Anorexia was the most attentive
Girlfriend anyone could ask for
And I fell hard for her
I fell for for 500 calories a day,
The sense of control it gave me
Compliments from girls I'd never talked to before
Doctors so pleased that I was finally "healthy"
That feeling,
Of stepping on the scale
And realizing that I took up less space
Than when I'd stepped on the day before
The feeling of water hitting an empty stomach
The hunger pangs
That secretly thrilled me
The thrill of the lies
The ones that became ever so easy
To slip off my tongue
The thrill of a secret love affair with death
I fell for an abuser
I fell...
Literally
Bruises lined my body
From bumping into walls
Because my body was so
Malnourished I couldn't
Walk down a hallway
Fell down a rabbit hole-
Fell down into a world I couldn't escape-
Thigh gaps, thinspiration, tips and tricks to
Hide this wonderland in your head
Walking headfirst into Anorexia was like walking
Into a haunted house
It's fun and exhilarating at first
It's a game, it's harmless
And then you realize that the doors
Are barred and it dawns on you
That ringing the doorbell of death
Was not the best idea
I am a study in skinny does not make you happy
The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
Turns to 10
Turns to 20
Turns to...
I am a study in
Every inch of your body being a warzone
Of standing in front of a mirror
Seeing nothing but a piece of meat
Taking up too much space
I am a study in calculation
I am a study in lying
I am a study in not dead, but not alive
I am a study in starvation
I am a study in falling out of love

Hiccups in my throat
Hiccups in my mouth
Hiccups in my life
Hiccups coming out.

I was my parents Hiccup.
One of many mistakes,
My whole life is one big Hiccup,
And mine that I shall take.

I have spent days, months, years...
Buried beneath the weight of my tears.
Digging myself deeper and deeper
Into the land of an unforgiving sleeper.

My body still breathes life but my soul
Has long since been embraced by the afterlife.
Already resting six feet under and above reads my
Grave stone in an oh, so very grave tone "Here lies a
Once lively soul taken by the darkness."

Nobody comes to my tomb and weeps, for they
Do not know my sad and sorrowed soul sleeps.
As I lay in my imaginary coffin oh, so soft and made
Of cotton, a light creeps in and I am beckoned.

I can hear the recognizable sound of iron unearthing
Me from the ground. The moment I feel the gracious glow
Of sunlight my spirit erupts into flames and takes flight.

Like a radiant phoenix from the ashes I rise. Letting go
Of darkness and lonesome thoughts of demise. I threw
Away regret and headed for the skies.

soft and loving
tender touch
kind and careful
not often enough
cautious kiss
I'm rarely graced
with little risk
you'd be replaced
though no one but you
leaves me satisfied
our thoughts run true
although we hide
them all so well
in our ribbed cage
the beating swells
with passion and rage
the flair returns dust
as two turns to one
though Iron will rust
we've only begun.

The goosebumps build slowly up my spine,
I just want you to be mine .

Sweet Romanace,
A soft caress,
A swelling feeling,
Deep in my chest.

My heart it races,
When your eyes meet mine,
It seems I'm flying,
But there's limited time.

This feeling so pure,
This touch electrifying,
I just want you so bad,
That inside I'm dying.

It's funny,
Isn't it?
How small things,
Can make a big difference.

The last day
When we met
I changed the text tone
on my phone.

The old one
Gave a buzz
Of excitement
Anticipation.

The new tone
Is strangely flat
It has a touch of dread.

I could just change it back
It is a small thing after all.

But it would still be
The last day
That we met.

I am light years across the galaxy
          past the event horizon.
I am obscured by clouds
beyond the mountain ranges
          broken and filled with valleys.
I am across the ocean with
          a wall of fire about me.
My face is covered with ten thousand masks;
My hand is close to my chest;
          and I like to keep some things to myself.

So,
          sail across the galaxy
          climb the mountains
          traverse the valleys
          brave ocean and fire
          take away each mask
                      
                                  and come to me.