I still remember the first time you said you loved me.
even if it wasn't true, it was the softest, most sincere voice i could ever imagine.
Seemed to right in the world, and for the first time in my life,
i did not hate myself, for the first time, i saw a future worth living.
Fast-forward to 1 month later and the sound of my name brings you sickness.
Maybe i was too loving, but only because you deserved to be treated so. the only thing i had ever wanted to live for, now dust in the wind.
We were far from perfect. But every single inch of your naked skin seemed to compliment my empty soul.
You say it was i that saved you. But it was you, my little superwoman, that saved me...
And now I sit here, thinking about our potential trips to Hawaii, or the hotel room i bought for us to surprise you before we ended. Alone, longing for just one more day with my first love, promising that we'll get through it together, and that once again, i can be whole again.

Those eyes were the single most hopeful things that i could ever imagine.
In the short time that we were together I'd seen them light up like a street sign.
or whither out like a candle wick.
I'd seen them cry because of the worry that you carry for your grandparents.
and I'd seen them squint because of laughter over your faulty window on your accord's passenger side door.
In the short twenty-one years that you've been on this earth, they had already seen so much. sorrow, disrepair, depression.
But they had also seen hope, and love, oh so much love, love for your little Gracie, love for your fantastic grandparents, and love for others.
I know now that those eyes could never show love for me, at least not now, for they love too many, and as long as I'm around i make those eyes worry instead of laugh.

I dreamt of you last night.
You were laying down next to me.
Laughing at my stories.
Playing with my hair.
Smiling with those hopeful eyes,
that could end wars, and start them...
I remember being filled up after you told me you loved me,
in the quiet but tender voice you carry.
Pressing your seemingly perfect body against mine,
It seemed that we could never get too close.
Putting all of my worries, doubts, and insecurities to rest, and i you.
But then i woke.
and i remembered how i let me immaturity's get the best of me.
i remembered how i pushed to hard when i shouldn't have
and i remembered i lost you...
and although life goes on, it seems a little less hopeful without you by my side...
I Miss You So Much