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Sep 2020 · 31
Destined
Anthony Collazo Sep 2020
My destiny is to be a writer
and
share my misery on an online blogger
Aug 2020 · 125
Sleeping with my words
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
If I could sleep with my words

I would

I'd cuddle them nice and good

Lay in a bed of words
The pillow the frame and all
Let them surround me whole

Four walls will make the room
Each side a different mood

One side of cheer and laughs
One side of pain and nags
One side of goals and wants
One side that hates and taunts

This room is where I'll lay
Whenever I'm astray
Heart ache any type of pain
This is where I'll go
To give rest to my soul

So even if I'm lost

One thing I've always known
I'm not alone
when I lay down with my poems
Do you lay in bed while writing poems I know I do.
Aug 2020 · 41
A seed in sand
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
My heart will bleed the ink I need
to help me write the words I plead

To plant a thought is a like a seed
nourishment will make a tree

But will it rise above the sea
Gallantly viewing the scenes

Or will it crash against the land
Swept by waves beneath the sand
Aug 2020 · 36
Perception
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
My perception of perfection has changed since my adolescent age
least now I know why all the rage takes place,

It's because the way I was raised
For a long time I did not think my life was anything but my life but as I traveled and talked to all kinds of people I learned my way of life was nothing compared to what it could've been if I had the proper guardians I will forever love my family but we are a failing tragedy
Aug 2020 · 40
Understanding
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
To understand why a man is damaged
you must first understand
the situation he was handed
Many people may appear to be damaged broken and even on the verge of a mental breakdown do not look at them with judgment for even you would break under the right pressure. Every road is not as smoothly paved as the last
Aug 2020 · 32
If
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
If
If the winds could carry me
I'd ask them to take me high so I'd feel free

If the waves could give me breath
I would swim to the deepest depth

If a tree had a soul
I'd asked it to help me grow

If a dog had a voice
I'd ask it to show me joy

If a cloud could hold my weight

I would steal the stars and make a wish every single day

If my heart would never break

Then
I wouldn't need a star to wish the pain away
I wouldn't wish that I could fly
or swim down to the deepest depth
far away from any noise or ignorance
I wouldn't look at the dogs wishing I could live so free and joyful just like them
I wouldn't need a tree to help my soul grow nice a beautiful.

If my heart would never break

What if
Aug 2020 · 166
Forget the pain
Anthony Collazo Aug 2020
May the mind of the broken rest
in the pond of forgets
where the past chains break free
from the pillars of regret
We often allow our selves to be overwhelmed with things that have long passed remember the lesson that it brought but realease all the stressing that is done
Jul 2020 · 47
You name it
Anthony Collazo Jul 2020
They can't control how you live
only you do
They can't control how you think
Only you do
they may control our emotions
and
cause tearing moments
but karma is a B
they'll get what they're deserving!!
Jul 2020 · 61
Human being, being human
Anthony Collazo Jul 2020
I'm wondering,

why is it such a struggle
to be a human being,
why is it so hard
to be alive and breathing
Why are we scarred
left mentally bleeding
Hiding the tears so no one can see them

Why is it

when

things get hard
the first thought

Is

**** this I'm leaving!!

Why you keeping me at distance

Haven't you seen the marks

they're just like wristbands

They're all around my heart,

You can not miss em..

you actually do

Another face in a crowd

Do I even know you..

Why is it we don't say alot of things out loud
we hold these words in
letting them tear us down

Limb by limb

But you won't

hear a sound,

Even when my eyes
Are full sadness
You'll just focus on my smile
hoping that I'll manage

you wouldn't want to be a part of my life if you knew I was damaged

To all the people I've abandoned
I'm sorry
This clown has been lost in madness



I just hate it because
I swear I'm surrounded by Angels
even when every turn
I take is screaming out danger

I'll take that step,
I could never hate you
Still I have no regrets
To way that we got here

To try and replace you would be like shifting into a fake gear
Car wouldn't get anywhere
you're one of a kind
I love you my dear..


I made alot bad moves
Trusted in all the wrong dudes
Try fit in with ****** world views

God gave me a perspective unlike any other
still I'm not perfect
I'm trying to do better


it's just hard when you lose yourself
When you try to give it all to god
Then they make you think
that's not enough,

That's when you'll stop showing love
That's when you'll stop looking up

You wanna fit in so badly

That's when you'll start feeling dark

That's when your mind starts thinking stuff
making you doubt everyone you ever knew and loved

Making you feel like you're not good enough,

I won't be the first


I hope I'm not the last

To tell you
it's to let go of the past
It's ok to give someone a pass
It's ok to open up and laugh

You don't have to over think everything

over thinking everything

In a small explanation is-

We're all boats and every negative thought is another sink hole
Stop letting them in,

let it all go

Forget about the pain

I promise with God beside you you'll see yourself grow.

I promise with God beside you you'll always feel whole

Let it all go....
Jun 2020 · 37
Ok
Anthony Collazo Jun 2020
Ok
Yah don't know what this pain is like
When you lose your mind
and it's hard to find
A way to escape
too much **** in the way,

no strength or will left to fight

Imma say I'm ok.

Even tho that's a lie

But I know you don't care

Bcoz if you did
you would ask more details,

You just believe what ever I tell.

I could probably say something

Like

I'm living in wealth
I'm drinking
Hennessy paradis
For
breakfast, lunch, dinner

I'm wiping my *** with gold toilet paper hanebisho

it's expensive as hell

I have 10 language teachers
All females,

they all look fine as hell

I have 20 cars and three mansions
With butlers
and maids
and sweet gadgets!

I have every thing you ever wanted,
All folded inside my little pocket
And you'll never touch it

It's too close to my ****..

In reality
I don't got ****
I'm sitting in a boat
it's named Depressed
The people who run this ship
All gave in
Then quit
With a rope or a gun
Or,
even a slit.

I remember the time
I hung by my neck,

I didn't give in,

I kicked then I swinged
orrrrrr
maybe I'm dead?

Maybe that's why it all feels like nothing is right in my head

Maybe I died

Maybe my family walked in that room
And then they all cried,

As my body hung there with no sign of my life


Maybe this is all a weird dream
If you pinch me
I'll scream.

If you kick me I'll grunt

I was built to show love

I was taught to show hate

From the moment I opened my eyes
I have felt out of place,


But I promise

I am ok

I swear it

I am ok

Don't sweat it

I am ok

Forget it

I am ok

Don't worry about what anyone says

I promise

I am ok

Okkkk

Now
everyday might seem a little gray,

But I found a way
to stay out that shady lane

To stop myself from going insane

To stop these thoughts who think of revenge

To stop the urge of killing my friends

For all the gossip,
That I think they're talking

To stop this paranoia and anxiety
From taking over my body

To stop being annoying all the time with

ADHD cuz they think I'm a crack head

I'm skinny

I'm Super,
*******

I go from being mad
to alright
in seconds it's madness

I might be Bipolar
Don't know if I have it
Being in a rage
Has become habit

No one has told me to stop it

No one has told me they'll help me

No one has stretched out their arm yet.


I swear that,

they feel uncomfortable
When you tell them what's really wrong with you
they'll look at you in a different view
Only hit you up when they're bored in their little room from their cellphone,

Like

'Hey how are you.

I'm fine

'Yeah me too

Anything new

'Nope same old same old.

And that's how it goes

The same old

lame o

It's a shame to show pain,

NO
NO NO NO..

That's the only way to be saved
To avoid an early grave
You gotta show all your pain
Then explain
with a chart,

shaped like a black heart
Why you feel this way,

That way no one feels,

they're to blame

when you decide to
blow out your ******* brains

I am not ok!
I am not ok!
I am not ok!

But I promise

That I'm fine
I'm alright
Don't worry about me all the time!!!

I'm ok

I swear it

I am ok

Don't sweat it

I am ok

Forget it

I am ok

Don't worry about what anyone says

I promise

I am ok....




Ok
Jun 2020 · 59
Sue eh cide
Anthony Collazo Jun 2020
Great patience
surrounded by great hatrid
Can't take this
might just slit a wrist then take a lick
May 2020 · 63
Funny little song I wrote
Anthony Collazo May 2020
I don't do nothing
No I dont do nothing
I dont do nothing
No I don't do a single thing

Shes always talking
And it ain't that gossip
It's always non sense

Cause she's trying to say
that I dont do ****

What!

Yo I swear this chick has lost her ****

Before me who did everything

I mean before me it was just you
All alone,
in a home taking care of yo self
But now you got me and you want me to do everything without any help

What the hell
This isn't love or relationship
Its ownership,
you're trying to own a *****
But I ain't no ***** you the one who's gonna wash that dish go on get ******
You ain't gon do **** except probably
Scream be mean throw ****
With look on your face that's so UGLY.

Oh ****! (Duck)

I don't do nothing
No I dont do nothing
I dont do nothing
No I don't do a single thing


I swear everytime I get comfortable that's when you come in the room
With a ****** mood,
I should probably swing at you
But I never would I mean I never could
I'll just trip you
then say oops...

Run away with a silly grin on my face
Like hee hee hee

You can't catch me

But you will catch me
washing dishes
Sweeping
mopping
scrubbing toilets
All this for one purpose

You already know it.

Giggity
I'm trying get jiggly and wiggily
under the blanket
with my *****
and she won't touch my ******
unless I go and clean
Apr 2020 · 42
Where should I go
Anthony Collazo Apr 2020
Nothings ever been a little simple, no.
No signal shown to lead me in right direction, where should I go?
Mar 2020 · 54
Faith is not dead?
Anthony Collazo Mar 2020
He looked up with a tear in his eye
asking why,
as we often do when facing a moment of hardship.
He wanted to know why he was
the way he is,
what was the purpose?
Why would the lord allow him
to see the thoughts of others
To sense the presence of evil.
Yet having the inability to do anything
With it because if he expresses his
gift/cursed; If he were to let anyone know, they would leave. He knows this to be true, for he has tried to befriend those who knew and they would only wander further away from his grace.

Therefore he asks,

Why?
So many negative thoughts
So much hate so much anger
A relentless amount of sadness
Shielded by a great wall of pride.

Why show a man everything.

Why give a man a shield with no sword and throw him against fierce dragons that breath fire, why let a man be haunted with the visions he sees in the minds of all others..

What purpose does this serve him
what lesson is there to be learned.
How could he ever keep those thoughts at bay.

He would tried everything
even if it meant it had to be done in sin,
the man was overwhelmed with this gift.
He felt the thoughts becoming his own, his heart was now tainted he could feel the black stain that had taken refuge inside.
All he truly wanted was peace of mind,
The hardest thing to find in this plain and he knows it to be true for he has seen the thoughts of so many surely it was plenty, He has yet to find a mind filled with peace, even those who praise God and speak on his behalf raising certainties out of despair and telling us the voice in the sky cares,
even those poor beaten souls had darkness surrounding their weak feeble minds
How can a man born into sin forged by sin only to be raised by sin surrounded by sin everyday, how can this man overcome the demons
how can he overcome the voices
how can he be the pillar that the lord expects him to be..
His counsel never sought
his appeal full of rot
Can the lord honestly say
it's the man who forgot..

Of course, see in his mind in his grace he sees a planet full of free will
a planet filled with everything we could possibly need a planet that was made for those who fought bravely in the holy grail war a planet for everyone to be humble...

He didn't except the free will to be used the way it has been used for centuries only to satisfy your own selfish needs only to help you get to where you need.

We all have a conscious that tells us it's wrong, why do it
We all have a conscious that tells us when someone is need of a hug,
You don't do it why

We all have a conscious that let's us see as clear as day and as bright as the sun the pain our words can cause the recieving end
why'd you say that?

Why allow rage to overcome common sense, where does it end.

Tell me does treating other people poorly really help you sleep at night does it give you any type of inner peace does it bring the lord closer to your heart? Or does it only fuel the hate that spreads like a blaze out in a dry forest
Where beauty once laid

You can be as appealing to world
as you think you should
follow everything that's publicize by fake news let the celebrities tell you
What to do, only to be left empty
Searching for a way to find that missing mood
you'll see the clues you'll know exactly what you need to do.
But you never do
Why force yourself to live
with ill contempt
allow yourself to give in with no consent
allow yourself to lose the closes friends
Was your pride really more important than all of them
Why allow yourself to wake only to think "Yup this is it".

This isn't how it was intended

Why do you keep pretending

Preventing any help that's ever offered

from taking a step in

Is pride really worth all of it
Is pride really worth losing it
Your own self esteem and confidence
If You think you're confident
you're not
you're just ignorant
living thinking that you know everything
You don't even know how to live

This

Is

Not

The

End
Mar 2020 · 33
What if ?
Anthony Collazo Mar 2020
What ever happened to that drug selling music
everyone out here's using
Abusing themselves
Accusing the wealth
A noose shows us hell
A booth doesn't help
Go on talk to yoself
Invest in yo health
Think about nobody else

Be selfish or end up helpless
Think,
what is best
for the person who reflects.
Picture the image you expect
No one wants to die with regrets
No one wants to say/think they didn't try their best as they take that single last breathe
I know every addict as this thought,

what if
I never started using this ****.
Mar 2020 · 51
Change
Anthony Collazo Mar 2020
Terrorized with what you see
in your eyes
no surprise
It's why you hate your life all the timeeeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!!!
All the timeeeee!
Why you hate yo life
All the timeeeee?
You can change and be alrighttt..
With yo lifee
with yo lifee
just change yo life
You'll be alright,
You gotta
gotta
gotta
take a step
Don't look back,
No Regrets
Don't forget
Be the threat
Make them sweat
Be the jet
Close the set
No reset
Better than what you were,
Now reflect.

this the time for change
breaks those chains,
what is shame?
show them pain
show them everything no restraints
I'ma pour out my brains

No heart?
it's strange.

been like that since day one,

One day!

I'ma have money saved up
I'ma buy luxury items
I'ma be called King
Amongst other things
I'ma make my family filthy rich
No one will ever have to work for ****..

This is the dream
I am the key
the door is right in front of me
so what will it be,
My hand is trembling
An addicts worst bestfriend.
More scared than I've ever been
Fear means something is differ-rent
Cause we fear the differ-rence
lost in a comfort bubble of giving in..
I'm done giving up
Cement hasn't hardened
who's stuck?
The glue hasn't dried
So run
Just run
runnn run!

Everytime my emotions build up
inside of me I would run until everything was hurting me
til I got the side pain
I exploited it
I used that pain
to get away from the heartache..
We all find a way
I don't ever wanna hear you say
you can't change.
Feb 2020 · 33
Serpent
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
I've been a serpent
Waking up now to cause some torment,
I've been dormant
waiting for the perfect moment
Look at me
I managed growing
The path I walked would leave you damaged
hopeless.

I look around and notice
I can create savage moments
Jars full of secrets
I have a list of people who love me
but hate to know it
They hate to show it
I'll probably die by the hand of someone I grew up knowing
I've done a lot of things
I knew I shouldn't
only to turn around to say,
no I didn't.

It's not ok,

To keep myself hidden.
I'm stepping out to the open
Let yah know

I'm a demon
A bad omen

Honestly,

I rather die young then grow
to be some old man
weak from cold wind
with shakey hands
His knees can't hold him

I love to walk,

If I'm not killed
I'll take my own then
It's ok,
remember
reflect
Then judge
friends.

It's no pretend
I've been an *******
Yet loveable
attainable for favors
the clown in the room
I ain't never been a hater,
I ain't never changed behavior.
Growing means you learn from the mistakes you make,
no?


Don't confuse my anger or attitude
With a reflection
of what you would do,
I am not you.  
Nor will I ever want to be
I'm a prodigy
One of a kind that you'll see
Feb 2020 · 34
Pyschos promise
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
You can't stop what I've set in motion
I'm too focused,
might do something accidentally
on purpose...
spike your punch drink
Wait for you to swallow
every droplet.
Then I'll let you know what I did
As your face glows with anger those effects
they will hit.
It's no secret I'm a danger
Been that way since
I was lil kid..
Choke you out
while screaming biih!

Little ******,
But a pyscho on the down low
My whole family always said
visit the doctor,
I would always reply
something like,
um hell no!
They could see all the head trouble
Even tried those pill bottles
Every month in the hospital
Doc's talking to me real
niiiccce and sloooow,
Trying to see if I need any medical
Again I'd scream
Hell no
Only thing I need is that medicinal!

I'd grab his lab coat
No!
I'd grab the stethoscope
Pull him in
Let him know
I'm broken
From head to toe
fractured bones
Child services basically
lived at home,
I hear an imaginary metronome
Late at night I see shadowmen
dancing to the toon.
wait no I mean tone.
or is it tune
I'm in love with the moon
I don't let my tounge touch the spoon,
Why are you looking at me like a lune
Do I look luney?
Don't treat me poorly
I promise only I can hurt me
You might just fuse my angry,

Ohh
seems I squeeze too tight he lost air
I might as well let him go
Pat him down
sit him up
Look at him like,

Hmmm there.

Walk out, then go back in a few weeks with another hair fracture
Hospitals like,
we're running out of doctors
It's this little *******
he keeps saying it was accidental...

Prescribe stronger medicine
the one he's on is weak..

One would scream,
Someone hold this kid
While the other run up like
Here a syringe

*Wait no I'm sorry
I promisssse shhhhit....

Eyes dropped back
Mind got trapped, in a place.
you wouldn't be able to escape
To weak I would say.
Even so
I grew up great
nothing can get in my way.

From my angle
I'm an angel
with a broken halo,
The world focuses on the negative
Like black and grey pics
that haven't been developed,
you know those little strips.
That you save saying one day you'll go to Walgreens photo booth and process them,
but you never do
they just sit there getting old,
Yeah those.

I hope acting cold
makes you feel at home
I hope you get everything you deserve
I hope you try to stop what I've set in motion sooooo........

well you know.
Feb 2020 · 31
The artists
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
All I wanna do is be a great artist to take care of those who took care of me to repay every moment of gratitude and appreciation I have experienced and turn it into an experience we can all share together..
This is the goal the price of a soul
I'll let it go to watch you all grow you'll tell me no but the candles been blown.

A true artist understands that world is black and grey filled with hate that we underrate,
yet we overestimate the grace that's in our face.
We think it not
then lose our place
to blame others for our mistakes.
So yes
I'll write
then I'll paint
a stroke of pens will lead my way.
Feb 2020 · 37
The noose
Anthony Collazo Feb 2020
All this cause acceptance
has never been accepting
he feels it's something he ain't never getting
rejection has been his best friend
Since his first steps
It'll be that way til his deathbed doesn't matter what he thinks when he's close to brink
and the stench of death starts to stink
When his eyes stop the blink
And his mom or dad walks in
To see their kid
With a rope knotted
tight around his neck
His last thoughts it's no guess..


Why couldn't I be accepted?
Jan 2020 · 38
Sacrifices of love
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
I'll pay the price
So that you may live a good life
Jan 2020 · 45
Untitled
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
One day you'll understand why
As we both cry
Jan 2020 · 42
Self defense
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
I've been trying to catch myself mentally, it's slippery,
call me butterfingers
I swear they're buttery
Always clumsy
kinda flimsy physically
Honestly Imma use honesty
Tell you everything that bothers me
Try to see my imagery,
typically I wouldn't be so willing
To share, everything.
I've had this inability
to speak vocally
The thoughts will stay in my head attacking me critically

On the daily like,

"Oh you should've said this"
"Oh you should've did this"

The other voice says,

"There's too many witnesses
he's innocent a ******* citizen he's not worth the loss of your innocence,
it's common sense"

"BUT
if he hits first it's self defense
let it rip, open him up like a Christmas gift
Do it quick,
don't you miss
cause if you miss
It's self defence,
the coin will flip.
See the difference is you do it quick.
Two story tales won't collaborate"

"You still forget the obvious,
the witnesses"

"Oh right the witnesses, what you do is wait for them to be at a distance, then"

All this cause I can not stand disrespect
So my voices they've been making sense
Everyday it's the same old script
Best thing I can tell you is,

listen to them.
Jan 2020 · 37
Stay tune
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
We're all going down to hell
I'll dwell in the well
with the ring
2002
20--12
coming soon.
Jan 2020 · 53
End the hate
Anthony Collazo Jan 2020
How'd it happened?
You'd never imagine
Chaos and madness
Secrets in the ad libs
Secret is the message
Secret is the plot
Secrets are kept
death tolls are not
Swept in a place left there to rot
The warning was given
Pray for his risen
The lands ain't forgiving
In the horizon expulsions
Corruption slave ships
Destruction, restrictions
The victims all siblings resembling
In image different in pigment
your hatrid resent it,
think with a lesser aggression stop the oppression this **** is depressing
so many lives lost but what is the message
Your life, how was it affected?
Tell me, how is it infected?
we come from different perspectives
What? You can't accept it.

Soo um,
that makes killing ok then?
Are you even human?
Do you have any feelings?

I'ma just assume you're a demon
Cause only a Satan spawn could think that wrong is right and right is wrong,
You're only seeing where you come from and still you judge
spewing things like
"Enough's-enough's
thank God for our Presidents they've  done so much.."
Open up your eyes I think that they're shut.
A life is a life it doesn't matter
"But"
But
but, nothing
a life is a life
we all have family.
Racism is never going to stop you have to have tolerance to keep those dark thoughts at bay we will never see eye to eye but we can live side to side if we actually tried.
Dec 2019 · 67
Anxiety 2.0
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
My anxiety, it's been haunting me.
One variety, it's come threatening.
Innocent, is what I think.
I don't deserve to live like this
To live like this, it's so hellish
An antidote, is what I wish.
I'm desperate!
When I walk by and they all laugh
i think a joke has hit,
I wonder who they're targeting
If the targets me..
Now that's anxiety!
I know, the dangerous variety
Cause I can't trust in
no human.
Yet I want to be with them,
I want to be accepted in.
So late at night I toss and turn
Cause now I know it's all coming,
Those voices they won't stop talking...
Can you hear the words?

They're beautiful,

but yet haunting.
Dec 2019 · 201
I write
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
I write poems
I write poetry
I write songs
I write love stories
I write dark
I write alot
I write my thoughts
I write,

so it doesn't become an act.
Dec 2019 · 56
Dark truth
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
I keep telling myself I haven't changed
A story I tell myself to go to bed.
I can't argue with the thoughts inside my head,

Why?

Well, they're making sense.

The numbers keep adding up
I'm told to ignore that stuff
Instead,
I'm all ears in
listening to every thought
Getting stuck with
mood swings
Trust issues and stomach grunts,
Waking up late at night coz of tummy knots and voices that like talk alot.

I'd ask God for help but my faith is gone
replaced with everything
I think is wrong,
still I'll play along,
With a pacey song
I keep alot of thoughts that don't belong
Holding onto pain won't make you strong!
they also say
what doesn't **** you makes you stronger.
Sooo,
I'll just try a little longer to convince myself I didn't cuff and imprison my mental health in a shattered hell with a different type of kind that's
unhinged..
unwell,
blinded by beliefs of fairytales
Thinking that the peace means all ends well.

Sacrifices first!

Then we shall..

See
the
peace
Prevail
Dec 2019 · 76
Fighting with demons
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
Fighting with demons
They're swinging and hitting
I'm screaming
I'm losing, they're winning!
I'm feeling defeated,
a heathen who's taken a beating,
Without a religion
Untreated since *****,
But God is forgiving
So I keep on sinning.
Smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging,
like F--- it's nothing.
I'll lie to my conscience say,
trust me I got it
I got this, the problem's I'm lying,
I'm dying, for change
I'm crying, it's strange
I'll look at my family's face,
Tell em I am ok.
They won't believe what I say
So I'll put a display
have it all on replay
When I visit it's a shame
But we all play the game
Cause we're all built the same
It's the family name.

Fighting with demons
While working like slaves
We all want money and need to get paid
So mommy my sister my brothers my cousin's N aunty my grandma uncle and grandpy.
I love you so much miss you so badly,
sadly I needed to leave
to grow like a tree
with beautiful leaves
when you walk through the darkness that's what you'll see
I am not heartless it's an act for the sheep,
The people who think they know about me
They dont know sh--
cause rumors are free.

Life in the city.....
Ah,
It's sooo pretty....
it's not half bad.

The I job I have
is a pain but that'll never change
the place I live is the same but that's hard to change
The people around me negative vibes
Sensitive guys
so hard to try
to just be alright
When you're living this life
If you can't see the light
When darkness in sight
Would you fail with your might
If you held all your pride
Would you haul it aside
Would you it keep inside
The answers obvious,
but you never try so tell me you used all your might and your pride
you just toss it aside.
cause you try to be nice
so you're f---ing your life
take it out on the kids and your wife.
What you need is..
therapy
psychiatry
Alot ****, no!
a rehab facility
A melody serenity Enter me eternally
take away the demons that talk to me frequently
in the night I can't sleep,
scary dreams!
In the day
Self suffering destructing myself
I'm wrecking my health
I'm not depressed.
I'm just busy *** hell
Trying pay all the bills
don't got time to stand still
But I got a strong will
So I promise I will succeed
buy anything you ever need
Everything will all be free,
House and cars with big TVs
Doesn't matter what it cost to me..
your the family the reason I'm aiming for luxury.
The reason I wont fail,
I'll succeed
Ain't nothing stopping me
but me.

Fighting with demons
I'm swinging and hitting
I'm winning
I'll make it,
not kidding
They're screaming they're losing
Cause I've been abuse N defeated mistreated by people who needed
Some love and attention.
Well now they will get it
It's not the perspective they imaged.
But I ain't forgiving.
The sinners of sinning
I'm smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging
Like f--- it's nothing
I'll lie to my conscience say,
trust me I got
I got this,

the problems I'm lying.
Dec 2019 · 59
Old history Part 2
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
I heard growing teaches you
how others feel
I hope it's real
cuz this pain I can not deal
with,
it's too intense
It takes my breath
I'm close to death
It leaves me gasping,
With a pain in chest
My deepest depth
Is like I lost you
But.
You aren't dead
We're just living seperate
With thoughts and memories
we can't forget
I hope you think as much of them
As I do now,
it's no pretend
When you miss someone.
you spent,
your days loving
Holding them,
in the back
of your head
Like a shrine of- remembrance
Remembering
is the thing that hurts most,
it hurts to hurt
I hate to hurt..
broken wing
on a little bird,
I'm that little bird!
the wings a metaphor
My heart's what's really sore!
What's worst is you're the source
Still I want you back of course
Isn't that what love is for.
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
My mind keeps taking me back to the happy memories the rooms filled with laughter and family,
Even tho I know that's not the case,
I can't stand to look at your ******* face,
I'll sit down to take a break
Stand back up and **** my teeth
Tell me what it was
that changed our history
tell me what I did that you can't forgive
Bcoz I've been trying hard as **** to keep you in,
Even when my heart keeps trying to pump you out
Tell me what I did wrong so we can figure this **** out.
If you haven't noticed I'm still around
I'll come to town,
I'll let you know I'm coming down
But you never show up,
come on now!
I got two kids,
I don't got time for special visits
If you wanna be part of my life make yourself present.

I'm done trying to impress my friends
I'm done trying to keep you in
I'm done trying to keep my family from falling apart
I'm done trying to fix everyone
So **** em all.
I'm done caring..

"bcoz on Thanksgiving
Yah made it clear
This family ain't even worth the saving.
****!"

maybe some of yah was with it
The rest,
PATHETIC.
oh did I hit a nerve with that word.
Good,
They say I've been feeling cold
it's the weather It's about to snow.

Sometimes I feel God gave me a role that I can't control
a place in life
that I can't let go
your face with mine
they'll never glow
Not like before

It's more like the emoji sticker everyone thought was chocolate ice cream a long time ago.
****..

It's like the harder I try the harder things become for us idk..

A replacement for my memories is all I really need, some better energy.
erase every body who doesn't **** with me everyone who says New York is changing me
Everyone who fake smiles in my face
All you ******* need to be replaced. I dont give a **** if you think this ***** wrong
I dont care if it's just stage I'm on
Just coz we're in different states,
You wanna act like strangers, done.
ok great now no need to be fake
I'll put this **** out in the open
be warned,
ODD the bad omen has awoken
more of that topic will be spoken
for now just know that I'm broken.
Never hopeless always hoping
maybe this **** is just for the moment.
I really hope it cause growing up ****

We'd ride to die,
you was always by my side we planned out our whole life's as we talked outside now it hurts to see that ******* look in your eyes.
A ******* look I despise
this is goodbye to you guys mostly the ones in disguise,
I can't stand by a person who doesn't try
While I'm handing out smiles and **** like mister nice guy trying to crack jokes  like the old times all I ever get is false replies
like I can't see how you really feel through those human eyes.
It's no surprise...


I remember summer nights we'd ride our bikes
I remember sitting down while picking fights
I remember we used to play fight and
real fight,
Nothing got in our way.
I remember boat fishing.
searching places with our flashlights
I remember working out in our basement while listening to linkiin park for the first time.
I remember alot of accidents
You was always part of it!

I remember my best friends..

I guess these Memories is all I have left.
Dec 2019 · 79
Copy/Paste
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
Where is the darkness we all sow?
Everyday I read a poem.

It's always the same thing,

I've loved.
I've lived.
I've longed for this.

Emotions they are sickening!

Repetitive,
With different words
A faker foe reflects and glows.
The sedative is to write a poem
To let sensitive emotions flow..

When we return in our real days
away from these heartfilled page
We do not show the form we take,
With pen
as sword,
We fight
We break,
Our eyes will tear
Our hearts will shake
Our minds they wonder far away...

But we never change..

Our form forever remains the same
Who's to say,
we're not tied by chains with hearts like Zart
Bach -N- Beethoven
swayed by a pendulum that's full of rage..
Underneath we take our stage
With a wreath that's wrapped in sage
Our only audience,
is a blank white page.

Before we click,
Copy/paste
And upload to a website
we think is safe..
Dec 2019 · 83
Chicken butt
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
Lately/
I've been going of the rails
Ima probably go to hell,
For some tale I shouldn't tell
Ima probably go to jail
For some soul I shouldn't ****
Satan/
would gladly take my will
Chain it
Lock it
bolt it-

Fail-
Is what I've done..

Harm caused to everyone,
Sweaty palms
A loaded gun
Trigger happy!
set it off!
Oops.
This victim is the wrong one.
Still I gotta run
For what I've done
Can't say sorry if I'm killing everyone!

"****** huh"?

Yeah I'm a ****** duh!

Sociopathic
empath

"what"?

I'll make no sense
like eating chicken butts.
Bored
Dec 2019 · 200
Back stabbers tune
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
I'm gon'
leave a ****** trail
towards a well
With a funky smell
Covered in larvae infested shells
That dwell the flies of hell's demise
A swell of lives,
husband and wives
Like Edward's hands
I'm full of knives.
There's no surprise
When you yell why!
Insert like coins,
in your backside...

So in other words,
I'm a backstabber.
Dec 2019 · 62
Old history
Anthony Collazo Dec 2019
I grew up around violence and bad things,
Blood gushing,
broken bones.
People screaming out for help
I swear that is was hell,
But, it also felt like home
it's the place I like to go when I'm alone
All the sins I've done
I should atone
Never will, that's a nope.
Why ask for forgiveness,
when it's never that authentic, no!
When they say that they accept it, soooo.
I rather let my soul just rot with all the thoughts I got about the things I did as a younger kid,
cause I'm still a kid only difference is my age is different but inside I'm still a kid hoping maybe this is it maybe this is the one way to release.
If I ask for forgiveness,
you'd say yes but your eyes don't agree.

I can see they don't agree
I can see they don't like me
I can see it's not the same

I've caused alot pain
Never sat down to explain
Never said,
I'm sorry to your face
Just a text or post,
your reply,
always the same
something,
like it's ok.
It's just a phase we'll make it past this.
It's just the day,
I'm not to certain
When that will be.
But I promise it'll be
just like the old times you and me,
me and you us together stuck like glue
I know that's corny that's the old me you don't see,
You're focused on the misery
all my trickery,
our old history
to solve this injury now that's the mystery,
I'll get all jittery
I'll never have this victory!
Tell me it's not witchery
When you lose your family
Cuz of something bad you did,
They can't forgive even tho they say they did
their eyes speak differently,
It's something you can see
You can't hear it with your ears
Trust your senses,
they are clear...
That family isn't here
They disappeared,
I'll show no tears
even if it means for years
Just know the day we reunite
We'll have a couple beers
have some cheers..
hopefully then..
They are real.
I hope one day true forgiveness can be given bcoz deep down I have a hatrid that I've found.
Nov 2019 · 50
Only you
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
Only you can save you
Reshape you
To get through
All these life loops
All the hula hoop
This life cycles
You can try to run,
It's all circles
Tight ropes
Without a net to catch you.
Teach yourself to fly
No one else will teach it right.
Nov 2019 · 92
Don't share-Don't dare
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
It's no ones business what you put in your system
if you wanna be an addict,
great be an addict in silence
don't hype it up making these young kids try it.
I hate what music's become
I hate what people have done
Trying all these things they hear in the songs
Telling me no it isn't that wrong
Everyone does it, come just give up.
Let go of your senses
let's try some non sense
Perks,
pink drinks,
Heated spoons
Acid, angel dust
All of it's,
straight garbage!

In melody /they say it's harmless
A remedy /that can fix all this
Secretly /it causes damage
Destroying all your organs
Seeping you of the youth
That God gives
Don't share don't dare
Don't share your business
Don't dare try drugs they'll change you forever
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
It was an ordinary day just like any other day, the same routine as always. Except today wasn't.
I was walking on my way to school it was a nice day the sun was bright and there was this cool wind that kept you at just the right temperature.
As I was look up walking down the street the smell of burning wood hits my nose, I take my eyes away from the sky and begin to look around then I notice it. A burning building with a group of people gathered outside it was at the end of a no entry street. I ran over out of curiosity I've never seen a fire so big, so I didn't get to close. I noticed this lady crying and yelling something, once I made out what she was saying my heart dropped, she was yelling that there was a group of kids still in there. The teacher watching them hasn't been seen either so its assumed she's still in there too. We lived in a town where firetrucks weren't a few minutes away everyone knew with the size of the fire there was no way they'd make it out. I decided I had to be a hero at this moment. I ran over to a small street stand and bought a water bottle the cashier was smug enough to say, one bottle isn't enough for that fire. I didn't find it amusing maybe he was just trying to sell more bottles but it felt more like a smart pun. I took my shirt off and pour all the water over it then I wrapped the shirt around my face hoping maybe it would stop any smoke from coming into my lungs, that's when I ran into this burning building.
A building I've never entered before... at this moment I had no idea where I was going but the lady said they were on the first floor, it shouldn't be to hard to find them right? The heat of the fire was intense I was sweating the minute I entered, it felt like I was being cooked alive, I thought maybe I should've bought more waters to pour over myself, too late to go back now. As I'm making my way past burning rooms, it looked like a daycare or something, I hear the screams of kids. Yes! I found them! I was excited but came to realize a beam was blocking the only path out, I didn't know what to do. The rest of the path was a clear run through just hot and dangerous, of course but it was a clear run. How do I move this beam? I couldn't just let them die. I was already here, I was already inside the building looking at their frightened faces. I had to man up, shirtless I leaned in and grabbed the beam with my bare hands I let out an agonizing scream. My hands were already blistering, my flesh turning red and peeling off. I couldn't let go, I gave it all I had while in this incredible pain I've never felt. Just a little more, I thought to myself as I let out one last grunting push to move the beam. The kids, still frightened and confused didn't know what to do to. I was in pain, I didn't have any energy left in me. My shirt was dry from the heat, I was already inhaling smoke, so I just yelled run! So we all ran straight down this burning hallway. My body was in so much pain, my arms felt so weak and heavy, my legs began to drag. The exit was so close...

to be continued.
Nov 2019 · 66
Life story
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
Broken arms
Broken legs
Used to have a mark around my neck
You don't know what it's like
to be close to death,
He took my breath
All this water starting coming in
He's my bestest friend.
There's no pretend
He wants me dead...
It's been like that since I was born
(My mom told me the doc almost dropped me on the floor.)
So I'm not just saying it
to say it I mean it when I say it,
Death has been the closes friend
From beginning to my end.
He's always there just waiting
In anticipation I'm pretty sure he's anxious, an ancient soul with more patience and only one goal.

Tenacious, so I won't let go
There's more, so much more
Yes so much more.
So many things I haven't seen before
So many flavors that never touch my tounge, I want it all,
every feeling that touches our skin,
I wanna experience everything
before I ever loosen my grip
Before I take that single breath
Before I lose the spirit we have within
I want see it
Touch it
Smell it
Taste it
And live it all
Death can keep calling but I'm not ready to take that call.
Never have I ever
Is something I never ever wanna say
I want stories I can tell for days
I want passionate moments with truth in them.
I want to much to write down,
But I don't ever want to die, now.
Cause I've already drowned,
only darkness stood around.
When the bump of my heart stopped it's pound.
It wasn't the first time either cause before that I stopped breathing
bad fever.
Even then darkness stood all around
No sense of touch,
thoughts or a single sound...

I'm that one family member everyones worried about, that one person that can make you smile but doesnt ever smile when he comes around.
Nov 2019 · 76
Falling
Anthony Collazo Nov 2019
God's been trying to stop my downfall
But we all know I'm a lost cause
Been this way since my Pops crossed,
Over to the other side,
no more ha ha's
No more play time
saying da da
Where's my papa?
Why so much drama?
That's what I asked my mama
As she sat me down to tell me,
blah blah..
That's the day
she told me I lost my father.
The first time I kept my emotions bottled,
Practice for the future I'd follow
Even tho it only lasted about an hour...
Oct 2019 · 651
Real
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
I just want to look at this photo
In the future,
knowing the laughs and giggles
weren't just for the picture
Take photos in the moment of happiness, it's far more authentic.
Oct 2019 · 73
Nf I miss the days
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
https://youtu.be/fy9YETB068M


Great song
Oct 2019 · 61
Lets call it growing
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
I used to be a kid with nothing
Living in the suburbs
Never using curse words
Then I lost something,
They say,
it's God given.
This spirit,
that lives within
Which is now a grown kid,
Adult with no super vision given.
Oct 2019 · 119
Just talking
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
I feel like my mind has more than one writer, I review my writing and see so many differences, it's strange. Perhaps I have another personality I dont know about. It takes over and writes heartfelt things, then I come to write nonsense LOL.
Oct 2019 · 337
Happy
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
I wanna see you sooo happy,
That it makes me happy.
Oct 2019 · 136
The voices
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
A dark night
without any moonlight
No street lamps that shine bright
Only nothingness,

A will to fight, yeah..
The taste of judgement
This feeling you're different
You'll never fit in.

Acceptance,
It's been the only thing you've
Ever wanted,
At arms length
But even then you barely grasp it.

These thoughts
come into your head
They starting talking,
Making you wonder.
Making you doubtful,
Making it hurt more
Making it hurt more

Nobody wants this darkness
Nobody wants this loneliness
Hopelessness,
cry to sleep
Still you're restless
Your chest it hurts
when your breathing,
is out of control.
You're gasping!

Like you're drowning in tears,
Everytime you know it's coming
You feel a little bit of fear,
Coz you know
even tho it makes you feel good
Just a little,
to let it all go.
That darkness and those voices
Don't ever let go.

It happens with friends and family
Maybe you walk by some people who laugh and you wonder what's funny..
Feel a little uncomfortable,
Sooo,
you keep yourself in this little bubble.
Thinking if you don't let anyone near,
You'll never have to fear,
The judgment,
gossip,
The hatrid
nonsense,
The critics.
The ones that are plastic
The back stabbers
The users, abusers
Accusers of nothing
The. ...
STOP IT!!!

We're talking to the voices now,
Didn't you know?
This whole poem was the conversation
We all have alone..

Coz even when it's your bestfriend
or family members
That little voice in your head makes
You wonder the stupidest things.
Oct 2019 · 72
Anxiety
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
Filled myself with this poisonous fear,
Only I can take blame for leading it here,
Looking for an out but I'm all chained up,
Like a fish in frozen water I remain stuck.
Oct 2019 · 46
S. O. S.
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
I remember the first time I saw the shadow of smoke

I stood in a playpen

while the adults made jokes

They laughed so strangely

With coughing involved

I wondered vaguely.

The fun in it all

The second time I saw the shadow of smoke

I think I was,
about nine years old

As I walked down a big ol hill,

A motor bike flew by
the man was killed.

The passersby gasped and yelled

Broken pieces were every where

But my eyes would only stare at the  shadow smoke that lingered there.

It had such a glimmer without the glare..

The way it danced and swayed with air

How it grew,
unfurled
without a care..

A devastating loss, yes.
Life is unfair.

The third time I saw the shadow of smoke

I was playing outside,
Oh the teenage life

We thought we knew it all
We were always right...

These wires sparked!
They hit a tree,
stuck on the bark

With a little breeze,
it was fall,
so dried out leaves

The sight was something I couldn't leave
Even tho my younger brother pulled on my sleeve..

It was our fault the shadow smoke lost control,

But I wanted to watch the glory glow.

The fourth time I saw the shadow of smoke,

It was pretty late I was out at work

The type of job where the boss is a ****,

We all had bills, a salty perk.

The day was gloomy dark filled with danger

Yet I knew,
I was no stranger..

Offered by the hand of another man

There it was,

the creator

that leaves us dammed.

Rather than deny the holy lie

I puckered my lips and let it inside.

A harsh yet soothing taste
a cough,
with a red face.
They laughed, like it's a game.

So I locked them up and walked away

I could hear them screaming my name

So I looked back at my display,
The world will finaly know my rage,
Is what I thought with a hateful gaze.

For I had locked 5 people in,

The shadow smoke,


would soon begin.
His obsession with fire started young
No one knew
What he had done
They all thought tragic
Accident.
That was the beginning of the late night arsonist.
Oct 2019 · 127
My best-ex-friend
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
It's been 600 days,
since I've seen your face.
Don't really know what words to say
If I ask how you been,
you'll say ok.
Even tho that's a lie
that's over played.
Out of date
It doesn't matter either way,
it's what you say...

I try to make a sentence,
Instead I mumble nonsense
Now I'm feeling anxious
We used to be bestfriends,

Used to be...

We decide to stop,
frequently.
I'm mad at you
or
you're mad at me.

Used to be...

We could say anything freely
without any worry
of judgement or resentment
Now it's just alot of pretending.

Used to be...

You and me
We'd do anything
And everything together
Didn't matter when
Didn't matter who was there,

We were friends.

Like REALLY friends!

We just wanted each others company
Each others help with anything..

We were truly innocent..
Then both of us,
Learned of hatrid,
We became vindictive
no more trust to give

Yeah we'll say
we're best friends
That's the image
everyones used too,

Picture frames from holidays and birthdays... and other occasions...
You're in all of them
I'm in all of it..

How'd the coin ever flip?

Tell me was it our fault
It all crumbled down to bits?

Maybe,
Or it could be
Maybe
Or it should be
Maybe

It would all be,

Alright
If we learned to talk, not fight..

Let our emotions out
Waterfalls might come crashing down

But I'd be proud!

To say I'm sorry out loud,

if it meant I'd keep you around..
We often let pride get in the way of great connections, we hate being wrong so we choose to move on.
Oct 2019 · 58
Starting over
Anthony Collazo Oct 2019
The only way to start a new,
is to let go of stuff you knew.
Let your mind go find
the bestest way to make you fly.
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