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For a time, I was what you thought of
For a time, I was your truth...
For a time I was what you sought most
For a time, I wasn't blue.
In time, you came to love me
In time, it wasn't there,
In time, and still, I loved you,
And I still breath your air.
The tears, like frost, become my favor,

But they don’t ever my happiness savor,

The memories, how they haunt me,

But I am happy whenever I see

Your face in my dreams,

Your arms around me.

-

And I am happy whenever I feel

Like it once was, it felt unreal,

All of this has burned my soul,

Such a feeling for a soul once cold,

I miss your scent, your pheromone,

I miss being there whilst you were alone.

-

For every sickness that could ail me

I knew you had the remedy

The cancerous hate that grew inside

Was suppressed for all time.

When you walked across my path

It didn’t feel so alone at last.

-

The dark woods in which my mind could “play”

Has lost the leaves, the autumn decayed

Everything there that was there to love

Everything else feels like wearing a glove,

There is still feeling, but numbed here now,

My skin doesn’t touch, no feelings endowed.

-

Those who have died have been this spared,

This feeling of wretchedness prepared

Me for all these types of misery,

The knowledge to avoid this pain eludes me.

-

This key may no longer to me belong,

But my heart is still yours, though it be not strong.

Let no one ever upon it gaze,

Until one day, perhaps you again say the phrase,

Let no one take it, lock it away,

Even if it remains forever to decay.
Forever: it is not a word I know,

Its bounding aches, its tugging groans,

Whereof I speak, thou knowest not,

My mem’ry fleeting, forlorn and rot,

Because this is of tales of my naught,

I live on only to be here, forgot.

-

-

I have saved the life of a child who shall never know my name,

The love I had for my Love, doth she not want to feel again,

I’ve fought for allies, only to now be believed of conspiracy

I’ve liberated my beliefs, only to now be under new tyranny.

I may die any day here, perhaps with the coming sunset,

But in my name and mem’ry, a candle forgotten to be lit.

Time is mortally timeless in this solipsistic reign,

I write my tragedies knowing not a person will feel the same.

-

The ghosts of faces taunt me in my regretful sleep,

Begrudging me to hide my face from all distaste and weep,

Although this feeling flourishes in this daunting midnight air,

The daylight only brings me knowledge of my true despair.

For even my children, even if I were to have them now,

Would forget my name also, I’d be but a whisper upon a cloud.

-

I could go about this life living in the best way that I could,

If all was start over, the same mistakes I made, I would,

But it does not change the fact that no one ever my name will know,

Or remember it with time if even fondness were to grow.

For it is a curse that deaf is eternity,

To my name and quill, knowledge that this woe is me.

-

My love will be forgotten,

For woman, for warmth, for longing,

My words will be forgotten,

In ink, in music, in harmony,

My breath will be forgotten,

For I leave nothing, and nothing again,

My name will be forgotten,

Knowing this makes me insane.

-

Forever: it is a word I will never know.

Love has left and died, and it seems it always will,

I don’t deserve the music I process in my head every hour of the moon and sun.

I don’t possess the strength or skill to properly put what feelings lie in my breast on to parchment.

I cannot scribe a good enough requiem, and I certainly leave no worthy revelation.

Forget my name, and remember those worthy. Forget my work, and remember the ones that fill your heart with happiness and inspiration, for no one need look upon mine and see the struggles of someone that ne’er need complain, or deserve to.

-

It is what I hear all the hours of any of my wretched days;

The cacophony that is the choir singing hymns of me being forgotten.
I know for a fact,
So yield to react,
That you birthed into a beautiful girl
A bright orange bird in a bleak ,grey world,
And to all the fondness I hide inside,
You know for you both, I would have died,
For you and any reason, all loss of control,
So long as you're happy, my life is full,
I know sometimes we don't get on,
But we've never had a darkest dawn.
I am for you, always here,
I hope that you speak with ne'er a fear,
We bleed the same, but it's more than that,
My love for you spans higher than mountains, to be exact.
I must be straight and not play with my words,
I am excited to watch you grow up, you gorgeous orange bird.
What is dusk, but the promise of dawn?
Where all of the wrongs shall be undone,
Your love, the eternal flower of purity
Your heart, an epicenter of sincerity

-

No failure made
Where knowledge hadn’t come
A sweet serenade
Of your love behind, sung

-

The furious creature in me
By you always calmed
Your word, in my heart
True as psalms.

-

Were I growthed different
Who would I be?
I druther not think it
For shall it ne’er matter to me

-

Your tolerance
For my mistakes unknow
And your pride no matter
For How I have grown

-

When I seek silence,
When I think mineself a cur,
Feeling you with me
My creature doth pur

-

My questions ever answered
Your back never turned
When young and asleep in your loving arms,
Could not a soul me stirred.

-

So ever after and always
Will I remain here for thee,
My death only bothersome,
If I let you alone be.
The time in which we gathered together,
Lost in our arms and eyes,
Correctly begins with "Once upon a time..."
And does now beguile my sunrise.
-
A wasteland is wont for many explorers,
In its greed though, it keeps them forever,
But the paradise I found with you
Would light my every endeavor.
-
Were each freckle a map of stars upon,
The shining blue sky this morn,
They"d allow me to navigate your sea of soft skin,
And mend a heart, forlorn.
-
An anchor that kept my vessel afloat
While Poseidon's depression near' took me with him,
I held the key to your heart, fabled Atlantis,
In love as I could ever have been, by an Angel, smitten.
-
The tender kashmir lips,
That promised and fulfilled me to sleep,
Have dispersed long ago,
And have tempted me to weep.
-
Complex reflections of my own inner self,
Revealed the catastrophe in full,
Though you had my heart for yourself,
I couldn't find where it leisurely lulled.
-
Young and daft, I took my own risks,
Risks that transformed into sorrow,
Shielded at last, that upon my cask'
Shall be writ' "perhaps joy comes on the morrow"
-
The serene, subcontious Siren
Knows not even of her own beauty,
With eyes that could stop time and planes
Of space, she can, so truly.
-
I beg to be rid of the memories,
I ask for constant euthanasia,
I consume to forget entirely
And regret my own mistakes here.
For what I know, which is not much,
I know not of what you feel and such,
But if I could be better a brother,
I would ask what makes you shudder,
I know not what causes your pain,
But I know you’ll not be here again,
So in this life, be strong, be strong,
And although I can not carry along,
What I wish I could, I’m not that good,
At expressing all that of which I should,
Know that my love extends to you,
And your indescribable heart imbued,
Keep it between us, I know what it is,
To cause yourself pain, and taste your own tears,
I wish life was easy, alas, it is not,
Lose not yourself, don’t let be forgot,
The life you know, I pray you don't,
I had no idea, of pain you smote,
To it cast out all of the remorse,
And if need, come to me, if no other doors,
Reopen for you although they should,
If need of favor, know that I would,
As brother, as friend, be there until,
Your happy, long life, end fulfilled,
I wish to be an uncle, and brother in law,
To a great man you deserve and more,
Lest it not be pain from a boy,
You are but young, they’ll use you like toys,
Be strong, be strong, our family is love,
Spread your wings, magnificent dove.
Piece by piece, shard by shard,
Nothing calms my mind thus far,
Intertwisting writs with weight
Do, indeed, rot my thoughts’ sake,
Whereof is this place you seek,
The telltale heaven of which you speak,
Your useless dream, I’m curious,
Let’s not pretend, it’s pretentious,
All the weight of things come gone,
Remaining leagues lost, fathoms undone,
You’ll whither here like everything else,
Your mind, a lie, life never caressed,
Feel free to lose yourself in fantasy,
And pretend it’s not all make-believe,
You’re splintered, fractured,
Broken and shattered,
You’re lost in delusions,
Then again, so are we all,
But I know nothing changes
When we finally fall.
I hold on to my cigarette for that last drag,
Right before I almost flick it
The last breath of calming air,
The last moment to not worry.
I salute the sky with my cup
To taste the last drop of bourbon
Because sleeping sober seems daunting.
I watch the pines bend, hearing them creak,
With the scent of old oak split for the fire,
I'm nervous and confident and shy
And outgoing and hateful and happy,
And I love kissing and cooking,
I've been to almost every state,
Taking in gorgeous terrain,
I write for "you" for "her" for "me",
For "them" and about nothing,
I sing from my heart and develope
True lies from what's inside me,
I want my friends and family to
Die first so that I know no one will
Will miss me because dying is bad enough,
But knowing they're hurting more is worse.
I look up at the stars at night when
I can see them, and I wonder
"Where am I going?"
And every time, I swear to God,
A shooting star flies.
You'd think something so fast would
Make a sound, but its silence only
Preserves it's glory.
I always heard that they were rare,
I've seen so many, I've lost count,
And honestly, I think that's a tragedy
Because I should awe and wonder at such
Faithless beauty.
I don't think that I am different,
I think I am myself,
But I also counter argue
With the fact that if everyone were themself
We'd all be the same.
Individual sheep in a herd.
These are mindless ramblings,
Of a worried and loving person,
But also the fears of a mildly depressed human.
I go back home to clear my head
And appreciate that I am welcome.
It's an odd thought, but I realize
That is one hundred times better than
Some people have it.
I'm concerned but greatful,
I'm awash with misery,
I'm excited and resilient,
And happy, and dismayed.
It's hard when you know who you are,
But not how to Be.
It was a starry night,

I remember the moon was bright.

As I sat in my canopied room

Atop the inn of gloom,

Its musty stench of walls and flesh,

Surrounded by dim light and floors below, strewn

-

At first I was anxious and nervous

About the spectre’s appearance

But something in his presence was calming

Curious as it was, I was longing.

-

He was not ghostly in the way you would think

He was as real looking, enough to drink,

Though it was something in his air and aura

That told me his demise like Gomorrah,

And how he was perished and dead,

And with these rotting words he said

-

“Gaze upon me and listen well,

For your silence I wish you not quell,

My words you will not stir,

You will absorb and then, good sir,

I will reappear as those who’ve been

You yourself and died again,

You are the last and only one,

Upon earth to know this secret done,

You will understand this true confusion

And soon be rid of your delusion.

But I warn there is a painful price,

In cherished aforementioned gift so nice

Of that you will find soon

And your burning soul will croon.

-

My name is High Lord Kellik,

And my touch you’ve already met.

You’ve felt me here before,

I walk with you, ancestor, but more.

I am the first of you in this lone world,

I suffered what once was unfurled.

-

Now know our cryptic secret revealed

Of the same bloodline congealed:

To all of us who are one,

This life is not your only one.

-

I’ve risen again from fallen,

I was in Jerusalem

When my Lord he calleth,

God chose not to follow them.

I was of the Tuetonics,

Though my death was quite ironic,

For they had me drawn for heresy

And quartered for allegedly

Stealing an Arab’s maidenhead

Even though my wife was pregnant then,”

(At this sentence, twas there I noticed,

The chainmail and a cross of lotus,

Betwixt his breast and penance

He seemed holy, even justice.)

“I loved my wife from first gaze through labor,

Twas the last I saw of her, I savored

The love in her eyes when I lost her.

All I wanted was to adore her.

They led me into ‘court’ they said,

Twas to be my own deathbed,

And when they called out all my sins,

Of course I denied, being pious within,

Although my truth they would not have,

I again suffered my brother’s terrible wrath.”

-

I spoke my first words, shaking, unstable,

Asking questions gated in stables,

“Sir, I know my silence is needed,

But I request some answers conceded,

Why did they not trust your pure enough claims,

Brothers, as you said, seeking no gain?”

-

Spake he “I understand your logic,

Twas mine although my brothers were stoic,

You see, it is the terrible price

That I spoke earlier, a wretched vice,

To know the things that we will tell,

You must know the darkest hell,

You must know that you will die

A most gruesome death without comply,

Because we are one, it must happen and then,

You’re born the same, to die again.”

-

I sat silent for a moment and pondered,

I thought of a tree that aimlessly wonders,

About its life serving no purpose,

To grow leaves and die, its only service,

It seemed of me, so pessimistic

To know this life is quite solipsistic.

-

He continued,

-

“Know that I had the easiest death,

The first brother-blade did pierce my chest,

It struck my heart, and I must make amends,

That is why none of us will find love again.

-

I was of the knights most valiant,

My fervor was the most resilient,

Whatever we may ever be,

It is irrelevant, you’ll die like me.”

-

Shocked, I sat in euilibrium,

You’d think it peaceful

But my world was undone,

It forever changed that starry night,

And was only the beginning of my hellish fright.

-

Lord Kellik departed there through my door,

I heard no steps upon the floor,

I thought it odd for plate boots to make,

No sounds on oaken plates of estate…

-

Soon my door was reopened again,

I looked up and gazed at him,

At me, twas now I started to see,

Resemblance in us, for no helmet he wore,

But rather a coat of a Hessian he bore,

He masked the same look I see on myself,

When I’ve been through darkness, my own hell,

The blue eyes like mine, were mine, and hair,

Dark brown, and had a piercing stare,

German accent had he upon conversing,

“Wie gehts? Ich heisse Kryztoff von Gersching,”

“Hallo Kryztoff, mein namme ist Andrew Marheine.”

-

“There is great hate between two factions,

Two worlds, once one, under taken action,

The English came and fought and tried,

The way Americans denied

The rights of those that were first here,

I was hired to broaden their fear.”

-

Surprised at his English,

I also switched,

“Sir, I noticed that your neck is stitched…?”

-

“A wound from battle, the only lucky

Thing that ever happened to me,

But knowing what I do know now,

I would pick severed jugular to doubt.

My unit was captured by a group of guerrilla yanks,

They slaughtered us each unless we joined their ranks,

In this massacre there was no honor,

In sending home bodies, lost sons and fathers,

I steadily refused to be a part,

So they began tearing me apart

Until they then realized

I would gladly be crucified,

That just for that, that I despised,

Each one of them for their “freedom” lies,

Their General King, although respected,

Washington should not have defected.

You see now where democracy has led,

The better off, are the lucky dead.

I see you ask of what I died?

Of what brought about a Hessian’s demise?

The gutless ******* shot me with small cannon

Direct in my stomach, you cannot fathom,

The amount of pain in three long hours…

I wished for death, but not from cowards.”

-

He was proud looking, but not Narcissus,

Battle worn, and quite seditious.

I noticed his sword, the handle notched,

For every inch of life he’d squashed

Like a child’s boot to an ant hill.

This man died alone and still.

-

He spoke once more

-

“You have been blessed with knowledge and wrought,

You though will be turned to naught,

The pain you’ll be in, too much to endure,

Your arteries pumping blood to the floor,

We know not how you will die,

But painful be it, no chance to survive.

Because, like us, you have no one here,

Like us, not missed, no tragic dear,

Your name be forgotten until

The next of us lives to see us fill.”

-

He exited without another word,

I found it quaint, unlike the herd,

I strove to be different, I suspect I’ve succeeded,

After all, who knew their death, and believed it?

-

Wondering if I would again be visited

Or if my passed lives were but two limited,

I also thought of how they appeared…

I could not recall how the first had veered,

Or why they ventured to me and told

Me of their stories that would make hearts cold

Stuck with this thought, another come forth,

From my wooden frame of door,

His brilliant armor, black with silver,

Across his back, a sheathe and quiver,

He looked at me, and I again saw myself,

And again saw another me been felled,

“Hello,” I said “won’t you come in?”

“Obliged,” spake he “see what lies therein.

-

He began,

-

“Young man, you know not missing your home,

But I come from the brightest years of Rome,

Although I knew only Coliseum

I hoped my soul be with Ellysium,

I was a slave in the rich man’s bloodsport,

And the crowd, they cheered for more and more,

To live every day knowing you must fight,

Can bring great depression to one’s very life,

Caesar said I could in time be free,

I fell my last fight, suffering,

The anguish that flowed through me at then,

Was not of physical harm, but when,

My bowels were visible on the ground,

All I could feel was loss never found,

I swore allegiance to men never met,

And all it brought was discontent.

Never think twice about an act,

It could save your life until this pact,

Although you will die, nameless forever,

Know that even the smallest endeavor,

Will not change this predestination,

This marvelous melancholy is Hades’ invention,

We will not wake until we’ve slept,

The eternal slumber, and mourner’s have wept,

About a loss that is so profound,

Until they forget why the feelings endowed,

Are the enemy to their own happiness,

They then know not of what ‘revolting’ is.”

-

This nameless man stood up and gazed,

Outside of my withered window pane,

His eyes lightened and looked ever broken,

And I could see a man who’s life and freedom were stolen,

If ever I had wanted to cry in confrontation

It would’ve been at his lamentation,

But I bit my tongue and held back from that,

Although he noticed with eyes like a cat,

He smiled at me, I smiled at me,

And it was then that he began to proceed,

Out of my door, and out of my eyes,

I thought about my ending surprise.

I now knew death was not to be,

An old man while I was in my sleep,

But rather a darker, gruesome end,

Perhaps lacerations from within,

And as this trickled across my brain,

I could swear to God I went insane,

I sat in my room for weeks despaired,

Tasting nothing except the stale air,

and then one day it finally clicked,

That life is what it is, a foul ******* trick.
Dark, Melancholy, Macabre
I walked in to find you amongst dreams in my bed,
All else was foggy, I thought I was dead,
Without lust or worry, I slid under a sheet,
And cradled you until I fell asleep,
I held you softly, listening to each breath,
And prayed to hear you in Heaven upon my death.
Angel Of Love, and The greatness of God,
Hadraniel who guided Moses, to spare the rod,
Standing two full million miles tall,
Lightning produced at each syllable called,
A Keeper of the Second Heavenly Gate,
He was tricked as some Angels escaped,
If not for this instance, there might not be,
A single Nephilim in history,
Once rebuked by God for failing,
Hadraniel has since found naught worth saying,
Standing mute, a sentinel for the Bound,
He wished to scour the Earth, shake the ground,
Given the option, he would indeed,
Bring all missing Angels to their knees,
To beg forgiveness from He Who Gives,
And to seek in The Father, to yet again live.
The night ‘fore last seems like an age ago,
It’s hard to speak, yet harder to know,
How can I say what hurts so much,
To know it was a mistake as such,
I would tell you that I wished it didn’t happen,
But I’d be a liar.
-
Folded in your arms, I felt I’d seen God,
And only two nights ago I was lost…
Show me how to feel, so I can run,
The pain will stay until it’s done.
I’d say that I don’t love you,
My ******* heart is on fire.
-
Show me what to do
To search the earth for you,
I’ll ask what became of me
After you let me free.
I’ll hope my venom didn’t hurt you as much
As it latched on to me as a crutch,
And I’ll hope to listen to you breathe,
While you’re asleep, deep in dreams,
Your head in my shoulder, my face in your hair,
If life was to end then, I would not care.
Inside us all, we wish for The One that we have
Ideas of falling endlessly down a blue tinted sky with. In a
Myriad of a countless mind, perfection lies dormant inside.
Vile…the horrors of loneliness in time, and
All lands and waters cannot hold its meaning.
And if meandering glances could speak,
Of Antioch and withered Troy,
My sweet, fabled Helen would be my goddess.
The love I killed without realization…
Remaining requiem lead to devastation,
I solemnly ridicule myself over again,
And riposte, is still there paradise in Eden?
Incredulous, it happens that I know life will not
Pass by my eyes, Sirens will not command their rot,
I live now until entombed, the morgue has never scared me,
But bereft of her, I am a hollow shell that suffers cruelly.
The black granite and marble
Was carved to represent a statue,
Preserving the image my mind created
Inside my hollow heart.
If I could, I’d say things are well,
But like that of the hummingbird
Stuck in my garage,
The feeling of hopelessness and
Eventual depravity,
Will have me dead and petrified,
Not realizing the windows were open the whole time,
My words are but a nuisance
The beating of an insect’s wings.
The hollow walls won’t hold to this ram,
I can’t read your thoughts
But I wish I could glimpse your mind.
It’s funny to think it’s been so long,
I’ve not ever quite felt this peculiar and pleasant way,
I see things in you I’ve never seen before,
Show a caveman a television,
Show me your heart,
The analogy is sound.
I thought I heard a whisper
While sitting under that old tree,
I figured the voices in my head
Weren’t yet crying audibly,
Head tilted, I strained to hear
What could have brought me tension,
It’s empty for miles around, I thought,
No use to cause my dreams suspension,
And then as if it heard my fingers
Crunch tightly in a panicked fist,
I could still lie, but the question lingers,
Did I just speak with Hopelessness?
-
Redirection of internal infrastructure
Map prerequisites, destroy my composure,
Indulge me in lost ideas,
Forbidden in thought, in rhyme, in written reason,
Defy all logic, misanthropic,
Allow me this, my casket’s treason,
Anorexic, dire complexion,
Filters lost longing indiscretion,
Deep in memory, cranial protrusions,
Observed are scars with mass confusion,
Scribed as such, “we die alone here”
Naught but failing a life deserved here,
Articulate hemorrhaging of twisted tongues and feelings,
Allegory to bitter, pitiless healings,
Melancholic, leprositic
Between smoke-stained lungs
And liver scloritic,
Match a crusted, bloodstained outlook,
Upon a false-hoped, baited gut-hook,
With which carried out in gruesome fashion,
Can be borne by one in moral crashing
Ambiguous doubt of what comes next
Refocused and aimed at what is vexed,
At all, by one, failing to connect,
Sporadic in sense, theory ferments,
Stormy funeral, in full dawned dress,
A full circle marking total Hopelessness.
We feel love and loss,

Rejection and failure,

Happiness and woe,

Misery and contempt,

Hatred and malice,

Melancholy, and envy.

-

These emotions have lead to war,

To plague and famine,

To ******, and deceit,

To a web of lies,

Told and despised,

To marriage, to faith,

To all things irate,

Our minds feel these emotions,

These cataclysmic commotions,

And we pretend we are sentient,

And in minds full of our regret,

We cause war, we cause peace,

Indecisive and creased.

-

We spend our time in constant moderation,

Except the crazy few in our nations,

That stand firm in their belief,

That hold not arrows, but olive leaf,

And still there are massacres,

And human made disasters.

-

The calamity of our cursed humanity,

The fact that we feel these emotions,

As the beasts that have no mind stare

Wide-eyed and dumbfounded.

-

The separation of Man and Beast,

Is the strain of putrid disease,

That we seem among us to carry,

The fact that the animal kingdom is wary,

It should show that we are bereaved,

Of every point that should be grieved.

Of every sight that should be seen,

Of everything that should have been.
I am your pain and suff’ring

I am your discontent,

I am what you must hate most,

I am irrelevant.

-

I am the truth, despised here,

I am the prophesied

I am the mind so unclear

abysmal in elegy

-

I am forever lost now

I am creation’s lie

I am the standing citadel

If only towers could cry

-

I am the gallant memory

Of dreams and warm delight,

Masochistic to myself, the enemy,

I am the death of all the kind.

-

I am lost love, and silence

I speak through severed tongue,

I am those hollow voices

That speak from among the tomb

-

I am the dawn of depression

I am the boiling sunrise

I am without my Crescent,

My Moon, my only light.

-

I am the horrible nightmare

of all destroyed and gone,

I am midnight’s breath of air

I am alone along

-

I am without emotions,

once they here, but now no more.

I am the lack of suppression

Dying inside with no remorse.
I can feel a bull in my chinashop body,
Raging as a rhino internally
I feel as some scapegoat prism
Has replaced my hollow chest cavity.
Everything inside me is broken
And
I Can
Not See
The Light
Trapped in ironic paradox,
I still refuse to believe in life.
I pray, Death to come claim me,
Death release me, from this pathetic retrospect,
I hear whispers beyond the void,
Every mem'ry haunts me as I close my eyes,
At night I dream of content,
But such notions are best weighed in false gods and ****,
My withered heart, but a muscle,
Pumping rot, attached to my sleeve,
All I am is a vessel
Committed to insanity,
Speechless speaks less than you might imagine,
Gathered unified, in greed,
Laconic diatribe in visceral times,
I am your ******* disease.
I’m tortured at night
When I use logic to identify love
Frustrated annihilation composes my composure
I clench my teeth and ******* blood,
SCREAM FOR ME.
The feeling in which I wish to describe
Is not easily penned, nor said and why,
It’s not like something I’ve ever thought,
But it’s always been inside me to end, and wrought,
It is always present to ruin my thought,
And finally a vague depiction I’ve caught,
So please endeavor to bear with me yet,
As I endeavor to preparedly set
A most dreadful tone and thought in mind,
And deceive you of what you hide entwined.

Imagine if you will,
And humor me still,

Awake to find solace in the wrapped arms
Around you that caress your dreams and skin alike.
The warmth of the body that lay to you next,
Is soft as silk and softer even in mind,
With cherished thoughts of love and tender,
With valued honor to be defender
Of someone you see as perfection in life,
And one who you wish to spare from all strife.
-
And as they lay there still asleep,
You imagine their dreams, and cherish their peace,
You slowly drift off to join them again,
But wonder why you had first awaken,
What took you from your nap of naps,
What pulled you from a cloud’s collapse,
And with that thought you start to hurt,
All the worst things from dust to dirt,
Creep upon that sleepy head,
To reveal themselves as living dead.
Thought you they gone,
Gone had they not,
Ever present and likely sought,
The solace of your weary eyes,
And behind, the mind, cause of all despise.
-
For me, I held on to those arms
That felt like they’d never let go.
So why then did I need to hold on,
If solitude’s answer was “no”?
I felt as if it couldn’t last,
As if happiness was not as vast,
As promised as in the poems I’ve read
As fore-held as high as mountain’s lead.
I thought that if I could just hold on,
She might not let go, she’d see and keep on,
Maybe, I thought, she’d awake and smile,
Her groggy eyes beglazed and docile,
A visible love passing her sight,
Connecting through me and shooing the night,
I saw as it was a glorious bolt,
Of lightning, although as thin as smoke,
And smoke it was as dissipating,
And truth be told disappointing,
Because it was not that she even fluttered,
The fault not hers, but I still shuddered,
I imagined it all without her there,
Her kind fair eyes, and scented hair,
It didn’t seem right, not true or correct,
To have her absent and not connect,
But alas, it was with great found sorrow,
That she vacated on the morrow,
She left me in a pool of blood,
But figuratively I should say, could
It have been that all I was
Inside for her and that was,
The sanguine that cascaded upon departure
Of my love, of my Cupid’s Archer,
I sat for weeks and thought of that night,
Where I awoke and wondered this very plight,
I almost lost my very sight,
When rubbing my brow and temples so bright,
That I had in some sort an epiphany,
That this was this forsaken feeling,
That I have had throughout my life,
Of never allowing me to be all right,
Of nevermore allowed to be happy,
Of forevermore condemned to be misery,
In this, I found contemptible content,
She’ll pass and pass to my lament,
At least a spy might I be granted,
But to loneliness, I can’t understand it.
Make me
Believe,
Begin a commitment
A livid, frigid rigidity
Born and bred in its misery
All contemptuous purity,
Misleads serene duplicity
In all admissible virility,
Sacrosanct and all unviable,
This disposition unreliable,
Outlooks not so reliable,
Ridiculous and undeniable
This solitary moment,
Not in itself so all that potent,
Releasing all these fetid rodents,
Systemic linear motion
Curtailing our devotion
To freeing all emotion
Held true by we, the free.
We fall to power, victims
To this inhuman system,
All zealous to its deception,
Information, insurrection,
Categorized by failures at hand,
Unaware of the faults of man.
I notched the axe handle that struck her pretty head
Against thatwhich, she should have run instead,
I gagged her so the terrifying screams stifled in silent lament,
I ripped open and off the clothes that were her only guardian to me,
I bludgeoned as I entered her unconscious body,
The gurgling sound emitted were of the utmost melancholy,
The seminal fluid like plague streaming her discontent,
Fruition all knowing showed her true violence,
Compacted in a bag, I cut her into forty pieces,
I was careful with her cut-off skin to leave none creased,
I adorn my bed like Ares in myths of old,
I played and toyed until her body ran cold,
I slashed my way inside until her sordid cries did subside, terrified
Her lifeless eyes only held despise.
Out across an open sky,
There a chasm could be spied,
Its truths and meaning it belied,
A beautiful place for me to die.
I went abreast my own spirit,
Deep down the gorge, a fire lit,
It warmed me in the darkened pit,
It there calmed my hellish fit,
It seems to now have come and pass,
The world I knew has turned to glass,
Fracturing now, violent and fast,
And in this crevice I must now last.
Appearing also not like before,
As if kept secret in some moldy lore,
That where we were in years of yore,
We lost all hope, what we’re meant for.
No rain has reached me, no condensation,
No emotion either, no commiseration,
I can’t see further, down on obliteration,
I freely remain in abnegation.
I would still not hear compliment,
I still am unable in sentiment,
Thus far, existing in my resent,
I have reached paradise, regret, repent.
Objectivity in vile domain,
I must again from life refrain,
Where one does dare themselves ordain,
In loneliness, we seek only pain.
Seeing clearly to some extent,
I leave this world in hateful neglect,
I wouldn’t have chosen to be subject
To a world where we fail and deem it correct.
I am not unlike any other,
An abject son, a broken brother,
I can’t exist with “one another,”
I lay waste to land, destroy “each other,”
Lackluster faith and false idolization,
Leave what’s at stake to mass predation,
Content in squalor and mental *******,
Leading to loss of all sensation.
The darkness of this pit is calming,
I find the peace ever so charming,
It acts as shelter, exists as Eden,
This garden of gloom, miserable freedom.
dark
In a sense, I still love you, counting nights begone like storms
Innocence, I find wanting, it seems I wish for the worms.
-
When I have starved myself of you,
When I’ve regurgitated with every wretch,
I promise I’ll never speak your name again,
I swear I’ll let it die like a lame Spartan child.
-
I’ve become without feeling,
Callous an bereft of everything.
You wouldn’t recognize me anymore,
For I will Never be what you knew.
As I walk across a pathway a heartbeat's width across a floor,
A peculiar sensation finds me wanting of an explanation to adore,
Not a feeling of a feeling, I don't have those anymore,
I can rip open my chest cavity to find nothing at its core.
-
I saw a young fine thing come cantering to a score,
And in her eyes I saw reflected back my lust for gore,
I didn't think of love or courting, that I do stately implore,
I have no idea how I could have had emotion before.
-
Incurring inferences upon  deranged insanity,
I deny the charges and insist I must be free,
With my generation crawling at my likeminded feet,
I find myself unable to believe in humanity.
-
An algorithmic synapse of my mind's forward encryption,
Once brought about my failure of a heart's lonely submission,
And to this day I do wish that bitter was a real decision,
But I find something close to comfort with indifference as religion.
I am the personification of man's anguish.
-
I am starving, yet every morsel clogs my throat,
I am so thirsty, but my mouth is a cotton moat,
I am alone, depressed,
Morose, repressed,
Everything I ever loved has died,
I'm not even human anymore.
With your programmed morality
And persecuting isolation,
You sit quite solemnly
Quiet with your permentaion,
Morbid savagery
While the blood draws to fermentation,
Awaiting gallantly,
For your front page execution.
-
This is the last thing you saw before death,
Before arrival of the faithful guillotine;
My face crooked into a smile,
And my eyes that backed the Devil down,
Sinister and cynical,
I wiped the earth of you before,
And now, alas, a chance for history to repeat...
Penance of your grievences
Are worth their weight in sequences
And ****, the corruptable fallicies,
I only pray that I see your eyes lose all soul,
And of that, I only believe in me,
In Nothing.
In your attempt to understand life,
Misleading yourself, pushing to fight,
Your unguided system fails and falters,
You consistently pass the blame to others,
And in our sentience and own free will,
We chastise beliefs of others still,
I implore you to be mindful, perhaps,
For real intelligence seems too much to ask,
How can you believe that you are owed,
What in this life has shown you so?
How can you believe your existence has worth
Yet still acknowledge the cosmos’ lurch?
What trait of yours has been engrained
To allow you to think you’re anything?
How small minded must we all be
To disregard something we all can see?
We are a
Pitiful
Sorrow filled
Sack of
Worthless Dust,
Flying through time,
Believing we must
Find the existential,
Break new ground,
Your hollow ideals fail you
As death’s bell sounds,
-
You are a measly grain of sand,
Soaring on a spec of dirt,
Through a playground.
Your problems don’t matter,
Your emotions will have no effect.
You’re dying, cancer of the earth.
Your useless, meandering thoughts,
Fickle, fodder for space and time,
Only temporarily facilitated by
The meat suit you currently occupy.
You will die,
Your memories will fade quickly,
Your name forgotten,
Correctly bludgeoned and blotted out
By the fact that you don’t really matter.
You and I will rot like everything else.
I only exist,
"Life" is meaningless,
The Disease
Referred to as "Humanity",
The dereliction of society,
Maniacal and left wanting,
Is wont to tragedy, the haunting
feeling of regression,
Our worthless race is lost.
There is a dark musk in the air,

the breeze in my lungs explode with despair,

a remark of my tribulation,

my forlorn, eternal damnation,

the burden of my affliction,

my relinquish, my submission,

my loss, my plague,

this abandonment, vague.

-

The hour approaches where I renounce histrionics,

this ridiculous existence, shallow and ironic,

-

as I slash through these weeds,

I become ever weary,

trying to grow soon-to-bloom seeds,

I can’t conceive clearly,

what I had set out to do first,

yet I encounter pain, and wish for rebirth.

-

I look upon obscurely scribed lines

and take them as commands

and as I gaze up

I realize I have failed to meet their demands.

-

the blood on my hands, and in my thoughts,

the bodies in my mind, turn to be naught

to  frequently miscarry and meet with disaster,

just to be in the shadow of another caster,

makes one wish for eternal rest faster.

-

a prisoner an only go so long,

before hating his cell,

ask for another,

and hate the most recent still.

-

yet I yearn, yet I crave

for the love of another and better days

-

all the while, forsaken stress

consumes me blind

how can it be possible

when I again fail to find

that which I seek, ever so

and continue to be, ever alone,

although those who speak of which they know nothing of

will one day find themselves answering above,

-

I find myself fallen and broken

with no trace I had slipped

no one to me my answer spoken

without as much as a quip

so shall it be, so shall it stay,

I will arbitrarily search for the light of day,

i honor perseverance, and my vigil stays,

As I seek, need and want, the light of day.
Peering out the window,

I thought I saw you weeping

I thought, my mind in limbo,

That I glanced you dreaming.

-

It was as if you were right there,

Standing shaking in the rain,

Water off your short hair,

Your frown reflecting pain.

-

I thought I saw you standing

Beyond the trees out back,

I am not quite understanding,

Why still your sight attacks,

-

The nerves inside my chest,

And the bottom of my gut

Adrenaline in my breast,

And the wind wont upon my foot.

-

I could have sworn to up above

That I saw you beckoning,

The water, showing what once loved,

Into somehow in front appearing.

-

You saw me looking towards you

I tried to hide my face,

You tried to hide your smile too

I glimpsed it in your gaze

-

I know I didn’t dream this today

I thought I saw you, truthfully,

It was not longing in that way,

I was just caught off guard, you see.

-

Perhaps you may have seen me too

At one point or another,

Walking the streets that we used to

Or just holding each other,

-

But honestly I do not long

Verily I do not pine,

Although it would be nice in song,

I know you don’t feel at all fine,

-

I know I must make you sick,

I know I must make you weep

Which is why today your image yet sticks,

And your broken smile doth creep.

-

Which is why today I wondered

Wherefore you even passed me by,

Fictional in my mind of blunder,

And too afraid to question “why?”

-

Why then did I even witness you,

Walking across my path,

I spied you from my bedroom,

At quickened pace so fast?

Then you stopped all of the sudden,

To give my window fair gaze,

You must have seen my face be sullen,

And given yourself great praise.

-

Although, I know you think of what could be,

And maybe not being happy,

But if I could ever wish it clear,

Perhaps I would wish you be here,

But then again perhaps I not,

And first dive headfirst into cot,

And see I don’t just wake up again,

And find out of window, you are pretend.
This selfless,
Godless,
Appearance of oneself;
Resistance,
Sub-sequence,
Is righteous to one’s own Hell.
Reprisal,
Derision,
Submission to the abyss;
Arrival,
A mission,
A taste of vinegar and ****.
-
Everything you know is fake.
Your mind won’t ever allow you to make,
An intelligent assertion of what is real,
You choke on what They feed you as veal,
As if this filet was the most prime cut,
You even thank Them for what They’ve done.
They’ve given us “freedom” and so much “wealth”
They have, of course, “NEVER” helped Themself.
To dip into Their own Piggy-Bank,
Their bacon-greased fingers drawing a “blank”.
-
What have They done? What do you really know?
-
As far as it goes, there is no such thing as “freedom” or “wealth”,
A man made concept, excused as “help”
And as far as it goes of Their accepted “help”,
Just know that They have butchered our very health.
-
They’ve bombed Their own ships,
Destroyed Their own buildings,
To inspire you to fear,
To inspire misguided hateful feelings.
-
The people They **** every single day
Are not what you would right now expect,
It is not the war over the ocean and waves,
It is here that They attack.
-
Men who run financial institutions
Take from Their companies in dissolution,
Given help from Their own evil friends,
These men claim to own, and conspire again.
The word “greed” is but to low a word to give means,
To these grotesque difuckingsgusting “human” beings,
They take and take and tell us to consume,
That’s all we are, scent to the fume,
The growing pyre of our country’s scaffold,
The base, in ashes, is burning tenfold,
Soon it will fall, and what They fear will come,
And I swear I will help see Them undone.
-
Open your eyes, Open your mind.
Race is Irrelevant.
Sexuality is Irrelevant.
Religion is Irrelevant.
Lifestyles are Irrelevant.
We are wolves ruled by snakeheaded sheep,
Brothers and Sisters, we will make Them weep.
-
Coming Together,
We Will Not Fall.
We Will Not Falter.
We Will Not Fail.
Lay Sacrifice to this Altar.
-
It will soon come,
And we will rise,
We will bring light,
To Their truth, despised.
Your arrogance has

Disgraced me long enough, cur,

I Shall Forsake You.
There is a story of which I know,

That no happy heart would dare to go,

The chimes ring silent in the frigid wind,

And the harpsichord’s tune lowers, tightens.

-

Before my tale, I must make preface,

The tale, metaphors, rightly seek justice,

For there are no emotions quite like found here,

Life just continues, a grinding gear.

-

When the flower lost its petal,

It said “These things just happen.”

It wasn’t time, it was a crime,

To let this flower die ugly.

-

The tree has lost its apple,

The only thing that marked its beauty,

No longer can it the apple cradle,

Its brilliant seed so fruiting.

-

Think of the dark storm cloud,

That lost its rain so pure,

It likely never will be found,

This sickness has no cure.

-

The feeling burrows in your stomach,

It eats away at your heart,

It terrorizes your mind,

To know they have found another to start.

-

Though no one has ever died,

From a muscle left this broken,

I guess I should have lied

Asleep, instead be woken.

-

Bring me the silken cloth,

From my box of fragile,

It will protect this darkened stone,

And mend it back to evil.

-

Think of every time you’ve cried,

About something you could not change,

And see if you still care to know,

Why it is yourself to blame.

-

Think of every category,

that you could have mended,

All of it an allegory

To your love intended.

-

When you see the bitter face,

Of reject and spite and be hated,

Coming from your used to be

Loved, but relocated.

-

You will find yourself the virus

Of your conjoined lives,

You will never be pious

Enough for their love, despised.

-

**** everything about yourself,

It helps ease the anguish,

But keep yourself here and conscious,

So you understand true languish.
Recording that of which time was spent,
It must be stated with some lament,
Mankind was never prepared for that
Which they saught so vehemently sat,
Upon the throne of their own faults,
Theology differentiated by default,
And by which we would derive
The definition of demise.
-
Annihilate me through my own inner goals,
And press upon my morals once told,
To keep my kin so lively and free,
Rid them of their depraved disease,
The freedoms and liberties of once passed down,
Caress the minds of a generation endowed,
Subject to sin and objectification,
Of an overly popular, judgmental nation,
An internal strife "To thineself always be true"
Yet knowing not what realties imbue,
Distressed, ingested ideals are formed
And peaceful requisitions are abhorred,
Selection is distraught and vague,
Left frustrated are those who live for today,
I must comment, request, and repent
That in honor of life, meaning is spent,
Lifeless are we, all left longing,
Know that in this life, there is nothing.
Title poem of the Lexicon collection in progress.
I watched everything I loved about you dissolve,
Sitting alone through time while my flesh did crawl,
Of all things in this world left sacred,
I suffered your recanting without such merit,
I despise everything that you've since done,
And what hurts more is what I've become,
Suffice it to say, I am no more,
You've naught for me, decayed, you adorn.
Sorrow sweeps

And sorrow swoons

Sorrow decays

the summer blooms,

Love corrupts

Love purrifies

Love lights up

Until you die

Sorrow strikes

Swing trapezes high,

Sorrow croons

Tears pierce the eye,

Love rots slowly,

Like a corpse,

Love takes no prisoners,

Love shows no remorse.
How does one measure success?

How does one see to their progress?

Imagine a meter, a scale if you will,

that draws upon your goals fulfilled,

you may ask how it can be found,

but you alone can find this profound

tool to help yourself,

or maybe ask one trusted for their loving help,

a Father, a Mother, a Sister, or Brother,

Friends also will help one another,

but I digress, may I press on,

i lull along again anon.

-

When you first come across a thing,

a noun, a verb, some where, something,

that causes happiness derived from its action,

regardless of what form or faction,

stick with, and to, whatever it be,

remember all things come with a fee,

but the price on joy is well worth paying,

because joy is just as a child playing,

you will know over the course of this endeavor,

whether you will or won't your said success sever,

but if in years, it still brings you joy,

you will be engulfed in your own ploy,

measuring the success of whatever you will,

comes to you with whatever fills,

that which you wake for, live and breathe,

for what you might go as far as deceive,

-

Nothing is measured in paper, and coin,

or shouldn't be, rather, it should be conjoined,

with what brings you love, and no contempt to perform,

for what becomes you like a wailing storm,

that shudders the shutters of your life in a box,

what crinkles in your head like rocks,

it keeps you awake like Christmas Eve,

it is that, that your mind does crave,

into oblivion, and imagination,

a place that holds no indignation,

we feel for the things we love,

therefore it is impossible to measure it of

coin, and papers, and letters given,

to any of us, for any reason.

-

Measure it rather inside yourself,

then you will gain what you befell,

Life does have its ups and downs,

but that's no reason to run around,

aimlessly worried you'll find nothing,

of which you love, there is something,

always look for what causes you no rest,

and then perhaps you can measure your success.
Dispatched to seek out the “traitors” of High,
Michael, Archangel of the sky,
With God’s wrath in heavy tow,
Would bring about our kind to woe,
He tortured Angels and Devils alike,
Until he came to Azrael’s Scythe,
One of the most glorious battles,
Michael and Azrael had no previous quarrels,
They slashed, parried, savaged and fought,
Until such a time as a season wrought
The Snow and sadness of Death and Decay,
Azrael’s strength was abound this day,
And as the Scythe found Michael’s neck,
Michael lowered his sword, all vexed,
Afraid of his Father for his apparent failure,
Azrael began to speak of the Savior,
Who one day would save the good of Earth,
Although Angels do not share this birth,
Michael then decided to stay and in moral,
Like Azrael, protecting all of the mortals,
He chose to leave Heaven for Earth in time,
Until Gabriel was to come collecting his fine.
And in this decision, Michael hid himself from God,
So that The Father believing Michael was lost,
Wept in His glorious stead,
Thinking that His Archangel was dead,
He spoke unto the remaining Six,
He spoke and then they were convinced,
The Parents of Nephilim had struck Michael down,
It was then, Gabriel swore, he would see his brother found.
Everything I have ever held alive,
Has in my arms, in that embrace died,
Beyond sophisticated errs
Of philosophers' wanting cares,
Devised a great facade upon
That which I could not crowd along,
To witness and embrace the end
To lust for an emblazoned death,
A trial of melancholy cultivation
Failed by folly, conservation,
Attempts to push, create ahead
A road therewhich we breathe instead,
Falls short of what, inherently,
Is asked from birth of us to be,
Individual lives are shadowed by "Events,"
Smothered we are, beyond all pretense,
Asking what it means to "Be,"
There is no such thing as "Free."
I once saw the sun burst into tears,
Knowing that you left the night,
You came about and all my fears
Were cast out by your light so bright,
I can sometimes think of when I was
Supposed to know the path ahead
Yet each time I watched you step
Along the shores of seas so red,
I wondered to myself inside
Could she grasp, reach in to me
I wondered if you knew I lied,
And saw right to the depths of me,
I couldn’t take but every whisper
Spoken softly, sweeping sweetly,
It took all I could to fester
Suffering, sad, still swells completely.
-
The quiet calm of mercy killing,
Save me from my darkest self,
I do not deserve, nor do I belong,
A cry, a plea, a call for help,
A faint but fleeting fluttering feeling,
Leads me to believe I’m wrong,
A precious hand shows, all revealing,
Lead me astray, away from the throng,
A cold, calculated discontent
Is but plaything for lament,
Falling faster to descent,
The whole way down, do I resent,
Dreadful illusion of ascent
Hypocrisy to some extent,
Plummeting further, hate ferments
My anger does logic augment,
Lying again, my way content,
Life grows hard to circumvent,
Theory slows, stagnant, latent
All forms of love I must forget,
For all my sin must come repent,
It grows harder to pretend,
All “beautiful” life must, please, end.
Tribulations and my afflictions are misery

This cryptic, ironic, depiction is misery.

-

The warmth of the sanguine is never in me

The cold cells of mine are dead, are misery.

-

What would it take to ever **** me?

Perhaps, if only one thing, misery.

-

What is a sickness without remedy?

It is a malignant growth of misery.

-

Verification of my friend, my enemy,

Certainly my brother, my nemesis misery.

-

Confidence is precedence in my virility,

Verily infecting, lacerating misery.

-

I, Andrew, deny that ever woe could have been me,

Although I surrender, I succumb to misery.
Leave me behind in the darkest depths of thine mind,

The ashen vale at where I sing, was for thou too much, thine suffering,

I wished for a kiss goodbye, but my thoughts betrayed my sacrifice,

I trudge on into this barreling chasm, barely escaping your breaking fathom,

Relieve me of what has since gone and passed,

Thine most regret to see me at last,

And wherefore do I belie thy still?

Perhaps it is thine precious will,

I will not stand yet, I shall remain seated

In what my mind has yet secreted,

Of failure, of faith,

Of my longing and wraith,

And of my mind for thou, irate,

At where my mind may rest, gestate,

This peace is not peace,

Nor a piece of relief,

It is only remorse and the gloom of failed grief.
A newborn, awaiting, decrepit, and rotting,
His mother waits for him to stir,
Her eyes emotionless and defensive,
Her dismal namesake will not return.
-
She gazes at his chest, hoping that his breast
Would return to a timelike rythm,
Alas, he is dead, putrified in his bed,
Arms outstretched to a broken woman.
She quietly gasps and inhales sobs,
While her tiny one stares at nothing,
Exhuming her fear of each and every tear,
She desperately clings on to something.
-
She could not stop this folly,
This tragedy entombed in holly.
The umbilical noose, too tight
She held on too strong,
He tried to fight along,
Unknowingly suffocating in her embrace, slight.
After his movement was stifled,
She peered over to the rifle,
That sat to protect the two of them,
She thought and was consumed,
With visions of Hell, and torture too,
She chanced it with an undying stem.
-
To paint a scene in words,
To describe the horror heard,
By no one when no one was there…
What is the magnitude of ******?
What lines are crossed to massacre?
And foretelling the wise ones fair.
-
In the end she sat in a rocking-bend,
The chair that carried him off to sleep,
He now lay in his cradle with sodden eyes,
Weary of counting so many sheep.
She had the sawn-off in her right hand,
The wall behind her, a portrait of her brains,
Half her face bereft of her body,
The white walls now hold crimson stains.
The infant’s hand lay through the gate,
As if even in death telling his mother “don’t do it”
The insignificant ominous one
Had lead her then right to it.
Her mouth agape, and jaw five feet from her,
Her right eye rolled back in the skull,
The blue baby seemed to look on in dead horror,
As his body witnessed in full.
The shotgun blast so strong and centered,
The power rocked her chair back and forth,
This creaking moan was all to be heard,
In this silent room forevermore.
The soft wind yet breaks on my cheek,
Its frigidness does my heart keep,
Inside its breath and wantings weep,
I lost everything in the haze of sleep.
-
Upon a drifting willow's bark,
I spied the sights of twisting arc,
The ax that had here made its mark,
Had morosely torn the tree apart.
-
I found there that nothing may change,
Yet everything has something to gain,
The profit in sales of wilting and pain,
Has lead to self-proclaimed "insane."
-
Footprints in sand with tide washed away,
Echoes enchant the hive mind, astray
I walk only to get through wretched today,
Tomorrow holds no reason to stay.
-
Love contaminates the air I breath,
Infections break in my head and seethe
How does one follow this revolting creed?
I know not this virtue, it escapes me.
-
No folly of mine found in books of lore,
I'm not kept hero in tomes of yore,
I remember naught of all before,
And I lay down to die in the awaiting shore.
-
Bitter and relentless does my heart scorn,
That I wish to remove it and flesh betorn,
That my hopes may bring sickle to corn,
That I pray for mourning's distant morn.
I

Am the

Awakened

Wraith of Shadow.

I convey the urge

To silently converge

All of the deep seeded dreams,

Killing hopes of the redeemed,

Ripping the stitching of what was sown,

And dying with a painful, gasping moan.
My Dear, it is incredulously
Important that I am willingly
Rendering this letter innocently,
To you, who holds my heart.
It started in the Fall,
For now seven years in all,
Even when the wind will loll,
I remember we are apart.
I used to sleep...and dream of you,
Now the nights are absent, all untrue,
The rends of tomorrow that hold no glue,
The engine is withholding.
Cohesive and all but branding,
I was ever so understanding,
Honesty was our safest landing,
From a leap so foreboding.
An empty nest, an abode so cold,
Just a house now, no one is home.
And endless bound where Nothing roams,
I am all that is longing.
My rustic heart, desolating my carcass,

Dissolution of Hatred, denying my progress,

Laughter is slaughter, sadness is one ***** of a daughter,

Creation is a lie, the falsehoods of trust falter,

The breach of truth and likeliness,

Turn my insides and cause wretchedness,

I am everything in this world that is wrong

My Rome is burning while I fiddle my song

To my Heart that is an abattoir,

of memories and weak emotion thus far,

I **** you to the bowels of the abyss,

I will be rid of you so I can be rid of this.
And she held her breath...
And she rebuilt what was left,
She watched me fall with worried eyes,
She stood as a friend against all I despised,
She never told me about herself,
Or how I could maybe help,
I regret never holding her hand,
I regret not asking her to dance,
It seems as though it cannot be,
But I push eternally,
She is not a prize nor a dressing,
She is happiness, a blessing,
I find myself smiling just to think
Her image carries me to the brink,
Of sheer joy and harmony,
Why couldn't I see,
That when I was so hurting,
When she was all comforting,
That she wanted my abnormality,
Of gentlemanly morality,
Where she could also be happy,
And where I could dote upon her so sappy,
I write with her in mind as Muse,
Unattainable, my mind abused,
Tormented as I speak,
And so I press to seek
The words to describe her justly,
As my heart begins its rusting.
-
She is the dream you wake up in the middle of
And fervently think about so hard that you force yourself
Back to dreamland in hopes to see her again.
She is the sky, that marble blue,
That is more beautiful than anything you've ever seen.
As well as the starry night, her mysteries hold
More questions than Tut's tomb.
She is the sun,
The burning light that so gently touches cheek,
That it's as though you fell asleep on a cloud.
She is the fury of the Divine Comedy,
That even in tragic happenstance,
Everyone might once be content and joyous.
She is the rythm behind my song,
That carries me to a place where I have courage.
She is the wind that swoons and sends the chills
Down my awaiting spine.
The breath that pushes my ribs out and in,
And the blood that feeds my heart to beat.
She is the train that promises a new beginning
In an unfamiliar place, a happy thought indeed,
Especially with the promise of perfection.
She wanders through my mind,
Wanders, and finds so many places to stay.
She is the fuel behind the fire in my head
That flows from eyes, to brain, to pen.
She is my vain and false hope,
That I may one day right my wrong
And take her hand,
And ask to dance,
And caress her cheek,
Run fingers through her hair,
And bless me with the kiss
That I've pondered over for years now ,
and years to come.
Of all the words I write, my Muse,
Most will be for you.
The unattainable goddess,
The moon, so close, so far,
The beauty of a starcast night,
The glimmering of ocean waves,
The eyes that see and know,
That my heart and words are for you alone.
O, Lord forgotten please accept
Me upon my mission bereft,
I look to the stars in darkness and cry,
And teeming with demons I ask you why,
And how I can be rid of myself,
How may I ask you for help?
Please remain with me where others have left,
Please linger with me as I conquer each step,
Forgive my wrath, forgive my hatred,
Please stay in my destitute heart, my Savior.
In all my life I shall remember my words,
About the others who walk with the heard.
Nunquam animadverto paradisum,
Omnes perdes qui scitus I,
In nomine Patris et Filii,
Et Spiritus Sancti.
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