So hard to breathe as the tendrils of anxiety grip my lungs,
Suffocated by memories of my failures and shortcomings,
I think of being calm and reach out to God unsure if there is one,
I try and think of all that is good around me,
Trying to silence the whispers of self doubt and the shouts of despair,
Like trying to change the course of a river that is reluctant,
I reach a place inside where I may introspect,
From a child that was a clean slate and curious of the wonders of its existence,
To now someone who has lost that innocence and vision,
I come to terms with hopes and dreams of the past,
Unburden my present of the high expectations of the child,
I'll never be the the famed person who excelled at everything they did,
I'll never uncover the secrets of this universe nor achieve nirvana,
Perhaps I'll grow having lived life a decent person,
Maybe I'll even have some people care for me in my last hours,
And then as I disintigrate into nothingness my will can live on,
In the atoms and molecules that once made me,
When take shape of someone else who might accomplish all the miracles I could not,
There is peace inside me now.

A seed in a field of seeds I lived,
Coming of age or so to be believed,
Enduring the weather's moods as it ambiently shaped existence,
The rains came and rinsed,
The cold's loneliness pierced,
The heat that got exhaustingly fierce,
But none prepared me for when you came,
A nurturing and kindness radiating flame,
Even the Sun never quite succeeded in unfolding the entangled mess I've become,
You make me leave my inhibitions and blossom.

She brings happiness in places I never knew it existed,
She stays when I'm bathed in self-loathing and pity,
Nursing me back to a reality she makes bearable,
She saves me from drowning in the sorrows of depression,
She protects me from myself in the darkness of my mind,
She's all this and so much more I didn't know I needed,
I'm so madly in love with this woman and I want to tell her every waking moment,
The crazy thing is she doesn't even need to hear me say it,
And I know she loves me back

Riding the crest of a wave of happiness,
I imagine it as a wave for I expect to crash,
It's not been so fun being me some times,
Surrounded by people but alone in my head,
Either soaring the skies or fighting the urge to give up,
Never sure whom to let in for they may leave some day,
Or may be I might make a mistake and drive them away,
In one of the rare moments of certainty you came in,
Certainty that I want to put my trust in you,
To hold your hand as if it we always belonged,
I've been waiting for a long, long time for us to happen,
An anchor in the chaos of my thoughts.

And then when the thought of losing you presents itself,
Despite it being nothing to worry about,
I still worry because I want you,
May be I might need you too,
Fearing falling to pieces if something were to happen to keep us apart,
I'm not sure what I'd do, would I go mad?
In silences I find myself thinking about you,
Missing you, my thoughts asking you to stay,
All these feelings they rise up to my chest,
But they never take words,
Afraid I might be asking too much,
Afraid this wave might crash.

Pieces of my self scattered across the floor,
From a fear induced by an inability to live,
Gathering all my strength to wake up another day,
Hoping a nightmare doesn't ******* away,
Anxiety is a cruel curse I am blessed with,
Forever grateful to those who pick up my pieces,
Put me back together like it was nothing,
The rabbit hole of madness chases to consume everything.

I'm taken aback sometimes,
When people express interest in my company,
Because I don't in my head

Come with me, let's take a walk down your favourite street,
We'll laugh and reminisce and get your favourite ice-cream,
You'll show me the places you plundered as a child,
Where you scraped your knees and wept a little a while,
With tales of mischief and fears and laughter and sadness,
I'll be mesmerized by your innocence and kindness,
The kindness the world and it's people tried to rob of you,
Your excitement witness of the magic of how there was nothing you couldn't do,
I swear in the moment, it will all be true!