I shouldn't be here.

Now let me explain.

You're probably thinking I'm going insane saying I shouldn't be here, like that's ok.
But the truth to it is I shouldn't be here living like this
I shouldn't be here slaving for change
I shouldn't be here stressing in pain
I shouldn't be here worried of troubles
That won't even happen until a further tomorrow.
I shouldn't be here it's really plain and simple
I shouldn't be here surrounded by this evil
I shouldn't be here without faith and hope
Cause the second I coward, it's all down road.
I shouldn't be here climbing this ***** without any help, no tools, not even a rope.
I shouldn't be here living like this,
trying to evolve while feeling like ****.

They say evolution and creation are the reason for life, but I haven't evolved, and my thoughts don't create nothing nice.

I shouldn't be here doubting myself
I shouldn't be here comparing my wealth
The devils comparison wrapped in embarrassment
I'll act like they're better just cause they have nicer things
I shouldn't be here accepting this realm
I shouldn't be here,

so i wish you farewell.

God, the world's been trying to break me down,
I've tried my best to hold on to solid ground
They don't want me to figure out all the things I should've learned by now

Walking by blindly while trying to find me,

eyes glued to the sidewalk
scared they might judge me, if I look up

what might I see?

people laughing and taunting, pointing their fingers like haha I'm nothing,

I get it. I'm starving for attention, aimlessly.
Walking in wrong directions
Sometimes,
I wonder, do I really deserve this?

I'm hurting this journey is urging for drug use,
exposing my young youth to dangerous bad culture.
I'm smelling the sulfur
too embarrassed to approach you
Now I see the rippling effect of my actions,
everyone thinking that im nothing but a trash bin.

Other day, I texted my female friend
Then she made a post.

"I'm sorry that I ghost you, but I stay loyal,"

It was all based on one mistake that I made when I left my queen for a peasant.
So what?
Now, I can't even send a message without someone thinking there's ****** intentions.

It's a shame when they jump to conclusions and make wrongful assumptions..

This is my life now so **** it!

I'm sorry for cursing God
but I lose my patience.
never had room for hatred
they say you made me for greatness to raise the spirits and change the currents, but currently,
I've been feeling helpless
acting selfish,

downing alcoholic poison just to numb myself and silence the voices!


I've run out of choices!

MY TOES ARE OVER THE EDGE WAITING FOR ME TO UH,

NOO!!!

This isn't the answer,

My conscious has spoken!

A second too late,

I've already fallen.

If I had a choice what my life would be before the first time I walk on feet I'd probably still make the wrong decision a curse to live without a vision.

I'm broken,
all these words left unspoken
inside my mind,
commotion all the time
The motion that they ride
To destroy what is mine
Self sabotage, but it's fine

enjoying my life like beer,
the sweetness of decorous words
A Hecklers curse.

spread rumors among birds,

(Chirp chirp)

Learned to handle pressure just to rise above herds,

I don't care what you heard
I'm a man on the verge
Losing all that I've earned,
Cruising fast down the road
Hit a bump, then I swerved
But I won't lose control.

That's what I thought, (right)
Now I'm burned in a urn,

If I crash,
you must know..

I hit a wall and relapsed,
so I'm back with the smoke.

I hit a wall, too relaxed
enjoying what I broke.

I hit a wall and then collapsed
I'm lying on this road.

Everything around me feels bitter and cold.
No better than I was at 20 years old

the older I grow,
the harder it is.
to let things go,

I'm reaching for my soul,
I'm looking at my goals
I'm thinking of my fam
I'm trying to watch them grow,

Instead, im bleeding out slow gasoline on the asphalt feeling weak, won't move, can't talk,
hear the beat of my heart stop
as the spark starts.

I have a different mindset.
I've learned to deal with regrets.
I've learned to heal and breathe in exhaling air with my stress,
just another process,
just another small step
leading to my success..

I would follow prophets
Not understand the message
Even when I doubted,
I was blessed and gifted
Now that I am rising,
I hope the rest get lifted
Look down like ah ****
I hope that Y'all don't miss this

Sometimes, we don't have a choice
We do what we can to enjoy.

What a pain

These thoughts keep me drained
I tug at my chains
But I can't break free
From bad habits
It's a shame just to see
My whole life, I've been damaged
Sometimes, I wanna scream to at the top of my lungs, but the breath inside wouldn't manage.

you're my tree
shed your pain upon me
Every leaf, a release
of your stress and your needs
This oxygen is not the same.
Without you I can't breathe.

I'll fall to my knees as I beg, and I plea
I'll fall to my knees as I pray for the day
I'll fall to my knees as I put this gun to my head,

I'll fall.

With tears in my eyes,
I'll squeeze as I cry
Inside, I think...
I don't wanna die!!

but staying alive would be painful,
and I...

I'm tired of pain.
I'm tired of seeing people pretend they're ok.

I can see past their flesh.
I can see past their lies
I can see I'm the problem.
It's been like that all my life.

Sometimes, we don't have a choice
We do what we can to enjoy.

What a pain
These thoughts keep me drained
I tug at my chains
But I can't break free
From bad habits
It's a shame just to see
My whole life, I've been damaged
Sometimes, I wanna scream to the top of my lungs, but the breath inside wouldn't manage
I can't breathe. You're my tree
This oxygen is not the same.
Without you, there's no me.

I'll fall to my knees as I beg, and I plea
I'll fall to my knees as I pray for the day
I'll fall to my knees as I put this gun to my head
I'll fall..

With tears in my eyes,
I'll squeeze as I cry
Inside, I think..
I don't wanna die!!

but staying alive would be painful,
and I

I'm tired of pain.
I'm tired of seeing the same people act like they're ok .

I can see past your flesh.
I can see past your lies
I can see I'm the problem.
It's been like that all my life

Mister sweet heart,
mommas little angel, but down deep, they know I was danger.

The therapy
psychiatry
the medicine
The punishments
the lack of love filled with neglect
The hungry days won't go away
This messy home where I was raised
The secrets that I'll take to grave
With ****** hands, my soul,
the price I'd have to pay..

For all the sins I committed for being raised without proper supervision

Like a disease, I spread my infection. Who knows how many lives I've affected for having such selfish intentions.

This guilt
A collection,
it builds with suspension.
All a child needs is protection.
This reflection only shows my rejection and the holes never filled with affection,

I suppose this is why I'm different
This is why I don't fit in
This is why I don't want this
This life keeps me haunted with the past

I should've died on that rope.

Or under that truck on the road,

I should've died when I got in that car with that guy I didn't know
But God had other goals,

So that day, it poured rain as I ran home, and the blood stain washed away from my clothes,
I'm alive, but the price is my soul
Take a life, and that's how it goes.

That pocket knife was lunged in his throat!
wide eyes as he made ****** jokes.
I chose my life, but I lost all my hope

But the second his hand reached my thigh,

I didn't think twice, my trust, my pride he overstepped that line.
I'm not fine. I've never been,

The fear in his eyes I was feeling it

But that's life,
the fear of never wanting to die.
While fighting to prove you're alive.

Dear God,

it's been a while since I've spoken to you 2015 I was all about you
posted online all these poems about you
Then I changed minds,
a very wrong move.
I've been defined as heartless and rude
I've undermined the power in you
I lost my faith
I lost my hope,
Fell on my face,
my heart had broke.

I can't retrace the steps that I take.

Like a foot print in the snow
You can't back track it won't be the same
The pattern would look all weird and strange
I've tried my best to behave
All on my own it's not the same
You gave me strength I gave you faith
I lost myself and changed my ways
Invoked the Devil to come and play
Now I ask my soul you save
Before the bells ring and sway....

I know I'm better than yesterday.

Everything is always about conflict
If there isn't conflict,

then there is no profit

A word is a word and a noise is a noise

But as I'm reading these words I'm hearing no noise,

Who decides what words will mean

Who decides what noises sing

Who is right if all are wrong
Who is weak if all are strong
    Who is bad if all are good

Who would change
the world's broke view,

If given all what would you do

Everything you want is all in you

Everything you need you have it too

The desire of others
will blind your view,

Remember the blessing
not the lessons

Remember that stressing
isn't heaven

Remember the child
you once were

Remember the joy and freedom
we died for.

Every step is like a brick



With a lesson behind it



And every brick that you lay



Builds fortune for better days

Fighting with demons
I'm swinging and hitting
I'm winning
I'll make it,
not kidding
They're screaming they're losing
Cause I've been abuse N defeated mistreated by people who needed
Some love and attention.
Well now they will get it
It's not the perspective they imaged.

But I ain't forgiving.
The sinners of sinning
I'm smoking and drinking
Cursing and hating
Lusting and judging
Like f--- it's nothing
I'll lie to my conscience say,
Like
trust me I got it
I got this, the problems I'm lying,
Been dying for change..

Now it's coming my way.

Trust me they'll hate

I'd cry
but I've tried

Forcing tears,

out My eyes

Yet

it never feels authentic

Always feels,

pretended

Emotions
are
expected

Then I..

project them,


But it never feels authentic
You might say I'm pathetic
Just a charlatan
who plays a part
when expected

Desperate times,

Call for

despair in rhymes

Compassion over wealth

Not

wealth over health,

this world is going to hell

Burning is all I smell.

Don't lose sight of the things that you need when you're faced with the things that you want

Cause the greed is like a wreath
It looks pretty but a loops all you see

Sometimes i gotta remind myself..

I'm allowed to be loved

I'm allowed to be free

I'm allowed to be happy

I'm allowed to be me.

We used to talk every weekend

Now I'm drinking and smoking til the week ends

It doesn't make sense

Cause back then we were bestfriends

You were the one,

I would tell everything too
Now we can't be in the same room

One wrong move..


Everything goes boom!

You were a bomb strapped to my chest

I gave you my best

but the clock was ticking
I didn't know it

I didn't know yet

Til the bomb went
BOOM!!

You blew me to bits

Surrounded by fumes of what could've been.

I sit here and think

what did I do
Like the problems not you.

dont think that this version of self

Means that the curtains have fell

Certain things can lead you to hell

Be assertive,

knowing all ends well.

The surface has air.

You ever felt lonely,
surrounded by love

What kind of future do you want, hmm.
I can't really get a thought, thruuu.
Wondering what direction I'll go, too....


There's no proof..
on how to live

We just copy other men
Other trends..

others might just
accept us in,
if we pretend

Hiding our pain under false pretense
But the music in the back ground
It plays suspense,

You're smiling in public but the pains sunked in

You're drunk in addiction and bad habits

You're stuck with an anger
you've had since a kid...


Sad little outcast stuck in a frame with alot of bad contrast harassed with no shame,

Leyfred is my past.

let it be 87 again

Before I was born into a world full of sin,

when my eyes didn't analyze
every moment I live,

Wondering,
what if

again and again
And again
And again!!

And the gain,

is a pain an invisible weight
without a restraint

And to hate is a shame,
everyone's just
trying to live

To compete is the same,
It's always better to give

Understanding instead of trying to argue and fight over things,


Comprehending...

we're all human beings,

Trying to rise up above evil doings.....


Every struggle you face
Is preparation for the future that's paved

Everything that you say
could be heard out of context,

Then exploited in ways

That would lead all astray

Never feel the need to explain

This life is all staged
Everyone plays the same game,

So make sure your batteries are charged

It goes on for decades..

Some sellout,

some never change,

Some evolve,

Some are just strange,

Some are lost

Some are the same..


Son of God

That's who I am...

As a man it's perfectly fine to cry,

our emotions don't die with age

they are buried under pain and rage.

Her soft eyes filled with rage and hate

Her light mind allowed darkness in

In due time she'll lose her sense

Its alright,
she'll thinks it is.

Of mankind woman are frail

They're unhinged probably from hell

Don't believe off of one's tale...

Of mankind
the men

vermin

They sell
they make
they keep
exploring

A thing a place
even
a
person

They have no limits
Their minds are broken
A flute that plays hells words unspoken..

Chained against a wall,

her soft eyes filled with hate for all that crawl

The vermin came
A round of turns
Her only thought for them to burn

A loosened ***** would surely help
A sharpened tool would make them yell.

Her eyes were soft her mind was strong they thought her frail but they were wrong,

A woman holds a life inside

no man can shoulder no higher pride
A land of pigs a different sty

The next to come will surely die

She does not plan to run away

But to slay the men that choose to lay

Against her will and make her say

Make her feel unnatural ways

One by one the men takes turn

Down a hall into a room

Thinking that the previous left

They walk inside to meet their death.

Do not let what others think of you become what you think of yourself
Read it again.

Ten fingers can't count every sin,
Can't count everything that I did as kid
Do you think to forgive that you need to re-live the experience again,
to go back to a place you don't wanna face
retrace every step of the hurt and the pain,
remind yourself why you went through the change.
Then ask yourself is it worth it..

Today.

Happy Father's day

I'm an evil villain painted in the darkest image,

everyone thinks

I'm just an idiot

I don't care
I'm just living,

Look at my teeth
ugh
They're  hideous!

I'm a miscreant,
I'm too serious, inconsiderate,

I'm in need of immediate assistance

But...

not single human gets me,

so I keep my distance
Never had a best friend,

always the third wheel,

This pattern is consistent
been that way since way back when

20

Oh

6


When everyone thought the world would end
six
six
six

I wasn't created
to
fit
In,

I was born for greater things.

When I spread my wings
They'll look up

Is it a bird
Is it a plane,

Nah
I know exactly what they'll say
One word..

LAME!

Ahahaha

Shame me..
blame me..
hate me ..
Rate me..

You're just mad.
you don't phase me.

Shame me..
Blame me..
Hate me..
Rate me..

You're just mad.
you don't phase me.

Ahahaha!!

Sometimes I get,

stuck in my head,

Replaying all the **** that we said
Reliving all the **** that I did.

Sometimes I think,

This life is a trip,

Moment you fall asleep

You're scared awake
Back in the grip
Of a leather snake
That snaps at your neck,

We could all be great
But our thoughts and trust are a mess,

I'm a virtual recluse
nonetheless,

I try my best,

Not to stray to a noose.

Heart in chest..

It bleeds
Like little Kids,

with scraped knees.

We all live
but only some of us really breathe,

rest of us are struggling

some are worst in suffering
I've been cursed to not give in
I've been told I'm meant for things
I've been held up,
Lion King.

Call me Simba..

I'll leave,
come back again,

Change is something
I never did

I just ACT accordingly,

to surroundings.

It all depends who's around then,

DOESN'T make me fake!

look at all the greats
they didn't carry HATE
Learning how to act,

only elevates.

Try to regulate a better mindset,

Before your mind sets
in a place you'll regret...

Everyone makes mistakes

Everyone's trying to change

Everyone thinks the strange

Everyone points to blame

Everyone ain't the same!!

I will never be like none of y'all...

One of a kind,

word to God..

I'm a God

I'm a king

ima have everything
I ever wanted,

First I need to take a step
out of my head,

Because the thoughts like to spread

Causing dread
Dangling of a thread..

The noose is hung up
take a step
I might just wind up dead
With some regrets

Thinking of everything
I could've done or could've been,


Stuck inside my head.

Don't care for people who don't care for you

Try to regulate a better mindset
Before your mind sets
in a place you'll regret

I treat others
how they treat me
so if you don't like the treatment
well then treat me better/
or we'll,
all act bitter

Ruin every get together
You can not handle the pressure

You are too tender,
tethered with an aggressor

God's our possessor
at the end of the day

life's an adventure
I won't surrender.

It's not a task that will happen overnight,

So just ask if you have the will to fight,

To unite with a light of delight

to incite the word of God that we like

black or white
we're all alike and alive

so lets dive to survive in this world that deprives all our lives,

realized I despised who I was demonized in disguise
til
I opened my eyes saw the lies heard the wise didn't talk or imply didn't hate or deny the great lord in the sky

I did try to apply the ten rules and abide
but
this world's
paralyzed what was once a good guy.

Y'all don't know the pain I've been thru all the **** I went thru would change you and make you just hate you

When you hate yourself ain't nothing the world can do
to break you
And to break through
trust
no one can help you
Its up to you to make moves
Up to you to make do

Up to you to break through
One wrong move
and you're left in the same ol loop
Looking in the mirror like
What the ****
I do

Questions never answered
You think you should cancel
Yourself,
not really thinking bout
nobody else
Its a pain unlike anything else
when you feel you're all by yourself
And nobody else understands
of your hell

Or maybe you never tell
So you're sitting in a well
Hoping all gets well
Surrounded by the feelings that put you there

Nothing else..

The darkness overwhelms
Overwhelmed you decided **** it life is hell
So you never share how you really feel and that's a raw deal
those emotions will build up,
and you will be stuck,

only way to heal is if you speak up
get a hug find some love
if you ain't finding none
change it up same routine will leave you stuck in a rut,
changed it up.

Meet someone save someone
You never know who has a loaded gun
Pointed up to there chin
Cause they think that their life *****
Open up before its too late for anyone to show up
you don't want them showing up on rainy day looking glum because they didn't get the chance to save someone they truly loved,

at the end of the day,
we all have someone
who would listen up so hit em up before pain keeps you stuck with the thought of giving up.
Don't give up

Passing notes in school-
with the hope I don't look too fool -ish.

If I had one wish!
It would be to always have you arms length,
Any more than that,
I'm des-perate,
never met anyone like you
so perfect
Loves worth it,
only if your the person to spend with.

My whole life I've been waiting
for something like this
All my hopes, scream!
you say yesss
Goosebumps running
up and down all my limbs,
Baby you're the only thing
That could make me less huuuu-man

Don't let the things people are
assuuuming

Come between me and your lips
Don't read my book by its cover cause it's covered in loss
I've Breaking pieces off
To give to those who don't have alot
But deep down inside I know your the glue I lack
Pick me up and back on track

All I need is for you to replyyyy back.


By saying
Yes.
I accept you
Yes.
I'll defend you
Yes.
I'll be there for you
Yes.
For everything thing possible

I can hear the souls cry as they sail thru hells creek
They talk of a language that we do not speak
For the sins they've done that cannot be forgiven
The demons torture them if they keep on living and
If they die and pass away
The tortures worse I hear them say
A pain so bad it cannot be explained
Just the thought of it could damage the brain
Their chambers dark hollow and small
To get in and out they had to crawl
Their chest against the fiery floor
They'll beg and cry they can't take no more
But the more they beg the more they give
An eternity in hell you will live.

If you are to sin this is your fate,
But
to repent is never too late.

No one listens to our pain
But if we go missing
It would rain,

Thats when they pour in
to come and say,
Great lad
Great gal

We could've stopped it-

you didn't.

We didn't notice-
you did tho.

You just ignored it-
uncomfortable

That's why I'll never be vulnerable!
Until the day I'm ready to let it all go

Today I woke up. Thanks.

People change, this world is strange it always plays with how we choose,
To
behave
In exchange we're left astray with those we loved,
Communicate and open up thats what they say, but everyone's shut.

Evil was beside himself,
he never really had nobody else.

He never took care of his health,
he never cared what others thought
Cause deep inside he knew he was,

made to rot.

It all goes back to that first thought
when all was dark and all was black
when there was no sign of a thought
emotions lacked
He held them back
He learned to act and take attacks and when he snips,
They all get mad.

Ahahaha!

Its fun for him
The game thats played

Its fun for him
The **** they say

He knows they're weak and tempting him

They're trying to stir the ***
He's in,

but this guy's been kicked
since he was,

a little kid...

He stepped in ****,
And took a lick
his sick as ****
Just look at him
Perverted ****
I'm sick of him

But they keep lurking in
With **** to say,

Its on replay
Oh blah blah blah

You're not a threat
You're ignorant
and childish!

You're full of ****..

Everytime he speaks they ******* cringe but they're watching him like a netflix binge

Identity- is

im-per-fec-ted

Yet they think he should be perfect

Like they're perfect

no ones perfect

But it'll be worth it,
As he keeps working
On whats inside,

Oh **** the surface!
Yeah **** the surface
when your insides hurting

So keep on judging
And ill keep on working..

In the end we will see who's the better person...

Just don't lose focus on how you act when someone's in the rut eating scraps,
when someone's in the slums living with rats and roaches all that gross ****,
dont lose focus on how you act

Cause when they make it
You're gonna want a pay day
When they make it,
the haters will come say

Hey!
I knew you could do it,

Yeah ******* trick
I knew I could do it,
Commitment and focus
And alot of dead ends

But wait!!

til the end
Evil always wins...

Pan is said to have died when people ceased to worship nature and the wild. People stopped worshiping the nature spirits, the Naiads, the nymphs etc.
In fact it is almost widely accepted that the death of Pan marked the advent of theology and Christianity. It is said that Christ was born as soon as Pan died ( It is not clear whether Christ was born after Pan died or Pan died after Christ was born ). People stopped worshiping the nature and started worshiping Christ. As a result nature went un-acknowledged and Pan “died”.
The other god is Asclepius; God of Medicine, Healing, and Rejuvenation.
His myth is very different. Asclepius is said to have been killed by Zeus as Asclepius had brought back Hippolytus back from the dead in exchange for gold. This angers Hades who asks Zeus to **** him. Zeus kills him with his thunderbolt.
It is said that later Zeus brings him back and orders him not to bring back anyone from the dead without his permission

Ignore the ignorance of the ignorant let them keep bickering,
They speak of illiterate,
They see a vigorous factor and try to tear down the foundations it postures.
Snickering like children's laughter
They're all lost and know not what there after,
Use a belligerent tone
Articulate the words and make whats yours be owned,
Act like you do when alone
Do not let fake attributes insert your fragile dome.

Thing about me is I remember everytime you said you would do some thing and didn't come thru everytime you made a promise and let me down everytime you owed me something and didn't pay up the thing about me is I remember all the disrespect thing about me is I remember all the neglect thing about me is I remember to much pain not enough good to settle the rain the thing about me is I've always been different and ignorant I'm pretty sure I was partially Autistic but no one cared I was treated poorly and differently most often you were annoyed by me and that's ok bcoz I know your only human and that its not your fault,

Bcoz the thing about me is that I'm always forgiving..

Took me a while to get my head straight,
Took all my smiles to soften
hate traits
People think they know who I am,

Great.

Lost myself in one of the characters I play
I played my part,
I thought it art
I thought I know
What,
Who I are.

Who I am
is far from the truth
It'll probably leave you spooked
If you knew all the bad I really do.

Exclusive news hit
Illusive rude kid
Big heart small chest
Reclusive living

-I am intrusive, abrasive, irritating, hilarious, illogical, inconsistent, unpredictable, and one hell of a writer

That last part I didn't write tho.
Plagiarism off of rhyme zone
My algorithm would leave you mind blown
I'm not made the same as mankind,

no...

God talks to me
sometimes I don't listen
It's haunting me
This life that I'm living
God promised me,

I was meant to be different
I am way too forgiving
I imagine alot of killing
I'ma pray God is willing
To save me from this moment
Cause I might just do it
Been lost in my smoking
When the gun starts going

Who's to say,

where the wind might blow it.

We ask God for the wrong things
That's why it feels like he ain't helping

What's the price you're willing to pay for some love,
I've seen many
who give way to much
and don't receive quiet enough.
Is it worth the price they rung up?

You'll never be better than anyone by trying to be better than everyone only when you're better than yourself will you be better.

If I jumped would you watch me
If I'd fall would you catch me
If I'm sad would you hug me
If I'm mad you won't touch me

Every moment I think carefully
Then I see you walk around carelessly
I wonder if your love would match that of mine
I wonder if you are the other half I'm supposed to find

But then I wonder what would you do
If I fell for you, if you saw me sad would you hug me too and if I get mad would you see us through
I'd jump at the chance to know the truth