Lately I've been losing sleep,
counting sheep ain't helping me
my OCD is killing me,
with late night things,
I barely blink,
cuz all I think.
it's coming soon
It's coming quick
I can not snooze
My eyes will squint
I might doze off, a lil bit.
But that's just it, a lil bit.
It's always just, a lil bit
A lil smidge a lil bit..
It's always just a lil bit.

I just want to look at this photo
In the future,
knowing the laughs and giggles
weren't just for the picture

Do not let what others think of you become what you think of yourself
Read it again.

Don't lose sight of the things that you need when you're faced with the things that you want

Cause the greed is like a wreath
It looks pretty but a loops all you see

I wanna see you sooo happy,
That it makes me happy.

I'd cry
but I've tried

Forcing tears,

out My eyes

Yet

it never feels authentic

Always feels,

pretended

Emotions
are
expected

Then I..

project them,


But it never feels authentic
You might say I'm pathetic
Just a charlatan
who plays a part
when expected

Desperate times,

Call for

despair in rhymes

What is life for,
If not to be the person you are.
What he die for,
Leaving us cursed from beyond.
What is love for,
If people just quit and give up.
What is worth more,
The peace or the thought it exist.

Ignore the ignorance of the ignorant let them keep bickering,
They speak of illiterate,
They see a vigorous factor and try to tear down the foundations it postures.
Snickering like children's laughter
They're all lost and know not what there after,
Use a belligerent tone
Articulate the words and make whats yours be owned,
Act like you do when alone
Do not let fake attributes insert your fragile dome.

We used to talk every weekend

Now I'm drinking and smoking til the week ends

It doesn't make sense

Cause back then we were bestfriends

You were the one,

I would tell everything too
Now we can't be in the same room

One wrong move..


Everything goes boom!

You were a bomb strapped to my chest

I gave you my best

but the clock was ticking
I didn't know it

I didn't know yet

Til the bomb went
BOOM!!

You blew me to bits

Surrounded by fumes of what could've been.

I sit here and think

what did I do
Like the problems not you.

dont think that this version of self

Means that the curtains have fell

Certain things can lead you to hell

Be assertive,

knowing all ends well.

The surface has air.

We should throw a party,
Only the antisocial and outcasts are invited.

Dear God,

it's been a while since I've spoken to you 2015 I was all about you
posted online all these poems about you
Then I changed minds,
a very wrong move.
I've been defined as heartless and rude
I've undermined the power in you
I lost my faith
I lost my hope,
Fell on my face,
my heart had broke.

I can't retrace the steps that I take.

Like a foot print in the snow
You can't back track it won't be the same
The pattern would look all weird and strange
I've tried my best to behave
All on my own it's not the same
You gave me strength I gave you faith
I lost myself and changed my ways
Invoked the Devil to come and play
Now I ask my soul you save
Before the bells ring and sway....

I know I'm better than yesterday.

I treat others
how they treat me
so if you don't like the treatment
well then treat me better/
or we'll,
all act bitter

Ruin every get together
You can not handle the pressure

You are too tender,
tethered with an aggressor

God's our possessor
at the end of the day

life's an adventure
I won't surrender.

Sometimes i gotta remind myself..

I'm allowed to be loved

I'm allowed to be free

I'm allowed to be happy

I'm allowed to be me.

I act selfish
I can't help it
I'm never sharing,
Nope not time yet.
Cloaked in madness
I act selfless
So when you ask
How am I doing,
I don't share.
My true feelings.

I write poems
I write poetry
I write songs
I write love stories
I write dark
I write alot
I write my thoughts
I write,

so it doesn't become an act.

I'm gon'
leave a ****** trail
towards a well
With a funky smell
Covered in larvae infested shells
That dwell the flies of hell's demise
A swell of lives,
husband and wives
Like Edward's hands
I'm full of knives.
There's no surprise
When you yell why!
Insert like coins,
in your backside...

So in other words,
I'm a backstabber.

As a man it's perfectly fine to cry,

our emotions don't die with age

they are buried under pain and rage.

Compassion over wealth

Not

wealth over health,

this world is going to hell

Burning is all I smell.

Today I woke up. Thanks.

Like a blind man I walk on this path slowly,
wondering about this and that and trying to stay holy,
But in this world its hard to remain pure of heart,
Because there are so many things that can tear us apart,  
A word has no meaning until you put it there,
but we are so blinded by our assumptions and hate to be aware,
So we keep creating the cracks in the system,
no matter the strength of the ground it eventually sinks in,
Because nothing is forever not even that safety that you feel,
as you hide behind of what you believe to be real,
you wouldn't add black to a colorful rainbow,
and you wouldn't add horns to a beautiful angel,
But you can treat your family members like complete strangers,
something is wrong and we don't see the dangers,
Maybe when we awake from our dream, we will see how things really are, compared to how they seem.

May the mind of the broken rest
in the pond of forgets
where the past chains break free
from the pillars of regret

I don't like what I'm noticing
it's my reflection,
I'm smirking
But I see he's hurting.
So many imperfections
So much agression
So scared of rejection
Is that a slight hint of depression
Maybe it's time this kid accepts it acceptance is something he aint never getting rejection is his best friend.

A dark night
without any moonlight
No street lamps that shine bright
Only nothingness,

A will to fight, yeah..
The taste of judgement
This feeling you're different
You'll never fit in.

Acceptance,
It's been the only thing you've
Ever wanted,
At arms length
But even then you barely grasp it.

These thoughts
come into your head
They starting talking,
Making you wonder.
Making you doubtful,
Making it hurt more
Making it hurt more

Nobody wants this darkness
Nobody wants this loneliness
Hopelessness,
cry to sleep
Still you're restless
Your chest it hurts
when your breathing,
is out of control.
You're gasping!

Like you're drowning in tears,
Everytime you know it's coming
You feel a little bit of fear,
Coz you know
even tho it makes you feel good
Just a little,
to let it all go.
That darkness and those voices
Don't ever let go.

It happens with friends and family
Maybe you walk by some people who laugh and you wonder what's funny..
Feel a little uncomfortable,
Sooo,
you keep yourself in this little bubble.
Thinking if you don't let anyone near,
You'll never have to fear,
The judgment,
gossip,
The hatrid
nonsense,
The critics.
The ones that are plastic
The back stabbers
The users, abusers
Accusers of nothing
The. ...
STOP IT!!!

We're talking to the voices now,
Didn't you know?
This whole poem was the conversation
We all have alone..

Coz even when it's your bestfriend
or family members
That little voice in your head makes
You wonder the stupidest things.

Happy Father's day

It's been 600 days,
since I've seen your face.
Don't really know what words to say
If I ask how you been,
you'll say ok.
Even tho that's a lie
that's over played.
Out of date
It doesn't matter either way,
it's what you say...

I try to make a sentence,
Instead I mumble nonsense
Now I'm feeling anxious
We used to be bestfriends,

Used to be...

We decide to stop,
frequently.
I'm mad at you
or
you're mad at me.

Used to be...

We could say anything freely
without any worry
of judgement or resentment
Now it's just alot of pretending.

Used to be...

You and me
We'd do anything
And everything together
Didn't matter when
Didn't matter who was there,

We were friends.

Like REALLY friends!

We just wanted each others company
Each others help with anything..

We were truly innocent..
Then both of us,
Learned of hatrid,
We became vindictive
no more trust to give

Yeah we'll say
we're best friends
That's the image
everyones used too,

Picture frames from holidays and birthdays... and other occasions...
You're in all of them
I'm in all of it..

How'd the coin ever flip?

Tell me was it our fault
It all crumbled down to bits?

Maybe,
Or it could be
Maybe
Or it should be
Maybe

It would all be,

Alright
If we learned to talk, not fight..

Let our emotions out
Waterfalls might come crashing down

But I'd be proud!

To say I'm sorry out loud,

if it meant I'd keep you around..

If I could sleep with my words

I would

I'd cuddle them nice and good

Lay in a bed of words
The pillow the frame and all
Let them surround me whole

Four walls will make the room
Each side a different mood

One side of cheer and laughs
One side of pain and nags
One side of goals and wants
One side that hates and taunts

This room is where I'll lay
Whenever I'm astray
Heart ache any type of pain
This is where I'll go
To give rest to my soul

So even if I'm lost

One thing I've always known
I'm not alone
when I lay down with my poems

Sometimes, we don't have a choice
We do what we can to enjoy.

What a pain

These thoughts keep me drained
I tug at my chains
But I can't break free
From bad habits
It's a shame just to see
My whole life, I've been damaged
Sometimes, I wanna scream to at the top of my lungs, but the breath inside wouldn't manage.

you're my tree
shed your pain upon me
Every leaf, a release
of your stress and your needs
This oxygen is not the same.
Without you I can't breathe.

I'll fall to my knees as I beg, and I plea
I'll fall to my knees as I pray for the day
I'll fall to my knees as I put this gun to my head,

I'll fall.

With tears in my eyes,
I'll squeeze as I cry
Inside, I think...
I don't wanna die!!

but staying alive would be painful,
and I...

I'm tired of pain.
I'm tired of seeing people pretend they're ok.

I can see past their flesh.
I can see past their lies
I can see I'm the problem.
It's been like that all my life.

Everything is always about conflict
If there isn't conflict,

then there is no profit

Be careful who you love
You don't know who they'll become
The person that they are
Can change without alarm.

It's no ones business what you put in your system
if you wanna be an addict,
great be an addict in silence
don't hype it up making these young kids try it.
I hate what music's become
I hate what people have done
Trying all these things they hear in the songs
Telling me no it isn't that wrong
Everyone does it, come just give up.
Let go of your senses
let's try some non sense
Perks,
pink drinks,
Heated spoons
Acid, angel dust
All of it's,
straight garbage!

In melody /they say it's harmless
A remedy /that can fix all this
Secretly /it causes damage
Destroying all your organs
Seeping you of the youth
That God gives

Fighting with demons
I'm swinging and hitting
I'm winning
I'll make it,
not kidding
They're screaming they're losing
Cause I've been abuse N defeated mistreated by people who needed
Some love and attention.
Well now they will get it
It's not the perspective they imaged.

But I ain't forgiving.
The sinners of sinning
I'm smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging
Like f--- it's nothing
I'll lie to my conscience say,
Like
trust me I got it
I got this, the problems I'm lying,
Been dying for change..

Now it's coming my way.

Trust me they'll hate

Ten fingers can't count every sin,
Can't count everything that I did as kid
Do you think to forgive that you need to re-live the experience again,
to go back to a place you don't wanna face
retrace every step of the hurt and the pain,
remind yourself why you went through the change.
Then ask yourself is it worth it..

Today.

When will I,
Take my own advice.
When will I,
Change for better life.
When will I,
Be a better person.
When did I,
Begin to sin and worsen.
When did I,
Lose myself in the world.
When did I,
Begin to treat others cruel.
How can I,
Find the answers quick.
How can I,
Fight these cancer sticks.
How can I,
Learn from my mistakes.
Where will I,
Find the place that's great.
Where will I,
Find my inner peace.
Where will I,
Let loose and release.
Where did I,
Go, I feel lost.
Where did I,
Gain this heart of frost.
Where did I,
Find the bad vibes.
Can I,
Take my own advice.
Can I,
change for better life.
Can I,
Do it, and be alright.

Her soft eyes filled with rage and hate

Her light mind allowed darkness in

In due time she'll lose her sense

Its alright,
she'll thinks it is.

Of mankind woman are frail

They're unhinged probably from hell

Don't believe off of one's tale...

Of mankind
the men

vermin

They sell
they make
they keep
exploring

A thing a place
even
a
person

They have no limits
Their minds are broken
A flute that plays hells words unspoken..

Chained against a wall,

her soft eyes filled with hate for all that crawl

The vermin came
A round of turns
Her only thought for them to burn

A loosened ***** would surely help
A sharpened tool would make them yell.

Her eyes were soft her mind was strong they thought her frail but they were wrong,

A woman holds a life inside

no man can shoulder no higher pride
A land of pigs a different sty

The next to come will surely die

She does not plan to run away

But to slay the men that choose to lay

Against her will and make her say

Make her feel unnatural ways

One by one the men takes turn

Down a hall into a room

Thinking that the previous left

They walk inside to meet their death.