Cherry blossoms.
Working in the paddy
We see all their stamens.

The autumn wind
Blows chill this morn
On the hill of Sanu
Where you should be passing:
My garb I'd lend you, if I could.  

so I didn’t know just how wrong
I really was.
Let you ***** me all up-
all it took was one night
one half hour
one open window.

What a joke,
that half hour how I loved it
how I loved you.

Just a kid even though
I swore up and down
left and right
that I wasn’t.
I was really so
grown up.

What a delusion.
None of it was true, I was
just a fifteen year old girl
who thought she might be
special.
Just a girl who thought
she meant something to you.

Not true.
You left and I was left to be
messed up in the mind
******* up in the head
heart mangled.
Never fully healed and still unable
to say a complete goodbye
to loving you.

is such an ugly word.
It's ******
      gory
      heart tearing.

People think they can
                                       understand
                                       sympathise
                                 relate on some level.
That's what I thought-
but you simply
                           CAN'T.

The depth of emotion for such
a blatant mi
                 ra
                cle is stronger
than you could
imagine.

And then it's
               taken
               away.

Against a door
on your knees
doubled over
throat hoarse
eyes swollen
tear tracks
skin under nails
scratches down face.

is just a word used
to describe me.
You don’t look
long enough at me to really
see though.

I didn’t laugh when I realized
what I was.
It wasn’t new, I knew
how my mind worked.
The word wasn’t new either.
Just the label of being a
psychopath.

The insanity of my sanity
has long since made me
comfortable relaxed amused by my
wild
untamable
uncaring traits.

Who I am
what I am-
it taunts me so dearly,
never leaving my mind.

Resting in the crooks
corners
nooks
that my mind has available.