I believed there could be love,
I believed in your existence,
Even when I didn’t know you,
I smiled with you,
Despite knowing I couldn’t be the cause,
I cried for you,
When I found you were never to be mine,
I frowned at your fears,
Trying to keep mine at bay,
I knew I loved you and wished it was enough,
Enough to exist in bliss of ignorance of your choice about me,
But that was all before I dared to reach out for you,
Only to realize it was all a dream,
I was a fool in another world.

Made to wonder,
What I wanted of life,
What it wanted if me,
Wanting more is good,
Appreciating what is had is too.
Lost in thought of what will happen,
It may be contemplated upon,
Letting the thought control one is futile,
Time occurs as a series of wins and loses.
A mess of living things.
On the edge of remembrance,
A photograph I saw,
It brought back memories,
Memories, memories
Of a me who feels like someone else.
I know it was me,
So I try to trace myself,
Back to when I was
In this memory of light,
Following myself to now,
I find I was never lost.
Past, present future,
Love, loss, regret,
Hope, happiness,
Simple, it has been so simple.
Made to wonder,
You’ll find, you’ve been at your best place,
All that ever mattered was being content.

I fell for that basic human endeavor,
To find me a place where I made sense,
Living that sleepless dream of unreal desire,
Listening for songs where I belong,
On this tiny speck adrift in space I call home,
Quantifying the distances and spaces between us,
Past the horizon from me in all directions,
I found a way around the earth that led me back to you,
When I looked at you I was thinking, if only,
Then you looked into me and your eyes acknowledged,
I pointed to that future,
I said, let us get to us,
You said to wake me from my dream,
Indulging with me was a variability involving risk you were not willing to take,
For memory of a confused yes,
With lack of pictures with stories,
An unnamed story of yours, entangled with mine,
You became that forgotten part of my life that I can’t stop recollecting,
So I do what I did promise,
Till death, I will live my life.

Wake up thinking it’s just another day,
I didn’t realize it’ll be all different,
Went on to exist in my bubble where things run wild in imagination,
But when I looked around I couldn’t see you anywhere,
And suddenly it became a regularly irregular day,
No matter how many times it happens,
I can never get used to the thought of the day without you in sight,
Truthfully, I miss you every moment without,
I’m afraid of saying it for I wonder if you’ll feel afraid,
Knowing how much you’re on my mind,
Instead I think when you’ll be back from the world outside,
Maybe you’ll tell me what adventures you had there,
What interesting people you met,
I’ll fumble with telling you how much I missed you,
Cover for it with something stupid I did,
And you’ll call me an idiot,
I’ll laugh and think to myself,
Your idiot I’ll always remain,
I’ll fall asleep wondering how
Irregularly regular the day was,
Without you.

It grows from the sight of you,
Simmering ever so slowly,
From a thought of you,
To the thought of without you,
When we were strangers,
Wonder if you were curious too,
Why this need to see you smile,
Why I don't know you but still,
I want your eyes to hold me,
Hold me like I would you,
Never understood what I haven't said,
But implied,
In your silence and lies I heard echoes in your head,
Never heard when I told you to trust me,
I guess how I cared you failed to see,
Making me just another figurine,
Dusting in your memory,
You taught me despite my tries,
You don't know me.

Long the longing has ached you,
The waiting for that touch that caressed you,
The hug that held you,
To protect you from the world,
Even if it was no more than to hold you up,
To face the road ahead,
The shoulder that never gave you up,
Or maybe a hand to hold you warm,
Like a blanket in the cold of lonely nights,
The love that is yours even when you don’t belong to them,
Where every second spent with them will last you,
Till the lights go out.
You don’t know me,
But you will know,
If you have waited, like I have,
To hear these words.

If only, I could be with you,
If only, I could say things unsaid,
If only, time would halt in your presence,
If only, I had to never let you go,
If only, I knew you’ll always come back to me,
If only, I could hold your hand,
If only, I could tell you how much I love you,
If only, I knew our future,
If only, I could admire you day and night,
If only, I could keep you smiling,
If only, this wait would end,
If only, this would not have its own sweet pain,
If only.