I cannot change the hurt I am
A style been moulded
This life all had
It's how I roll to rock and sound
A party had my head a crown

It's what you get that most don't like
I'd drive away if that was kind
But for no ryhme I'd look right back
Turn full circle this hearts all tact
Bleed me out go fight the black

It's lurking all hidden in plain sight
Cloud upon cloud billowing behind
Yet as I turn my eyes drown this fog
Will it smother me in sleep
Turn me cold
Eat my breath

No apologies to shout my minds made all out
The balance is fine be madness to shine
Don't get me you see like most thinking tree
He's daft all not there a man in despair
I covet you all let my smile be your fall


It'll be the end this chosen path
One for the book of deathly blast
On a starry night you'll look up high
See me twinkle in your eye
Make you smile as memories fade
I lives this life in every way

How bright is your light of white and blue
Brided be blessed on fire anew
Some be green or the yellow of sun
Half be the in and shine out the dark
Ti's a beginning of the beginnings
Tickled snowdrops only mother to know
Our future is safe and so be the
Lighten candles of spring

I be silently shouting
But you don't hear
A screaming I'm feeling
No rescue my fear

And so be it
They don't understand
All echoed inside me
At peace all a lie

Silently screaming
Away I should run
These walls fight my feelings
Padded and worn

Silently screaming
I'm tired lost the will
I think I'm alone here
The bitter last pill

Sadness comes from a man's eyes
Rivers that fall to a waterfalls end
All bittersweet lost through gritted lips
Till the darkness comes

We do not cease to exist as time go's on
Anger only devours the moments
Fire only rages to ash in the wind
Till we become another

Our kindness is free it's contagious
Be the one to share in my smile
Pass as I do through your world
Till the darkness comes

They Thirst

My lips dribble to the wanted taste
A feeble buzz that grows within
My grasp hard and steady
It's early but who am I to doubt
They thirst

Golden fluid holds it's spell
The demon drink a rotting hell
Voices in my head rasping a taste
I cannot deny my heady haste
They thirst

It's the look you see
Sorrowed eyes that meet under the bloodshot lamps
All knowing the mirrors end
They thirst

Flow into me
Drown my weakness in the sound of the ghouls *****
His church be my next
They thirst

A last be my breath
They thirst

First in her hair she sat in silence
A quaintness behold
That charming smile
Held a life

And here I am
The nothing
Yet a promise
To her way

Only a writer writes the writer
A friendship almost to born
Their story to be told
Sees the writer write
their wall.

I say this from afar
A corner round the way
Don't shoot the happy  messenger
I'm here
I am the all

I could feel the winter creeping in through the windows
A white hue hung in the air
Fingers of ice ready to embroil me in it's pleasure
Yet I was warm and made of toasty
Yes
These are the good days

My roof was sound as the wind announced its arrival
I smiled a whistle
Singing the only creak to be heard as I opened a full cupboard
I was ready to devour
Yes  
These are the good days

Time does now tick as my age turns to grey
A smile of great memories
Crying sadness of old loss
My role to remember
A job to create such
I look down through the blur
These old hands all now wrinkled
The good days all gone

You think it's about you
Haven't got a clue
Wishing your importance
The usual crew

I live it on the edge
Made it my place
It's really quite beautiful
And so was you

You think it's about you
Haven't got a clue
You think it's about you
The usual crew

So now I sit there alone
Failing to fall
From the edge comes the call
Ending the all

You think it's about you
Haven't got a clue
You think it's about you
The usual crew

Sipping grapes to sigh
My love
our life
You think it's about you

Your words make you look ugly
That mouth all flabby
It's not too nice
You acted the mouse

Prance like that dancer
Sting like a bee
Your still so fooking ugly
Ugly you see

Where once was a flower
Pretty and light
Now stands such bitter
Crooked and spite

I won't let it
Stop me in sleep
I'll walk right over you
Your ugly ..I'm right

Read as you see it
Look in the mirror
Ugly you be
Like your words

So the music crackled
I'd had a start
No words to follow
No beat to heart

I didn't know it
A tune elsewhere
A party started
Crowded cheer

They sat around
And glowed their phones
Whilst I was raving
There's a party in my head

There's a party in my head
Dancing with the dead
There's a party in my head
Dancing with the dead

All I wanted was to hold
Wrap my fingers
Feel your close
Sway with me

There's a party in my head

It's not a switch you see
I can't just turn it on
Ok the smile is there
Yet inside I'm dead

The lifeless soul of the party
only if they saw through skin
No dancing out the story
A silence deep within

You'll see me laugh and smile
All drowned by gin and it
All missed a country mile
Vacant prancing ***

And ends another tear roles
As age decrees my old
Still dead all on inside
Waiting breaths the last fight

Tomorrow New Year's day
Go take my past away
I'm dead all said before
Last year my evermore

I could not wish a happy new year
from these tears
that drown me

So instead
I will bid thee all
a good night
before the wolves
Devour what is wanted
from their thirst

They gathered around me like spiders on a Web
My disappointment became their loss
Pages a few but not the many
As I had the patience to wait the call

Clearly they had no clue of the cutting of my words
A measly 400 is that was requested
So now they must suffer
Feeding the flame
Raging the dragon

Remember you was warned
Did you not read me
Could you not tell
The devil lives below you
My village be your hell

I feel my morning is stolen
No clearing of eyes
A cough in the distance
Inside all disguised

My Christmas has gone
And I don't know what's wrong
My Christmas has gone
And I can't hear my song

I know I should smile
Be part of the show
Drink lightly to laughter
Feign all surprised

My Christmas has gone
And I don't know what's wrong
My Christmas has gone
And I can't hear our song

Your presents still waiting
All wrapped in my mind
But now your no longer
That touch all declined

My Christmas has gone
And I know all my wrong
My Christmas has gone
All silenced anon

Drip drip drip bled my heart
Tick tick tick sounds the clock
Fear fear fear from those eyes
As time strikes it's chime

Do you scare what I scare
Does your end feel as I
The game we play is chaptered
Our history of all we made

I won't fly far
A Robins song we'll sing
As the sun rises
As the moon falls
Sing sing sing ...it's OK

The headaches became a scream
Gnawing at my innards
Washing out my soul
Enjoying the taste

My heart is fading
I can feel it's quell
Slowly dripping away
Cooling this skin to a chilling end

And out I stare
Wanting the more
To end it wrong now
Breath in taste the fear

Breath in taste the fear
Seal up beat my heart
Breath in taste the fear
Don't break my heart

Can you not see it in their eyes
Just look around
They've been fooled
And the film has started

Watch as they seek
Search for the need
In the palm of their hand
Controlled

Fooled by the few
They now walk without a look
Speak misunderstood as we all hear
Waiting for the siren
28

I too have been taken
Glued to my skin
Days all the numbered
Screen to the blindness

Days become the weeks
Weeks become the years
You know it's coming
28

Clouds wallowing a screaming shout
That unsettled me as I struggled to stir
What was that
A warning maybe
Or just the madness in my head showing its teeth

I wanted to wipe the misted window before me
Search the sound that pictured my mind
Sadness dripped from these eyes
I couldn't do it

Writers edge

6am and the darkness wallows
Sounds of life outside
Only silenced in my mind
Echoing
Bounding
Screaming on deafened ears

This shout for help
Numb to all but me
And my tingling skin
Ti's a wanting need
A tasted crave

My writers edge in force
As words pour
Yet the pages read empty
A day not yet ready
Let's begin

Wash away my colour

The wind comes in and
It's cold
They tell us lies
Yet
It fits the colour
Hides the truth that
Under
We are all the same

I wear this coat of me you see
A rainbow coloured skin
like yours it's me
Warm
And full of life ..full of freedom

Yet if
I could wash away my colours
Dance upon the rain
Dust my legs in puddles
Under all the same

My red is in my blood
It bleed like all on here
Our heaven be thy earth
This kingdom of insane

So  
Wash away my colour
Treat us all as one
That's what we live and die for
Our hope
A dream begun

To the person I've become
I like you a lot
That anger that became you
No longer rages

As life goes on its ending
I hope you read me well
So understand my wanton
I lived a mental hell

Yet peace becomes my coat
So made of colours many
I will wear it well
till
It bleeds my crimson death

You may see this coat of colours  
These words all in the past
Tis written on these papers
A life I didn't laugh

I like the future me inside me
It's better than the past
Yet time has come my enemy
To
Live it while it lasts

I wanted to take all your pain away
I failed
I wanted it to be all better again
I failed
Maybe my words of love and want and a future to come can help
Maybe

I wanted this week to end three days ago
I failed
I wanted the news but not those words
I failed
Your ache will become you
This challenge to beat all challenges to a future to come
I failed you

Tomorrow is your future
Tomorrow is your time
Don't bitter on the past as those memories will stay rightly as
Tomorrow is today

Grip it and fight it
Show your teeth at heavens door
Because you are the tomorrow
My future
And this world is depending on you
So be the you
Be the future

Strange way to die

My breath all fading
A mess behaving
The calm to end a storm
Raged and all forlorn
The end is number 9

Now 9 was wanting trouble
And trouble came his way
He thought he was a wise one
Ducking out this day
But little did he know this that
2 was in his wings
Waiting for that moment
Ready for its sting

I watched them fight above me
The gods were standing by
I climbed but kept on slipping
3 was by my side
So here I stay some longer
The numbers never lie
My 2 was fighting for me
My death from 9
Denied

Really Number 6

What have you done
Where is my sun
Have you hidden it
Taken all it's glow
July is shivering
Drowning in the rain
Give me back my sunshine
Take away the grey

I want to feel the warmth
Golden coloured land
Sun be in my vision
Buckets in the sand
Ice cream dripping down me
Sweat upon this brow
Give me back my sunshine
Calling number 9

Number 7

I could see the same old curtains
Taste their tang
Stale damp and worthless
Netting stained to match
This house once had joy
It once had love

And yet I walked past it most days
Never noticed the rotting windows
Nor the lack of life
So why today
Was it a reflection of me
Was I in fact just looking in the mirror

In my mind I'm 18 yet my body laughs a giggle
Creaks a groan
That glance of ones reflection
Catching a gasp of grey
Seeing lines and crevasses
From cloudy eyes in deny

So there it is
It's not deep
Not sad
Just an ebb I'm fading too
This number almost up
Seven

Pieces of Eight

The piece fits yet my heart cries a sorrow
Saddened and lonely as I walk the dusted path
Flowers trodden,grass all straw my heaven all a front
These tears a drowning pool

Last night was nearly over
This breath a rasp of roars
A fight on the continue
I live another day

So I must sparkle in this madness
Make every second count
You'll never know the ending
Blackness broken out

The dawn of another sparkle shines
Yet as my eyes stir I can barely see through the haze of a sleepless night
Are the birds singing of happiness
Or is that just my wish upon this world

Can one feel this lonely with so many friends around them
Should they see my smile all cracked and torn
No not ever
It's my mask I bore
And
It feels so heavy
Has Scrooge's friend been busy
I don't know nor care
Just pass me another sip
So I can forget the minutes past

Pulsing through my skin
Filling all those holes
The smile is here again
This mask my only friend
It's back
And so am I

So do not put away tomorrow
Live it like the last
A mask can slip to sorrow
And fade away to past

Do not hide from the clouds
Let the wind blow as it should
Don't become the stranger
Fallen and heavy
I see your mask

It's hurting today
A coming inside of me
And I don't know why

My feelings are grey
And my eyes hurt
Come breath a little out

Maybe the music will play
I'll dance on my heart
Will you watch me sway

Dance on my heart my love
Dance me away
Dance on my breath tonight
Tomorrow can wait

It's hurting today
My best all gone away
And I don't know why

Dance me away
Dance on my breath tonight
Tomorrow can wait

I can feel my body dying
And it's really quite annoying
An ache become a pain
As I wander to racing life
Old age

A grumble deep inside me
Keeps blowing and indeed does frighten thee
My mind so crystal
you could drink
A liquor so bitter be my quince

So now I wait a final call
Short breaths await my curtain fall
This heart is failing
My body raving
The dance of death
Dance the dance of death

Itch

The dawn had come
My fear still alive and wanting
It's crawl to an itch I couldn't scratch nor reach
So I lay to the sweetest sound of the waking blackbird
A song no words could ever meet
Oh I itch

Inhaling the calm yet deep inside I knew
It also knew and I was scared
I was scared to reach
Scared to test my inevitably
Oh how I itch

Licking lips I remembered last night's  golden red liquor
It thins my blood ..Loosens my mind to a dullness
Thus numbs this prickled skin that wraps my soul
Oh I itch

Shadows fading to a moonlight end
I needed sleep
Would this be it
I don't know
Silence on the outside
Fear creeping in
I can feel it Coming
Oh how I itch

The dullest of sounds in life
Piercing my mind
Drowning my sleep
Rain be it on cleansing me inside
The clouds look grey

It's summer in my heart yet here I am shivering
Watching lanes stream across these blurry eyes
***** skies sharing their tears
Quenching an ever thirsting land
Puddles waiting
The birds know

They sing a triumph of green
As I await the glow
Oh sun I need your summer
Shine your beauty
Awaken my smile from
The tortured poets department

My hand slips ...I feel it's grasp gone against those little morsels of time
It's not my face aging
just the mirrors my fingers scrape against as I write
Happy
New
Year

Be I brittle tonight
simple
sad
this lonely

Be I crackled tonight
edgy
Quiet
This tired

Be I me tonight
Waiting
Wanting
This lying

Brittle and cold
Cometh ready to snap
Branches of old
I fight thee

Tis my moment
Pure black
I can feel the grinding
All blind

And suffer my rage
Disappointed
This end I shall seek
Be it blown

We met upon a crispy sky
All blue amongst the grey
Another day in paradise
Tis just our simple way
It could have been my writing
We knew it was his art
The chat amongst the coffee
The coming of our start

Such painted works
A gasp of breath all locked away from view
It kept the folk from knocking there
His peace an artists pew

Now some of you may know this chair
But I've seen what it means
Its stains of life all laid on view
Comes safely watched
You know!
The penguins stare.

Its in my grasp ,its in his too
All bubble wrapped each day
The me
Our lives
A new day dawned
Its just some crazy play

Yet
I wish I had a pound or pence just hanging round to paint
But then I'd be an artist too and not the artists mate
So off I must its 4 am
A poets work tis done

I watched as he etched
Blue colours so fine
A face that he painted
All hidden and light
Looking and staring he knew not I write
The man and his drawing
I studied his plight

Looking once more in my study
My itch
I needed to look at his drawing
So rich
The man he did scribble I see not his face
Intriguing my wanting
My look out of place

Now do I approach him
A tap or a smile
The man and his drawing
A wandering while
Do I disturb this master at work
The etch of the finest
Da Vinchi
I errk

Long be the wind
lonely in its tail
shining out the sun
I find thee

Be thy shadows as I lay  
follow in my wake
a winters tale to come
I feel thee

Silence comes
inside
screaming out a gale
longing for your reach
I want thee

This house does creaks
my mind in all
a shudder
To quench this tainted thirst
I need thee

As the night turned into days and the days turned as black
This yearning never fades
Itching and scratching as I go
Devouring the fever of gold
Thus quenching the thirst yet missing these lips

Behind me lays the abandoned
Milk and Honey for the rich
A place so warm and wanting
A place I shall never seek again
Tis my wanton

The Shiver comes
Only the moonlight darkening to warm me
So I will wait
Till the sun and the moon both rise
So I can love again

Can you see them swaying
Under the glowing silver moon
Perfuming the dying embers of a winter near past
Shadowing the frost
Colouring the dead  

Did you hear that sound
Broke in the silence of March
Spring has sprung another life to this world
Small white fluffy clouds
Bouncing along in a sky of green

And in today I too felt the warmth of life
A sun stretching its arms
Glowing my face with it's smile
Showing me a path
Fading away my black

The world was different back then
And so was I
Wanted words to be spoken
Screamed from a silence
Some crafted in smiles
Many fallen from tears

I've waited with burning hands
And desire
Hidden my thought's
Washed out all my dreams
Knowing this not well
One more look in the mirror

They look tired
Sad
Yet knowingly calm
For there is beauty in this time
Waiting to be found
Waiting to be loved

As the sun dusts my skin
For it is I that waited
Hoping

Comes the wetness from tides
Fallen are the tears
Wishing

In no effort in given
All wasted in time
Again

I lay in the broken
Heart torn apart
Forever

The wailing ghosts  
Laughed at my sadness
Humorous in their intention to weaken me the more
I stayed awake in the earthen hour
Battling the clegg of thy cometh
To tell thee ones tale
  
Wash
They fly through me
Scream me awake
Stolen my wishes
Gone be my dreams  

So becomes the chatter in my head
Weak to the mind
I follow in stumble
Leave all
Comes behind  

It's now I must face them
The slugs chase in I
White trail
Their misfortune
My desolate mind  

The madness is in me
The ghosts have all won
I'm falling to pieces
My heart hears the gun

Bang!

These now wrinkled hands no longer feel your skin
Lips departed
From eyes that water the deserted dreams of my broken reality
Take my breath away
Steal this heart
For its use is gone
And I am lonely

The page is blank and my stare into the unknown
Turns to silence
Slowly and surely the door slides to a close
Creaking a smile at my sadness
Oh so cold do I shiver
Oh so cold beats my heart
For she was the one

I wish I could write a thousand rainbows to your heart
Sing you a million colours from the sky  
kiss away your sadness
As we lay

Wouldnt that be nice
Being so right
From a world full of wrongs
Let me paint you my song

Can you hear what I see
Can you feel
In the you
My love ....

I'm thirsty
Yet no liquid quenches these forgotton parched tears
Tis the sugar of my soul that seeks its redemption
A wanton pleasure of mind
To waken such lasting slumber

It is you my love that has rejoiced me
Your taste that does me complete
And that warmth
Oh that beautiful warmth
I so so miss

And in this night that become day's
I long for your reach
Come kiss me my choosen
******* salted skin
For I am the waiting
And
You are the one

Let us sleep

The clouds outside cried for my sadness
Tears of failure pained upon the ***** window of my heart
Come the granite grey of day
And that's not enough

Silence from the outside
Noise from the in
No more shall these hands touch
No more shall these lips speak

So this will be my last
Bleedeth me
No more
Stay the lonely till I pass
Comes written on the wall

Forlorn and empty inside
The raging storm leaves only the cold wet tears of time
God knows I tried
So so empty inside
God knows I've tried

Maybe the next world will smile at my heart
Take my arms
Show me another way
Banish my pain
Kiss my broken soul

Till then
Darkness take your feast
Consume me in bitterness
Quench me in your drunken thirst
Death come quickly

They said that time would heal
But memories are here
In my heart
And I am bleeding out

Tear upon tear cannot cure me
Hand upon hand
Never calms me
From a raging No inside

Come now
It's only the few that remember
Only the few that recall
A story of life as we live it
Remembrance of how we are small

One's time will come to go join him
A time when nothing is all
Till then I continue this living  
So remember me
Remember me all