get mad.

Ahahaha!

Its fun for him
The game thats played

Its fun for him
The **** they say

He knows they're weak and tempting him

They're trying to stir the ***
He's in,

but this guy's been kicked
since he was,

a little kid...

He stepped in ****,
And took a lick
his sick as ****
Just look at him
Perverted ****
I'm sick of him

But they keep lurking in
With **** to say,

Its on replay
Oh blah blah blah

You're not a threat
You're ignorant
and childish!

You're full of ****..

Everytime he speaks they ******* cringe but they're watching him like a netflix binge

Identity- is

im-per-fec-ted

Yet they think he should be perfect

Like they're perfect

no ones perfect

But it'll be worth it,
As he keeps working
On whats inside,

Oh **** the surface!
Yeah **** the surface
when your insides hurting

So keep on judging
And ill keep on working..

In the end we will see who's the better person...

Just don't lose focus on how you act when someone's in the rut eating scraps,
when someone's in the slums living with rats and roaches all that gross ****,
dont lose focus on how you act

Cause when they make it
You're gonna want a pay day
When they make it,
the haters will come say

Hey!
I knew you could do it,

Yeah ******* trick
I knew I could do it,
Commitment and focus
And alot of dead ends

But wait!!

til the end
Evil always wins...
136 · Jan 2020
End the hate
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
How'd it happened?
You'd never imagine
Chaos and madness
Secrets in the ad libs
Secret is the message
Secret is the plot
Secrets are kept
death tolls are not
Swept in a place left there to rot
The warning was given
Pray for his risen
The lands ain't forgiving
In the horizon expulsions
Corruption slave ships
Destruction, restrictions
The victims all siblings resembling
In image different in pigment
your hatrid resent it,
think with a lesser aggression stop the oppression this **** is depressing
so many lives lost but what is the message
Your life, how was it affected?
Tell me, how is it infected?
we come from different perspectives
What? You can't accept it.

Soo um,
that makes killing ok then?
Are you even human?
Do you have any feelings?

I'ma just assume you're a demon
Cause only a Satan spawn could think that wrong is right and right is wrong,
You're only seeing where you come from and still you judge
spewing things like
"Enough's-enough's
thank God for our Presidents they've  done so much.."
Open up your eyes I think that they're shut.
A life is a life it doesn't matter
"But"
But
but, nothing
a life is a life
we all have family.
Racism is never going to stop you have to have tolerance to keep those dark thoughts at bay we will never see eye to eye but we can live side to side if we actually tried.
136 · Dec 2019
Copy/Paste
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
Where is the darkness we all sow?
Everyday I read a poem.

It's always the same thing,

I've loved.
I've lived.
I've longed for this.

Emotions they are sickening!

Repetitive,
With different words
A faker foe reflects and glows.
The sedative is to write a poem
To let sensitive emotions flow..

When we return in our real days
away from these heartfilled page
We do not show the form we take,
With pen
as sword,
We fight
We break,
Our eyes will tear
Our hearts will shake
Our minds they wonder far away...

But we never change..

Our form forever remains the same
Who's to say,
we're not tied by chains with hearts like Zart
Bach -N- Beethoven
swayed by a pendulum that's full of rage..
Underneath we take our stage
With a wreath that's wrapped in sage
Our only audience,
is a blank white page.

Before we click,
Copy/paste
And upload to a website
we think is safe..
136 · Oct 2021
Battle in mind
Anthony Collazo Oct 2021
Fighting with demons
I'm swinging and hitting
I'm winning
I'll make it,
not kidding
They're screaming they're losing
Cause I've been abuse N defeated mistreated by people who needed
Some love and attention.
Well now they will get it
It's not the perspective they imaged.

But I ain't forgiving.
The sinners of sinning
I'm smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging
Like f--- it's nothing
I'll lie to my conscience say,
Like
trust me I got it
I got this, the problems I'm lying,
Been dying for change..

Now it's coming my way.

Trust me they'll hate
136 · Aug 2019
Family.
Anthony Collazo Aug 2019
I've reached the end of this chapter.
No fairytale happy ever after,
this isn't Disney, real life's more grisly.
Happy moments only last briefly
Memories are permanent,
Life is no tournament,
you'd be fortunate to find a family who's worth all this, ****.
That people spit the judging nods and disrespect.
Never showing up then apologize for your neglect,
never hit each other up
Saying I've been busy, 'bulshit'
we all got time we just choose who to spend it with
afterwards we're looking over each others graves and ****
talking about we had so many great moments, ****.
That's life am I right,
we'll never have the same people by our side til the day we die.
That's nothing but a bulshit lie
Real life is more ahh f--- those guys.
I have it up to here,
I need new vibes,
Some new people in my life
133 · Sep 2019
Happy Birthday.
Anthony Collazo Sep 2019
Twenty seven years,
That's at least 20 million tears.
How the F I make it here,
Man I should've died
So many times,
But God always.
Save my life,
I wonder why?
I ain't that special,
I have a F'd up mental
Childhood was hospital beds, boo!
Broken bones.
Swollen throat, this was my life.
I don't just write, it's not a joke.
Can God tell me why he saved little a kid
Was it worth it,
After everything he did
Not to mention the person,
He's become.
Sometimes we all look up,
We ask a question...
the sky stays shut
We feel this pain
this thought of giving up.
But wait,
there's always someone there to say.
It's gonna be ok,
How they know.
Do they have proof they can show,
A posession that they hold
that'll give me a just a little bit of hope..
Welp the answer always nope,
It's just words, coming out they throat.
So.....
In thee end it doesn't matter where we go, I'm not suicidal, I'm just tired.
My surroundings are expired.
I'm over due in my time
A new place is what I need to find..
The place I'm in now...
isn't good for my mind....
131 · May 2020
Funny little song I wrote
Anthony Collazo May 2020
I don't do nothing
No I dont do nothing
I dont do nothing
No I don't do a single thing

Shes always talking
And it ain't that gossip
It's always non sense

Cause she's trying to say
that I dont do ****

What!

Yo I swear this chick has lost her ****

Before me who did everything

I mean before me it was just you
All alone,
in a home taking care of yo self
But now you got me and you want me to do everything without any help

What the hell
This isn't love or relationship
Its ownership,
you're trying to own a *****
But I ain't no ***** you the one who's gonna wash that dish go on get ******
You ain't gon do **** except probably
Scream be mean throw ****
With look on your face that's so UGLY.

Oh ****! (Duck)

I don't do nothing
No I dont do nothing
I dont do nothing
No I don't do a single thing


I swear everytime I get comfortable that's when you come in the room
With a ****** mood,
I should probably swing at you
But I never would I mean I never could
I'll just trip you
then say oops...

Run away with a silly grin on my face
Like hee hee hee

You can't catch me

But you will catch me
washing dishes
Sweeping
mopping
scrubbing toilets
All this for one purpose

You already know it.

Giggity
I'm trying get jiggly and wiggily
under the blanket
with my *****
and she won't touch my ******
unless I go and clean
128 · Aug 2019
Alive not living
Anthony Collazo Aug 2019
I really wish I could understand more
Plan for
Handle
All gore
Unload my stress
Take this of my chest
Coz I ain't even trying my best
I just act like life ain't sh**
While still holding on to it
So desperate,
Bcoz If i really hated it
I'd just call it quits
But I never do,
I have to tight a grip
Holding on to something I swear is harming me
still I wanna breathe.
126 · Dec 2019
Fighting with demons
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
Fighting with demons
They're swinging and hitting
I'm screaming
I'm losing, they're winning!
I'm feeling defeated,
a heathen who's taken a beating,
Without a religion
Untreated since *****,
But God is forgiving
So I keep on sinning.
Smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging,
like F--- it's nothing.
I'll lie to my conscience say,
trust me I got it
I got this, the problem's I'm lying,
I'm dying, for change
I'm crying, it's strange
I'll look at my family's face,
Tell em I am ok.
They won't believe what I say
So I'll put a display
have it all on replay
When I visit it's a shame
But we all play the game
Cause we're all built the same
It's the family name.

Fighting with demons
While working like slaves
We all want money and need to get paid
So mommy my sister my brothers my cousin's N aunty my grandma uncle and grandpy.
I love you so much miss you so badly,
sadly I needed to leave
to grow like a tree
with beautiful leaves
when you walk through the darkness that's what you'll see
I am not heartless it's an act for the sheep,
The people who think they know about me
They dont know sh--
cause rumors are free.

Life in the city.....
Ah,
It's sooo pretty....
it's not half bad.

The I job I have
is a pain but that'll never change
the place I live is the same but that's hard to change
The people around me negative vibes
Sensitive guys
so hard to try
to just be alright
When you're living this life
If you can't see the light
When darkness in sight
Would you fail with your might
If you held all your pride
Would you haul it aside
Would you it keep inside
The answers obvious,
but you never try so tell me you used all your might and your pride
you just toss it aside.
cause you try to be nice
so you're f---ing your life
take it out on the kids and your wife.
What you need is..
therapy
psychiatry
Alot ****, no!
a rehab facility
A melody serenity Enter me eternally
take away the demons that talk to me frequently
in the night I can't sleep,
scary dreams!
In the day
Self suffering destructing myself
I'm wrecking my health
I'm not depressed.
I'm just busy *** hell
Trying pay all the bills
don't got time to stand still
But I got a strong will
So I promise I will succeed
buy anything you ever need
Everything will all be free,
House and cars with big TVs
Doesn't matter what it cost to me..
your the family the reason I'm aiming for luxury.
The reason I wont fail,
I'll succeed
Ain't nothing stopping me
but me.

Fighting with demons
I'm swinging and hitting
I'm winning
I'll make it,
not kidding
They're screaming they're losing
Cause I've been abuse N defeated mistreated by people who needed
Some love and attention.
Well now they will get it
It's not the perspective they imaged.
But I ain't forgiving.
The sinners of sinning
I'm smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging
Like f--- it's nothing
I'll lie to my conscience say,
trust me I got
I got this,

the problems I'm lying.
126 · Dec 2019
Chicken butt
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
Lately/
I've been going of the rails
Ima probably go to hell,
For some tale I shouldn't tell
Ima probably go to jail
For some soul I shouldn't ****
Satan/
would gladly take my will
Chain it
Lock it
bolt it-

Fail-
Is what I've done..

Harm caused to everyone,
Sweaty palms
A loaded gun
Trigger happy!
set it off!
Oops.
This victim is the wrong one.
Still I gotta run
For what I've done
Can't say sorry if I'm killing everyone!

"****** huh"?

Yeah I'm a ****** duh!

Sociopathic
empath

"what"?

I'll make no sense
like eating chicken butts.
Bored
125 · Jun 2021
Stuck in my head
Anthony Collazo Jun 2021
Sometimes I get,

stuck in my head,

Replaying all the **** that we said
Reliving all the **** that I did.

Sometimes I think,

This life is a trip,

Moment you fall asleep

You're scared awake
Back in the grip
Of a leather snake
That snaps at your neck,

We could all be great
But our thoughts and trust are a mess,

I'm a virtual recluse
nonetheless,

I try my best,

Not to stray to a noose.

Heart in chest..

It bleeds
Like little Kids,

with scraped knees.

We all live
but only some of us really breathe,

rest of us are struggling

some are worst in suffering
I've been cursed to not give in
I've been told I'm meant for things
I've been held up,
Lion King.

Call me Simba..

I'll leave,
come back again,

Change is something
I never did

I just ACT accordingly,

to surroundings.

It all depends who's around then,

DOESN'T make me fake!

look at all the greats
they didn't carry HATE
Learning how to act,

only elevates.

Try to regulate a better mindset,

Before your mind sets
in a place you'll regret...

Everyone makes mistakes

Everyone's trying to change

Everyone thinks the strange

Everyone points to blame

Everyone ain't the same!!

I will never be like none of y'all...

One of a kind,

word to God..

I'm a God

I'm a king

ima have everything
I ever wanted,

First I need to take a step
out of my head,

Because the thoughts like to spread

Causing dread
Dangling of a thread..

The noose is hung up
take a step
I might just wind up dead
With some regrets

Thinking of everything
I could've done or could've been,


Stuck inside my head.
125 · Nov 2019
Falling
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
God's been trying to stop my downfall
But we all know I'm a lost cause
Been this way since my Pops crossed,
Over to the other side,
no more ha ha's
No more play time
saying da da
Where's my papa?
Why so much drama?
That's what I asked my mama
As she sat me down to tell me,
blah blah..
That's the day
she told me I lost my father.
The first time I kept my emotions bottled,
Practice for the future I'd follow
Even tho it only lasted about an hour...
123 · Jun 2021
The good guy
Anthony Collazo Jun 2021
I'm an evil villain painted in the darkest image,

everyone thinks

I'm just an idiot

I don't care
I'm just living,

Look at my teeth
ugh
They're  hideous!

I'm a miscreant,
I'm too serious, inconsiderate,

I'm in need of immediate assistance

But...

not single human gets me,

so I keep my distance
Never had a best friend,

always the third wheel,

This pattern is consistent
been that way since way back when

20

Oh

6


When everyone thought the world would end
six
six
six

I wasn't created
to
fit
In,

I was born for greater things.

When I spread my wings
They'll look up

Is it a bird
Is it a plane,

Nah
I know exactly what they'll say
One word..

LAME!

Ahahaha

Shame me..
blame me..
hate me ..
Rate me..

You're just mad.
you don't phase me.

Shame me..
Blame me..
Hate me..
Rate me..

You're just mad.
you don't phase me.

Ahahaha!!
123 · Aug 2019
No title
Anthony Collazo Aug 2019
Be careful who you love
You don't know who they'll become
The person that they are
Can change without alarm.
122 · May 2021
School boy love
Anthony Collazo May 2021
Passing notes in school-
with the hope I don't look too fool -ish.

If I had one wish!
It would be to always have you arms length,
Any more than that,
I'm des-perate,
never met anyone like you
so perfect
Loves worth it,
only if your the person to spend with.

My whole life I've been waiting
for something like this
All my hopes, scream!
you say yesss
Goosebumps running
up and down all my limbs,
Baby you're the only thing
That could make me less huuuu-man

Don't let the things people are
assuuuming

Come between me and your lips
Don't read my book by its cover cause it's covered in loss
I've Breaking pieces off
To give to those who don't have alot
But deep down inside I know your the glue I lack
Pick me up and back on track

All I need is for you to replyyyy back.


By saying
Yes.
I accept you
Yes.
I'll defend you
Yes.
I'll be there for you
Yes.
For everything thing possible
Wrote it like a song idk
122 · Sep 2019
Do you
Anthony Collazo Sep 2019
I'm in a world of lost hope
It's like nobody knowss.
What they want unless they're told.
121 · Jul 2020
Human being, being human
Anthony Collazo Jul 2020
I'm wondering,

why is it such a struggle
to be a human being,
why is it so hard
to be alive and breathing
Why are we scarred
left mentally bleeding
Hiding the tears so no one can see them

Why is it

when

things get hard
the first thought

Is

**** this I'm leaving!!

Why you keeping me at distance

Haven't you seen the marks

they're just like wristbands

They're all around my heart,

You can not miss em..

you actually do

Another face in a crowd

Do I even know you..

Why is it we don't say alot of things out loud
we hold these words in
letting them tear us down

Limb by limb

But you won't

hear a sound,

Even when my eyes
Are full sadness
You'll just focus on my smile
hoping that I'll manage

you wouldn't want to be a part of my life if you knew I was damaged

To all the people I've abandoned
I'm sorry
This clown has been lost in madness



I just hate it because
I swear I'm surrounded by Angels
even when every turn
I take is screaming out danger

I'll take that step,
I could never hate you
Still I have no regrets
To way that we got here

To try and replace you would be like shifting into a fake gear
Car wouldn't get anywhere
you're one of a kind
I love you my dear..


I made alot bad moves
Trusted in all the wrong dudes
Try fit in with ****** world views

God gave me a perspective unlike any other
still I'm not perfect
I'm trying to do better


it's just hard when you lose yourself
When you try to give it all to god
Then they make you think
that's not enough,

That's when you'll stop showing love
That's when you'll stop looking up

You wanna fit in so badly

That's when you'll start feeling dark

That's when your mind starts thinking stuff
making you doubt everyone you ever knew and loved

Making you feel like you're not good enough,

I won't be the first


I hope I'm not the last

To tell you
it's to let go of the past
It's ok to give someone a pass
It's ok to open up and laugh

You don't have to over think everything

over thinking everything

In a small explanation is-

We're all boats and every negative thought is another sink hole
Stop letting them in,

let it all go

Forget about the pain

I promise with God beside you you'll see yourself grow.

I promise with God beside you you'll always feel whole

Let it all go....
121 · Oct 2019
Anxiety
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
Filled myself with this poisonous fear,
Only I can take blame for leading it here,
Looking for an out but I'm all chained up,
Like a fish in frozen water I remain stuck.
121 · Jun 2021
Mind the thoughts
Anthony Collazo Jun 2021
Try to regulate a better mindset
Before your mind sets
in a place you'll regret
Negative thoughts are a powerful thing especially when the thoughts are constant you have to learn to tackle those thoughts with positively or just change them all together distract the mind whenever a Negative thought enters it.
120 · Jul 2021
Son of God
Anthony Collazo Jul 2021
What kind of future do you want, hmm.
I can't really get a thought, thruuu.
Wondering what direction I'll go, too....


There's no proof..
on how to live

We just copy other men
Other trends..

others might just
accept us in,
if we pretend

Hiding our pain under false pretense
But the music in the back ground
It plays suspense,

You're smiling in public but the pains sunked in

You're drunk in addiction and bad habits

You're stuck with an anger
you've had since a kid...


Sad little outcast stuck in a frame with alot of bad contrast harassed with no shame,

Leyfred is my past.

let it be 87 again

Before I was born into a world full of sin,

when my eyes didn't analyze
every moment I live,

Wondering,
what if

again and again
And again
And again!!

And the gain,

is a pain an invisible weight
without a restraint

And to hate is a shame,
everyone's just
trying to live

To compete is the same,
It's always better to give

Understanding instead of trying to argue and fight over things,


Comprehending...

we're all human beings,

Trying to rise up above evil doings.....


Every struggle you face
Is preparation for the future that's paved

Everything that you say
could be heard out of context,

Then exploited in ways

That would lead all astray

Never feel the need to explain

This life is all staged
Everyone plays the same game,

So make sure your batteries are charged

It goes on for decades..

Some sellout,

some never change,

Some evolve,

Some are just strange,

Some are lost

Some are the same..


Son of God

That's who I am...
120 · Sep 2019
Surrender
Anthony Collazo Sep 2019
They're whispering saying things
I shouldn't think filling my head,
with hatrid!
I feel depressed, I can not manage this,
I feel the quits, they're sneaking up
I hear the cricks I hear the creaks,
I feel defeat
I'm panicking so this is it
I failed to live.
I'm giving up
I'm giving in
I don't deserve to live like this,
So what it'll be.
A knotted rope
Or a slit wrist...

Will I finally get my rest
Who deserves all of this?
At least in death,
we have, a restful guess..
117 · Jun 2019
Dark storys
Anthony Collazo Jun 2019
Born out of darkness
Sworn to be heartless
Torn down to small bits
Horns on a savage
Thorns deep in my head.
Mourn for the undead,
Formed all *******
Arms around their neck
Charmed into breaking them.
Because,
killing for me is evident
Don't you see the evidence
Gun residue from the next door residence..

With blood on my hands
I ran and I ran and I ran and I ran.
Didn't ever think I'd **** another man,
Dam, can I say it's self defense
would that even make some sense,
As he stood there weapon less.
Deep down I knew it was me or him.
So I started shooting
eyes close tight I didn't wanna do it.
What can we do tho
when devil keeps pushing
momma told me be careful where you point it.
I should've listened.
I should've listened.
I should've listened.
Now a family out there has a tragedy,
Cause their son is missing.
We're all a victim,
that's what I'll say as I plee innocent...
If a gun fell at your feet during a fight and you know it was you or him,
you'd pull the trigger to save your life from the fear of death we hold within.
If you say otherwise that's a fudging lie
Everyone wants to be alive.
So yeah I took his life
I'd do it again, twice!
Fudge it thrice!
anything to stay alive..

With ****** hands.
he's running, dam.
One last time to see his fam
tell his momma he's sorry
Let her know his story,
media outlets turn everything ugly..
So he's running all these thoughts rushing
his hearts pumping
that's when he hears the sound of a gun cocking.
Bang!
Everything stops then.

To be continued...
116 · Sep 2019
The past
Anthony Collazo Sep 2019
Never learn what I did.
Ten fingers can't every sin,
Can't count everything that I did as kid
Do you think to forgive that you need to re-live the experience again,
to go back to a place you don't wanna face
retrace every step of the hurt and the pain,
remind yourself why you went through the change.
Then ask yourself was it worth it..... Today.
116 · Sep 2019
Bored of the view
Anthony Collazo Sep 2019
Something new
give me something new
Give me something new
Give me something new
Something new
give me something new
Give me something new
Give give something new
Something new
116 · Jul 2019
Like
Anthony Collazo Jul 2019
Like a tub filled with warm water
A beach day during summer
Like hot food when it hits an empty tummy,

Like a razor blade pressed against the skin
A dying flower in need of watering
Like a race that always begins and never ends.

Like love could really last
Like love could really match.
Love has become nothing but lust
It doesn't ever last,
so we keep asking, what's love.
115 · Apr 2021
PAIN
Anthony Collazo Apr 2021
No one listens to our pain
But if we go missing
It would rain,

Thats when they pour in
to come and say,
Great lad
Great gal

We could've stopped it-

you didn't.

We didn't notice-
you did tho.

You just ignored it-
uncomfortable

That's why I'll never be vulnerable!
Until the day I'm ready to let it all go
114 · Jan 2020
Self defense
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
I've been trying to catch myself mentally, it's slippery,
call me butterfingers
I swear they're buttery
Always clumsy
kinda flimsy physically
Honestly Imma use honesty
Tell you everything that bothers me
Try to see my imagery,
typically I wouldn't be so willing
To share, everything.
I've had this inability
to speak vocally
The thoughts will stay in my head attacking me critically

On the daily like,

"Oh you should've said this"
"Oh you should've did this"

The other voice says,

"There's too many witnesses
he's innocent a ******* citizen he's not worth the loss of your innocence,
it's common sense"

"BUT
if he hits first it's self defense
let it rip, open him up like a Christmas gift
Do it quick,
don't you miss
cause if you miss
It's self defence,
the coin will flip.
See the difference is you do it quick.
Two story tales won't collaborate"

"You still forget the obvious,
the witnesses"

"Oh right the witnesses, what you do is wait for them to be at a distance, then"

All this cause I can not stand disrespect
So my voices they've been making sense
Everyday it's the same old script
Best thing I can tell you is,

listen to them.
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
My mind keeps taking me back to the happy memories the rooms filled with laughter and family,
Even tho I know that's not the case,
I can't stand to look at your ******* face,
I'll sit down to take a break
Stand back up and **** my teeth
Tell me what it was
that changed our history
tell me what I did that you can't forgive
Bcoz I've been trying hard as **** to keep you in,
Even when my heart keeps trying to pump you out
Tell me what I did wrong so we can figure this **** out.
If you haven't noticed I'm still around
I'll come to town,
I'll let you know I'm coming down
But you never show up,
come on now!
I got two kids,
I don't got time for special visits
If you wanna be part of my life make yourself present.

I'm done trying to impress my friends
I'm done trying to keep you in
I'm done trying to keep my family from falling apart
I'm done trying to fix everyone
So **** em all.
I'm done caring..

"bcoz on Thanksgiving
Yah made it clear
This family ain't even worth the saving.
****!"

maybe some of yah was with it
The rest,
PATHETIC.
oh did I hit a nerve with that word.
Good,
They say I've been feeling cold
it's the weather It's about to snow.

Sometimes I feel God gave me a role that I can't control
a place in life
that I can't let go
your face with mine
they'll never glow
Not like before

It's more like the emoji sticker everyone thought was chocolate ice cream a long time ago.
****..

It's like the harder I try the harder things become for us idk..

A replacement for my memories is all I really need, some better energy.
erase every body who doesn't **** with me everyone who says New York is changing me
Everyone who fake smiles in my face
All you ******* need to be replaced. I dont give a **** if you think this ***** wrong
I dont care if it's just stage I'm on
Just coz we're in different states,
You wanna act like strangers, done.
ok great now no need to be fake
I'll put this **** out in the open
be warned,
ODD the bad omen has awoken
more of that topic will be spoken
for now just know that I'm broken.
Never hopeless always hoping
maybe this **** is just for the moment.
I really hope it cause growing up ****

We'd ride to die,
you was always by my side we planned out our whole life's as we talked outside now it hurts to see that ******* look in your eyes.
A ******* look I despise
this is goodbye to you guys mostly the ones in disguise,
I can't stand by a person who doesn't try
While I'm handing out smiles and **** like mister nice guy trying to crack jokes  like the old times all I ever get is false replies
like I can't see how you really feel through those human eyes.
It's no surprise...


I remember summer nights we'd ride our bikes
I remember sitting down while picking fights
I remember we used to play fight and
real fight,
Nothing got in our way.
I remember boat fishing.
searching places with our flashlights
I remember working out in our basement while listening to linkiin park for the first time.
I remember alot of accidents
You was always part of it!

I remember my best friends..

I guess these Memories is all I have left.
111 · Sep 2020
Grown man- Little boy.
Anthony Collazo Sep 2020
Soon
I might erupt
Take a few dudes down to Lux's club
Meet the son of God.

A fallen angel with a broken halo
So much anger they call hate, no.
That's not what is,
Blinded by the things you would do
You compare myself to you
I'm not you nor do I wanna be
I'd never hurt someone purposely.
You do it filled with glee
You do it filled with joy
You do it to destroy.

Little boy..

In a grown mans body
he can't talk properly
Can't pull his pants up in the street
Still dressing like he's a teen
Look a them the product of our great country.

Little boys
110 · Jun 2019
Love make no sense
Anthony Collazo Jun 2019
These words are worst than a punch
They'll go through your soul,
Make you lose touch.
Make us think love isn't enough.
I'm so ******* up,
my thoughts have rot,
I'm stuck inside a box,
I climbed into, it was for fun.
Didn't think that I get stuck
Now I'm looking up,
waiting for someone to pull me out.
been a long time now,
I know they won't come
I think love is just a sound
That we make with our mouth.
I love you. yeah me too.
Next week, you're thinking wow.
How could they leave,
a month later you feel relieved.
now deep down you believe
You didn't need anybody
I think it's funny.
The deception of love,
it's imperfect to all.
Still we search for it
like when looking for a jobs,
We're protecting our hearts
Putting up all these walls.
But I promised,
I'd give you my all.
From beginning to end.
But if you're giving your all
why is there an end,
It doesn't make sense.
108 · Dec 2019
Anxiety 2.0
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
My anxiety, it's been haunting me.
One variety, it's come threatening.
Innocent, is what I think.
I don't deserve to live like this
To live like this, it's so hellish
An antidote, is what I wish.
I'm desperate!
When I walk by and they all laugh
i think a joke has hit,
I wonder who they're targeting
If the targets me..
Now that's anxiety!
I know, the dangerous variety
Cause I can't trust in
no human.
Yet I want to be with them,
I want to be accepted in.
So late at night I toss and turn
Cause now I know it's all coming,
Those voices they won't stop talking...
Can you hear the words?

They're beautiful,

but yet haunting.
108 · Sep 2019
When where how
Anthony Collazo Sep 2019
When will I,
Take my own advice.
When will I,
Change for better life.
When will I,
Be a better person.
When did I,
Begin to sin and worsen.
When did I,
Lose myself in the world.
When did I,
Begin to treat others cruel.
How can I,
Find the answers quick.
How can I,
Fight these cancer sticks.
How can I,
Learn from my mistakes.
Where will I,
Find the place that's great.
Where will I,
Find my inner peace.
Where will I,
Let loose and release.
Where did I,
Go, I feel lost.
Where did I,
Gain this heart of frost.
Where did I,
Find the bad vibes.
Can I,
Take my own advice.
Can I,
change for better life.
Can I,
Do it, and be alright.
108 · Mar 2024
Grasping
Anthony Collazo Mar 2024
God, the world's been trying to break me down,
I've tried my best to hold on to solid ground
They don't want me to figure out all the things I should've learned by now

Walking by blindly while trying to find me,

eyes glued to the sidewalk
scared they might judge me, if I look up

what might I see?

people laughing and taunting, pointing their fingers like haha I'm nothing,

I get it. I'm starving for attention, aimlessly.
Walking in wrong directions
Sometimes,
I wonder, do I really deserve this?

I'm hurting this journey is urging for drug use,
exposing my young youth to dangerous bad culture.
I'm smelling the sulfur
too embarrassed to approach you
Now I see the rippling effect of my actions,
everyone thinking that im nothing but a trash bin.

Other day, I texted my female friend
Then she made a post.

"I'm sorry that I ghost you, but I stay loyal,"

It was all based on one mistake that I made when I left my queen for a peasant.
So what?
Now, I can't even send a message without someone thinking there's ****** intentions.

It's a shame when they jump to conclusions and make wrongful assumptions..

This is my life now so **** it!

I'm sorry for cursing God
but I lose my patience.
never had room for hatred
they say you made me for greatness to raise the spirits and change the currents, but currently,
I've been feeling helpless
acting selfish,

downing alcoholic poison just to numb myself and silence the voices!


I've run out of choices!

MY TOES ARE OVER THE EDGE WAITING FOR ME TO UH,

NOO!!!

This isn't the answer,

My conscious has spoken!

A second too late,

I've already fallen.
108 · Jun 2023
Rising
Anthony Collazo Jun 2023
I have a different mindset.
I've learned to deal with regrets.
I've learned to heal and breathe in exhaling air with my stress,
just another process,
just another small step
leading to my success..

I would follow prophets
Not understand the message
Even when I doubted,
I was blessed and gifted
Now that I am rising,
I hope the rest get lifted
Look down like ah ****
I hope that Y'all don't miss this
107 · Jun 2019
The wounded soldier.
Anthony Collazo Jun 2019
They laid there surrounded by broken glass and the smell of burning rubber, they couldn't move right away but they could hear everything. Others were yelling for help some were crying, asking God why? As if God was the one to be blamed for our sins and our destruction. They crawled to each other trying to hold one another for the last time knowing this was it, this was the end. They heard the whistling noise again, Boom! Another bomb came down a few blocks away, they rushed there, crawling, grasping at the ground trying to get to each other desperately. He was missing a leg but his love for her was so strong he did not feel pain he just kept crawling. She couldn't move anymore so she waited for him to reach her
The whistling noise came again this time closer than before, it hits the building above them and he sees the debris falling down. He lets out an agonizing yell as they stare at each other one last time. He sees her lips say I love you, then she's gone. He lays there with sadness and anger, asking God why? Why couldn't you let us die together? All we wanted was to be together why God, why? Everything around him shined white then he heard a voice ask him why. Why did you take part in this war and ****** your fellow brothers and sisters? Why have you taken away so many husbands and sons from their families? You ask me why I didn't give you the satisfaction of dying together with your lover. But how many others have missed out on this very opportunity because of your hand. Don't ask me why, just know this is the price for your sins. The voice was gone and the man lived on.
Hope you enjoy this short story.
106 · Oct 2019
Nf I miss the days
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
https://youtu.be/fy9YETB068M


Great song
106 · Jun 2021
Making a change
Anthony Collazo Jun 2021
It's not a task that will happen overnight,

So just ask if you have the will to fight,

To unite with a light of delight

to incite the word of God that we like

black or white
we're all alike and alive

so lets dive to survive in this world that deprives all our lives,

realized I despised who I was demonized in disguise
til
I opened my eyes saw the lies heard the wise didn't talk or imply didn't hate or deny the great lord in the sky

I did try to apply the ten rules and abide
but
this world's
paralyzed what was once a good guy.
105 · Dec 2020
The thing about me
Anthony Collazo Dec 2020
Thing about me is I remember everytime you said you would do some thing and didn't come thru everytime you made a promise and let me down everytime you owed me something and didn't pay up the thing about me is I remember all the disrespect thing about me is I remember all the neglect thing about me is I remember to much pain not enough good to settle the rain the thing about me is I've always been different and ignorant I'm pretty sure I was partially Autistic but no one cared I was treated poorly and differently most often you were annoyed by me and that's ok bcoz I know your only human and that its not your fault,

Bcoz the thing about me is that I'm always forgiving..
105 · May 2024
Ascending
Anthony Collazo May 2024
I shouldn't be here.

Now let me explain.

You're probably thinking I'm going insane saying I shouldn't be here, like that's ok.
But the truth to it is I shouldn't be here living like this
I shouldn't be here slaving for change
I shouldn't be here stressing in pain
I shouldn't be here worried of troubles
That won't even happen until a further tomorrow.
I shouldn't be here it's really plain and simple
I shouldn't be here surrounded by this evil
I shouldn't be here without faith and hope
Cause the second I coward, it's all down road.
I shouldn't be here climbing this ***** without any help, no tools, not even a rope.
I shouldn't be here living like this,
trying to evolve while feeling like ****.

They say evolution and creation are the reason for life, but I haven't evolved, and my thoughts don't create nothing nice.

I shouldn't be here doubting myself
I shouldn't be here comparing my wealth
The devils comparison wrapped in embarrassment
I'll act like they're better just cause they have nicer things
I shouldn't be here accepting this realm
I shouldn't be here,

so i wish you farewell.
105 · Nov 2019
Short story part 1 The fire
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
It was an ordinary day just like any other day, the same routine as always. Except today wasn't.
I was walking on my way to school it was a nice day the sun was bright and there was this cool wind that kept you at just the right temperature.
As I was look up walking down the street the smell of burning wood hits my nose, I take my eyes away from the sky and begin to look around then I notice it. A burning building with a group of people gathered outside it was at the end of a no entry street. I ran over out of curiosity I've never seen a fire so big, so I didn't get to close. I noticed this lady crying and yelling something, once I made out what she was saying my heart dropped, she was yelling that there was a group of kids still in there. The teacher watching them hasn't been seen either so its assumed she's still in there too. We lived in a town where firetrucks weren't a few minutes away everyone knew with the size of the fire there was no way they'd make it out. I decided I had to be a hero at this moment. I ran over to a small street stand and bought a water bottle the cashier was smug enough to say, one bottle isn't enough for that fire. I didn't find it amusing maybe he was just trying to sell more bottles but it felt more like a smart pun. I took my shirt off and pour all the water over it then I wrapped the shirt around my face hoping maybe it would stop any smoke from coming into my lungs, that's when I ran into this burning building.
A building I've never entered before... at this moment I had no idea where I was going but the lady said they were on the first floor, it shouldn't be to hard to find them right? The heat of the fire was intense I was sweating the minute I entered, it felt like I was being cooked alive, I thought maybe I should've bought more waters to pour over myself, too late to go back now. As I'm making my way past burning rooms, it looked like a daycare or something, I hear the screams of kids. Yes! I found them! I was excited but came to realize a beam was blocking the only path out, I didn't know what to do. The rest of the path was a clear run through just hot and dangerous, of course but it was a clear run. How do I move this beam? I couldn't just let them die. I was already here, I was already inside the building looking at their frightened faces. I had to man up, shirtless I leaned in and grabbed the beam with my bare hands I let out an agonizing scream. My hands were already blistering, my flesh turning red and peeling off. I couldn't let go, I gave it all I had while in this incredible pain I've never felt. Just a little more, I thought to myself as I let out one last grunting push to move the beam. The kids, still frightened and confused didn't know what to do to. I was in pain, I didn't have any energy left in me. My shirt was dry from the heat, I was already inhaling smoke, so I just yelled run! So we all ran straight down this burning hallway. My body was in so much pain, my arms felt so weak and heavy, my legs began to drag. The exit was so close...

to be continued.
104 · Jun 2021
Who cares
Anthony Collazo Jun 2021
Don't care for people who don't care for you
104 · Mar 2024
Choice
Anthony Collazo Mar 2024
If I had a choice what my life would be before the first time I walk on feet I'd probably still make the wrong decision a curse to live without a vision.
104 · Feb 2021
Exchange
Anthony Collazo Feb 2021
People change, this world is strange it always plays with how we choose,
To
behave
In exchange we're left astray with those we loved,
Communicate and open up thats what they say, but everyone's shut.
102 · Dec 2019
Old history
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
I grew up around violence and bad things,
Blood gushing,
broken bones.
People screaming out for help
I swear that is was hell,
But, it also felt like home
it's the place I like to go when I'm alone
All the sins I've done
I should atone
Never will, that's a nope.
Why ask for forgiveness,
when it's never that authentic, no!
When they say that they accept it, soooo.
I rather let my soul just rot with all the thoughts I got about the things I did as a younger kid,
cause I'm still a kid only difference is my age is different but inside I'm still a kid hoping maybe this is it maybe this is the one way to release.
If I ask for forgiveness,
you'd say yes but your eyes don't agree.

I can see they don't agree
I can see they don't like me
I can see it's not the same

I've caused alot pain
Never sat down to explain
Never said,
I'm sorry to your face
Just a text or post,
your reply,
always the same
something,
like it's ok.
It's just a phase we'll make it past this.
It's just the day,
I'm not to certain
When that will be.
But I promise it'll be
just like the old times you and me,
me and you us together stuck like glue
I know that's corny that's the old me you don't see,
You're focused on the misery
all my trickery,
our old history
to solve this injury now that's the mystery,
I'll get all jittery
I'll never have this victory!
Tell me it's not witchery
When you lose your family
Cuz of something bad you did,
They can't forgive even tho they say they did
their eyes speak differently,
It's something you can see
You can't hear it with your ears
Trust your senses,
they are clear...
That family isn't here
They disappeared,
I'll show no tears
even if it means for years
Just know the day we reunite
We'll have a couple beers
have some cheers..
hopefully then..
They are real.
I hope one day true forgiveness can be given bcoz deep down I have a hatrid that I've found.
101 · Jun 2020
Sue eh cide
Anthony Collazo Jun 2020
Great patience
surrounded by great hatrid
Can't take this
might just slit a wrist then take a lick
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