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56 · Dec 2019
Dark truth
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
I keep telling myself I haven't changed
A story I tell myself to go to bed.
I can't argue with the thoughts inside my head,

Why?

Well, they're making sense.

The numbers keep adding up
I'm told to ignore that stuff
Instead,
I'm all ears in
listening to every thought
Getting stuck with
mood swings
Trust issues and stomach grunts,
Waking up late at night coz of tummy knots and voices that like talk alot.

I'd ask God for help but my faith is gone
replaced with everything
I think is wrong,
still I'll play along,
With a pacey song
I keep alot of thoughts that don't belong
Holding onto pain won't make you strong!
they also say
what doesn't **** you makes you stronger.
Sooo,
I'll just try a little longer to convince myself I didn't cuff and imprison my mental health in a shattered hell with a different type of kind that's
unhinged..
unwell,
blinded by beliefs of fairytales
Thinking that the peace means all ends well.

Sacrifices first!

Then we shall..

See
the
peace
Prevail
54 · May 2021
School boy love
Anthony Collazo May 2021
Passing notes in school-
with the hope I don't look too fool -ish.

If I had one wish!
It would be to always have you arms length,
Any more than that,
I'm des-perate,
never met anyone like you
so perfect
Loves worth it,
only if your the person to spend with.

My whole life I've been waiting
for something like this
All my hopes, scream!
you say yesss
Goosebumps running
up and down all my limbs,
Baby you're the only thing
That could make me less huuuu-man

Don't let the things people are
assuuuming

Come between me and your lips
Don't read my book by its cover cause it's covered in loss
I've Breaking pieces off
To give to those who don't have alot
But deep down inside I know your the glue I lack
Pick me up and back on track

All I need is for you to replyyyy back.


By saying
Yes.
I accept you
Yes.
I'll defend you
Yes.
I'll be there for you
Yes.
For everything thing possible
Wrote it like a song idk
54 · Sep 2019
Surrender
Anthony Collazo Sep 2019
They're whispering saying things
I shouldn't think filling my head,
with hatrid!
I feel depressed, I can not manage this,
I feel the quits, they're sneaking up
I hear the cricks I hear the creaks,
I feel defeat
I'm panicking so this is it
I failed to live.
I'm giving up
I'm giving in
I don't deserve to live like this,
So what it'll be.
A knotted rope
Or a slit wrist...

Will I finally get my rest
Who deserves all of this?
At least in death,
we have, a restful guess..
54 · Mar 2020
Faith is not dead?
Anthony Collazo Mar 2020
He looked up with a tear in his eye
asking why,
as we often do when facing a moment of hardship.
He wanted to know why he was
the way he is,
what was the purpose?
Why would the lord allow him
to see the thoughts of others
To sense the presence of evil.
Yet having the inability to do anything
With it because if he expresses his
gift/cursed; If he were to let anyone know, they would leave. He knows this to be true, for he has tried to befriend those who knew and they would only wander further away from his grace.

Therefore he asks,

Why?
So many negative thoughts
So much hate so much anger
A relentless amount of sadness
Shielded by a great wall of pride.

Why show a man everything.

Why give a man a shield with no sword and throw him against fierce dragons that breath fire, why let a man be haunted with the visions he sees in the minds of all others..

What purpose does this serve him
what lesson is there to be learned.
How could he ever keep those thoughts at bay.

He would tried everything
even if it meant it had to be done in sin,
the man was overwhelmed with this gift.
He felt the thoughts becoming his own, his heart was now tainted he could feel the black stain that had taken refuge inside.
All he truly wanted was peace of mind,
The hardest thing to find in this plain and he knows it to be true for he has seen the thoughts of so many surely it was plenty, He has yet to find a mind filled with peace, even those who praise God and speak on his behalf raising certainties out of despair and telling us the voice in the sky cares,
even those poor beaten souls had darkness surrounding their weak feeble minds
How can a man born into sin forged by sin only to be raised by sin surrounded by sin everyday, how can this man overcome the demons
how can he overcome the voices
how can he be the pillar that the lord expects him to be..
His counsel never sought
his appeal full of rot
Can the lord honestly say
it's the man who forgot..

Of course, see in his mind in his grace he sees a planet full of free will
a planet filled with everything we could possibly need a planet that was made for those who fought bravely in the holy grail war a planet for everyone to be humble...

He didn't except the free will to be used the way it has been used for centuries only to satisfy your own selfish needs only to help you get to where you need.

We all have a conscious that tells us it's wrong, why do it
We all have a conscious that tells us when someone is need of a hug,
You don't do it why

We all have a conscious that let's us see as clear as day and as bright as the sun the pain our words can cause the recieving end
why'd you say that?

Why allow rage to overcome common sense, where does it end.

Tell me does treating other people poorly really help you sleep at night does it give you any type of inner peace does it bring the lord closer to your heart? Or does it only fuel the hate that spreads like a blaze out in a dry forest
Where beauty once laid

You can be as appealing to world
as you think you should
follow everything that's publicize by fake news let the celebrities tell you
What to do, only to be left empty
Searching for a way to find that missing mood
you'll see the clues you'll know exactly what you need to do.
But you never do
Why force yourself to live
with ill contempt
allow yourself to give in with no consent
allow yourself to lose the closes friends
Was your pride really more important than all of them
Why allow yourself to wake only to think "Yup this is it".

This isn't how it was intended

Why do you keep pretending

Preventing any help that's ever offered

from taking a step in

Is pride really worth all of it
Is pride really worth losing it
Your own self esteem and confidence
If You think you're confident
you're not
you're just ignorant
living thinking that you know everything
You don't even know how to live

This

Is

Not

The

End
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
It was an ordinary day just like any other day, the same routine as always. Except today wasn't.
I was walking on my way to school it was a nice day the sun was bright and there was this cool wind that kept you at just the right temperature.
As I was look up walking down the street the smell of burning wood hits my nose, I take my eyes away from the sky and begin to look around then I notice it. A burning building with a group of people gathered outside it was at the end of a no entry street. I ran over out of curiosity I've never seen a fire so big, so I didn't get to close. I noticed this lady crying and yelling something, once I made out what she was saying my heart dropped, she was yelling that there was a group of kids still in there. The teacher watching them hasn't been seen either so its assumed she's still in there too. We lived in a town where firetrucks weren't a few minutes away everyone knew with the size of the fire there was no way they'd make it out. I decided I had to be a hero at this moment. I ran over to a small street stand and bought a water bottle the cashier was smug enough to say, one bottle isn't enough for that fire. I didn't find it amusing maybe he was just trying to sell more bottles but it felt more like a smart pun. I took my shirt off and pour all the water over it then I wrapped the shirt around my face hoping maybe it would stop any smoke from coming into my lungs, that's when I ran into this burning building.
A building I've never entered before... at this moment I had no idea where I was going but the lady said they were on the first floor, it shouldn't be to hard to find them right? The heat of the fire was intense I was sweating the minute I entered, it felt like I was being cooked alive, I thought maybe I should've bought more waters to pour over myself, too late to go back now. As I'm making my way past burning rooms, it looked like a daycare or something, I hear the screams of kids. Yes! I found them! I was excited but came to realize a beam was blocking the only path out, I didn't know what to do. The rest of the path was a clear run through just hot and dangerous, of course but it was a clear run. How do I move this beam? I couldn't just let them die. I was already here, I was already inside the building looking at their frightened faces. I had to man up, shirtless I leaned in and grabbed the beam with my bare hands I let out an agonizing scream. My hands were already blistering, my flesh turning red and peeling off. I couldn't let go, I gave it all I had while in this incredible pain I've never felt. Just a little more, I thought to myself as I let out one last grunting push to move the beam. The kids, still frightened and confused didn't know what to do to. I was in pain, I didn't have any energy left in me. My shirt was dry from the heat, I was already inhaling smoke, so I just yelled run! So we all ran straight down this burning hallway. My body was in so much pain, my arms felt so weak and heavy, my legs began to drag. The exit was so close...

to be continued.
53 · Aug 2019
Remember
Anthony Collazo Aug 2019
Remember the past we would laugh and play
we were children back then so no struggling days,
we had this picture painted of how things would be
once we were adults we thought we would all be free,
no adult figure to tell us what to do
we couldn't wait to grow up we didn't have a clue,
then we're adults no more children's laughter
thrown into a new world that's filled with disaster,
from racism, stereotypes, and jobs that don't hire
we slowly lose all those childhood desires,
now the canvas where our picture was painted
lays in a corner all ripped, damaged, and tainted,
a new canvas has overtaken its place
where you only see a picture of a distorted face.
53 · Dec 2023
Ready set action
Anthony Collazo Dec 2023
If my life was a movie, it'd be painful to watch
Second hand embarrassment the minute it starts
53 · Jan 2020
End the hate
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
How'd it happened?
You'd never imagine
Chaos and madness
Secrets in the ad libs
Secret is the message
Secret is the plot
Secrets are kept
death tolls are not
Swept in a place left there to rot
The warning was given
Pray for his risen
The lands ain't forgiving
In the horizon expulsions
Corruption slave ships
Destruction, restrictions
The victims all siblings resembling
In image different in pigment
your hatrid resent it,
think with a lesser aggression stop the oppression this **** is depressing
so many lives lost but what is the message
Your life, how was it affected?
Tell me, how is it infected?
we come from different perspectives
What? You can't accept it.

Soo um,
that makes killing ok then?
Are you even human?
Do you have any feelings?

I'ma just assume you're a demon
Cause only a Satan spawn could think that wrong is right and right is wrong,
You're only seeing where you come from and still you judge
spewing things like
"Enough's-enough's
thank God for our Presidents they've  done so much.."
Open up your eyes I think that they're shut.
A life is a life it doesn't matter
"But"
But
but, nothing
a life is a life
we all have family.
Racism is never going to stop you have to have tolerance to keep those dark thoughts at bay we will never see eye to eye but we can live side to side if we actually tried.
53 · Jun 2021
Making a change
Anthony Collazo Jun 2021
It's not a task that will happen overnight,

So just ask if you have the will to fight,

To unite with a light of delight

to incite the word of God that we like

black or white
we're all alike and alive

so lets dive to survive in this world that deprives all our lives,

realized I despised who I was demonized in disguise
til
I opened my eyes saw the lies heard the wise didn't talk or imply didn't hate or deny the great lord in the sky

I did try to apply the ten rules and abide
but
this world's
paralyzed what was once a good guy.
52 · May 2021
Having suicidal thoughts?
Anthony Collazo May 2021
Y'all don't know the pain I've been thru all the **** I went thru would change you and make you just hate you

When you hate yourself ain't nothing the world can do
to break you
And to break through
trust
no one can help you
Its up to you to make moves
Up to you to make do

Up to you to break through
One wrong move
and you're left in the same ol loop
Looking in the mirror like
What the ****
I do

Questions never answered
You think you should cancel
Yourself,
not really thinking bout
nobody else
Its a pain unlike anything else
when you feel you're all by yourself
And nobody else understands
of your hell

Or maybe you never tell
So you're sitting in a well
Hoping all gets well
Surrounded by the feelings that put you there

Nothing else..

The darkness overwhelms
Overwhelmed you decided **** it life is hell
So you never share how you really feel and that's a raw deal
those emotions will build up,
and you will be stuck,

only way to heal is if you speak up
get a hug find some love
if you ain't finding none
change it up same routine will leave you stuck in a rut,
changed it up.

Meet someone save someone
You never know who has a loaded gun
Pointed up to there chin
Cause they think that their life *****
Open up before its too late for anyone to show up
you don't want them showing up on rainy day looking glum because they didn't get the chance to save someone they truly loved,

at the end of the day,
we all have someone
who would listen up so hit em up before pain keeps you stuck with the thought of giving up.
Don't give up
I write songs
51 · Mar 2020
Change
Anthony Collazo Mar 2020
Terrorized with what you see
in your eyes
no surprise
It's why you hate your life all the timeeeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!
Why you hate yo life
All the timeeeee?
You can change and be alrighttt..
With yo lifee
with yo lifee
just change yo life
You'll be alright,
You gotta
gotta
gotta
take a step
Don't look back,
No Regrets
Don't forget
Be the threat
Make them sweat
Be the jet
Close the set
No reset
Better than what you were,
Now reflect.

this the time for change
breaks those chains,
what is shame?
show them pain
show them everything no restraints
I'ma pour out my brains

No heart?
it's strange.

been like that since day one,

One day!

I'ma have money saved up
I'ma buy luxury items
I'ma be called King
Amongst other things
I'ma make my family filthy rich
No one will ever have to work for ****..

This is the dream
I am the key
the door is right in front of me
so what will it be,
My hand is trembling
An addicts worst bestfriend.
More scared than I've ever been
Fear means something is differ-rent
Cause we fear the differ-rence
lost in a comfort bubble of giving in..
I'm done giving up
Cement hasn't hardened
who's stuck?
The glue hasn't dried
So run
Just run
runnn run!

Everytime my emotions build up
inside of me I would run until everything was hurting me
til I got the side pain
I exploited it
I used that pain
to get away from the heartache..
We all find a way
I don't ever wanna hear you say
you can't change.
51 · May 2021
Hells creek
Anthony Collazo May 2021
I can hear the souls cry as they sail thru hells creek
They talk of a language that we do not speak
For the sins they've done that cannot be forgiven
The demons torture them if they keep on living and
If they die and pass away
The tortures worse I hear them say
A pain so bad it cannot be explained
Just the thought of it could damage the brain
Their chambers dark hollow and small
To get in and out they had to crawl
Their chest against the fiery floor
They'll beg and cry they can't take no more
But the more they beg the more they give
An eternity in hell you will live.

If you are to sin this is your fate,
But
to repent is never too late.
I'm not religious
50 · Nov 2019
Only you
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
Only you can save you
Reshape you
To get through
All these life loops
All the hula hoop
This life cycles
You can try to run,
It's all circles
Tight ropes
Without a net to catch you.
Teach yourself to fly
No one else will teach it right.
50 · Jun 2021
Who cares
Anthony Collazo Jun 2021
Don't care for people who don't care for you
47 · Jul 2020
You name it
Anthony Collazo Jul 2020
They can't control how you live
only you do
They can't control how you think
Only you do
they may control our emotions
and
cause tearing moments
but karma is a B
they'll get what they're deserving!!
46 · Oct 2019
S. O. S.
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
I remember the first time I saw the shadow of smoke

I stood in a playpen

while the adults made jokes

They laughed so strangely

With coughing involved

I wondered vaguely.

The fun in it all

The second time I saw the shadow of smoke

I think I was,
about nine years old

As I walked down a big ol hill,

A motor bike flew by
the man was killed.

The passersby gasped and yelled

Broken pieces were every where

But my eyes would only stare at the  shadow smoke that lingered there.

It had such a glimmer without the glare..

The way it danced and swayed with air

How it grew,
unfurled
without a care..

A devastating loss, yes.
Life is unfair.

The third time I saw the shadow of smoke

I was playing outside,
Oh the teenage life

We thought we knew it all
We were always right...

These wires sparked!
They hit a tree,
stuck on the bark

With a little breeze,
it was fall,
so dried out leaves

The sight was something I couldn't leave
Even tho my younger brother pulled on my sleeve..

It was our fault the shadow smoke lost control,

But I wanted to watch the glory glow.

The fourth time I saw the shadow of smoke,

It was pretty late I was out at work

The type of job where the boss is a ****,

We all had bills, a salty perk.

The day was gloomy dark filled with danger

Yet I knew,
I was no stranger..

Offered by the hand of another man

There it was,

the creator

that leaves us dammed.

Rather than deny the holy lie

I puckered my lips and let it inside.

A harsh yet soothing taste
a cough,
with a red face.
They laughed, like it's a game.

So I locked them up and walked away

I could hear them screaming my name

So I looked back at my display,
The world will finaly know my rage,
Is what I thought with a hateful gaze.

For I had locked 5 people in,

The shadow smoke,


would soon begin.
His obsession with fire started young
No one knew
What he had done
They all thought tragic
Accident.
That was the beginning of the late night arsonist.
45 · Jan 2020
Untitled
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
One day you'll understand why
As we both cry
45 · Dec 2020
The thing about me
Anthony Collazo Dec 2020
Thing about me is I remember everytime you said you would do some thing and didn't come thru everytime you made a promise and let me down everytime you owed me something and didn't pay up the thing about me is I remember all the disrespect thing about me is I remember all the neglect thing about me is I remember to much pain not enough good to settle the rain the thing about me is I've always been different and ignorant I'm pretty sure I was partially Autistic but no one cared I was treated poorly and differently most often you were annoyed by me and that's ok bcoz I know your only human and that its not your fault,

Bcoz the thing about me is that I'm always forgiving..
44 · Oct 2020
Price on love
Anthony Collazo Oct 2020
What's the price you're willing to pay for some love,
I've seen many
who give way to much
and don't receive quiet enough.
Is it worth the price they rung up?
42 · Jan 2020
Self defense
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
I've been trying to catch myself mentally, it's slippery,
call me butterfingers
I swear they're buttery
Always clumsy
kinda flimsy physically
Honestly Imma use honesty
Tell you everything that bothers me
Try to see my imagery,
typically I wouldn't be so willing
To share, everything.
I've had this inability
to speak vocally
The thoughts will stay in my head attacking me critically

On the daily like,

"Oh you should've said this"
"Oh you should've did this"

The other voice says,

"There's too many witnesses
he's innocent a ******* citizen he's not worth the loss of your innocence,
it's common sense"

"BUT
if he hits first it's self defense
let it rip, open him up like a Christmas gift
Do it quick,
don't you miss
cause if you miss
It's self defence,
the coin will flip.
See the difference is you do it quick.
Two story tales won't collaborate"

"You still forget the obvious,
the witnesses"

"Oh right the witnesses, what you do is wait for them to be at a distance, then"

All this cause I can not stand disrespect
So my voices they've been making sense
Everyday it's the same old script
Best thing I can tell you is,

listen to them.
42 · Oct 2020
The right question is?
Anthony Collazo Oct 2020
We ask God for the wrong things
That's why it feels like he ain't helping
42 · Apr 2020
Where should I go
Anthony Collazo Apr 2020
Nothings ever been a little simple, no.
No signal shown to lead me in right direction, where should I go?
41 · Aug 2020
A seed in sand
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
My heart will bleed the ink I need
to help me write the words I plead

To plant a thought is a like a seed
nourishment will make a tree

But will it rise above the sea
Gallantly viewing the scenes

Or will it crash against the land
Swept by waves beneath the sand
40 · Aug 2020
Understanding
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
To understand why a man is damaged
you must first understand
the situation he was handed
Many people may appear to be damaged broken and even on the verge of a mental breakdown do not look at them with judgment for even you would break under the right pressure. Every road is not as smoothly paved as the last
39 · Sep 2020
Grown man- Little boy.
Anthony Collazo Sep 2020
Soon
I might erupt
Take a few dudes down to Lux's club
Meet the son of God.

A fallen angel with a broken halo
So much anger they call hate, no.
That's not what is,
Blinded by the things you would do
You compare myself to you
I'm not you nor do I wanna be
I'd never hurt someone purposely.
You do it filled with glee
You do it filled with joy
You do it to destroy.

Little boy..

In a grown mans body
he can't talk properly
Can't pull his pants up in the street
Still dressing like he's a teen
Look a them the product of our great country.

Little boys
38 · Jan 2020
Sacrifices of love
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
I'll pay the price
So that you may live a good life
38 · Nov 2023
Spirits
Anthony Collazo Nov 2023
Depressions a hella of sickness a wicked impression left behind with evil intentions of harmful afflictions caused by one's self perception of a lonely position, An altered decision to cause one to be lost in vengeance without thought of their limits

- I have nothing to lose -

This thought is their reason
To be hung by a noose or jump off of bridges, no attention is given to those who show love during their time amongst living. Blinded by default thoughts that imprison their minds to be riddled with ridges, in their eyes, this life's unforgiving. No truths ever given the lies overwhelming every sign of proof to keep living.

This isn't a rhyme for suicidal thoughts
It's a message from heaven..

Enjoy what you got because in the end,
we're nothing but spirits..
38 · Nov 2020
Bullets
Anthony Collazo Nov 2020
Took me a while to get my head straight,
Took all my smiles to soften
hate traits
People think they know who I am,

Great.

Lost myself in one of the characters I play
I played my part,
I thought it art
I thought I know
What,
Who I are.

Who I am
is far from the truth
It'll probably leave you spooked
If you knew all the bad I really do.

Exclusive news hit
Illusive rude kid
Big heart small chest
Reclusive living

-I am intrusive, abrasive, irritating, hilarious, illogical, inconsistent, unpredictable, and one hell of a writer

That last part I didn't write tho.
Plagiarism off of rhyme zone
My algorithm would leave you mind blown
I'm not made the same as mankind,

no...

God talks to me
sometimes I don't listen
It's haunting me
This life that I'm living
God promised me,

I was meant to be different
I am way too forgiving
I imagine alot of killing
I'ma pray God is willing
To save me from this moment
Cause I might just do it
Been lost in my smoking
When the gun starts going

Who's to say,

where the wind might blow it.
37 · Feb 2020
The noose
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
All this cause acceptance
has never been accepting
he feels it's something he ain't never getting
rejection has been his best friend
Since his first steps
It'll be that way til his deathbed doesn't matter what he thinks when he's close to brink
and the stench of death starts to stink
When his eyes stop the blink
And his mom or dad walks in
To see their kid
With a rope knotted
tight around his neck
His last thoughts it's no guess..


Why couldn't I be accepted?
37 · Jan 2020
Stay tune
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
We're all going down to hell
I'll dwell in the well
with the ring
2002
20--12
coming soon.
37 · Jun 2020
Ok
Anthony Collazo Jun 2020
Ok
Yah don't know what this pain is like
When you lose your mind
and it's hard to find
A way to escape
too much **** in the way,

no strength or will left to fight

Imma say I'm ok.

Even tho that's a lie

But I know you don't care

Bcoz if you did
you would ask more details,

You just believe what ever I tell.

I could probably say something

Like

I'm living in wealth
I'm drinking
Hennessy paradis
For
breakfast, lunch, dinner

I'm wiping my *** with gold toilet paper hanebisho

it's expensive as hell

I have 10 language teachers
All females,

they all look fine as hell

I have 20 cars and three mansions
With butlers
and maids
and sweet gadgets!

I have every thing you ever wanted,
All folded inside my little pocket
And you'll never touch it

It's too close to my ****..

In reality
I don't got ****
I'm sitting in a boat
it's named Depressed
The people who run this ship
All gave in
Then quit
With a rope or a gun
Or,
even a slit.

I remember the time
I hung by my neck,

I didn't give in,

I kicked then I swinged
orrrrrr
maybe I'm dead?

Maybe that's why it all feels like nothing is right in my head

Maybe I died

Maybe my family walked in that room
And then they all cried,

As my body hung there with no sign of my life


Maybe this is all a weird dream
If you pinch me
I'll scream.

If you kick me I'll grunt

I was built to show love

I was taught to show hate

From the moment I opened my eyes
I have felt out of place,


But I promise

I am ok

I swear it

I am ok

Don't sweat it

I am ok

Forget it

I am ok

Don't worry about what anyone says

I promise

I am ok

Okkkk

Now
everyday might seem a little gray,

But I found a way
to stay out that shady lane

To stop myself from going insane

To stop these thoughts who think of revenge

To stop the urge of killing my friends

For all the gossip,
That I think they're talking

To stop this paranoia and anxiety
From taking over my body

To stop being annoying all the time with

ADHD cuz they think I'm a crack head

I'm skinny

I'm Super,
*******

I go from being mad
to alright
in seconds it's madness

I might be Bipolar
Don't know if I have it
Being in a rage
Has become habit

No one has told me to stop it

No one has told me they'll help me

No one has stretched out their arm yet.


I swear that,

they feel uncomfortable
When you tell them what's really wrong with you
they'll look at you in a different view
Only hit you up when they're bored in their little room from their cellphone,

Like

'Hey how are you.

I'm fine

'Yeah me too

Anything new

'Nope same old same old.

And that's how it goes

The same old

lame o

It's a shame to show pain,

NO
NO NO NO..

That's the only way to be saved
To avoid an early grave
You gotta show all your pain
Then explain
with a chart,

shaped like a black heart
Why you feel this way,

That way no one feels,

they're to blame

when you decide to
blow out your ******* brains

I am not ok!
I am not ok!
I am not ok!

But I promise

That I'm fine
I'm alright
Don't worry about me all the time!!!

I'm ok

I swear it

I am ok

Don't sweat it

I am ok

Forget it

I am ok

Don't worry about what anyone says

I promise

I am ok....




Ok
36 · Aug 2020
Perception
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
My perception of perfection has changed since my adolescent age
least now I know why all the rage takes place,

It's because the way I was raised
For a long time I did not think my life was anything but my life but as I traveled and talked to all kinds of people I learned my way of life was nothing compared to what it could've been if I had the proper guardians I will forever love my family but we are a failing tragedy
34 · Feb 2020
Pyschos promise
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
You can't stop what I've set in motion
I'm too focused,
might do something accidentally
on purpose...
spike your punch drink
Wait for you to swallow
every droplet.
Then I'll let you know what I did
As your face glows with anger those effects
they will hit.
It's no secret I'm a danger
Been that way since
I was lil kid..
Choke you out
while screaming biih!

Little ******,
But a pyscho on the down low
My whole family always said
visit the doctor,
I would always reply
something like,
um hell no!
They could see all the head trouble
Even tried those pill bottles
Every month in the hospital
Doc's talking to me real
niiiccce and sloooow,
Trying to see if I need any medical
Again I'd scream
Hell no
Only thing I need is that medicinal!

I'd grab his lab coat
No!
I'd grab the stethoscope
Pull him in
Let him know
I'm broken
From head to toe
fractured bones
Child services basically
lived at home,
I hear an imaginary metronome
Late at night I see shadowmen
dancing to the toon.
wait no I mean tone.
or is it tune
I'm in love with the moon
I don't let my tounge touch the spoon,
Why are you looking at me like a lune
Do I look luney?
Don't treat me poorly
I promise only I can hurt me
You might just fuse my angry,

Ohh
seems I squeeze too tight he lost air
I might as well let him go
Pat him down
sit him up
Look at him like,

Hmmm there.

Walk out, then go back in a few weeks with another hair fracture
Hospitals like,
we're running out of doctors
It's this little *******
he keeps saying it was accidental...

Prescribe stronger medicine
the one he's on is weak..

One would scream,
Someone hold this kid
While the other run up like
Here a syringe

*Wait no I'm sorry
I promisssse shhhhit....

Eyes dropped back
Mind got trapped, in a place.
you wouldn't be able to escape
To weak I would say.
Even so
I grew up great
nothing can get in my way.

From my angle
I'm an angel
with a broken halo,
The world focuses on the negative
Like black and grey pics
that haven't been developed,
you know those little strips.
That you save saying one day you'll go to Walgreens photo booth and process them,
but you never do
they just sit there getting old,
Yeah those.

I hope acting cold
makes you feel at home
I hope you get everything you deserve
I hope you try to stop what I've set in motion sooooo........

well you know.
34 · Mar 10
Grasping
God, the world's been trying to break me down,
I've tried my best to hold on to solid ground
They don't want me to figure out all the things I should've learned by now

Walking by blindly while trying to find me,

eyes glued to the sidewalk
scared they might judge me, if I look up

what might I see?

people laughing and taunting, pointing their fingers like haha I'm nothing,

I get it. I'm starving for attention, aimlessly.
Walking in wrong directions
Sometimes,
I wonder, do I really deserve this?

I'm hurting this journey is urging for drug use,
exposing my young youth to dangerous bad culture.
I'm smelling the sulfur
too embarrassed to approach you
Now I see the rippling effect of my actions,
everyone thinking that im nothing but a trash bin.

Other day, I texted my female friend
Then she made a post.

"I'm sorry that I ghost you, but I stay loyal,"

It was all based on one mistake that I made when I left my queen for a peasant.
So what?
Now, I can't even send a message without someone thinking there's ****** intentions.

It's a shame when they jump to conclusions and make wrongful assumptions..

This is my life now so **** it!

I'm sorry for cursing God
but I lose my patience.
never had room for hatred
they say you made me for greatness to raise the spirits and change the currents, but currently,
I've been feeling helpless
acting selfish,

downing alcoholic poison just to numb myself and silence the voices!


I've run out of choices!

MY TOES ARE OVER THE EDGE WAITING FOR ME TO UH,

NOO!!!

This isn't the answer,

My conscious has spoken!

A second too late,

I've already fallen.
33 · Feb 2020
Serpent
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
I've been a serpent
Waking up now to cause some torment,
I've been dormant
waiting for the perfect moment
Look at me
I managed growing
The path I walked would leave you damaged
hopeless.

I look around and notice
I can create savage moments
Jars full of secrets
I have a list of people who love me
but hate to know it
They hate to show it
I'll probably die by the hand of someone I grew up knowing
I've done a lot of things
I knew I shouldn't
only to turn around to say,
no I didn't.

It's not ok,

To keep myself hidden.
I'm stepping out to the open
Let yah know

I'm a demon
A bad omen

Honestly,

I rather die young then grow
to be some old man
weak from cold wind
with shakey hands
His knees can't hold him

I love to walk,

If I'm not killed
I'll take my own then
It's ok,
remember
reflect
Then judge
friends.

It's no pretend
I've been an *******
Yet loveable
attainable for favors
the clown in the room
I ain't never been a hater,
I ain't never changed behavior.
Growing means you learn from the mistakes you make,
no?


Don't confuse my anger or attitude
With a reflection
of what you would do,
I am not you.  
Nor will I ever want to be
I'm a prodigy
One of a kind that you'll see
33 · Mar 2020
What if ?
Anthony Collazo Mar 2020
What ever happened to that drug selling music
everyone out here's using
Abusing themselves
Accusing the wealth
A noose shows us hell
A booth doesn't help
Go on talk to yoself
Invest in yo health
Think about nobody else

Be selfish or end up helpless
Think,
what is best
for the person who reflects.
Picture the image you expect
No one wants to die with regrets
No one wants to say/think they didn't try their best as they take that single last breathe
I know every addict as this thought,

what if
I never started using this ****.
32 · Mar 2
Choice
If I had a choice what my life would be before the first time I walk on feet I'd probably still make the wrong decision a curse to live without a vision.
32 · Aug 2020
If
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
If
If the winds could carry me
I'd ask them to take me high so I'd feel free

If the waves could give me breath
I would swim to the deepest depth

If a tree had a soul
I'd asked it to help me grow

If a dog had a voice
I'd ask it to show me joy

If a cloud could hold my weight

I would steal the stars and make a wish every single day

If my heart would never break

Then
I wouldn't need a star to wish the pain away
I wouldn't wish that I could fly
or swim down to the deepest depth
far away from any noise or ignorance
I wouldn't look at the dogs wishing I could live so free and joyful just like them
I wouldn't need a tree to help my soul grow nice a beautiful.

If my heart would never break

What if
31 · Sep 2020
Destined
Anthony Collazo Sep 2020
My destiny is to be a writer
and
share my misery on an online blogger
31 · Feb 2020
The artists
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
All I wanna do is be a great artist to take care of those who took care of me to repay every moment of gratitude and appreciation I have experienced and turn it into an experience we can all share together..
This is the goal the price of a soul
I'll let it go to watch you all grow you'll tell me no but the candles been blown.

A true artist understands that world is black and grey filled with hate that we underrate,
yet we overestimate the grace that's in our face.
We think it not
then lose our place
to blame others for our mistakes.
So yes
I'll write
then I'll paint
a stroke of pens will lead my way.

— The End —