when the night arrives

not a whisper or a word
not the wind not a bird
just the turning from light into dark
why is it that light has no sound
yet makes us hear more clearly whats around
for fear it comes and sadness too
emotions play
*when the night arrives

i love the thought
of having someone -
to be with,
to love whenever,
to be angry with,
to cherish forever
someone who can
keep up with your darkness
someone who was made for you,
who levels with your madness
a someone
who could be so dear
who would not mind if she hears
all the voices in your head
and she would even be the one
to fight those thoughts and
who will put an end

If only you know you are wasting that pretty face,
that scarred body,
that filled mind
and those skillful hands,
your sweet words and fake kindness

If you could only let go of the dark,
I am willing to walk you down the exit
we could be actual friends,
we could actually be true to ourselves

I used to go home for a smile,
a little escape,
a little love from
vibrations and messages

Now I go home with a smile,
a vast void of solace,
an immense adoration from
stolen kisses and glances

I used to think I'd rather be the one in pain
than to see my lovers hurt
I used to think they are dainty
and aren't capable of sorrow

Now I think I'd rather risk the battles
than to see this fade
Now I think the one I have is too brave,
and is too giddy for tomorrow

I used to be so afraid
I used to be so careful
I thought sacrifice might save them
as I hoped it might redeem me, too

Now I want to break these rules
Now I want to be aggressive
I think I cannot ever let you go
as I hope you would never, too

I told you
I haven't done this and that
I like breaking my curfew

I didn't ask you to break them with me,
to do those things and make them so memorable

*I didn't expect you to be here in the first place

and maybe i waited for this time,
i looked down on a wishing well,
i kneeled for hours and begged,
whispered words only i can tell

*who am i to ask for your stay
what did i do to have you this way
who am i to ask for redemption
when did i start hurting you this way

i'm holding your breath
so you won't leave me
and i see you slowly suffocating 
i'm too selfish to let go
so instead i suffer with you
i feel your lungs straining
and i ask you to take me in
like i'm the last drag
of your last cigarette 
let me fill your collapsing lungs
the ones that are crumbling into each other
the way we did
i was always your nicotine
and you always knew 
i'd be the end of you
but you couldn't quit me
i always knew
this would end
i'm an addiction out of style
we always knew
we would consume each other
in the worst of ways
so i'll tear you apart
from the inside out
we've always known 
that the smoke in your lungs
has my name on it
i've become a disease
i guess that makes me cancer
or at least 
something just as vile
just as ruthless 
just as deadly
just as selfish 
at least you'll remember me
i guess that all describes me
and i guess the smoke 
describes you too
and it describes us
how we drifted into each other
stealing parts of one another
and setting off again
losing ourselves
but gaining new parts
and maybe the point
is losing yourself in another 
but if we're the smoke
then we're the cancer
we're just as vile
just as ruthless 
just as deadly
just as selfish

[holyoak]

You were electricity running through my veins
but the power lines broke
now I'm left in the rain;
soaked,
with only the sound of thunderstorms
around,
with you nowhere to be found.

[ARH]

I make promises that are empty
to fill the hole
where my heart should be.
Sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie
and the only one being fooled is me.
I try and ignore what I know,
yet I know what I hide
and I hide it in the snow.
While white on the outside
only I know my mind.

The truth is I'm still
doubting if it's mine.

[ARH]