You don’t know me.
You don’t even realize 
that something’s wrong,
that I’m not the little girl
I used to be.
You don’t realize 
that the bandaged “mosquito bites”
on my  legs
are self-harm scars 
that I’m too ashamed
to let you see. 
You don’t realize 
how much it stings
to watch almost every person 
I’ve ever cared about 
leave.
You don’t realize 
that I still feel guilty
every time I eat.
You don’t realize
just how much I smoke
and how much I drink.
You don’t even realize
that you don’t know me.

In morrow,
The sun will rise,
Greeting me
With a
Soothing warmth.
                And by noon,
           My being
   Will be as
                  Calm as
   A gentle          evening
          Breeze.

Love in the dark
Is what I like best
Passion is on point
No need for exams
Or stupid tests
This is truly
For keeps

I made four blueberry muffins for breakfast.
I wore a sweater three sizes too big,
and sat on a futon two sizes too small,
reading a book I've only halfway finished
in twice the amount of time it would take
to write it.
I drove without my windshield wipers on,
three-quarters hoping I wouldn't make it
a quarter of the way across town.
I tried to picture myself walking around
without pulling my past along
behind me.
I tried,
but that doesn't matter.
**** today.
I only thought about you
while they were in the oven.
I only pictured you waking up
and feeling okay
every time I turned the page.
I leaned over and looked through
the right side of my windshield
to see the view you once had.
And the scars on my palms
are reopened every day
as I drag around everything
I cannot let go.

2014:

the year I start clean.

the year I take a breath,
of fresh oxygen.

the year I heal my old wounds.

the year I destroy my memory of you.

I saw you at the bar
Drink in your hand
The rest is a blur
But I'm sure
We spoke
And exchanged
A moment or two
I think I know you
Even if I didn't
I would love to