I’m not in school anymore
No longer a girl either.
So this is not some schoolgirl crush.
And I don’t need more soul lessons.
And I am not one to do crushes.
In fact, I want soul-crushing romance.
And I think this is it.
Except it’s not.
Not a romance.
But it’s soul-crushing.
But if I must be,
I will be a student.
If I really have to,
I will learn.
I will write.
I will read.
Again
and again.

I’m running out of metaphors.
In that sense, ‘metaphors’ is a metaphor
for your time, not mine.
And you’re running out of good years.
In that sense, ‘good years’ is a metaphor
for your options, also not mine.
I wanted to be the one to make you happy,
I wanted you to be the subject of my poetry.
But what else can a woman like me do?
I am a little girl in front of a man like you.
What gift do you get a guy
who seem to have it all?
Where do you take a man
who’s been everywhere?
What song can you sing
to someone who’s heard every sound?
What else can you give
to somebody who’s done it all?
What poem can I write for you,
that will make you want to choose me?
And what can you do to impress
a person who’s been with everyone?

Silence.
Nowhere.
Static.
Nothing.
Blank page.
Radio silence.

“𝑺𝒆𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆,
𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒎𝒆?”
But what does Santa know, though?
I bet on a reindeer even you don’t know.
All year, Santa was hiding in North Pole,
at the same time, I’m hiding my feelings;
what used to be a heart here is now a hole.
January is a beach, December is a cliff.
If the sands would turn to snow,
mountains from Pacific Ocean would grow.

“𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆’𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘,
𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒅𝒊𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕”
But what do I also know?
I dare the trees to be still as the wind blows.
Tropical the whole year, now I feel frozen,
when exactly is the most wonderful time?
Like a prized painting, my heart felt stolen.
My poetry is confessional, for truth is crime.
If you are made of blazing flames,
I am a forest catching fire after fire.

El pelo de tu funda de almohada.
Tu suelo.
El pelo de tu suelo.
Por supuesto que pienso en ti,
y por supuesto ya lo hicimos,
solo que en mi cabeza...
Ahora que estás al otro lado del oceano Pacifico,
puedo sentirte mas cerca.

El polvo de mi tocadiscos.
Mi cuello.
El polvo de mi cuello.
Por supuesto que son solo pensamientos,
y por supuesto que es fugaz,
y pronto terminará.
Con solo el oceano más grande del mundo separándonos,
finalmente puedo flotar.

Some things you just can’t explain.
Some magic you don’t dare find reason beneath.
Some mysteries you don’t get to solve.
Some metaphors you don't read meaning behind.
Some circumstances you don’t find logic in.
Some tickets you don’t scratch but you win.
Why are flights to a popular island destination cheaper over the holidays?
Why are flights back home more expensive?
Why is daydrinking the norm on an island?
Why are mangoes as sweet as summer there in December?
Why did I meet you when I almost never have?
Why did we brush shoulders only to never see each other again?
Some circumstances.
Some mysteries.
Some magic.
Some things you just can’t explain.

(𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘙𝘢𝘺𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢)

May bakas ng relihiyon sa bawat kalsadang nilakaran mo. Dito sa siyudad kung saan tila naghahari ang diablo, mga dinaanan mo ang sandigan, mga pinuntahan mo ang paniniwalaan, aawitan, papupurian.

Dito, naglakad kang matapang. Nag-lamyerda kang para bang hindi ka baguhan at dayuhan. Walang pag-iingat, o walang pag-aatubili. Na parang naglalakad ka rin sa pananampalataya sa ating Diyos.

Tanong at dalangin ko lagi’t lagi: mararating ba natin ang oras? O ang hanggahan? (o kung may hanggahan nga ba ang oras sa tuwing magkasama tayo? Hindi ko alam, kung may konsepto ng oras sa langit.) Umuwi ka bang nakadiskubre ng buntalang may posibilidad ang pag-iral? Ngunit hindi mo pa ito pinapangalanan, hindi mo pa inaari.

At hindi natapos ang pagiging sagrado ng mga espasyo noong nakaalis ka na. Sa pagitan ng dagat Pasipiko at Mediteranyo, ang panalangin ko ay makakarating sa’yo, mga dasal ko’y hahalik sa katawan mo, dadapo sa silid **** hindi ko pa nararating, at dito, kasama kita, kahit hindi kita kasama.

Liquid to lips, waffles to wine,
every day feels like slowed down time.
Kisses that ****, breakfasts like bomb,
with every minute, I grow even more numb.
Winter may lie, summer far,
every breath is a dagger to my heart.
The heat may cry, cold so sore,
every step is a crash on the shore.
Before my hair grows longer,
count them.
Before my sword tattoos fade,
disarm them.
Before I grow weary in waiting,
caress me.
Before I get older and fading,
help me.
Before I lock myself again,
find me.
Before I let my heart go,
love me.