There is no need to be sorry anymore
No need to make me laugh
You were never there for me when I needed you but yet I have to take all the blame
When really I've done more for you there you can ever comprehend
And no matter how much I hate you, I'll still love you to the end
I can't stifle this any longer
And I need you to understand
That not every direction in life you will get a helping hand
You gotta use your little hands to rebuild what you have broken
And maybe then the dormant love you have for me can finally be awoken
See your broken "Apologies"
Mean nothing
And it shouldn't matter anymore
When you tell me to hold you up
But won't let me threw your door
Honestly could I not try to give you anymore?
You say that I'm too vauge
That I could never understand
But honestly I'm way too outmanned
Not like It's anything that you can withstand
Your confusing and your lost
You were never there for me
And all the fake smiles, and times I **** it up is all you'll ever see.

It's an addiction
It can't be understood
In its exterior it is simplistic
In its interior it is complex

It is something that can't be understood
By those outside it
Because they don't know the highs
Or where it does take you
All those outside it can only see
Just how it will break you

But they can't see
They can't see how good it feels
The stages are easy to know
When you can follow me

Stage 1: The first date
Always the best part
The nerves
The preparation
The mystery
The first time that I touch her hand
A rush
I feel high again

Stage 2: The first kiss
Always a favorite
Because I mastered it
I take her to the perfect place
She loves it
An overlook
A stream
Nature surrounding
The kiss happens
It's perfect to her
She loves it
As do I
I feel that rush again

Stage 3: The convincing
The dating
The kissing
The sensations
All are easy to see why it's sensational
The feeling of her skin against mine
The listening to her perfect breath move her chest
In and out
In and out
I tell her I love her
She isn't sure at first
But I try harder
As we continue
And I succeed
I feel the euphoria coming in

Step 4: The love
That comfort
That security
That feeling of serenity
It cloaks me
Wraps me around
Its sky blue blanket
And lays me in
A green field
She's there too
Next to me
Feeling the same earth
Beneath us
I turn to her
Eyes whatever color
It nonetheless dazzles me
It fills me with something dangerous
Hope
That rush is gliding me through

Stage 5: The loss
Parents get in the way
She loses that feeling
I'm a *******
But either way
That feeling
That was once with her
Is gone
She walks the thin line
Performing a balancing act
Trying to find reason to be together but can't
She calls me up on the phone
Tells me how everything is wrong
I don't see it
I can't see it
Our love was perfect!
We both made it!
And now you're killing it!
We meet up
I beg but she's stands her ground
She walks up
Leaves
I'm alone
Left to sob
Yell
Get angry
That adrenaline rush from the high rises

Stage 6: The hate
The pacing
The change of thoughts
I still love her one day
I despise her the next
I feel anxiety kick in
Try my best to hold it
But can't
I call her up
Yell at her
Scream at her
Tell her that
She threw something great away
She hangs up
Blocks me
Never speaks to me again
I still keep pacing
Feeling more often guilty
Than angry
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Sometimes I still feel that hope
But it's fading
Fades fast
It's all over

My high is going down
I need to go back
And cook some more

She moves on quickly
I got her addicted too
She feels that addiction too
It draws us both in
And we can't imagine
What it would be like to leave
It is the cycle
That helps make us
And the cycle
That can break us

Tenderly, sympathy, each stroke of the pen
Tears in her penmanship, writing again
Tragedy entangling beautiful stories
Fallen angel jots down faded history

Slicing apart dreams with which she's well-acquainted
Sweat and blood compose the pictures she's painted
Frail in her beauty, so silently she writes
As pen presses to paper deep within the night

Starving eyes met and stirred conflicted hearts
Realizing the pain and sorrow that flows into her art
And on they read until she transfers tears into our eyes
As she whispers such tragedies, a goodnight and goodbye

I'm in a pursuit of sadness,
Living a normal life, but wishing I had pain.
I crave that feeling yet again,
And cry for the times I once had
With you, my friend.
Now as I sit here alone in my room,
I feel the creeping monster inside me.
I scream.
Yet in this cat chase for the past,
I would rather be comforted by insanity,
Than defeated by death.