Terrorized with what you see
in your eyes
no surprise
It's why you hate your life all the timeeeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!
Why you hate yo life
All the timeeeee?
You can change and be alrighttt..
With yo lifee
with yo lifee
just change yo life
You'll be alright,
You gotta
gotta
gotta
take a step
Don't look back,
No Regrets
Don't forget
Be the threat
Make them sweat
Be the jet
Close the set
No reset
Better than what you were,
Now reflect.

this the time for change
breaks those chains,
what is shame?
show them pain
show them everything no restraints
I'ma pour out my brains

No heart?
it's strange.

been like that since day one,

One day!

I'ma have money saved up
I'ma buy luxury items
I'ma be called King
Amongst other things
I'ma make my family filthy rich
No one will ever have to work for ****..

This is the dream
I am the key
the door is right in front of me
so what will it be,
My hand is trembling
An addicts worst bestfriend.
More scared than I've ever been
Fear means something is differ-rent
Cause we fear the differ-rence
lost in a comfort bubble of giving in..
I'm done giving up
Cement hasn't hardened
who's stuck?
The glue hasn't dried
So run
Just run
runnn run!

Everytime my emotions build up
inside of me I would run until everything was hurting me
til I got the side pain
I exploited it
I used that pain
to get away from the heartache..
We all find a way
I don't ever wanna hear you say
you can't change.

No one listens to our pain
But if we go missing
It would rain,

Thats when they pour in
to come and say,
Great lad
Great gal

We could've stopped it-

you didn't.

We didn't notice-
you did tho.

You just ignored it-
uncomfortable

That's why I'll never be vulnerable!
Until the day I'm ready to let it all go

You ever felt lonely,
surrounded by love

I keep telling myself I haven't changed
A story I tell myself to go to bed.
I can't argue with the thoughts inside my head,

Why?

Well, they're making sense.

The numbers keep adding up
I'm told to ignore that stuff
Instead,
I'm all ears in
listening to every thought
Getting stuck with
mood swings
Trust issues and stomach grunts,
Waking up late at night coz of tummy knots and voices that like talk alot.

I'd ask God for help but my faith is gone
replaced with everything
I think is wrong,
still I'll play along,
With a pacey song
I keep alot of thoughts that don't belong
Holding onto pain won't make you strong!
they also say
what doesn't **** you makes you stronger.
Sooo,
I'll just try a little longer to convince myself I didn't cuff and imprison my mental health in a shattered hell with a different type of kind that's
unhinged..
unwell,
blinded by beliefs of fairytales
Thinking that the peace means all ends well.

Sacrifices first!

Then we shall..

See
the
peace
Prevail

I've been trying to catch myself mentally, it's slippery,
call me butterfingers
I swear they're buttery
Always clumsy
kinda flimsy physically
Honestly Imma use honesty
Tell you everything that bothers me
Try to see my imagery,
typically I wouldn't be so willing
To share, everything.
I've had this inability
to speak vocally
The thoughts will stay in my head attacking me critically

On the daily like,

"Oh you should've said this"
"Oh you should've did this"

The other voice says,

"There's too many witnesses
he's innocent a ******* citizen he's not worth the loss of your innocence,
it's common sense"

"BUT
if he hits first it's self defense
let it rip, open him up like a Christmas gift
Do it quick,
don't you miss
cause if you miss
It's self defence,
the coin will flip.
See the difference is you do it quick.
Two story tales won't collaborate"

"You still forget the obvious,
the witnesses"

"Oh right the witnesses, what you do is wait for them to be at a distance, then"

All this cause I can not stand disrespect
So my voices they've been making sense
Everyday it's the same old script
Best thing I can tell you is,

listen to them.

I heard growing teaches you
how others feel
I hope it's real
cuz this pain I can not deal
with,
it's too intense
It takes my breath
I'm close to death
It leaves me gasping,
With a pain in chest
My deepest depth
Is like I lost you
But.
You aren't dead
We're just living seperate
With thoughts and memories
we can't forget
I hope you think as much of them
As I do now,
it's no pretend
When you miss someone.
you spent,
your days loving
Holding them,
in the back
of your head
Like a shrine of- remembrance
Remembering
is the thing that hurts most,
it hurts to hurt
I hate to hurt..
broken wing
on a little bird,
I'm that little bird!
the wings a metaphor
My heart's what's really sore!
What's worst is you're the source
Still I want you back of course
Isn't that what love is for.

The only way to start a new,
is to let go of stuff you knew.
Let your mind go find
the bestest way to make you fly.

It's not a task that will happen overnight,

So just ask if you have the will to fight,

To unite with a light of delight

to incite the word of God that we like

black or white
we're all alike and alive

so lets dive to survive in this world that deprives all our lives,

realized I despised who I was demonized in disguise
til
I opened my eyes saw the lies heard the wise didn't talk or imply didn't hate or deny the great lord in the sky

I did try to apply the ten rules and abide
but
this world's
paralyzed what was once a good guy.

I can hear the souls cry as they sail thru hells creek
They talk of a language that we do not speak
For the sins they've done that cannot be forgiven
The demons torture them if they keep on living and
If they die and pass away
The tortures worse I hear them say
A pain so bad it cannot be explained
Just the thought of it could damage the brain
Their chambers dark hollow and small
To get in and out they had to crawl
Their chest against the fiery floor
They'll beg and cry they can't take no more
But the more they beg the more they give
An eternity in hell you will live.

If you are to sin this is your fate,
But
to repent is never too late.

Thing about me is I remember everytime you said you would do some thing and didn't come thru everytime you made a promise and let me down everytime you owed me something and didn't pay up the thing about me is I remember all the disrespect thing about me is I remember all the neglect thing about me is I remember to much pain not enough good to settle the rain the thing about me is I've always been different and ignorant I'm pretty sure I was partially Autistic but no one cared I was treated poorly and differently most often you were annoyed by me and that's ok bcoz I know your only human and that its not your fault,

Bcoz the thing about me is that I'm always forgiving..

I'm not happy.
I'm just smiling,
I'm not alive,
I'm just living.
I'm not hopeful,
I'm just hoping.

My heart will bleed the ink I need
to help me write the words I plead

To plant a thought is a like a seed
nourishment will make a tree

But will it rise above the sea
Gallantly viewing the scenes

Or will it crash against the land
Swept by waves beneath the sand

Don't care for people who don't care for you

What's the price you're willing to pay for some love,
I've seen many
who give way to much
and don't receive quiet enough.
Is it worth the price they rung up?

Soon
I might erupt
Take a few dudes down to Lux's club
Meet the son of God.

A fallen angel with a broken halo
So much anger they call hate, no.
That's not what is,
Blinded by the things you would do
You compare myself to you
I'm not you nor do I wanna be
I'd never hurt someone purposely.
You do it filled with glee
You do it filled with joy
You do it to destroy.

Little boy..

In a grown mans body
he can't talk properly
Can't pull his pants up in the street
Still dressing like he's a teen
Look a them the product of our great country.

Little boys

If I had a choice what my life would be before the first time I walk on feet I'd probably still make the wrong decision a curse to live without a vision.

God, the world's been trying to break me down,
I've tried my best to hold on to solid ground
They don't want me to figure out all the things I should've learned by now

Walking by blindly while trying to find me,

eyes glued to the sidewalk
scared they might judge me, if I look up

what might I see?

people laughing and taunting, pointing their fingers like haha I'm nothing,

I get it. I'm starving for attention, aimlessly.
Walking in wrong directions
Sometimes,
I wonder, do I really deserve this?

I'm hurting this journey is urging for drug use,
exposing my young youth to dangerous bad culture.
I'm smelling the sulfur
too embarrassed to approach you
Now I see the rippling effect of my actions,
everyone thinking that im nothing but a trash bin.

Other day, I texted my female friend
Then she made a post.

"I'm sorry that I ghost you, but I stay loyal,"

It was all based on one mistake that I made when I left my queen for a peasant.
So what?
Now, I can't even send a message without someone thinking there's ****** intentions.

It's a shame when they jump to conclusions and make wrongful assumptions..

This is my life now so **** it!

I'm sorry for cursing God
but I lose my patience.
never had room for hatred
they say you made me for greatness to raise the spirits and change the currents, but currently,
I've been feeling helpless
acting selfish,

downing alcoholic poison just to numb myself and silence the voices!


I've run out of choices!

MY TOES ARE OVER THE EDGE WAITING FOR ME TO UH,

NOO!!!

This isn't the answer,

My conscious has spoken!

A second too late,

I've already fallen.

You can't stop what I've set in motion
I'm too focused,
might do something accidentally
on purpose...
spike your punch drink
Wait for you to swallow
every droplet.
Then I'll let you know what I did
As your face glows with anger those effects
they will hit.
It's no secret I'm a danger
Been that way since
I was lil kid..
Choke you out
while screaming biih!

Little ******,
But a pyscho on the down low
My whole family always said
visit the doctor,
I would always reply
something like,
um hell no!
They could see all the head trouble
Even tried those pill bottles
Every month in the hospital
Doc's talking to me real
niiiccce and sloooow,
Trying to see if I need any medical
Again I'd scream
Hell no
Only thing I need is that medicinal!

I'd grab his lab coat
No!
I'd grab the stethoscope
Pull him in
Let him know
I'm broken
From head to toe
fractured bones
Child services basically
lived at home,
I hear an imaginary metronome
Late at night I see shadowmen
dancing to the toon.
wait no I mean tone.
or is it tune
I'm in love with the moon
I don't let my tounge touch the spoon,
Why are you looking at me like a lune
Do I look luney?
Don't treat me poorly
I promise only I can hurt me
You might just fuse my angry,

Ohh
seems I squeeze too tight he lost air
I might as well let him go
Pat him down
sit him up
Look at him like,

Hmmm there.

Walk out, then go back in a few weeks with another hair fracture
Hospitals like,
we're running out of doctors
It's this little *******
he keeps saying it was accidental...

Prescribe stronger medicine
the one he's on is weak..

One would scream,
Someone hold this kid
While the other run up like
Here a syringe

*Wait no I'm sorry
I promisssse shhhhit....

Eyes dropped back
Mind got trapped, in a place.
you wouldn't be able to escape
To weak I would say.
Even so
I grew up great
nothing can get in my way.

From my angle
I'm an angel
with a broken halo,
The world focuses on the negative
Like black and grey pics
that haven't been developed,
you know those little strips.
That you save saying one day you'll go to Walgreens photo booth and process them,
but you never do
they just sit there getting old,
Yeah those.

I hope acting cold
makes you feel at home
I hope you get everything you deserve
I hope you try to stop what I've set in motion sooooo........

well you know.

We ask God for the wrong things
That's why it feels like he ain't helping

They can't control how you live
only you do
They can't control how you think
Only you do
they may control our emotions
and
cause tearing moments
but karma is a B
they'll get what they're deserving!!

Only you can save you
Reshape you
To get through
All these life loops
All the hula hoop
This life cycles
You can try to run,
It's all circles
Tight ropes
Without a net to catch you.
Teach yourself to fly
No one else will teach it right.

Nothings ever been a little simple, no.
No signal shown to lead me in right direction, where should I go?

I remember the first time I saw the shadow of smoke

I stood in a playpen

while the adults made jokes

They laughed so strangely

With coughing involved

I wondered vaguely.

The fun in it all

The second time I saw the shadow of smoke

I think I was,
about nine years old

As I walked down a big ol hill,

A motor bike flew by
the man was killed.

The passersby gasped and yelled

Broken pieces were every where

But my eyes would only stare at the  shadow smoke that lingered there.

It had such a glimmer without the glare..

The way it danced and swayed with air

How it grew,
unfurled
without a care..

A devastating loss, yes.
Life is unfair.

The third time I saw the shadow of smoke

I was playing outside,
Oh the teenage life

We thought we knew it all
We were always right...

These wires sparked!
They hit a tree,
stuck on the bark

With a little breeze,
it was fall,
so dried out leaves

The sight was something I couldn't leave
Even tho my younger brother pulled on my sleeve..

It was our fault the shadow smoke lost control,

But I wanted to watch the glory glow.

The fourth time I saw the shadow of smoke,

It was pretty late I was out at work

The type of job where the boss is a ****,

We all had bills, a salty perk.

The day was gloomy dark filled with danger

Yet I knew,
I was no stranger..

Offered by the hand of another man

There it was,

the creator

that leaves us dammed.

Rather than deny the holy lie

I puckered my lips and let it inside.

A harsh yet soothing taste
a cough,
with a red face.
They laughed, like it's a game.

So I locked them up and walked away

I could hear them screaming my name

So I looked back at my display,
The world will finaly know my rage,
Is what I thought with a hateful gaze.

For I had locked 5 people in,

The shadow smoke,


would soon begin.

Took me a while to get my head straight,
Took all my smiles to soften
hate traits
People think they know who I am,

Great.

Lost myself in one of the characters I play
I played my part,
I thought it art
I thought I know
What,
Who I are.

Who I am
is far from the truth
It'll probably leave you spooked
If you knew all the bad I really do.

Exclusive news hit
Illusive rude kid
Big heart small chest
Reclusive living

-I am intrusive, abrasive, irritating, hilarious, illogical, inconsistent, unpredictable, and one hell of a writer

That last part I didn't write tho.
Plagiarism off of rhyme zone
My algorithm would leave you mind blown
I'm not made the same as mankind,

no...

God talks to me
sometimes I don't listen
It's haunting me
This life that I'm living
God promised me,

I was meant to be different
I am way too forgiving
I imagine alot of killing
I'ma pray God is willing
To save me from this moment
Cause I might just do it
Been lost in my smoking
When the gun starts going

Who's to say,

where the wind might blow it.

All I wanna do is be a great artist to take care of those who took care of me to repay every moment of gratitude and appreciation I have experienced and turn it into an experience we can all share together..
This is the goal the price of a soul
I'll let it go to watch you all grow you'll tell me no but the candles been blown.

A true artist understands that world is black and grey filled with hate that we underrate,
yet we overestimate the grace that's in our face.
We think it not
then lose our place
to blame others for our mistakes.
So yes
I'll write
then I'll paint
a stroke of pens will lead my way.

One day you'll understand why
As we both cry

If the winds could carry me
I'd ask them to take me high so I'd feel free

If the waves could give me breath
I would swim to the deepest depth

If a tree had a soul
I'd asked it to help me grow

If a dog had a voice
I'd ask it to show me joy

If a cloud could hold my weight

I would steal the stars and make a wish every single day

If my heart would never break

Then
I wouldn't need a star to wish the pain away
I wouldn't wish that I could fly
or swim down to the deepest depth
far away from any noise or ignorance
I wouldn't look at the dogs wishing I could live so free and joyful just like them
I wouldn't need a tree to help my soul grow nice a beautiful.

If my heart would never break

What if

All this cause acceptance
has never been accepting
he feels it's something he ain't never getting
rejection has been his best friend
Since his first steps
It'll be that way til his deathbed doesn't matter what he thinks when he's close to brink
and the stench of death starts to stink
When his eyes stop the blink
And his mom or dad walks in
To see their kid
With a rope knotted
tight around his neck
His last thoughts it's no guess..


Why couldn't I be accepted?

Yah don't know what this pain is like
When you lose your mind
and it's hard to find
A way to escape
too much **** in the way,

no strength or will left to fight

Imma say I'm ok.

Even tho that's a lie

But I know you don't care

Bcoz if you did
you would ask more details,

You just believe what ever I tell.

I could probably say something

Like

I'm living in wealth
I'm drinking
Hennessy paradis
For
breakfast, lunch, dinner

I'm wiping my *** with gold toilet paper hanebisho

it's expensive as hell

I have 10 language teachers
All females,

they all look fine as hell

I have 20 cars and three mansions
With butlers
and maids
and sweet gadgets!

I have every thing you ever wanted,
All folded inside my little pocket
And you'll never touch it

It's too close to my ****..

In reality
I don't got ****
I'm sitting in a boat
it's named Depressed
The people who run this ship
All gave in
Then quit
With a rope or a gun
Or,
even a slit.

I remember the time
I hung by my neck,

I didn't give in,

I kicked then I swinged
orrrrrr
maybe I'm dead?

Maybe that's why it all feels like nothing is right in my head

Maybe I died

Maybe my family walked in that room
And then they all cried,

As my body hung there with no sign of my life


Maybe this is all a weird dream
If you pinch me
I'll scream.

If you kick me I'll grunt

I was built to show love

I was taught to show hate

From the moment I opened my eyes
I have felt out of place,


But I promise

I am ok

I swear it

I am ok

Don't sweat it

I am ok

Forget it

I am ok

Don't worry about what anyone says

I promise

I am ok

Okkkk

Now
everyday might seem a little gray,

But I found a way
to stay out that shady lane

To stop myself from going insane

To stop these thoughts who think of revenge

To stop the urge of killing my friends

For all the gossip,
That I think they're talking

To stop this paranoia and anxiety
From taking over my body

To stop being annoying all the time with

ADHD cuz they think I'm a crack head

I'm skinny

I'm Super,
*******

I go from being mad
to alright
in seconds it's madness

I might be Bipolar
Don't know if I have it
Being in a rage
Has become habit

No one has told me to stop it

No one has told me they'll help me

No one has stretched out their arm yet.


I swear that,

they feel uncomfortable
When you tell them what's really wrong with you
they'll look at you in a different view
Only hit you up when they're bored in their little room from their cellphone,

Like

'Hey how are you.

I'm fine

'Yeah me too

Anything new

'Nope same old same old.

And that's how it goes

The same old

lame o

It's a shame to show pain,

NO
NO NO NO..

That's the only way to be saved
To avoid an early grave
You gotta show all your pain
Then explain
with a chart,

shaped like a black heart
Why you feel this way,

That way no one feels,

they're to blame

when you decide to
blow out your ******* brains

I am not ok!
I am not ok!
I am not ok!

But I promise

That I'm fine
I'm alright
Don't worry about me all the time!!!

I'm ok

I swear it

I am ok

Don't sweat it

I am ok

Forget it

I am ok

Don't worry about what anyone says

I promise

I am ok....




Ok

To understand why a man is damaged
you must first understand
the situation he was handed

I'll pay the price
So that you may live a good life

My destiny is to be a writer
and
share my misery on an online blogger

We're all going down to hell
I'll dwell in the well
with the ring
2002
20--12
coming soon.

My perception of perfection has changed since my adolescent age
least now I know why all the rage takes place,

It's because the way I was raised

I've been a serpent
Waking up now to cause some torment,
I've been dormant
waiting for the perfect moment
Look at me
I managed growing
The path I walked would leave you damaged
hopeless.

I look around and notice
I can create savage moments
Jars full of secrets
I have a list of people who love me
but hate to know it
They hate to show it
I'll probably die by the hand of someone I grew up knowing
I've done a lot of things
I knew I shouldn't
only to turn around to say,
no I didn't.

It's not ok,

To keep myself hidden.
I'm stepping out to the open
Let yah know

I'm a demon
A bad omen

Honestly,

I rather die young then grow
to be some old man
weak from cold wind
with shakey hands
His knees can't hold him

I love to walk,

If I'm not killed
I'll take my own then
It's ok,
remember
reflect
Then judge
friends.

It's no pretend
I've been an *******
Yet loveable
attainable for favors
the clown in the room
I ain't never been a hater,
I ain't never changed behavior.
Growing means you learn from the mistakes you make,
no?


Don't confuse my anger or attitude
With a reflection
of what you would do,
I am not you.  
Nor will I ever want to be
I'm a prodigy
One of a kind that you'll see

What ever happened to that drug selling music
everyone out here's using
Abusing themselves
Accusing the wealth
A noose shows us hell
A booth doesn't help
Go on talk to yoself
Invest in yo health
Think about nobody else

Be selfish or end up helpless
Think,
what is best
for the person who reflects.
Picture the image you expect
No one wants to die with regrets
No one wants to say/think they didn't try their best as they take that single last breathe
I know every addict as this thought,

what if
I never started using this ****.

I shouldn't be here.

Now let me explain.

You're probably thinking I'm going insane saying I shouldn't be here, like that's ok.
But the truth to it is I shouldn't be here living like this
I shouldn't be here slaving for change
I shouldn't be here stressing in pain
I shouldn't be here worried of troubles
That won't even happen until a further tomorrow.
I shouldn't be here it's really plain and simple
I shouldn't be here surrounded by this evil
I shouldn't be here without faith and hope
Cause the second I coward, it's all down road.
I shouldn't be here climbing this ***** without any help, no tools, not even a rope.
I shouldn't be here living like this,
trying to evolve while feeling like ****.

They say evolution and creation are the reason for life, but I haven't evolved, and my thoughts don't create nothing nice.

I shouldn't be here doubting myself
I shouldn't be here comparing my wealth
The devils comparison wrapped in embarrassment
I'll act like they're better just cause they have nicer things
I shouldn't be here accepting this realm
I shouldn't be here,

so i wish you farewell.