It was but a rising tide than an explosion,
Bringing life to a halt, but still we endure,
Time was always a luxury I couldn't afford,
Now that I have so much of it I fail to be cured,
Cured of this stillness that resides within me,
Courage to create eludes and blankness stares back from the mirror,
Am I just a shadow of who I once was?
Was I once a shadow mistaken for light?
A distant audience to my own mediocre life,
All that I learned goes to waste in the dungeons of my mind,
Everything new spills out for no more can be accommodated within,
Does everyone else too feel bleak like a dying tree?
Is it me who is just dead inside,
So self absorbed and blinded to my surroundings,
Washed in self pity that I can't see what lies at the next step,
Then again why do I believe a word I say,
When this sadness has become my security blanket.

So hard to breathe as the tendrils of anxiety grip my lungs,
Suffocated by memories of my failures and shortcomings,
I think of being calm and reach out to God unsure if there is one,
I try and think of all that is good around me,
Trying to silence the whispers of self doubt and the shouts of despair,
Like trying to change the course of a river that is reluctant,
I reach a place inside where I may introspect,
From a child that was a clean slate and curious of the wonders of its existence,
To now someone who has lost that innocence and vision,
I come to terms with hopes and dreams of the past,
Unburden my present of the high expectations of the child,
I'll never be the the famed person who excelled at everything they did,
I'll never uncover the secrets of this universe nor achieve nirvana,
Perhaps I'll grow having lived life a decent person,
Maybe I'll even have some people care for me in my last hours,
And then as I disintigrate into nothingness my will can live on,
In the atoms and molecules that once made me,
When take shape of someone else who might accomplish all the miracles I could not,
There is peace inside me now.