Totally useless
Infinite universe
Exploding before us
I am one
I am holy
I am yours
The one and only
Forever and glowing
So steady in stirring
The moving of your heart
Melting your spirit
Confusing what is real
Abusing all you feel
Lie to their faces
Sigh no more
Sink the places
That you have since forgotten
This is a place that I
Will not forget
The holy sighs and cries
During your pitiful lies
All because you set aside
The energy at rest

Hello there

Welcome back
Get this drink
Of A’s exile elixir

Go off to a distant land
Find a distant face


Nothing can be said
I did you wrong
You ****** me over
This is goodbye


......|……|XXXXXXX


Undress
Unleash the emptiness
I’m so glad that I brought this
This beautiful red safe
The keeper of
My ****** up mental state
About my mental state…
Don’t ask me about my holy stake
That I pierced into the heart
Of a special white vampire
One of those holier than thou types
One **** up
And then
Onto the next line
The next word that you speak
Might be a mistake
What do you think?
About me…
Do you think that you could
Stand on your own two feet?
With me,
Without me.
Alone like we are
I’ll crash the car
To flip our worlds around

Venture away today
Go away
Come as you were
Another day
But not today
You might be okay

I’m not okay…





Holy one
Grant me a kiss of happiness
You know I need it
I need her
Whoever she is
Wherever I am
Someway, somehow
I’ll find the day
To rewind the times
That I forgot about
Last night, this morning
Last year, good mourning
Thank you that this is over with. . .

Oh, sweet angel
Lie to me
Allow my words
To feed the hungry minds
of those that don’t listen
and only want my body.

What about what’s left of my spirit
Dragging down below

Sing to those that need
Lie to those that see nothing
Around no quarter
The moon found you
I found you
The numbers did add up
Just a little too soon

All too soon
I found you
I lost you
I’ll find you again

Forget about the end.

Destroy and enjoy the meanings that are unknown.

I heard a waterfall crashing down suddenly
It was wrapped around a restless picnic of sorrow
Tears were shed for the boy that went missing ahead of the morning dew
The mourning shade often covers the vast array of lies in a lover’s last verse
And it loves to embrace the ends of the message unspoken.
Although salvation bleeds upon the reasons;
The smells moving cannot flow wild enough into the sinking reasons that are unknown
And the insane fragile moments release a certain fury,
That the tides cannot unleash in such a hurry!
The heavy load of mistakes in your overflowing mind
Must carry like the mist that flows through a vacant lot of bad luck.

God bless this atmosphere that I am trapped under
Like a rock stuck in a plain circle.
I chose to forget the waters that once made me so happy.
I got so far away from the numbing sounds that tried their best to **** the sadness,
Just so I could see if I could actually do it on my own. . . and you know how I listen so well.
You took the words right out of my mouth.

In this tight turning hour of chance
Strangers hold these sayings
That are stuck like four minutes for four minutes after eleven seven PM
And this gives me a stumbling southern draw that could collapse suddenly
In the sleeping yet impending doom that is waiting patiently outside of your mind.
I’m watching the shell to see if it fits or breaks when moved near the bear in the room
That would refuse the birds so violently yet greet and guide the ***** burnt sweat-stain
From the other side of the tracks edge inside for a cup of your finest tea.

Their ability to fail doesn’t worry me, so I climb to the top of the fights in the tree limbs.
All the while buzzing and shaking the bay that abused me
and stripped me naked in those tattered streets.

Hit rewind and get back to the obvious yet sudden shock
When women appeared softly
Then ripped the lovely big sunset out of your wanting hands.

Let me be like the waterfall
In your dreamland forest. . .

I’ll never stop running down
Don’t ever stop flowing for them

But my cool water will only
Be for you my lioness
I will poison the others
When they try and think
That they know how a moving
Body as mine could
Just keep moving on over
A smooth body like yours
But not this time

You collapsed the bottom
Of the pit where I hold
All of the darkest **** in my life
And you knew it, but not really
Your diamond eyes
Saw right through me

I saw a little kitten appear
Out of the thick crowd
Of chickens and near-death
Running bulls and run up to me
And say “You remind me of someone”

But he is dead already
Rest in peace

Until we can finally meet
Again on the blurry banks
Of the crystal blue springs

In your eyes

She had heart of darkness.
I couldn't hold my head,
Nor my eyes to the sight.
As she closed the sides down
On the bug canopy,
I took another one away.

As she says to me,
"There are two of you, don't you see?

One that kills and one that loves."  

I feel as if I've swallowed
Straight razors and snails.
Napalms and A-bombs.
Palm trees once beloved green
Blown to smithereens.

Wild and over grown
Everything and everyone.
Gardenias equal sweet peace.
Real freedom stings when
It's nothing but the "peoples"
Stark opinions of themselves.
Streaming blank bamboo shoots
Into the night's black iris.

Shadowy figures
Bend triangles into shape:
To straighten you out,
To put you down.
(Don't let them)
Their methods are unsound
Yet, I see no method to be found.
I see only the cauterized remains of
Arms, legs, hands and feet
As they sit and swing
Grossly from the burning palm trees.

There's something happening out here.

The man is clear in his mind, but his soul is mad.
He is dying, I think.
He hates all this.
He hates it!
He reads poetry out loud!
And in a voice. . .
Oh, this man and his forces.

It smelled like slow death in there, malaria, nightmares.
It was the end of the river, all right.

The great stone face of the temple shone out
As we began to fade out
Into the end. . .

Oh,

"The horror, the horror. . .**"

Hail! All Hail!
To the thief
As mother speaks a lie
The words will stain your mind
Like a last sigh or
A hiccup in outer-space
The worst mistake
Was allowing me in. . .

Don't let me in.
Do not let me in!

I will not stay here
If they win.
If they go at it again,
I'm ******* out of here!

Do you hear what I'm saying?

Hell! Oh hell!
In the trees
There is fire in your breath
From crosses not given yet
For my mouth was wide open,
Until, it was tailored shut.
Because, the best thing
Was to not listen.

Don't listen. . .
Do not listen!

I cannot be here
With you anymore.
I shut the door and
Got the **** out of there.

Do you understand me now?

There was a fire in the Northern sky
and I couldn’t dare look away.

Its slow death reigned on me
so innocently that
I then became the king of the Badlands.

The war struck woods.
There they were

Stuck in a solid line -
one by one, body after body;
I followed casually behind.

I watched them come undone
in the flowing current.
It was time for past ground to be reached

so I let them have it.
The ashes rained down
So swiftly that

I had a second to think
about this ground under my feet
It is mine.

My own earth.
No one shall ever take it.
I will die on this land.

As I thought about this peace –

A hand took shape into mine.
I turned to look and there it was,
The blazing flame

In my morning sky.
The solid star shine
Every night. . .

My picture perfect view hadn’t burned out
It was just my eyes that needed adjustment.

Her cool breath woke me every morning
and it's only getting hotter. . .

How about I start one more fire?

Nevermore, Nevermore
Could I ever be anymore?

Like your heartless shadow
Black soul
Confusion is more than

Real; is false
A false reality?

To just speak again
An open tomb
For you to lie in
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Crawl inside my stomach
But don't listen
To what I say. . .

I won a ghost
In the summer
One seven year

Her tongue was so sweet
    on the nape of my neck
The blood drew a grey skull
    I had no one to expect
Me home

You're wrong.

A spiny claw in my back
Calls out in the black rain
To award the new, new
New stranger into the pain
Into the flood. . .

Believe in not what you see
   But in what is complete. . .

But       ?     complete
       what is
             ?

It's four o'clock in the morning
My lips are frozen
And the words that I've chosen
Haven't led me there; entirely yet. . .
And all the T.V. shows
Have all gone cold
With static, cold static.
And I can't hear the breeze
Outside my window
Anymore.

I kissed you in the *dark
My love did it or did it not mean a thing?

The weeds that grow in between the times
All around the many states of religion and regain.

Confusion*, that's what I call it.
Believe nothing that the night will tell
You, you, you can only feel your way around the unknown things well
Enough. . .

Kiss me goodnight.
I'll lie awake in sweet nightmares delight.

(Your name here)
(It's alright)

I placed a bet earlier on
In the spirit of the spring that
I, or should I say, you
Would still be here - not moving
Staying as stale as a couch dorito.

And to think that
I placed this bounty on your head
While you sat still and slowly spun in reverse
Then raised the stakes
One hundred stacks.

To the last verse in the old King James;
You really made your mother proud.

You took the hammer and made two.
You stole the sunshine in hopes of a better view
Of your "holier" nightmares.
You made the one drop lock up so tight
That not a n'er not a sheep could slip through.
You wore that sweater that stole at least
One hundred hearts
Right out of the chests of the sunken treasure
That I fought so hard for,
But they were all for you.

I bet you never guessed that
You were always right when
You never guessed and I bet
You never guessed that
You should have guessed wrong
This time.

I was the one that dropped the screwdriver in your mind.
I never stopped to visit, I just didn't get the time.
I used to always cut the cactus off just a little too soon.
I remember I once left the moon in a hopeful wish that
I could go home too.

I guess I guessed a mess of a mess
Thus ends this insanity, thus ends this madness.

This is going to start out as a story about
Not knowing if you are fully alive and awake or
Still lying in bed, dead asleep.

But, we'll see where that takes us...

Opening scene

It's 2:54am.
He wakes up in a fury
He's covered in sweat
and for some reason he's crying.
But the room is so dark that
He doesn't quite know where he is.
I fall to the floor and scramble around for
The little light under the door but it's not there
and he panics, he screams out but there is no sound.
Just then the floor drops down and he is standing backwards
In the kitchen by the sink and the carpets stink like
Burnt hair and then he feels the heat
Of the devil's spawn or the devils *****
One of them and then one more
They lick up his spine and burn places
That he has hurt before
I turn around sharply
To find the clock
and the time that read
Could not really be real
It was 3:33am
Am I losing my mind?
What is this Hell?

Then the walls fell
and I lost everything again.

                        *Blood
                       ­          guts
                   - Strange *** -

They need it.
I need

Outside

               11:34am.
The man walks out of his house
The two steps are now three
The back porch is on the front porch
There is daylight and
The trees aren't there
The sky is green and
The grass is red
I've always hated christmas.

Then suddenly,
The swans appear
Black and white
They begin to pick the flesh
From his muscles
and the trees sprout out
and they are crying now
and the clouds are melting down
Onto the ozone layer
How sad this life is.

The man is still awake and in no pain
Just confused on why time slipped by
And brought these bats in the day instead of night
He closes his eyes. . .
But only for a second just to take it in and when
He opens them it was nighttime again and
He is alone in his front yard
He looks above him. . .

The stars are more beautiful than they have ever been
He drinks down the cool water of the universe
and goes back inside to lay down
It's 4:05am.

This time he lays on the couch
in the living room. . . there is
  Something right about this
          For now at least.
         He closes his eyes
   There arises a strange smile
His back begins to peel again like
Those ******* ****** are back and
  There were strange operations
   and monsters moving around
     So violently screaming and
       Slashing and ripping out
                 The better half of
          The man's sanity
            and I can't see. . .

Anything but this madness and
I don't know what time it is because
   He can't move
                             His eyes burst open
Like water from a fall
       and he lies there in such terror as he
Watches the hall scream down farther
and farther away from him so far
away that he thought briefly of his father
                                                and his mother
                                                and his sister
                                                and his lover
I wanted them near me
More than ever. . .

I then became weightless
He knew he couldn't fight it
You will never win this
I know, I will never find him
You won't make it out alive
Well we'll just have to see in due time. . .

The demons then became anxious by this
and from it they began their most
Ultimate Unholy Vengeance

So the man lied there still
and let them **** him
Until the blood in his heart
Became too fierce to stop
and too hot to boil
So the man lashed out
With a blue vein in hand
To end this horrible mashing
Of the minds and
To note the time
It was 11:34am.

What a strange hour to stand.

Will (t)his torment ever end?
Does this man even live?
and then. . .
                     I woke up
           I opened my eyes for real!
and there was my father standing before me
                Gun in hand

"Let's go!" He said. . . "We can make it out of this."

            *******.
    The woods were thick
But the dive was nice
We drove around and talked about old ****
           Good times.

**** what they told me!

I'm gonna make it out of this alright.

And then. . .
                                                               ­                     I
                                          ­                         woke up/fell asleep.

I shed a body or two off
Back when I was in the "Times."

The speckling of my sharpest bones
Was in order
and I still didn't want to go home.
I just wanted to shine.
I just wanted to live like ivory
and dance in the minty ice cream cone
That's melting down your left wrist.

While in the other hand there was this little slip
A piece of paper with a note
About how God can change your life and
Others lives if you can just pray right
and then pay the standing Black Jack off by the closed door.
Would you like anymore
Wisdom from an ******* of grass
Or the company of a church *****?

I want to shed roses out of the garden
and into my mind.
I just want to tell you that you're not mine
and you never will be and
I will never be happy again
Not like I was when
I had no hidden grin
Or when I had no scar on my chest from beating him
Or any manly hair on my chinny chin chin.

I've shined out and timed out of the server.
The service calls me so
I put a gun in my mouth
and sing them the anthem of their nations glow:

The anthem of a lunatic
Praying on a twelve gauge
To bring me back in again.

Bruised teeth and busted lips.

A black smudge down the right side
And your **** are looking back at me.
To make things a little bit harder,

I almost stopped to shudder and erase that last part but I can't now
For it has made its mark.

Trash can journey number six.
Are you in to this?

I will never cease to
   be released to
      the underworld
         above your cloud
In your ****** hair
   the sand says to
      stay slightly shady
        and wave quietly to
           the ghosts on shore
Friends and demons
   Crash on the collapsed dunes
      I'll wait for you
         To marry the sky
            In the silence of the wind
Lady of the night
    Stray the sunshine away
        Glass shards in my red eyes
            Cans of old beer are there
               Still in the grass
I'll be sitting in the memory
    Of the sun from yesterday
        Today's little smile in the night
            Your precious hands carry me there
I wonder why I never tried
   Harder and harder our stone got
        While it was drenched in the rain
            As the trees fell down
               My two palms were set ablaze
We sent up a smoke signal
    To the God(s) in heaven or the hell
        In your life, seven lives, two lines

The otherside will show us a certain door
Where the people all live equally and infinitely

Oh tree,
Sweet tree
How you know me
How I envy your strength
Your energy rooted so deep
In the veins of my arms
And in my boney fingers
As I feel my way around
Your many alien features
&
Your sweet hair
That
Blows and leaves
Little traces of you
In the strands of stringy-like sand
Every where you are
&
Every where you are not
People will die
People have always died over
Your precious life. . .

So tree,
Sweet tree
My tree
The only one
That really knows me
Take me in your arms
Let me feel the warmth
Of your sister sun
Your spiritual entity
and my holy one
That neither one of us
Shall ever truly see
Or know
But I know
That you know
That both of us
Cannot live
Without the other
We would be ghosts
Behind the shadows

So tree,
Be the brother
That I never had
Be my father
Because I cannot look at him
Anymore, you see?
I can't look into the eyes
Of the man that has made me who I am
The mystery, the disaster, the one
Who stops for nothing
And that wins nothing
For being nothing

I am something!

But you are
You are everything
That I am not
You are everything
That they aren't
You are everything
That he wants
and wants me to be

I want to be more than that!

I want you to be. . .

My lover, my brother
My mother, my father
My tree. . . I must know
Will you have me?

Because
I know you can save me
&
Together you and I
Can save them all.

The words flow
Overflow the brain and tongue
Come out like a machine gun
A million miles a minute
In your mind
The time isn’t right for you
I don’t understand this
I want to be the one to show you
The sideways streets of the heart strings
Or how my heart sings
In and out of time with the bass beats
That flash the lights
In and off of your sweet eyes
Last line
I want to see you again
I want to take you off and then
You finish the rest…

It used to be the little things that I hated
Whenever I used to watch “God” smile at me from the front door
I forgot about the thin spaces in the yard that I could hide
And then I woke up. . .

Falling through the air looked easier when I was asleep
But now the words that I search for are far more hollow than I ever dreamed
Maybe a good dream could place itself in my writing instead of going away
Like the memories of the ghost I loved

She can’t hear me anymore    
My dreams are stained with blood and gold
The good thing is once I’m old I’ll just stay broken    
Instead of burning alive and feeling alright about how loud I scream at night

Do the lies inside his body cover up the moon that you and I once howled to?
When we felt so alive and slowly made a change in our memories    
I just hope that in the times that you’re alone,
You will maybe wish upon the stars to stop completely like the trees of our yesterday

Today I’ll scream at the ground outside
People seven miles away would be able to hear my wicked thoughts

If I could just kiss your hands once more I’d lose my breathe once more
But I’d better wait and see before I believe that I could try living a few days without me and you

I’m sure that their cold faces will say okay in one holy moment tonight
Maybe they will hold enough room for the truth that would come closed up so tight
Until an angel could come out of the water and takes the strangeness away so quiet

Let me complete the silence so I can feel your new sense of love upon my rough skin

Out there in the slow house the story could **** the darkness of the old town    
The sick lonely blue rain lives only once to save the song I once sang    
****, I guess the green secret came and helped me carry along alright in my life  
And then the blood red stain stood upon the white blank page and closed down all of the searching for you that I've done

So let me please scream aloud
So that maybe I will touch those lost souls with my deep voice  
In a way that you would be so sorry that you couldn't have reached me first    
Now my brain can begin its wicked ways of passing smoke through the city
But just enough that it takes a hold of the space that runs grey strands of hate through the dirt
Please understand this isn't what's shutting down ones broken army
It’s the eyes that run across this earth and fear the horrendous storm that meets our city in the morning

Girl, I know that pain comes with beauty
But just try and continue to live past the mean handed strangers in the mucky **** of it all.
Listen to the sound of the buildings falling down around the unseen disaster
You’ll be pulling strands of your hair out because the truth will burn down the doors
You once opened when your father was still here

And yet, the waves have taken another page out of tomorrow
When you reach out for an opening, the demons will offer an eternal hello
While all the best will get clouds for the minutes when they shared a breath for the forgotten

All of the questions that these ******* humans have about my poems
Make me understand why those people are so wrong in their parting with the black sea
It starts to put feet into the holes along the path finally chosen for its sweet song sang

When I start to care again is when I will be standing high upon the mountain
With my spirit fully awake and my sight just waiting to see the lights that lead me there
And in turn my bones will be given to the wind and I’ll read the book of heaven’s secrets
And all of the demons that tried to follow me there will drown in the lines they drew to try and cover my happiness.

Finally the walls of hell will be stripped from the silence that began with the message from the lying bleeding vision that we all drank down with such comfort and ease
You knew when to turn and walk away, but you didn't and now the walls of hell are naked
Because of all the nights you spent breathing the hours away, but not asleep.
While you lied awake you couldn't help but think of a land where beautiful scenes shined with such radiant sunlight and allowed the fears of this country to drift into the streaming skies and the meaning of all the years spent smelling the dying leaves brought tears to your eyes, but you still can’t sleep.

Meet the true, imperfect writer with fingers that are getting old and bones that are falling out of order
I figured the moment to pass this dark figure would probably happen on a beach
Where the clock couldn't explain the feelings it’s kept near the broken picture on the wall
And the way I always felt underneath its stained glass would certainly put gold into the pages of this unfinished book and then hopefully onto the streets of this brand new mirror

Step don’t sink into the unknown
Don’t wave goodbye and let time pass and be a waste
Into the infinite grand opening of the birth in the foggy woods

We are miles away from the summer now
So don’t get locked up in the *******!

Use the new methods you've learned to demonstrate the new form of closing your soft lips
Use them and then throw them back into their ****** hands
Try and pull the star away fast without trying to thank them for trying so fast

The answer may be to severe to think upon now
So try and remain calm when the simple plan gets burned on the ever changing shoreline
Thank the waves for not knowing the answer but praise God when he creeps in with an obvious sign

Instead of speaking of pretty places,
Try walking through the universe to seek comfort from these stretched out speeches.

You are barely lifting a finger to mark the piece of a colorful gift that a strong yet strange reason gave to you.

A silence broken through memories.
Her seraphic voice called out;
“My friend, where have you been?”
We both have been through the mystery.
Now that the sour years have passed
Our splintered souls can swell again.

A shift in evidence.
The most gentle sound struck through the chaos.

Summer clouds
Summer dreams
The nights, they seem
So eternal. Inferno
Burning like an American spirit
Natural birth out of your
closed mind
Fun guy, huh?
Find the life underneath
Black water like
These only open eyes of mine
Yesterdays gone.

And you are forgotten.

The words will start to flow
They will begin to conform more and more
Through the tissue and brain matter
That I have left
All scooped up into an ice cream mess.
I fell into your dying scream distress
Disaster, destroyed, dismiss
Everything that ****** you off
Scream out loud or continue to talk

Lay me down, tell me now
What it was you were asking.
You're such a mess
A wreck, an accident
Lie again
Lie to me so sweetly
Beside me, the key
The secret, the mistake in life
Yours not mine
My mistake not yours
Your life not mine

Come down and find me
Above you

Love:

Like a chance
I blew it.

Your birthday is over and
The candles have
Met your cake
To *kiss each other
Once more before
Meeting the eternal yard
Of broken hearts
and past wishes.

A past-time
Breathed out.

Another
Trashcan journey
For (me without) you.

Numbers mean nothing
Anymore.

Next Sunday
We will burn *our last sunrise.

Are you ready for. . .

Look atcha,

sitting there
w/
a sober idea –

got nothing to say
anymore

I guess it’s back
to
drinking again.

We smashed through
plates of glass
on our way back down
from China.
We swam through
oceans of plastic bags
only to reach
the oily surface
of the Pacific's
deep heart of blue.
We flew through
red clouds of smoke,
feeling higher
with each breath
we took; to only find our
coastlines and insides
filled with factory stacks
of mobile empires,
run by thieves and crooks.

We thought we thought
the craziest thought.

We should have known better
than to blame our neighbor.

I’m falling into the shapes of this room
The monster down –
                             the –
                            stairs –
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                     now behind me

my eyes barely open                                                          sti­rring – stinging – sleeping

underneath the closing doors
                                                           ­                 their lying eyes in and on my flesh

                                                          ­       the house is on fire

                                                       -her brain is closing down-


Heavenly               ghost                              grab                          ­         my                                               throat
Throw      me                   down                to               the                   end                of                 the            rope
Or                 to                  the                                        end                   ­       of                        the               road
Downstream        in                        the             ­    gleaming                          gloaming                back-dr­ifting
A                                                w        ­                                                             a                                                 y


                                                     Give me a taste of your venom
                                                           ­                                             delight
        ­                                               Come back to the wilderness
                                                      ­                                                  night
     ­                                                        Bring me love only in the
                                                             ­                                           quiet
            ­                                                                 ­                           times
                            ­                                            Stay until morning  
                                                       ­                                             
                                                                ­              Let the stars
                                                         ­              Replace the scars
                                                         ­                    and the dreams
                                                        ­              Replace the screams

                                
                                                                ­                                             - your last words will not be heard -
                                                               ­                                           your miserable life is not what it seems
                                                           ­                                        - it’s only what it isn't and is all it will ever be -

We suddenly have run out of words
to throw at each other
and enough trash bags to fill them with.

Riots start over heart strings
while
Lightning bolts slash my left ear

I don’t see
I won’t sing about sinking
I don’t care about feeling
The ocean
Anymore

I want to run
I want to fight
I want the blood to rush through my eyes
and out back into the gross reality
Of the street spit shoe shine alley
That I sold those trips out of
Then tripped out of sight.

No more money for ashes
Take bubble baths to try and relax
Pay your taxes and stop laughing
You don’t have any idea.

****, I’m a walking talking force of nature
Baby ***** and I can say whatever the **** I want
and there is nothing that your president
or government can do about it.
Remember the first through the tenth.

So ******* and your happy-now-sad
backwards *** and elephant show
Your sloppy walk home with a red faced bottle of gin
and blue tongue grin
No time to panic!

You told me to play fair;
So go get the drugs and let’s have a food fight.

Tonight you’ll see the kids out,
Then you’ll choke on your thoughts
and run out of the perfect words
To throw at my head;
When the lights go out
So will the world.

With a click-bang
dead.

Silence.

I glare out of the window
With a fading smile.
The moon shades behind the palm trees,
The stained glass is bleeding out.

I guess I spent too much time on it.

We felt like angels
When we breathed outside
Of the wall of vines.
You smiled back with
A hand on mine.

Like a star behind the clouds

You shine brighter than heaven

I wish we were together tonight
There is nobody home
And the telephone is off the hook.

I should make the drive
Out to the edge of the lake
But my money has been spent
And I am all out of razorblades

The hurry is what we should be concerned with
It's much too harmful to be blind to love
When you know it's waiting for you below

On a star behind the cloud
The moon upon a stick.

*We are a conspiracy theory in itself.

I have to c̶r̶o̶s̶s̶  ̶o̶u̶t̶
The names of her disciples.
Like a corroded mob boss
Hung on pills and grass.
Wasted manhood
A shotgun +

I passed the time to care -

The darkness sets
In yellow circles and square stones
I'll let go of them tomorrow.
But, that's what I always say,
Dear God, please!!

The plastic-faced-man
Will shut out the only light.
It's been a real pleasure -

Thank you reader,
For not reading this too
Far into and out of space
and to note the time it's
Twelve o' clock
You're on the midnight express,
Just you outside and in the stars.
"Is the devil here?"
I guess that'll make three,
So just put me in

As well. As the story goes,
I'm getting old and restless
Impatient and tired of this
World around me; the corner folds me
Back around the world and
I'm stuck on a knuckle.
What funky luck, ******!

Lay me down and ask,
"What's going on stranger?**"

I have had to **** you dear

Deer in the forest
Woods of my life
It was the
Closest I'd ever been to love
A fleeting glimpse
Shadows about the grey tents
Words caught on a hook
That shouldn't have been spoke
Into the ears that we pierce
On the street below the balcony
Or something that was in the way

I'm tired of losing this battle
The enemy at the gates
Behind me is crying
Because I can't be saved

But,

I'm not afraid of the ghost
The ghost is not afraid of me
I am the ghost that you fear
You are the one
That I must ****, dear

I hate it
The days in between
The milestones
That have been carved
Out of my bones
I hate it

When the shade hits my back
When can we go home?

I'll phone your best friend and
Tell her that I've always loved you
But her image has since disappeared
I lost you, out in the wilderness
The memory is not so clear
Anymore

Why didn't you come back?
Was his flesh enough to fill the hole
In your little life?
The cut across my neck
Bleeds and pours and sings for more
Of the taste of rust (iron blood)
From the knife
I once gave you there

So why don't you just **** me off, dear?
Like a deer in the forest
Hiding in the woods of my lie
The creator Is nauseous
I drank too much last night

Insomnia goes hand in hand with amnesia
What was I talking about?
Again. . .

It was the longest night of my life
I had finally reached the end of the waterfall
Long since dark, a few hours after nine
And there it was;
A shadow in the green, yellowy fog
Does my mind play tricks on me?
Most of the time, but not this time
I was certain of what I saw . . .

The first day after the attack
I left the bodies of my loved ones
Six feet underground
Behind the old shack

I took the boat down through the trees
Off the beaten path, down the hill
Into the world that would soon be
My own.
My home.

The wind was strange that day
There was a certain smell that hung about the air
Like a sweet and silent decay
A haunting thing to stop me there
The memory passed, I carry on

But the feeling remains . . .

It was a few skips down the river
Where the first house found me
Barely standing,
                           like everything else remaining . . .

Oh, how the fear crept up and down my spine
The sight was a sight unbelievable.
How could he have survived?
and dare to intrude on my life.
It was then up to me,
                         to lead him to the light.

     You think you could be a killer in the old world?
     Like say, you were watching some lame *** action movie
     With some gnarly assassin, or kung fu master
     Slaying everyone and everything, and then getting all the girls.
    
     Yeah I could see myself doing that . . .
     You have to know,
     You have to have killed in order to have made it this far,
     Are you okay with that?
     Does it help you sleep at night knowing that you've taken a life?
    
     You want to know something . . .
     It's alright with me
     I've been told from the voice below . . .
     The king downstairs
     Gave me eternal life
     A little vile from of all that is vile.

     **** this.
    
     Light brings salvation.

How could it be?
I could not imagine a way
The image of another lost soul
Hung up on the rotting wall
Her remains remained locked up so long
I took another hit. Headache blends
The memory passed, I carry on

But the feeling remains
For the next few days
I kept the image there on the wall
Until the fire started . . .

I decided to walk to the fire
As I reached the flames
There a figure appeared in the funeral pyre
"Hello!" I shouted . . .

Just then the fire deceased
Extinguished & cold.
Just as my heart was

But how could this be?
There was a fire!
I guess the smoke got to be too much
For their souls to live here now
I carry on, the memory passed
But the feeling remains . . .

That night the wind was colder than ever
I thought of her smile and wished she was here
The memory flashed and it was beautiful
I could see it all! Astral projection.
But the feeling remained; the feeling of fear.
I couldn't help but think of the evil I done.

How could I have done what I had done?

Awake.
What the **** happened last night?
Where am I? Where is my mind?
The room was destroyed and it smelled of the smell
The scent that loomed in the air on the first day
It's ******* freezing . . . My hands are ******* frozen
My eyes are solid shut shutters.
Where is my coat?

I thrashed around the house to see what I could feel
But the memory would not leave me still
Where did all this blood come from?

My God . . .


It's me . . .


A strange wave of euphoria swept over my body
I lost a piece of myself somewhere along the way
This I knew for certain.

Where was my coat?
The air that day was so cold
A bright light flashed and I knew
That I was in for it

The air around me had suddenly vanished
The sun that once hung in the sky
Had now vanquished

I have become comfortably numb

When would the feeling return?
The sweet memory had left my mind
But why?

Why could I not return?
When would the sun return?
When would her spirit return?

Could it be in death?
Or in a life not yet lived
The memory had left,
I cannot carry on
But the feeling somehow still remained

It was the longest night of my life
I had finally reached the end of the waterfall
Long since dark, a few hours after nine
And there it was;
A shadow in the green, yellowy fog
Of course my mind plays tricks on me
Most of the time, but not this time
I was certain of what I saw . . .

The outline of her ghost.

I have earth like a tree
                                    Girth inside the planet
Like the monsters inside of me
                                                              ­                                                    Eating up lungs
                                                  Drinking excessive blood

They have an abundance of flesh
                                                and blood - an hour spent
                                                           ­                                                  on blood and hours
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                            left
         on stone benches
and                                 blonde                                          haired         ­                                       witches
                  ­                                              
                                                                ­   - consume me -

                              Every night -------------------------------------------------------- every timE                
                                            ­                      
                                          ­                      It's worse than the night
                                                           ­       Scared of the spotlight

                                                      ­                                                               Why did you have to look at me?
                                                             ­                                         With those deep blue eyes
                                                            ­                      At times I am rather shy
                                          and I collapse when tempted
                       But only from you
                                                             ­                                                               an­d all that
You do, you do all that
You do, to pull me out
Of the fire in the seagulls mouth
                                                           ­ and into yours. . .
                                            With my shame arising!

              I should have ran into your arms
               Like a child awoken from my nightmare

My savior is hidden in your eyes

Open them love
                and let me
                    Fill back up
             On the precious blood

Of the lamb. . .

I began to shake

This is it,
A broken plate.

It got worse and fell
Out, far beyond her

As his face smashed
Against the sea shell
A wave crashed and found

A sudden death in a
Hole in the wall.
**** it all.

There was no watch
Last night.
I actually slipped out
Flew out of the room

Oh and you
Looked like the ocean
At first sight.
Beautiful and consuming

A windy day
Lashing out against the dunes.
Thank God
They were there
I would've sailed away, If not

For your last breath.
You saw a shadow,
I saw the reflection of
A memory from hell.
I saw you and I,

Standing hand in hand
In your mother and father's
Little mansion in the Keys,
It's fingers set me on fire.

I coughed and swallowed
Your words of love. I've got
Six months to puke 'em out
It's poison

Bursting in my veins
I sang the song you love
"The Blowers Daughter"

Your father would love me.
It's too late now
For time to heal

My memory
Of this beautiful scar.

Your eyes and *******,
Took my breath and

I fell apart.

The sky may be grey today
Just blink your eyes and I’ll appear
In the lightening crack – boom!
There was a time when I almost lost my way
Would you believe me if I told you?
Could you lead me to the end?
My dear, shy eyes…

Let us not be the ones that fall
But instead the ones that go
& shine on like the star you wish to afar
Or the moon that you so carefully crafted;
In my eyes…

Whichever one you prefer my dear
Or the both of them; or neither.

How was that night after the spark?
Could you even speak a word?
Did my memory creep in through the dark?
Did it help you engrave me in yours?
The thought of another door open…

And what about your dream within a dream
Would you be able to describe it?
I will stand beside you
You’ll see the passing stars arise
Whenever you’re afraid to step out
Take my hand, take my hand
I’ll lead you to the end

Let your friends wonder
What a beast of a man
A real ******-up piece of art
Could you let it fade?

To one day, possibly go away

Has anything changed?
Or will this always stay the same?

The people
They move
They slide
So smooth
Behind the bar
Around the bar
Moving far
Out of bounds
Around the town

I like to watch people
Watch them as they move about the room
Completely consumed
With the feeling or sense
Of the full moon
Throw it all away
They are sweating it out
Bleeding it dry
Speaking too loud
To remember the next day
Or what was said despite
The rambling actions
Of my sorry head
The walking dead
That's what they are
Zombies!
Zombies?
******* there's no such thing
There is only misplaced actions
In interrupted scenes.

****** mess it is:
All of it;
All of you mother *******.

I write this scrambled message
Not as the youthful brown eyed child
That started this. . . this. . . this. . .
(I don't even know what this is)
But as a broken back with limbs
As crooked as my being
Like the branches of the old knotty tree
The stuck together pieces of this version of me

You are leaving my thoughts
Running out like they did
But this heart, not heart
This mind won't let me stop
It will not let this through
But what is this?

The stories I've written down in blood
Are getting soaked in the rain and
That old punished vampire has gotten a drift
Of the scent of this blood soaked page and
He can't help but want to come out and
Drink it down to replenish the ink
From his withered and snapped feather pen
In one final attempt to write down this
Last scrambled message of a dying man. . .

"I'm through trying,
Please just understand
That this is not for you
This is the answer and
The question that
I have always asked
Has been replaced with this.

This is what I must do
I'm leaving to find it.

This is the end. . ."

But,
What is it?
&
Who are you?

I often enjoy being off of the ground.
The feeling of having no control
Is exhilarating and tormenting
All at once, we all could be gone at once
Like a kiss or a whisper back to her
In the purple veil of the night that stirs
All the colours of our lives together
Then brings us back

Up the mountain is a hurried curled breeze
and I'm shaking, still
The cable car is off the rails
And my ears pop as I get closer away
Farther today than yesterday, okay.

So I like to see the other women smile
Back at me like a soft Medusa
It's like an ice cube on the asphalt
That never freezes or melts
Too close to or to close the school.
Down the walkway where her eyes close
The door that opens and I walk out
With the invisible monsters on my bag
On the saddest, red day of my life
I still somehow stole a smile from her
Face me and taze me with your torpedo *******
Then let me go home

Make the light fade from the eight by twelve inch
Picture frame of the world
That moves and moves faster than you can't see
Believe the memo, believe
The note inside your mind says it all
It says. . .

       "Please don't go,
         I'll eat you whole."

Again and again
We run out of words to lend out
Of love and death above
The tomb is red and I'm finally done
With this

My last poem. . .
Oh ****!
Do you feel it?
I'm almost home. . .

        Nevermind. . .

Yeah, there is a real shiver
Silver sliver of cold medicine
Made it so bitter to swallow
This headache down and up

The rocking chair rots in the sky
Lay down, lay down
Goodbye.
Goodnight.

She turned as blue
as the sky
as I
watched
the other ones eyes
turn as black
as the night
that surrounded us
in that strange hour
of mystery and chance.

Panic arose
as she took
one shallow breath
after the other.

I swallowed fear
like the caps that
I had earlier
and earlier
in that night,

I almost took
the other one
with
the black ******
eyes
around for some
one on one sight.

But it seemed
as if time
had jumped back
seven years
and carried me
away from her
again.

As a fist fight
carried on
in the back,
it’s as if
this time
it was stuck
on repeat.

My eyes stretched
back and forth
to try and expand
my horrible horizon tonight
to try and make sense
of these overwhelming sights
that haunt my harried life.

All I wanted
was
to make them
happy.

How everything
can go so wrong
In just the flick
of the lights.

Ghosts in the trees
There are ghosts in the eaves
Of the houses I sail past
In the memories at last
Forgotten
No more wretched letters
That I have written
In spite of the curse you cast
A long time ago
The witches were right
They didn’t know my name or my might
Leave me along the road
Alone I’ll stumble
Alone I’ll crumble
Too weak to speak
The words left a while back
Out there in the ocean deep
Purple waves in striped layers of film
I see passing the ways of my weary eyes
The days passing my aching back
On the woody wooden white water well
I left the secret that you asked me
Well I must be on my way
Across the universe
Across the universe
Write down the sweetest verse
I could sing to you
There
The silent reproach
Of a million stacked waves
Of a million thoughts raised
Out of the ground
Questions remain
In the tear stained floor boards
Of the house that once stood
Aboard the ship that has since sailed past
Along the way I stopped to study the orchids that bloomed before me
I dreamt of an angel that night
Just as I had before the night before the night before
The night before me
Left me there
In my bed
Longing.

For the sea below me
Knows me
Calls me
Loves lonely
See?

I have been sorry.
Nevermore.

This coldness
That I hold on to is
Worth more than a river
Of gold and it's
Flowing faster and faster
Through the veins of this
Wicked city
And into and out of the
Eyes and mouths
Of all those that remained seated

I watch them as they watch me
Why don't they turn around
Am I all that they need?
There is a certain balance needed
To see the real me
The real Andy

I want you to tell me your name
Let me in on your little secret ghost
I could replace its face into mine
Without the complacent feelings
Of your wrongs and haunts
From the day before today.

Its cold outside and you're still asleep
So when you come to and I am not there
Do not be disturbed with fright
There will be a dream waiting for you there

On the other-side of the night.

Black on the outside
Blue on the inside

The rain shivers down the windshield
Of this ****** car
    That is slowly taking me back to you
         But do I want to?
             Do I want to go back and forth again?

                    I just want to breathe your breath once more.

             To feel the knife of time
         Slowly slide inside and tickle the sweet spot
     That I have tried to hide
But it’s twisted and turned around too much

So how does the reflection look in the mirror?
Do you ever look into you your own eyes?
Can you see mine?
                             My black eyes – which you once loved

They are the way
they are
from all the years
of searching
for your
weary head

                       Only on dark roads have I found love
                                                            ­                       It’s just that all of my roads end in death
                                                
                                                                ­              Dead end.

                                                           ­               Nowhere to go.

The strangest of sounds around
Sights unwound into a tornado of pure filth
Is this what its all about?
The money, the attention
Grounded beyond the all of this guilt
I wonder if I should go out there. . .

Take the plunge, make the fall
Are you strong enough to withstand the time?
Are you willing to answer the call?

I know that,
They don't understand my face
It brings back the demons that they've tried to replace.
The wasted nights spent drowning in this rotten place.
Trust that the words that I've said, are not a true waste.

It's all about the darkness, the real evil inside.

Could you find the way?
Could you get the time?

Just like the eyes that have the time
to ride away in the night. . .

My mind has its own life.

I know my heart as a way with words
But I feel, oh so lost and left open.
It makes me want the dark to be inside of the day.
To be inside my little home on the ****** end of fall.
Remember what the blackness will write for you, man.

****.

Did you at last lose the long lost memory of my face?
Did it open your soul into a world of sweet wonders full of distaste?
Or did the light really have to die
to give you anymore of the life that you thought you need.

Sky! Take my hands!
God! Will you lie for real this time
and at least try and make the dead smile.

For it has been days and days of looking at the sun,
scratching my head, standing in the doorway feeling like death.
Feeling like someone with that broken thought, going over and over the strange hollow things that love to watch these trees bring you back outside.
To tell of our sour love; curdled into hate, forever as I slowly take back my hand and leave my body to dream and speak of the times that are soon to change into a solid blood red.
Then watch me change so beautifully into the unknown ghost
that is floating around this falling room.

This ****** up place, is far more blue than my memory of hell.

Maybe I should kiss the stars.
Maybe I should hold onto the morning; alive.
Maybe I should believe and stay to write
then stop today and live seven more lies.
Before I sleep,
Before I forget the truth,
Before I remember what the stars saw
on that cold screaming ground.
You will guess out loud.
You will dream of a moon underground
You will wish for better years
and for the memories to burn like all their wicked lives
through your tears.

Maybe before you start to push, they will move.
But don't you ******* start to rely on wishful thinking.

Tonight a breath of heavy air
will come out of the closed eyes.
The words will rain down like the holy green
that can sense the question and breathe and then wish upon a song.
To close the angels lips tonight.
The ones who dare to complete their turn and feel the moment,
Like the skin does.
While I lose pieces of my soul as I run across this great big white teethed earth.
My house will start to creep up out of the darkness
and my feet will live deep in the living hair of our mothers dirt.
It is a true sight of pure gold to leave the city untold and not to be still stuck in the grey mold.
It is best that I got the fear and lie awake, waiting to hear this story of the girl in pain.

Just **** your past and fall into the hope that burning alive will completely save you from mothers waves

and then watch them standing around. . .
They knew you - they were waiting in the stealing pines
They were waiting until they could understand
The slow clouds that are rolling out of your dying mouth.

For peace from God is what you seek,
now close your eyes to the sun and run. . .

*Take the fall.

Is it I - the one
Me, who has to
strangle on this
side of
the morning?

With the lashes
of dew still
dripping, tripping
off of the
edge of
the fire.

Reminders
left there - all curled
up and slowly
deceasing
down into
the open eye.

Fog languidly
sweeps up from
our hollow valley
and begins to
eat away

slowly and slowly
into our
lives; Built on
chaos and
disarray from

Each other.
Can
you feel it?
Can
you feel
the thunder?

The Majestic,
The Majesty
Of the
Unknown. . .
The whispering
voices.

Awakened by
her songs
in the soggy
morning light.

A crack in
the shades,
reveals a
world

waiting to
be found,
when you
decide

to be a
man and
put

your shirt
back on
and

realize that
you've
just

dreamt
that
same

old dream

again. . .

I feel as if I've lost you,
Doe eyes.

The words haven't left me yet
Come back and hear what I can change
See what I can feel
Love what I can hate
Hate all that I love
Do you feel me still?
Sugar brains.

Question mark.
Something is in the way
Speak out loud
Be the light in the cloud above
The sky is grey
Lady love

Fall in between the space that they can't reach
Out of shape but in a place that I can't see
Far out of the realm of the mind at ease
Like a raging storm on your favorite beach
It's not right
The night

My morbid morning makes me mean, maybe makes me mean
Something to someone with a special something showing, shining,
Really raking in radiance really reeling in
Every eternal emotion even an excellent empty memory
May make movies, maybe make madness
Inside infinite nothingness,
Not needing, not giving
God's good graces
Though the thought
Or obstruction obtained
Needed new nightly nudges. . .

                                                . . .to make it through again.
  
The shotgun will tell you in the first eleven days
The last wave goodbye

Hello Dark One.

I always have this feeling.
That there are these following
Eyes always on my back
Or on the top of my head
Or in my black blood. . .
Do you know what I mean?
It is in a sense, comforting?
And completely sickening all at
Once and I have nothing left
To speak at all.

But one time, sometime ago
I felt a strange relief.
No more eyes on the back
Of my head or your head on my
Spiny back; crooked teeth
Straightened back out
By the cold streets
Of those bizarre,
              ******,
and draining
cities.

Saint Pete, Oh Saint Peter!
Where are you now?
Your smooth shadiness and weird wilderness
Covered up my sins but only for a little bit
A moment in a movement inward
Inside my lungs, I breathe you in
I’m going outside and out of my mind
They forgive me for my sins. . .
But, I still love you.

Saint Augustine, Saint Augustine!
I will be back to you
I will let your silly green water
Take me in and bring me home
I’ve been too far gone for far too long
Sliding around the other stars in this galaxy
Seeing the inside of some strange girls
In the complete capture of a crutch coma
I let you go. . .
But, I still love you.

I thank you both,
(True Gentlemen)
(Wicked Women)
For your hands

They were there
(For Strength)
(For Shade)
To cover the curse

Of these
(Dying)
(Lying)
Eyes

On this soggy morning,
I am back to the shell of the man
That walks these treacherous halls
With nothing but the solemn cause
On my mind that is the only reason
Of why I put myself into this hell.

I hate that I can't figure it out for you

Today, the sky is grey
And I can still see
That you are okay
With knowing that
We will not make it
Out of here alive!

And then there will be
The blue people
In their little vans
Coming up fast
To hold our hands
While they gather up the last
Crafty pieces of our skulls
And the hard faced woman
Will stand still when
Noticed or breathed upon

Like a diamond watch
Or a golden lock
To keep me out
Of the Kingdom of Heaven

I am too worthless to fly away
But I can see the tops of the mountains
As I lay dying on this hard face
Of the wicked woman that placed me here
In this pine box to die as the chosen one
For those who will remain lost.

So long hollow man,
I know you not.

Oh, what I would give
To just, kiss those sweet lips
Or to
Feel her soft skin under
My calloused fingertips
And the shaking of her small hips
The pressing of her tight hands
On my sparrow chest

My God
It’s delicious. . .

The skin of her neck
Matches that
Of the skin
On her thighs
It is smooth and reflective
Just as the naughty night.

Is one kiss enough,
To bring this to life?

Or should we walk
Hand-in-hand?

And disappear into only
Into the moon's sight. . .

I enter through the gate
Into the woods
There is death everywhere
This is roughly how it will go
You can make changes in another life

Loaded shotgun in hand
Not for any particular reason
Or because I am scared
It’s just because
I go back to the old saying
That my father instilled in me

“Never enter the woods, without a loaded gun.”

I continue. . .

                                                              ­                                                        Heavy footsteps in the dead leaves

There is something up ahead
That it is and what it is
I am not sure. . .

The ground is still wet
There was serious damage after that storm
Just like there is after every storm

                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                   Fog smoke

I've approached it now
The night was covered in red
Delicious blood red

The shells rattle together in my pocket
The only thing left with still connection
I hear something fall behind me, make that twice

Spider webs in my vision

Tire tracks on the ground; fresh, strange

Another spider web in my vision

It’s a wasteland down here. . .
I think I need a cigarette
Click, click inhale
Love it, die

Mosquito death
Nicotine buzz
If I stop now
I’ll die in the flood.


-Pause-


Shotgun blast; exit wound
The entry way is opened now
Come take a look inside he said

What’s next?
What’s around the bend?
Another fallen tree,
Or another empty me?

                                                            ­                Heavy footsteps in the leaves, heavy breathing underneath.

Another dark shadow
Another spider web in my view
I know that this ground is hallow
From all the memories of me and you.

The stone takes off now
It quickly rolls away
Just like you did,
and just like I am today.

                                                         ­                 At the bottom of the hill I see the sunset in a whole new way.

No more grey skies
No more bland colours
Only the singing blue jay
Only the beautiful day

I'll see you again
On the fifth of May.

It never ceases to amaze me
The country and how it pleases everything
All of me!
Everything...
All of me!

I can't wait to tell you all about it
The stories, the lines, the borders
The counties of this country expand further than you can imagine
Or expect to order out of a Italian restaurant in the middle of the mountains.
The blondes run the show here
The accents explode before me
Oh what do you know?
So now that I'm so close,
I'm so far away
But I'm near my angel
With the smooth golden ways
Oh when I see her
I will show the world how wonderful it is to be loved by me...
You'll see
A few missed out but I'm okay with that
I missed out on a few
But I'm okay with that
Speak now or forever hold your peace
Silence speaks louder than your words, you'll see
So never hold your peace
Either shoot it out
& let it bleed
Or smile now
And live, be free
Look at me

I'm right beside you in your best time of darkness.